It's an April Fool's Day gag too outrageous to convince anyone otherwise.
The Calgary Sun's front page Tuesday claims Calgary Mayor Naheed Nenshi is poised to take over after buying the paper from previous owner, Quebecor president Pierre-Karl Peladeau.
"With a little help from some well-heeled cycling enthusiasts and public art supporters, I have been able to purchase the Calgary Sun from its owner, who is running for office in Quebec and is hasty to shed his connections with the rest of Canada," reads the article.
The hilarious, and utterly silly, story (which we're not sure was written by Nenshi or a Sun scribe) says Page Five columnist Rick Bell will be reassigned to restaurant reviews, NENshine Girls will now stand in for the paper's notorious SUNshine Girls, and any Sun News Network 'hacks' will be replaced with Nenshi's top retweets of the day.
"Together, we’re going to make this paper even better than it already is: even smarter, even righter, even Nenshier. Honestly, most of the rest of it will just be my tweets."
The story goes on to take a jab at the opposition Wildrose Party, saying leader Danielle Smith will join Nenshi as deputy in a newly formed 'Purple Rose Party.'
"It’s going to be amazing. (Though the colours in the new logo do look a bit like My Little Pony threw up over the prairies.)"
Chad Kroeger for Premier
In the scariest April Fool's Day prank that ever was, the Edmonton Journal claims Nickelback lead singer Chad Kroeger will throw his hat into the ring for the Alberta PC leadership. And we thought April Fool's Day jokes were supposed to be funny?
Pothole solution
The Alberta Motor Association (AMA) has a fix for frustrated drivers who are tired of hitting potholes on Alberta roads.
In a release the company says they have come up with a 'Pothole Glider' attachment for cars, allowing vehicles to glide over potholes up to three inches deep.
"Our members have told us, in their loud outside voices, that they’re frustrated with the wear and tear on their vehicles that pothole season brings,” says Jane Flower, AMA’s marketing vice president in the release.
“We wanted to do something to keep our members comfy and their cars covered. We’re proud to be the first auto club in North America to develop and deliver a comprehensive pothole protection service to our members."
WestJet makes the switch to metric time
The Calgary-based airline, known for its great pranks in the past, announces via YouTube that it is converting its operations to "metric time."
"We recognize that as a Canadian company, we are missing an important component of truly being Canadian and that’s a broader adoption of the metric system. Effective today, we’re converting all of our scheduled arrival and departure times to metric time," Richard Bartrem, VP Commications for WestJet Airlines, says in the spoof.
"We found that some guests were frustrated with a.m. and p.m., missing that important business meeting or ruining the family vacation simply by showing up at the wrong time."
SAIT goes under the bubble
The Southern Alberta Institute of Technology (SAIT) announces plans for a weather correcting bubble to be built over the school's 96-acre campus.
The 'SAIT Dome Project' will keep Calgary's wild winter weather at bay, creating a warm, temperate climate year-round inside the bubble.
FREE: Calgary Tower
If you have a place to put it, the Calgary Tower could be yours, free of charge.
An ad posted on Kijiji Tuesday morning offers the iconic Calgary landmark to any interested party, saying the tower "no longer serves its original purpose."
"In order to redevelop the land for extended parking space we are offering the tower for free to any individual that can afford its relocation."
Talk about a conversation piece...
Political pranks
Wildrose leader Danielle Smith announces her candidacy for the leadership of the Alberta PC party in a press release, saying she will move Legislature from Edmonton to High River and the current Legislature grounds will be converted to a feral horse sanctuary.
She also offers a suggestion to help rid the province's debt.
"To provide further fiscal clarity and economic prosperity, I will put Alberta’s provincial debt on my WestJet MasterCard - every Albertan will get one free reward flight to visit the beautiful vacation destination of Regina,” says Smith in the release.
Also, Liberal leader Raj Sherman announces in a press release that Loblaws – owner of the President's Choice grocery brand – will sue Alberta's Progressive Conservative government over the use of the 'PC' abbreviation.
"It’s fine when both enterprises are popular and profitable, but I can appreciate how demoralizing it must be when all Loblaws hears in the news every day is ‘PC corruption this’ and ‘PC entitlement that’," says Sherman in the fake release.
"I can understand why they don’t want anyone to confuse their brand with that tired old party."
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