Kids' Privacy And Parents: Should You Be E-Spying On Your Kids?

Parents Spying On Kids

The Huffington Post Canada   First Posted: 02/26/2012 11:10 pm Updated: 02/26/2012 11:10 pm

Where does electronic spying draw the line? With governments around the world enacting bills to allow for access to users' personal data, they're treading on the same prickly question that crops up for parents in terms of their kids. Just because parents are the authorities in a household setting, does that mean they should be able to see everything that's going on at all times?

Businesses, it seems, are eager to get in on that action. Last summer, Rogers launched "Smart Home Monitoring", a service that promoted its ease of viewing live video of the inside of their homes from anywhere in the world. (Their slogan: 'Always Connected. Always Close.') You can keep track of little Billy's comings and goings and after-school activities, plus anyone he happens to bring home with him.

But you don't even have to sign any contracts to see what the kiddies are up to -- there's a Gizmodo page with instructions on how to turn your old iPhones into surveillance cameras, and websites with info about utilizing surveillance apps for your Android phone.

Washington Post columnist Tracey Grant stirred the pot last year with her take on covert surveillance: "Why is spying on your kids a bad thing?... In the words of onetime liberal Ronald Reagan: Trust but verify." As she put it:

We know our parents did it, rifled the underwear drawer in search of a diary or a journal, looked under the mattress for a stash of cigarettes or worse. In a world in which 6-year-olds can play online games with faceless strangers, 10-year-olds have cellphones and 13-year-olds (and younger) have Facebook profiles, I posit that spying has never been a more important arrow in a parent’s quiver.

Grant was specifically talking about monitoring your kids' online activities, but the same arguments could be applied to setting up cameras to monitor their activities in your home. Concerned parents have been catching lazy or crazy babysitters on "nannycams" for years. Clearly, spying on our kids is well within our reach, but should parents be using surveillance, just because they can?

"Absolutely not," says Toronto-based relationship counsellor and motivational speaker Karyn Gordon, author of 'Dr. Karyn's Guide to the Teen Years.' :What I find is that parents usually go to these extremes because they're just so desperate. It's like, 'My kids aren't talking to me, so what do I have to do?'"

But when it comes to setting up surveillance to keep tabs, Gordon says that it would be a quick way to erode trust with your kids.

"To have a great relationship with your kids, you've got to have trust and honesty as a foundation, if you don't have that, then everything is shaky," she says.

But Calgary-based psychologist Cory Hruska works with kids who have serious behavioural problems, and he says there isn't a yes or no answer.

"It all depends on the process, I wouldn't say there's a black and white," he says. If you've seen troubling signs that your children are getting involved in dangerous or harmful behaviours behind your back, Hruska says it can be a useful tool.

"We recommend transparency, so telling them, 'We know something's not right, you keep denying it, so we are going to have to find out what's going on'" said Hruska. "Then you kick into the observation phase, and you can use security systems for that, because now you have informed consent."

Hruska warns though, if parents are using the technology simply to micromanage or control their child's behaviour ("Mackenzie, I noticed you ate a doughnut after school instead of a healthy snack"), parents can quickly lose their child's trust.

"It's like a tool. You can build with it or you can destroy with it," he said. "If it's someone you trust and there's no issues, then why do you need to see what they're doing?"

FOLLOW HUFFPOST CANADA LIVING

Where does electronic spying draw the line? With governments around the world enacting bills to allow for access to users' personal data, they're treading on the same prickly question that crops up fo...
Where does electronic spying draw the line? With governments around the world enacting bills to allow for access to users' personal data, they're treading on the same prickly question that crops up fo...
 
 
  • Comments
  • 6
  • Pending Comments
  • 0
  • View FAQ
Post Comment Preview Comment
To reply to a Comment: Click "Reply" at the bottom of the comment; after being approved your comment will appear directly underneath the comment you replied to.
View All
Favorites
Recency  | 
Popularity
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
cameron d
Good Guys Win
03:00 PM on 02/27/2012
You'll get caught (most parents aren't that smart) and you'll lose the trust of your children forever. Just trust your kids to make the right decisions because you (hopefully) raised them correctly. Let them make their own mistakes and be there for support. Isn't that what being a parent is about?
02:56 PM on 02/27/2012
I am 64 years old/have 3 grown children. I have already told them, when they were here at home and being raised, that this home is a dictatorship and not a democracy. I told them I will search their rooms and journals/diary any time I want. I told them I would hunt them down if I feel they are doing anything wrong, so watch for my van. I volunteered at their schools. Belonged to the PTA and worked on activities of which I included them. All the kids they knew came to our house. Our house was always packed with kids. Especially in high school. They are out of the house they have great husbands and wives, great kids and fantastic jobs...and guess what....they see how my actions, when they were smaller and even in High School, is what they are doing now to their kids.
My PROMISE to my child - as long as I live - I am your parent first and your friend second. I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane , be your worst nightmare and hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed because I LOVE YOU! When you understand that I will know you are a responsible adult. You will NEVER find someone who loves, prays, cares and worries about you more than I do! If you don't hate me at least once in your life, I am not doing my job properly!
09:27 PM on 02/27/2012
You would really read their diary?
05:31 AM on 02/28/2012
Absolutely!
10:15 AM on 02/27/2012
This is terrifying.

In the long run there's the problem that these spying tools would destroy any reason children would have for trusting there parents, but there seems to be a blindness in every single one of these "Is it okay to spy?" articles - it assumes the best intentions on the parent's part. Not unlike the assumption about spying when the government does it, that it'll be used only for good.

Step back a minute. Not every parent is the ideal, fictional creation that only wants what's best for their child with no consideration for themselves. In fact, I doubt if any parents are, and that's coming from someone who had great parents. They're still human beings, with the same failings as any other random person you run into on the street - just having kids doesn't make you a saint, and doesn't mean you necessarily put your kid's happiness first.

There are bad parents out there. There are insane parents, tyrants, physical and sexual abusers, every kind of crime you can imagine and probably some you can't. They're going to have the same access to this technology, and they're going to use it for reasons that aren't in the kid's best interest, like keeping them under 24/7 surveillance and making sure they don't call for help.

There's no way of making sure these tools don't get misused so long as they exist and get marketed under the guise of benign concern for children.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
sgillhoolley
Occupy the discussion.
09:21 AM on 02/27/2012
I think it is ultimately self-destructive to spy on your kids. You need to raise them with clear expectations of how they are to behave, and then trust them to do it. If they discover that you are spying on them (read: You do not trust them), then they will feel betrayed and will never confide in you. You have to be firm, tough, and above all, fair. They have to know that you will be there for them when things get bad...or they will hide bad news from you until it is too late to be able to help them. Raise them right and then trust them to do what is right. That is all you can do.