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It Was me or my Mom's Mental Illness -- One of us Had to Go

Posted: 05/09/2012 10:38 am

In life, we all have causes we fight for, advocate on behalf of and bring attention to. Some of these causes may include animal rights, rights for victims of crime, and many other very important causes that are too numerous to mention. More times than not, the cause we spend energy promoting within our circles and beyond is a cause that has personally touched and affected us.

My name is Arthur Gallant, I'm 22 years old, and my cause is trying to eliminate the stigma and stereotypes associated with mental illness. I guess I really had no choice when it came to choosing a cause because mental illness has always been a part of my life. I was born to a mother who is intellectually disabled and has the mental capacity of a pre-teen. When I was 13, I was diagnosed as having clinical depression and chronic anxiety.

My mother raised me as a single parent with the support of my grandmother who then became diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease when I was five years old and moved into a nursing home. My mother struggled as she tried to raise a blossoming child while attending to her own parent that was living the final years of her life.

Finally, it became too much. My mother had to make a choice as to whom she could best care for. In the end, my mother chose to give up her parental rights and physical custody of me to the Children's Aid Society (CAS) when I was nine years old. While I will never fully understand my mother's state of my mind at the time she made her decision, I am confident she truly felt as if she had my best interests at heart.

Calling my nine years as a Crown Ward of CAS "challenging" is an understatement. I moved around over 16 times between group homes and foster homes in the Greater Toronto Area and easily had over 100 caregivers. As mentioned above, I was diagnosed with clinical anxiety when I was 13 after being hospitalized for threatening suicide. The diagnosis did not come as a surprise to me.

I remember being six or seven years old and having difficulties with my homework in elementary school, and looking my teachers up in the phone book to call them for help. I was worried that if I didn't do the homework that I would be penalized despite completing as much as I could to the best of my ability. I worried so much to the point that I began to vomit.

As for my depression, there was really no life event that led me to begin feeling this way.

In future blogs I'll talk about the misconceptions of depression and what it feels like for me. But I remember sleeping for up to 20 hours a day, going between eating too much and eating too little, and feeling like I lost the will to live. I saw no future for myself. I guess the suicidal threats were a way to gauge my caregivers to see if they wanted me to die as much as I thought I wanted to.

Wednesday night at 7pm Arthur is hosting an online LIVE chat on the Canadian Mental Health Association-Ontario Facebook page. Arthur will be talking more about his mental illness, the stereotypes and stigma surrounding mental illness, and what you should if you think you or somebody else is living with mental illness
 
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Arthur Gallant
06:35 PM on 05/11/2012
Thank you all for your comments, it is much appreciated. I will no doubt acknowledge I have a lot more life experience then many people my age. I believe my experience has helped shaped me into the person I am too. I also believe that life is a classroom and blogging and sharing my experience in the media is what I was destined to do. I am happy to share my story with all of you and I hope you will check back regularly for more blogs from me. If you have any suggestions as to what I should blog about I would like to hear them. Once again, I am grateful to everybody that not only reads the blog but also leaves comments!
01:14 AM on 05/10/2012
My heart aches for you Arthur Gallant. I wish I could give you a big hug. A child going through the anxiety you describe needs a loving caring and aware adult to support him. I wish you had had that. Be well.
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wendyweb47
Keeping an open mind
08:56 PM on 05/09/2012
Thank you for adding your eloquent voice to the much needed discussion on mental illness. Keep writing!
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see-ellen2001
06:28 PM on 05/09/2012
Arthur, how difficult. I don't understand how a society leaves a woman with the intellectual capacity of a pre teen to raise a child alone. Single motherhood is difficult even at the 'average' of times...but for someone like your mother, triply so. You may never know how many people you have helped by coming forward with your story. I wish you all the best and many thanks.
05:01 PM on 05/09/2012
My heart goes out to you, Mr. Gallant. Not out of pity, but out of pure respect for what you've gone through, and what you have managed to achieve so far. You're words could help save lives. Best wishes to you for the future.
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Ian Llangan
Your Invisible Sky Friend Is Morally Abhorrent
03:40 PM on 05/09/2012
Arthur, given what you have been through, I am truly glad to see that you are surviving and functioning at all. The fact that you are able to articulate your experience is very valuable. It might seem improbable to you to believe this at your (still young) age, but trust me when I tell you that you are a survivor and you have accomplished more in your life so far than most people ever will. Please do not be surprised to learn that your mother may well have been pressured, even somehow extorted by CAS to give you up. Even with her own issues, it cannot have been a decision she made at all lightly or easily. Continued success to you in building your own life!
03:06 PM on 05/09/2012
I'm glad you made it through okay! The entire system of foster care needs to be re-vamped.
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PortlandZoo
Wait... what?
02:57 PM on 05/09/2012
keep up the good fight, Mr. Gallant. You're an inspiration to those who battle depression every single day.