Listen, you don't have to tell us that changing diapers is the absolute worst.
First of all, once children become mobile, pinning them down to attend to their butts is a process not unlike wrestling an alligator into submission. Plus, there's the screaming. And we haven't even gotten to the actual poop yet.
Even the most passive, content child produces a quantity and quality of feces that will leave you (and your house) occasionally smelling like the porta-potty at a summer music festival.
But scrubbing poop out from under your fingernails and off your shirtsleeves is an unavoidable part of parenthood, right?
Well, a company that produces a shit mitten called "Shittens" says it doesn't have to be. No, you didn't misread that. There is a company. That produces a shit mitten. Called "Shittens." Not only that, but they're already sold out on Amazon.
You've gotta be shittens us.
Shittens, which the company describes as "disposable, mitten-shaped moist wipes," are FDA approved and safe for babies, according to the Shittens website. Square wipes leave your hands vulnerable to accidental poop contamination, but Shittens provide "not only safety from poop, but on a larger scale, emotional peace of mind," the company writes.
"If there's one great universal truth that we can all agree on, it's this: No one wants poop on their hands," the company writes.
"How many times have you taken one of those substandard wet wipes to the posterior of a child, risking major contamination from that flailing poop cloth?"
True that. But still, wearing disposable poop mittens to change a diaper seems a little ... excessive ... does it not? Are people really so averse to the possibility of getting their hands dirty while mopping up an assplosion or damming a poonami that they would order a 20-pack of Shittens?
Right, they're completely sold out and have a 4.5-star review on Amazon. Well, fine then.
But it seems many of the people who've reviewed the product bought it as a gag gift, more for the novelty than the actual functionality. Those who left comments specific to using them as baby wipes had mixed reviews.
"My wife purchased these for a baby shower gift — at a dollar per mitten, I'll stick to wiping the old fashion way," one Amazon customer wrote.
"I bought these as a gag gift but they are totally functional. My buddy got them during the gift exchange and has kids. Swears he won't go back to regular baby wipes," another customer wrote.
"I won't buy them again — there's not a lot in the package for what your [sic] paying for it. Price wise, I could do the same job with baby wipes at a fraction of the cost. If your looking for something funny that will also be useful then this is it — you won't regret buying them once," said another customer.
"Bought these for my husband when our daughter was born. Great item and helped him get over his fear of diaper changing," another reviewer wrote.
Hold up. Fear of diaper changing? That's a crappy (pun intended) excuse if we've ever heard one. Well, that's a battle for another day. In the meantime, at least we know this product exists and, if you're so inclined, poop protection is just a Shitten away.
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