Meredith Borowiec, 31, told police she had her first child in 2008 and didn't even look to see whether it was a boy or a girl before she wrapped the infant in a towel and put it in a garbage bag.
She also admitted to the same scenario in 2009 when she again gave birth into a toilet in her northwest Calgary apartment, wrapped the child in a towel and dropped it into the bathroom garbage before walking out to a Dumpster and disposing of it.
In a lengthy video interview with police after her arrest in November 2011, Borowiec says she heard a noise "like a kitten" after the birth of the first child and, the following year, was aware the second child was alive as well.
"It was a tiny cry," a tearful Borowiec says in the video as she describes the noise coming from the toilet where she had given birth.
"It was like something took over me. It was like I wasn't in control," she says. "I wasn't normal."
Borowiec was initially charged with attempted murder after another newborn was saved from a trash bin outside the woman's home in 2010. A trial on that charge is scheduled for this fall.
She was later charged with second-degree murder in the deaths of the two other babies that investigators believe were born previously.
The interview video was played Monday at her trial on the murder charges. Borowiec wiped away tears and was audibly sobbing as she sat in the docket watching the video.
Det. Karla Malsam-Dudar asks Borowiec what she was thinking as she dropped the two babies, still alive, into the garbage receptacles.
"That I was horrified with myself," she replies.
Malsam-Dudar asked Borowiec if she had done anything to silence the two infants.
"You had to do something to make sure that baby didn't cry," the detective says.
"No. I didn't want to hurt it," Borowiec replies. "I don't have violent tendencies."
"What did you think would happen to them when you put them in the garbage?" Malsam-Dudar asks.
"I was hoping somebody would help them out."
Borowiec says in the interview that she kept her pregnancies secret from co-workers by telling them she appeared pregnant because she had cysts on her uterus. She says her boyfriend was unaware that she was pregnant neither before nor after the births.
The detective conducting the interview encourages Borowiec to come clean.
"Let's get it over with today. Let's get it on the table," says Malsam-Dudar.
On the tape, Borowiec writes two letters of apology to her boyfriend, Ian, who she says was the father of all the children, including a fourth that was born after she was taken into custody.
Malsam-Dudar reads all three aloud on the video.
"Dear Ian," says the first letter.
"I misled you. I am a mess and in a world of trouble. Please know how sorry I am.
"I don't know why I performed these acts. Please know I am sorry and I hate myself."
"The Meredith you know is not a vicious creature," she writes in the second letter. "I don't know what came over me."
In a letter to her parents, she apologizes for not being a better person.
"I imagine I will be in jail for a long time. I am sorry for the shame."
Malsam-Dudar cautions Borowiec about charter rights on the tape.
The defence is challenging the admissibility of the video evidence.
Malsam-Dudar also praises Borowiec for her co-operation in the interview.
"You're not a monster Meredith, but you have to face up to what this was."
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