Here's one picture that isn't worth 1,000 words.
In fact, just one will do.
There's a newly released case report testifying to the fact that someone thought it was a good idea to wedge a 10-cm fork into a urethra.
According to the report, published in the International Journal of Surgery Cases, a 70-year-old man was admitted to hospital with "bleeding urethral meatus".
That's the term used when blood... you see... when your, errr...
It was bad. Real bad.
The patient checked into The Canberra Hospital, admitting the forking was an attempt at sexual gratification.
All right. Ready? Here goes:
The report cites the "great management challenge faced by the oddity and infrequency with which a fork is encountered in the penile urethra."
For medical staff, the insertion of foreign bodies in places where the sun doesn't typically shine is hardly a new phenomenon. The case study goes on to cite a long list of offending objects, including toothbrushes, batteries, light bulbs bits of snake, bones, squirrel tails(!) and the seemingly more pedestrian cocaine.
"It is apparent that the human mind is uninhibited, let alone creative," the authors conclude.
The good news? In this case, doctors removed the offending utensil with forceps... and a good deal of anaesthesia.