Want to spice up your sex life? You might want to think about being more adventurous. But whether you are contemplating a sexy photo, a threesome, or having sex in a taboo setting that could risk a public viewing, you need to consider the risks involved.
“You want to live so you have no regrets, either about the things you did do or the things you didn’t do,” says licensed sex therapist Isadora Alman, MFT, in private practice in Alameda, Calif., and author of Doing It: Real People Having Really Good Sex.
That said, Alman advises being very honest with yourself about how far you are willing to go. Being a little adventurous can lead to mind-blowing sex, but before you try something new, she says, “have a conversation with yourself about it first.” Ask yourself how you would feel if your videotaped sexcapade ended up on YouTube, if you lost your job because your boss learned about what you did, or if you contracted herpes or another STD.
Here are eight sexy ideas that sound like they could be fun, but could backfire if you aren’t careful:
Talking dirty can be a real turn-on, so you might be thinking about sending racy messages and photos by text — also known as <a href="http://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/sexting-dos-and-donts-for-consenting-adults.aspx" target="_blank">"sexting."</a> By some estimates, close to half of your friends might already be sending or receiving sexy messages on their smartphones. But before you join in, consider what might happen to that text after your recipient reads it. “In general, I go by the rule of don’t do anything — commit to print or video or anything else — that you don’t want to haunt you,” says Alman. Even if you have deep trust for the person to whom you have sent your sext, think what might happen if they intentionally — or even accidentally — forward your message to others.
Hooking Up Via Craigslist
If you’re eager to meet someone outside your usual social circle, you might be considering placing — or responding to — an ad on Craigslist or another free personals message service. Yes, some long-term relationships start this way, but so do nightmare situations. Be safe, warns Alman. “If you’re meeting for the first time, meet in public,” she says. Make sure someone else knows where you are going and with whom, and don’t spend time alone until you get to know this new person. “It used to be that we would only meet friends of friends,” she adds. “Now common sense must prevail, no matter how cute they are.”
Otherwise known as a ménage a trois, sex between three people can be some of the most memorable and fun sex of your life, says Alman. But there are some pitfalls to watch out for. For example, if two of the three participants are in a relationship already, it is important to talk ahead of time about what is off-limits. If you’re part of an existing relationship, you might consider setting some limits about what your partner can do with (or to) the third person. You have to be prepared for the fact that jealousy may strike, even though you didn’t think it would, Alman warns. Additionally, she says, threesomes can touch on hidden (or not so hidden) discomfort related to homoerotic experiences, as inevitably, at least two of the three participants will be of the same gender. It’s better to consider this ahead of time, rather than living with regret in the morning.
Making A Sex Tape
“If you make a video [with a partner] and then break up and find out it’s on Facebook or sent via email to mutual friends, you’re not going to be happy,” warns Alman. If you decide to go ahead and make one, be sure you have the only copy and be discreet with it. Whatever you do, don’t put it on the Internet. This is one of those sexy ideas that may come back to haunt you, she says.
Sex In Public
“Sex in public can be extremely exciting,” acknowledges Alman. “You have to be very aware of the risk. You really don’t want a record as a sex offender just because somebody caught a glimpse of something they shouldn’t have.” If you must indulge, choose a location (such as your own fenced-in backyard) and a time when the risk of discovery is extremely slim.
One Night Stands
"Acting on the seemingly overwhelming promise of fun sex with someone you barely know — or just a casual night with someone you do know — probably won’t have the outcome you’re hoping for, and you could lose respect for yourself. You’ve got to be able to look at yourself in the mirror,” says Alman. If it’s someone you don’t know, you’re risking sexually transmitted infections or even a worse outcome if your partner turns out to be violent. If your one-night stand is with someone you do know, you have to consider the possibly negative impact it could have on your reputation as well as your relationship with this friend.
Sex In The Shower
While many sexy ideas backfire because of damage to your reputation or emotions, the primary worry with sex in the shower is safety. If you’re flexible enough for the confined space, avoid mishaps by having no-slip stickers on the bottom of the shower and well-anchored hand rails.
Dexy photos can be tasteful treasures between committed partners (there is even a branch of lifestyle photography catering to this market), but you run the same risk here as with sexting and making a video: There is always the possibility that someone other than your intended will see the sexy photo. And no matter how excited you feel about this partner at the moment, one day this could be your ex and retrieving your photos might be difficult. No sexy idea is truly out of the question, as long as you go into the situation fully aware of the risks and with a firm understanding of how to protect yourself both physically and emotionally.
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