Calgary Stampede's 2017 Menu Will Stop Your Heart

This giant meat stick is topped with sautéed bell peppers, onions and the Stampede's house sauce. Oh, and it's A METRE LONG.

The Stampede is adding yet another chapter to our great nation's saga of poutine with the Clam Chowder Poutine. The cheesy fries are topped with crab meat and parsley, promised to be "creamy clammy goodness."

BTW, Canadians have also been given the pleasure of poutine wedding cake, and even poutine-flavoured lip balm.

The genius that thought this up must have been indulging her inner five-year-old. It's a waffle cone ... filled with raw cookie dough ... surrounded by a "Stampede halo" of cotton candy and sprinkles. Wow.

"Just when you thought it couldn’t be deep fried… we did it," the Stampede announced on its website. Our only question is "How?"No, wait. Also, "WHY?"

You probably shouldn't try this if you have high cholesterol. Actually, you probably shouldn't try this if you don't. This foot-long hot dog is wrapped in bacon and then topped with a not-so-healthy serving of bacon mac and cheese.

If you've ever left all-you-can-eat sushi still hungry, this one's for you. Mr. Crab is a taco of sorts — a tempura nori shell stuffed with sushi rice and crab meat, then topped with an entire tempura-fried soft shell crab for good measure.

The Stampede is meeting Starbucks' unicorn Frappuccino and raising it a cotton candy-covered hot chocolate. This is the definition of sugar overload.