Going to dim sum is an epic adventure with one goal in mind: to stuff as many steaming dishes into your belly as is humanly possible. But in order to experience the full glory of Chinese tea, there are a number of obstacles you must overcome first. These can include the “Should I or shouldn’t I eat breakfast” debate, the endless wait for a table, and the classic game of trying to wave down a waiter.
Every dim sum lover knows the journey to a full belly is an emotional (but satisfying) one. Here, we break down the 10 stages that give us all the feels (and cravings):
1. Dreaming Of Dim Sum
The excitement begins before you even make plans to go. You hear the words “dim sum” and you’re already drooling, like Homer Simpson thinking of doughnuts (Speaking of which, youtiao, anyone?).
2. The Anticipation
You skip breakfast knowing you’re going to stuff your face with so many steaming baskets of glorious food. After all, noon is right around the corner, right? JK, you woke up at 9 a.m. because you couldn’t contain your excitement. Only a few more hours to go before you meet your fellow dim summers for lunch.
3. Hanger Pains
You arrive early to get a good table. The restaurant is packed, as per usual. These people know what’s good. You grab a number and wait in line before realizing that your hanger is real. Your stomach is growling, you’re growing impatient and that woman behind you is breathing so close you can feel her on your neck. Whoever said, “Patience is a virtue,” clearly never waited in line for dim sum.
4. Conqueror Complex
You finally get seated and pure joy sets in. You begin to check off as many dishes on the order sheet as possible. You are so ready to devour each and every one.
It’s here! The dream has become a reality. Before you, the waiter sets a magnificent spread of everything your heart desires. Siu mai? Check. Cheung fan? Check. Lo mai gai? Check. It’s all here. BLESS.
6. The Snapchat Dance
But you don’t start eating just yet. Instead, you do what any good millennial would do: whip out your phone and take as many photos with intriguing angles as you can, before Snapchatting your entire spread. After all, you need to savour this moment before you and your friends destroy it all.
7. The Struggle
So many thoughts race through your head at once that pure bliss quickly turns into hunger stress. Did you order too much food? Should you take that last piece? What is this thing you ordered? OMG, it’s amazing. Shit – you dropped your chopsticks.
8. Peak Satisfaction
That’s it. It’s over. And now you’re too full to move. Mission complete.
9. Food Coma
You ate so much you’ve eaten your way into a food coma. Moving an inch is difficult, even it's just your arm to reach your tea. You want to unzip your pants so badly, but don’t want to be judged for it. Luckily, the table skirt hides everything below the waist, so you boldly go there without anyone knowing. You courageous devil, you. But despite the slight relief, you regret devouring those 27 dishes in less than an hour. You vow never to stuff your face with that many dumplings again.
10. Hungry Again
You saw, you ate, you conquered. But after that epic fight for the bill, you're ready for more. Round two, anyone?
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