Huffpost Canada

A Friendly Olympic Message To Our Neighbours In The United States

Posted: Updated:

Dear USA,

You know we'll always love you, but we need to take a break. Every four years we're overcome with a ruthless desire to beat you at every sport involving snow or ice and we just can't pretend that things are "fine" between us anymore.

We'll always have NAFTA, but right now we'd like you to know just one thing -- we're winning. And here's why.

Sincerely, Canada

Our Olympic coverage is so much better



It's so much better that Americans are buying Canadian IPs to watch CBC's feeds



Our sets don't look like this



And we know how to caption a true champion



But we realize not all the problems are within your control. Get well Bob!



Our beer companies don't play both sides



We're even passport screening to make sure only Canadians get free suds



Because frankly, we're not sure you can handle our beer



Which we drink like this



This is Canada beating the U.S. 6-1 to win gold at the first ever Winter Games



Not much has changed

medal count canada hockey



In 21 Winter Olympics, we've won 8 golds in men's hockey

salt lake olympics canada hockey

You've won 2

salt lake olympics canada hockey

For the women, we've got you beat 3 to 1

medal count canada

Did we mention how good our beer is and how awesome our women are?

medal count canada olympics 2014

medal count canada olympics

And we really think it's time you did something about this

medal count sochi

May we suggest this?

medals canada olympics

And considering what's going on in Russia, it would be good to do something about your bans on gay marriage

Constitutional bans on same-sex unions types US

May we suggest this?

medals sochi

While you're at it, maybe fix this too



It might help you perform better



And do something about this

medal count canada

That is all

medal count canada olympics

Also on HuffPost:

Bet You Didn't Know They Were Canadian
of
Share
Tweet
Advertisement
Share this
close
Current Slide

Suggest a correction

Around the Web

While you were sleeping: Dogfight in medal count with Canada in the mix

Medal Count 2014 Olympics: Where Team USA, Canada, Norway And Others ...

Canada doing well in Sochi, but what do the predictions say?

Canada leading the medal count heading into day 4 in Sochi

Keeping score? Canada's won nine medals so far

 
Top Medal Winners
1 Russia 13 11 9
2 United States 9 7 12
3 Norway 11 5 10
4 Canada 10 10 5
5 Netherlands 8 7 9
6 Germany 8 6 5
Latest Medal Results
Ice Hockey - Men
Canada
Sweden
Finland
Bobsleigh - Four-man
Russia
Latvia
United States
Cross-Country - Men's 50km Mass Start Free
Russia - Alexander Legkov
Russia - Maxim Vylegzhanin
Russia - Ilia Chernousov
© STATS LLC 2014.