2013-05-23T14:46:46-04:00 Bianca Teixeira http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/author/index.php?author=bianca-teixeira Copyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc. HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for Bianca Teixeira Good old fashioned elbow grease. tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.3263892 2013-05-13T11:45:02-04:00 2013-05-13T14:37:24-04:00

Bianca Teixeira http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bianca-teixeira/ Drafted recap was posted that "shoot outs" should have been "shootouts" so APOLOGIES to any crazy sports fan whose eye twitched when they read my typo.

As I mentioned in the first recap last week, I'm following this year's Gillette's Drafted journey a little closer than previous years. Instead of coming in after the Top 6 have been chosen and are competing, I've decided to start my recaps from the city-to-city auditions. That way by the time the best are chosen, I can judge them more harshly and will (hopefully) have super creative nicknames for them like I did during season three (big ups to Fancy Pants, Baby Face and Other Girl).

This past weekend, Jackie Redmond and Matty Drappel were at Calgary's Market Mall auditioning the new wave of Canada's next sports broadcaster possibilities. If you haven't watched the videos yet you really should. Not just because then you'll know the people I mention and will be able to agree or disagree with my statements but also because Jackie and Matty make fun videos about being tired or their awesome moms.

Each hopeful is given a minute in front of the camera to wax on about some sporty topic in a rant and convince us that they'd be able to do this (and more!) for a living. Depending on how they do here, the mysterious powers-that-be behind Drafted will chose a Top 24 to compete at boot camp. Apparently, there are 8 golden tickets that are being given to a very select impressive few that will let them bypass the line and go straight through to boot camp.

Last weekend, Luke Reynolds received the first golden ticket and is automatically in the Top 24. I'd love to say that I called that in my last recap but you guys can just go and read it and call me out on my blatant lie. Instead, I mentioned him in my notables as someone who will probably not win. Now I'm not so sure. My inner compass is all out of wack!

Notables:

Sheldon Smith (Rant Topic: Pittsburgh's Game 6)

Sheldon has the honor of being the first audition video uploaded to Drafted's Official YouTube Page and I'm literally in heaven. If this guy gets through (sources say: no chance*) I have the perfect nickname for him: Shifty Eyed Sheldon. I'm not exaggerating when I say his eyes veered off to the right after every other word! What's over there Shifty?!?! Obscene hand gestures? A dancing Drafted employee? A horrifying playoff beard? Luke Reynolds and his perfect coiff?

Sheryar Abdullah (Rant Topic: Calgary Flames)

Here's an important note for all you hopefuls out there: Make sure there isn't a girl in bright yellow short-shorts behind your head because it will literally be the only thing I notice while you talk. Sheryar has two things about him that make me shake my head immediately. First, he's smirking through his whole rant like at some point he's going to yell 'PSYCH, I don't care about sports!' and second he refers to Jarome Iginla as 'our guy'. I mean, I call Lupul 'my guy' but I'M not worried about sounding professional.

Lee Thomas (Rant Topic: New York Jets)

This guy kissed his teeth and flashed a bicep so you know I'm all over this audition. Right away I like his voice, I like his look and I like his smile. Yep, I went there. Lee used the word 'sexy' in his rant and I think I have my first real favourite (sorry Luke...still love that hair). He kind of loses me when he starts rattling off names but I'm back when he jokes 'put your money away....because you're gonna lose it.' Maybe not golden ticket material but I see Top 24 potential.

Joe Aminzada (Rant Topic: The Blue Jays)

Oh. My. God. Are you SERIOUSLY chewing gum during your ON CAMERA audition?? Did I just hear an audible teeth-meets-gum sound? Holy crap. I was going to overlook the whole tank top/visible chest hair issue but chewing blue gum (yea, I can see it rolling around in there Joe) on camera with a microphone in your face that is picking up every slight smack smack noise is a major deal breaker. Buh-bye.

Drew Stremick (Rant Topic: Olympic Wrestling)

I sooooo want to like this guy. Despite the muscle shirt (come on guys, this is a job interview for Christ's sake!) he has a really likable face and totally reminds me of someone I used to work with. Extra points! Drew has a great voice and I don't want to click another video immediately like I do with some of the others. Have I mentioned he has an awesome face? It's so interesting and you want to look at it. He kind of stumbles over some stuff but it's a solid effort.

Emil Vargas (Rant Topic: SportsNet Documentaries)

Emil has a really interesting topic? About SportsNet needing more documentaries? About stuff like the history of hockey? He just has a really annoying habit of raising his voice at the end of every sentence? Kind of like he's asking a ton of questions? Like he's not sure about his rant? You need to sound confident when you're pitching an idea? Especially when it's about changing up the programming of SportsNet? Get to work on your authoritative voice....?

Joe Aminada Part 2 (Rant Topic: New York Rangers)

Um? Am I on glue or did this guy already try out? Obviously the people at Drafted have bigger hearts than I do because I would not have given the gum chewer a second chance. But here he is in a shirt with sleeves and no gum. I hate to say it but he does pretty well. No stutters, stammers and nary a gum smack. I would be so curious to know exactly what led him to redo his audition. You'd think one would know not to chew gum the first time around. Nice job this time though.

Candace Cuncannon (Rant Topic: Toronto Blue Jays)

Twitter told me to watch out for the one and only female audition from Calgary and I have to say, she's more impressive than the two from Halifax. She sounds pretty knowledgeable on her topic and gets through her spiel without any major issues. If I had one complaint (and y'all know that I do) it's that her voice doesn't seem very strong. It could be because of nerves but I'd be interested to see if that's the case or if that waver is an ever-present quality.

Quick Hits:
-I wanted Jeff Ade to be good since he's cute and covered the Don Cherry/female reporters topic but it was kind of all over the place.
-Justin Lazorke said 'If you can believe it' at least 5 times. Yes...yes we can. Move on.
-Zarif Alibhai....I wish I knew how to quit that Paulie D hair of yours.
-Is there an age limit in this competition? Because Tyson Fedor appears to be twelve. Can you represent Gillette is you don't even shave?
-How do you become a Drafted shaver girl? I have totally steady hands.

These were just a few people that stuck out during the Calgary auditions. After watching the videos I decided that this group of competitors was totally vanilla; nothing seriously stuck out as amazing or horrific. Except GumGate. I've linked to the videos in this article so definitely check them out and let me know your own thoughts. Stay tuned for more audition recaps!

*I'm my own 'source'.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.3220787 2013-05-06T12:06:57-04:00 2013-05-06T12:33:38-04:00

Bianca Teixeira http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bianca-teixeira/ Drafted, a reality show put on by The Score and Gillette to find Canada's next sports broadcaster. The first time I wrote about it, I was motivated by the fact that one of my friends, Jackie Redmond (the eventual winner), was competing. The next year it was because I was addicted to snarking about the eyebrows and tears of reality show combatants.

I usually hate reality shows but Drafted really resonants with me because (A) it's a show about people pursuing their lifelong dream of talking about sports for a living and (B) what's more fun than watching emotional breakdowns when they fail at it? Yes, I'm soulless but if you followed my recaps during seasons three and four (Hey you two! Hi mom!) then you know I'm kind of good at having no heart and writing about it.

For season five I've decided to start at the beginning and judge competitors from their actual auditions so that by the time the top six are finally chosen, I feel like I know them inside out and can comment on their months-long uselessness. Join me, won't you?

Auditions are happening for the next few weekends in Halifax, Calgary, Vancouver and Toronto. Every time a new city is hit, videos of the auditions are posted online for our viewing pleasure. Those minute(ish) long videos are what fuel my judgement. This is when these people are at their most raw and untouched. Are you rubbing your hands together? No, me either. First up on my docket of ridicule is Halifax and I've been refreshing Drafted's official YouTube channel incessantly. Right away I notice that the guys are seriously outnumbering the women. Way to bring it Halifax ladies.

Set up in the Halifax Shopping Centre this past weekend, the Drafted team, including Jackie and last season's winner Matt Drappel, interview hopefuls who have shown up to be judged. They have a cool Gillette hub up and running for auditioners to use products, shave (although no females appear to be taking advantage, it's summer ladies!) and look like they're partaking in general merriment.

People coming to audition were asked to prepare a one minute rant about anything (I assume it has to be sports-related or else someone like me would have gone off about the continuing popularity of peplum). Spoiler alert: No one blew me away. A lot of people were in that 'meh' space where I could see them advancing because there's no way they could get worse but a good number were just baaaad. Which is good in my books!

Notables:

Alex MacKeigan (Rant Topic: Kobe Bryant)
Apparently, this kid has auditioned previously for Drafted and actually made last season's top 24. I don't remember him in the least but am momentarily impressed with his full, luxurious head of hair. He's kind of adorable joking about living at home and being 'under-employed'. Damn. My cold heart is already melting. Unfortunately, during his rant he never actually looks at the camera and instead is trained on something directly underneath it. No deal Babyface.

Kevin Powers (Rant Topic: Upcoming basketball season)
Hoooooo boy. Don't get me wrong. I know speaking to a camera is hella hard. Being on camera is a crazy skill and it's totally something you can hone and get down to a science...blah blah blah this guy is NOT good. He pauses, he stops, he stutters, he looks at moving things behind the camera and at one point he coughs into the microphone. Beauty. This does not a good audition make. If this was the '30s and emotionally abusing performers was still a thing, a long cane would have taken this guy off the stage.

Henry Whitfield (Rant Topic: Hockey PR)
Lest you think I'm all snark, no love, I didn't totally hate this guy! He had a great voice, it was kind of scratchy and unique and I liked that. Assuming they're looking for a voice you'd actually want to hear for more than a minute, this guy is a real contender. Henry doesn't stutter and actually sounds like he knows what he's talking about. He mentions that he's from England but doesn't actually have an accent. I'd be mad about it but his eyebrows make me hopeful for months of good writing material.

Matt Mead (Rant Topic: Shoot outs)
I think I've spotted the first cutie-pants of the auditions! Sound the alarms! Matt is ranting about shoot outs and I know this because he's said 'shoot outs' about 5,000 times. It's only a minute-long rant hun, you're not going to lose me that quickly. This guy totally looks like the beat boxer from American Idol during that season when it was mildly interesting. Which means, I'm pulling for this guy. Shoot outs.

Erin Rowe (Rant Topic: Lingerie Football)
The first female auditon! WOOOHO....oh she's ranting about lingerie football and wanting to try out. SIGH. OK so Erin doesn't instil me with any kind of 'rah rah sisterhood' feelings but I like her voice and she's making a case of the athletes involved in lingerie football. But she's wearing a baseball hat! This isn't a fashion complaint so much as it's a 'I can't see your eyes and you look inherently evil' complaint. Come on girls!

Luke Reynolds (Rant Topic: NBA star power)
This guy isn't playing around. He came prepared with a memorized script. How do I know this? Everything, right down to each and every breath, seemed to be timed. You know this guy is IN IT to...well, I doubt he'll win it, but he's here gosh darn it! He's cute and has a good enough voice but My God it's monotone and needs background music if anyone has a chance of getting through it feeling any kind of emotion.

Masha Shobbar (Rant Topic: Payoffs? Vancouver Canucks?)
I'm not going to lie, I watch the female auditioners with a little bit of a bias thinking 'even if they suck, yay for them for coming out'. Masha has effectively killed that tiny bit of happiness I had. This girl sounds like she's leaving a drunk voicemail for one of her girlfriends. Nervous giggling, long pauses and stumbling over words. Words that were: "I think...the NHL has learned well....to never....do a seventh game." Be a doll and exit stage left, would ya?

Xavier Merrick (Rant Topic: Barcelona's team)
I think I've spotted an early favourite. I mean, not seriously of course, but PLEASE let this guy make it at least to the Top 24. I have to see Xavier's hair at least once more before I can let go forever. He's actually not even terrible and gets through his rant with very few issues, my only complaint would be to cut back on the swaying. But Xavier, never fully open those eyes and don't even think about lowering that cocked eyebrow of yours. It's who you are.

Quick hits:
-Justin Marshall couldn't get through his rant and my heart broke into a million pieces.
-Mike Meade, you were totally decent!
-Allan April distracted me with his '80s romcom hair. So, win?
-Justin Hartling, I was lost in your eyes.
-Blair Langille, I kind of love you.

These were just a few people that stuck out as I watched the Halifax Drafted auditions for longer than is probably OK. I've linked to it in this article so definitely check them out and let me know your own thoughts! Who rocked? Who sucked? Am I just a big fat meanie? Stay tuned for more audition recaps!]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.3086946 2013-04-20T09:03:25-04:00 2013-04-20T09:04:05-04:00

Bianca Teixeira http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bianca-teixeira/
She wasn't being mean, snarky or implying that I'm a nightmare when hungry. I mean, except she was definitely implying the last part. I don't at all ever call myself a foodie but believe me when I say I love my food. And I've been known to get a wee bit cranky when any food I'm craving isn't directly in front of my face in a timely matter. Not the good kind of food either. I like things to be deep fried, greasy, salty and so incredibly bad for me. That way I get to consume a big ol' bucket of guilt right after I indulge the Fatty McButter pants who lives in my stomach.

It was that big bucket of guilt (which tastes like chicken, if you must know) that pushed me to seriously consider the offering of a raw juice cleanse from a PR friend. I'm not going to lie, as much as I love and adore being able to test out everything from workouts to beauty products to food, I had to give my newest challenge some serious consideration. I mean, juice, just juice for THREE GODDAMN DAYS?? Who has that kind of willpower?

Ladies and gents, I can officially confirm that I do NOT have that kind of willpower in any way, shape or form. Not three days worth. In fact, I have exactly six and a half hours of willpower.

OK. That's a lie. I don't exactly have a full seven and a half hours of willpower because I broke down and ate a spring roll three hours in okay? Jeez, you guys are relentless.

I had hoped to write an article about how awesome the cleanse was, how great I felt afterward, how yes, I was a bit hungry but thinking of how many toxins I had flushed out was gratification enough.

Unfortunately, I'll never get to write that article because I failed. I failed hard and miserably. The juicers weren't the delicious blend of strawberries and bananas like I had assumed they would be, my hunger pains weren't as delayed as I had hoped they'd be and the migraines from the lack of coffee (which you need to stop drinking the day BEFORE you even start) were a lot more vengeful than I was warned they'd be. By the end of my work day, I was literally salivating at the thought of ANYTHING I could digest by chewing. One drink in and I was texting friends saying "I'm so over liquids, like forever."

I think the clincher was when one friend (who was kind enough to be brutally honest) texted back just to let me know that sometimes these cleanses give you the runs.

So not only would I be a headache-having, hunger-pain enduring, peeing-every-ten-minutes crank, but I would also get to have diarrhea? Who are the people that do this on the regular??

So instead, this article is for those girls (and guys) who feel like quitters when they bail on a diet/work out/cleanse early on. Trust me, you have nothing to feel bad about. You know what's awesome? Eating solids. You know what feels good? Not having to stare longingly at other peoples lunches. You know what isn't horribly embarrassing? When your stomach doesn't growl all Jurassic-Park-3D-like during a work meeting.

While I'm sure that a juice cleanse has a lot of bonus points that I glossed over when reading the website, it's just not for me. If you've read my past articles that detail my Work Out Diaries, then you know it's hard for me to stick to something especially if it's marginally not enjoyable. Weirdly enough, I was actually really excited to test out the flavours (apparently there are over 900 of them) and be able to brag about something in my life that has a modicum of health attached to it.

However, I've come to terms with the fact that I won't be that girl who gets to brag about raw food, weight dropped, calories burned and a leaking anus.

But I'm fine with that.

Here's an idea of my thought process during this moment of madness:

-I never even though that I'd have to carry these damn bottles to work. They're kind of freakin' heavy! Do people on juice cleanses even have enough strength to carry this?

-My hip is definitely bruised. I feel sexier already. *grumble*

-One bottle every 90 minutes?? Seriously? I won't have time for anything else. This is like that '8 glasses of water a day' nonsense. Do I start counting the 90 minutes from when I open a bottle or when I finish one?

-Come on Bianca, you have taken shots of vodka, you're tougher than this juice. Just close your eyes and drink it. Or get a straw. Yes, definitely get a straw.

-I am so behind on my drinks. By this rate I'll have to shotgun three tonight at 9 just to make up for it.

-One spring roll. Just one. No one will know.

-Oh my god, wheatgrass? This is my nightmare.

-Cucumber, spinach, Lemon, apple, parsley? None of that sounds appealing.

-Who in God's name were you fooling when you signed on to do this??

-Carrot, fennel, dandelion, ginger, lemons apple, kale. Dandelion? This can't be a real thing. I'm giving up fried foods so I can ingest flowers?

-Haha yes, was definitely kidding when I offered my unborn child for a slice of pizza. Ha. Ha. I mean...what if I threw in my soul?

-"Hey Bee, heard you're on a juice cleanse. Be prepared for when that stuff makes you pee out your ass!" Yup, I'm out.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.2949049 2013-03-25T15:31:44-04:00 2013-03-25T17:43:42-04:00

Bianca Teixeira http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bianca-teixeira/
There was the time in high school when I thought I was a punk and so I put a thick hot-pink streak on one side. Or when it took six hours to bleach my hair white and most of it fell out. There was also that moment of crazy when I cut everything off in a one-inch pixie and then cried but eventually realized it rocked. Or like when I shaved half my head because no one said it would be a bad idea. Which it really wasn't but then letting a friend re-shave it while she was drunk was even worse.

My hair and I go way back and we could gab about our adventures all day long but when we don't have an audience and it's just the two of us, the exchange gets brutal. I am a complete and total idiot when it comes to styling my own hair.

Effective hair styling is something that has always evaded me. I'm in my mid-20s and have just recently figured out how to curl my hair with a straightener...and even that ends in disaster sometimes. My lack of patience and finesse has meant that sometimes I venture out in public with frizzy, half-straightened hair or upside down curls because seriously, which way do you even hold the heat wand?

I have relied on stylists to make my hair pretty on days when I just can't take it. Even that sometimes bites me in the ass like when I once asked for beach waves (the holy grail!!) and instead went home with Toddlers and Tiaras-esque barrel curls. When I was given the chance to sit down with celebrity hair stylist Dee Daly and grill her on the many hair secrets you just know she has in her perfectly coifed head, I couldn't help but sneak in a few questions I've had for some time.

1. First of all, what will be the hair trends for Spring 2013?
Things to expect for Spring 2013 is a shift to more wearable looks. We're seeing a lot of ponytails -- this time low and wide- geometric parting, slicked deep side parts, braids, knots, and a ton of hair accessories.

2. Is ombre still a thing?
Ombre is definitely not going away anytime soon. Celebrities love this look and it seems to be a staple on the red carpet. I think what draws celebrities to this ombre craze is when done right give the hair a beautiful sun kissed look.

3. What's the easiest way (for someone like me who sucks at hair styling) to achieve beach waves?

One of the easiest ways to achieve that beautiful easy beach wave is to section damp towel-dried hair into about four sections, add about a quarter size amount of mousse or spray section with a beach spray or a texturing spray and twist each section of hair and tie off the ends with an elastic. Once each section is twisted you can then take your blow dryer and on a medium setting blow dry hair. If you do this the night before you can let hair air dry while you sleep. Once hair is dried remove the elastics and shake out your hair and voila! Easy effortless beach waves that the most inexperienced fashionista can achieve.

4. What hair products are a necessity?
The most important hair product is a great shampoo and conditioner, like Head & Shoulders' Damage Rescue, that helps not only to clean your hair from product build up but also your scalp, having a healthy scalp is key to beautiful hair. A great volumizing mousse doesn't hurt either and I love shine sprays and a good holding hair spray that does not flake.

5. Which styles do you think have seen their last days?
I think one of the styles that have seen their last days is the long, long hair with a side section shaved out (Bianca: "Ouch."). I know many celebrities tried rocking this look but somehow they missed the mark, although Rihanna is sticking to this trend but somehow it works for her and looks effortless.

6. Who is your hair icon?
My personal hair icon right now is Rihanna and coming in a close second is Miley Cyrus, which took me by surprise. I love how Rihanna is not scared of changing her look. One day we see her with a very soft look, like at this past Grammy awards she had long sunkissed and soft flowy hair.

Then the next minute we see her in this jet black pixie cut. I think Miley took the world by surprise when she cut off her long mane for a fresh rock n' roll look complete with shaved sides and platinum blonde. This daring hair cut is not for the faint of heart and I feel like this took Miley to whole new level.

7. After watching that YouTube video of the girl who burns off a curl of her hair, I'm scarred for life. How can I make sure that never happens to me?

Yea, I think that video scared many women across the globe. The thing that most women don't think about is that hair can only take so much heat. Now that video was an extreme case, but these days irons can go up to 400 degrees, and some hair especially fine hair can't take that kind of heat and can burn off which was the case in that video. Unless you have super course thick hair (which in that case a higher heat may work for you) a medium setting is just fine for the average women.

8. My hair icon is Mary Kate Olsen. How can I get that bohemian, disheveled look?
The bohemian disheveled look is a signature look for Mary Kate Olsen and it totally works for her, the easiest what to get that look is stay away from any anti-frizz serum. On damp hair add a quarter size amount of volumizing mousse and with a diffuser defuse hair while scrunching hair with your free hand (this give a little bend to the hair). Once hair is dried I like to go in with a medium curling iron and add some random curls. The best way to curl the hair is to wrap the hair around the curling iron and to leave the ends out, that way the hair does not get too curly.

9. What's one step that everyone can take to ensure their hair is healthier?
The one step that everyone can take to ensure their hair is healthier is by using a shampoo and conditioner that not only helps clean the hair of product build up but also keeps the scalp healthy and free of flakes. One of my favourites is Damage Rescue by Head and Shoulders.

10. How can I get rid of frizzies?
The easiest way of getting rid of frizzes is by keeping hair hydrated, healthy and strong. Using a shampoo and conditioner that adds moisture like Head & Shoulders Damage Rescue -- it also makes your hair 10 times stronger in just four washes! Also, regular trims and stay away from over using heated tools. Both these steps can help eliminate the problem of frizzie hair. Using an anti-frizz serum can also aid in keeping your hair under control.

11. I love DIY tips and tricks. Is there a regular household item that secretly holds some kind of power that can help my hair?
One of my favourite household items that hold secret power that can help your hair is coconut oil. I LOVE this stuff, I really love using it as a regular treatment on the ends of the hair and recommend it to almost everyone. This stuff is like magic and over time gives hair back the moisture and natural shine that over time hair loses. But remember a little goes a long way, on damp hair warm up a spoon full (for medium-long hair) in hands and run through the ends of hair. Leave in for about an hour and then rinse and shampoo out.

]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.2678949 2013-02-14T08:24:30-05:00 2013-04-16T05:12:01-04:00

Bianca Teixeira http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bianca-teixeira/
Only a mere few months ago, I met Freddy. Impossibly skinny with the hugest, wisest brown eyes I'd ever seen, he caught hold of my heart strings (must stop leaving them so visible) and hung on for dear life. Freddy was staying with my cousin while she searched for a good home for him. His previous family dropped him off with her unceremoniously because couldn't keep up with his needs any more.

Being a self-involved 20-something, we joked about how ridiculous it would be for me to take Freddy home. Going for walks in the cold? Having to come home early? Vet appointments? Nothing about it screamed ME. But the longer I stayed at my cousin's and the closer he crept towards me to use my knee as a head rest, the more my heart broke for this tiny poodle that no one wanted.

I just had to take Freddy home and love the little fur ball with all my might. Which I did and do. But every now and then, I catch myself doing things I never thought I would. If you're a new dog owner like me and think you're alone in the weird turns your life has taken, you're not. I compiled a list of things I can't believe I do now thanks to Freddy. The good, the bad and the oh-so-friggin-nasty. You've been warned...

BLOG CONTINUES AFTER SLIDESHOW




I Close Every Single Door
It seems small and insignificant but I swear it's not. I've been leaving doors ajar for so long that now my mornings start with me sleepily walking into these newly closed doors. And why? Because Freddy likes to eat stuff. All kinds of stuff. Even stuff that I've thrown in the garbage. Oh boy does he like to eat garbage stuff. Closing every door keeps his snacking down at a minimum and saves me from following a treasure trail of used Kleenex, dental floss, old food and water bottles through my house.

I Judge Other Owners
Whenever I read an article about new parents, they always make the point that they USED to judge parents until they had kids themselves. I think owning a dog is the exact opposite. Before I had Freddy, I would see someone with a dog and think "Aw, how special. What a good owner." Now when I walk my dog through a park, I'm hit with such distain for other owners that it's more like this: "You can't put a leash on your dog? What is he, the crown prince?" "Yea, we all saw your dog take a dump. If I have to use poop bags, then you do too asshole!"

I Clean Barf
Dog barf. Which once landed on my super cute, purple shag carpet in my room. While I slept. Imagine that horror show when I flipped on the lights. Bless his little heart, he tried in vain to avoid the rug but that only succeeded in ruining the rug and half of a LouLou magazine. BRIDAL ISSUE, FREDDY! It's only happened a couple times since he moved in but it always starts at the crack of dawn and ends with me crying because what if he's been poisoned?!

I Now Take Up Only 20% of My Bed
Before I took Freddy home my cousin warned me "He likes to sleep in bed with you" but I figured I would break him of this habit. No dice. After a heart breaking 30-minute cry (on his part) from outside my door, when he was finally let in, he took up residence in the middle of my bed. At first we both had to get used to each other what with my elbowing him (accidentally!) on occasion and him using my butt cheek as a pillow but now we're in a comfortable rhythm for bedtime. Until he hears a weird noise then whisper-barks to protect his lady.

I Make Up Annoying Nicknames
Freddy is actually the name I gave the little guy since he never answered to his old one and it was after Ike Turner and ew. However, I make up so many new nicknames that he rarely answers to Freddy either. Let's see, there's Buga, the shortform of BugABoo obviously; Stink Monster, for when he's evaded the bath for too long; Furry Pants, because I love sticking the word Pants on anything; Freddy Bags, which to me is a total mobster name; Farouq, Freddy Mercury's birth name for when he's being naughty, and sooooo many more.

I Pull Poo Out of Asses
Remember the mention of dental floss? That incident made for a difficult bathroom trip in the park. Without going into too much detail, my little dude was having troubles and (once I stopped laughing myself into tears) I took a deep breath, put the doggy bag over my hand and helped him out. Once we got back home I gave him a bath, took a 30-minute scalding hot shower and Freddy and I avoided each other for a few hours.

I Have A 'Bath Time' Outfit
And it can't be white. Inside the tub Freddy is a tiny, shivering wet noodle, he doesn't move and stays as close to the edges as possible just in case he sees an opportunity to jump out and bolt. If I put my hands under his torso to lather him up he will always attempt to hop into my arms. Once he's out (and I've managed to towel him off a bit) he barrels his wee frame into my body and then takes off down the hall in what I can only assume is a sped up version of attempting to air dry.

I Cry When I Leave In The Morning
I don't know exactly when Freddy realized that the huge window facing the driveway was the perfect spot to make major puppy eyes at me but damn does he milk it for all its worth. He sets up shop there when I leave and his snowy white face is the first thing I see there when I get back. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing those huge eyes when I arrive home but it's the leaving part that kills me.

I Have A Legitimate Reason To Talk Out Loud
And Freddy NEVER shushes me. Not when I talk during the funny parts of New Girl, not when I spoil the end of Sons of Anarchy for him and not even when I whisper fun facts about our favourite actors during their SNL monologues. I mean, OK sometimes he'll get up off the couch and walk into a completely different room but I just take it to mean that he needs to stretch his legs, so I talk louder. But seriously, not talking to empty air is such a life improvement.

I've Realized I Can Totally Be A Grown-Up
When I first thought about taking Freddy home I was so worried that I'd turn into a big bowl of mush and he'd have the run of the house. It was a seriously pleasant surprise to find that I'm capable of putting my foot down when I have to. Who would have thought that I'd be the disciplinarian instead of the bleeding heart? But it's true. No matter how much he whines and cries for table food, he never gets it. When he jumps up on the coffee table, he's met with a super-stern berating. Scurrying away from the sound of running water? Freddy gets dragged right back. If he tries to give me that face that says "But I'm so cute!" I tell him to take it on down the road.

Am I alone in this discovery of the wonders of owning a dog?

]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.2545520 2013-01-29T17:41:03-05:00 2013-03-31T05:12:01-04:00

Bianca Teixeira http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bianca-teixeira/ after the kickboxing class I could barely get up a flight of stairs without crying much less get into another class.

So, in an effort to pretend like the idea of regularly going to a work out class doesn't make me want to barf, I signed up for a few at an all ladies gym. Because YAY PINK WORKOUT STUFF!

I really wanted to only attend the fun, dance-specific classes (remember how great I was at Zumba?) but of course those happen to fall on days of the week that make me want to go home and lie face down on a couch for six hours. Instead, I registered for the balance ball hour and maybe only because I once saw a picture of Carrie Bradshaw doing it in heels. I mean, if she can wear heels and workout, I could be barefoot and kill it right?

As usual, I appear to be the least prepared woman in the class. I'm in leggings (and not even work-out leggings, get your life together, Bianca!) and am barefoot. Everyone else is in a pair of super cute and colourful running shoes. Does it look like I'm a loser newbie or a total rule-breaking badass? Your call.

Balance Ball classes get you working out to fast-paced music and with an assortment of differently sized and weighted balls. Tiny, cute (and inherently evil) pink three pounders, volleyball-sized squishy ones and my personal favourite the huge bouncy ones that you can sit on and giggle at how many times people said balls in the class. (Oh by the way, I'm super juvenile about words that are even the tiniest bit sexual. I'm not proud.)

What you'll need: Workout clothes, water and apparently running shoes. I must have missed that part of the pamphlet.

We lift, we squish, we sit, we bounce and we lift some more. We use actual barbell weights and I wish death upon them and their ilk. We lie on top of the big balls and lean over to do plank pushups. A pox on the ball. We even tuck the tiny weighted balls behind our knees and lift our legs back into the air. I want to slap everyone near me.

Here's a snippet of my inner thoughts:

5:30 pm -- Lotta balls in this class. Teehee.

5:35 -- Jumping jacks I can do...jumping jacks while holding weights balls I cannot do without mentally cursing everyone in my vicinity.

5:36 -- Wow that's an overwhelming burning sensation. Six minutes in. Spectacular.

5:45 -- Squishy ball! I will call you Squishy and you will be mine. You will be my Squishy.

5:50 -- Why am I always in classes with preggos? Why are they still so good at working out? What if she goes into labour? Do we have water to boil and sheets to rip?

5:51 -- Why DO people always ask for ripped sheets? Are regular, sewn together sheets too mainstream? Oh crap...yup 7, 8, 9, 10. Whew that was tough.

6:00 -- WAIT WAIT WAIT. This is a LIVE class? As in people can log in and watch it online? Sweet, merciful Jesus.

6:05 -- Weight should be level with my nipples? Why are my nipples the topic of conversation?

6:15 -- Maybe if I tell her I have hip issues I won't have to lift my leg as high...WHAT?! Did you just say that means I should lift it higher?! Son of a...

6:20 -- All I want to do is sit on the huge ball and bounce happily. Why can't anyone just let me do that?

End Result: Maybe it's because I've done a few killer work outs by now (Oh these guns? Don't even worry about them.) that this class didn't feel as kill-myself-crazy. My heart rate is normal and I'm not grotesquely sweaty but my arms are sore after all that lifting. God I hate those balls! Teehee.

Effort: The instructor let us know that we could slow down, drop the weights or take a water break at any time. As hard as I tried to make it through without doing any of those, I did have to drop the weights at some point or else risk losing my arm mobility. How would I type this?! The effort you put in is entirely up to you which is true of any workout. Except this one specifically did not have someone smacking you if you underperformed.

Return Trip?: While I'll definitely be back to the gym, I don't know that I'll sign up for this specific class. The music wasn't my particular taste and I depend on music to continuously keep me motivated. Also not keeping me motivated: burning in the arms and legs. That made me stabby.

]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.2488928 2013-01-17T08:54:47-05:00 2013-03-19T05:12:01-04:00

Bianca Teixeira http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bianca-teixeira/ Warrior. In it, he plays an ex-soldier who takes part in a mixed martial arts competition to win money. The behind-the-scenes footage of what Hardy went through to achieve a fighting physique were crazy. I mention this because I spent my Monday night commiserating. Obviously, not to the same degree but I swear it was close.

After taking a month off from writing this column (Woohoo! No working out!) I decided to come back swinging...literally. Toronto Kickboxing & Muay Thai Academy (TKMT) was where I had to go if I wanted to take this challenge seriously. High-ranking cool dudes from Georges St-Pierre to Michael Pitt have stopped by this studio and that alone is enough to get me in it.

Back in 2004, TKMT owner Warren Lee started a part-time, one-man operation called Lee's Ultimate Thai Kickboxing. The Queen West location (where I went) was later opened in 2006 and in February of this year a third location will be open for business on the Danforth.

Confession: I was NOT in any way prepared for what happened. While I can honestly say that I had fun learning rudimentary kickboxing, this class seriously whupped my ass.

I went in worried that I was going to be taught by big burly men resembling Mad Dog (Warrior, seriously it rocks, watch it). It was a very pleasant and impressive surprise that TKMT has a comfortable ratio of women to men. The beginners class (because they had nothing lower for me) was almost completely female and was led by two ridiculously fit women. There were still insanely toned guys sparring and working a punching bag but who the hell had time to gawk?

The class started off with 30 minutes of a warm up. At least I think it did. I managed to eke out some jumps, pushups, crab-walks, lunges, skipping, jogging on the spot and more before I went to the change room to lie down because I was seeing spots.

Unfortunately, I couldn't stay there forever.

What you'll need: Comfy clothes and bare feet. Water, towels, gloves and pads can all be borrowed or purchased on site.

Between the warm up, learning the fighting stance and actually putting these puny fists to use, I almost didn't notice that the class stretched to two hours. OK, that's a lie. I noticed and was hoping someone would accidentally knock me out just so I could have a relaxing ambulance ride.

Here's a snipped of my inner thoughts:

6:30 pm -- Wait, there are no separate rooms? The muscle guys get to watch me make a fool of myself?! *grumble* Should have asked to see a picture of this place.

6:40 -- We have to do a 30-minute warm up? I feel like I can do it in under 10.

6:50 -- When...did...think...could...do...this...?! Horribly...wrong!

6:55 -- Wait...did that girl just say she's been here three times and it doesn't get easier?

7:00 -- I hope no one notices that I've been in the change room for a bit. It's so gloriously unathletic in here. This might be the best floor I've ever exhaustively lain on.

7:05 -- Warm ups with a partner aren't the worst. I like that we keep trading "save me" eyes.

7:15 -- Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't you dare cry. Unless you can disguise it as sweat, then definitely cry.

7:30 -- What are we splitting up for? It's been an hour. Isn't this done? Hello?

7:35 -- Why am I the only person who looks like a giant loser doing the slow punches? Thank god I'm not in front of a mirror. LOOK AWAY BOXER DUDES!

7:40 -- YAY we get to wear boxing gloves! I wish I had worn a cooler outfit. Is that stupid to be thinking about. That girl is dressed way cute. Oh crap...everyone already grabbed gloves. Focus Bianca!

7:50 -- Punching my partner while he holds pads? Awesome. Getting open-palmed smacked on the shoulder by Warren because my form is off? Not so aweso...OWW. Dammit!

8:00 -- Okay, not to be THAT girl...but these gloves smell. Like bad. Like old, used gym sock bad.

8:15 -- Holding. The. Pads. SUUUUCKS. My partner has a crazy strong kick. I have to bear down all labour-style so I don't get punted to the wall!

8:20 -- No seriously, how long is this class?

8:25 -- Warren! You smack me one more time and...OK well I can't take you in any kind of fight but I have a glare that I have been told is WITHERING.

8:30 -- Yup. This is what a body giving out feels like.

8:34 -- I can't feel my legs! The maniacal part of me thinks hurling myself down these THREE FLIGHTS OF STAIRS would be less painful then actually walking.

In all seriousness, if you're on the lookout for a fitness regime that will push you and get you in top form, this is it. If you can stand rigorous repetition and like the physicality of it then you belong here. The instructors were great and completely hands on even though our class was huge. Warren was hilarious and is constantly available to push you into the most proper of stances. If you're looking to toughen up and stop being such a wuss, book a class and try not to hide in the change room.

End Result: Right after the class, I felt tired but accomplished. I was sweaty, stretched out and maybe even a bit powerful. I walked a bit after leaving and was surprised that my legs (while a little achey) weren't in any pain. Until the next day. Then they were ablaze with angry spitfire that made climbing, sitting and standing torturous.

Effort: Lots. More than lots. Think about a shit-ton of effort and add like 100 to it. So much effort in so many ways. Keeping up with the instructors, trying to mirror their moves, working at your own pace without falling behind, trying not to cry. Wait...that last one might have just been me.

Return Trip?: Is it weird that I kind of want to go back just to hang with Warren? Sure he slaps with an open palm and probably thinks I'm a class-A sissy but he seemed like a blast. The warm up and repetitions is what killed me but learning to punch and then actually punching with real gloves was a lot of fun. Plus, now I know how to throw a punch! I think...

]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.2396674 2013-01-02T17:00:26-05:00 2013-03-04T05:12:01-05:00

Bianca Teixeira http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bianca-teixeira/
I realize we chat all the time (and should probably cut that out since people around us stare) but it's time we got real. Every year you make the dumbest New Year's resolutions and I laugh myself into a coma because they're the absolute worst. Twenty-five push-ups a day? No makeup for a week every month? No snacks after 6 p.m.? Writing in a journal?

You're too funny.

Anyway, this year it's going to be different. I'm setting our resolutions this time and you're going to follow them or so help me I'll make you think chopping all your hair off is a good idea. Again.

1. Put. Away. Your. Clothes!
I'm sick and tired watching you trip over boxes of shoes and stacks of hangers because you leave everything on the floor/your bed. Granted, it's hilarious as hell and you've perfected the sailor swearing but it's getting to Hoarders proportions. The last thing I want is for you to lift up a pile of clothes a year from now and find a dead cat under there. We don't even own a cat!

2. Stop chewing those cuticles.
Take up knitting, stamp collecting, smoking or even crack but just stop picking at your cuticles. It's too friggin' gross to look at! Remember in the summer when we stopped for a bit and your fingers looked so pretty? What the hell happened? Now they're back to their red, cracked ways and not even that super cute red sparkle nail polish can help you. But I think you know we hit rock bottom when you gnawed our thumb during a job interview.

3. Go out more.
We're young! Why are you such a hermit? I know you hate the cold and traveling makes you homicidal but seriously girl, people are starting to wonder about us. Go to the movies, see a show, watch a concert, and for the love of god, go to your friends' birthday parties. You're such a bitch sometimes!

4. Stop declaring that every new lip colour will be your "signature."
Get over yourself. You're not Coco Chanel.

5. Throw out some shoes.
Trust me, this will hurt me just as much as it will hurt you. Yes, we've curated a fabulous collection of footwear but let's drop a truth bomb: we wear MAYBE 15 per cent of that collection. Donate what you don't like any more and stop buying impractical shoes when it's cold. You're going to make us lose a toe to frostbite one of these days!

6. Start buying real pants.
Don't think I haven't noticed that we haven't worn a pair of real jeans since you bought that first pair of jeggings...three years ago. I've let it slide because they're comfy and I do love how they tuck easily into boots but enough is enough. We have plenty of cute slacks and flared jeans. Stop the madness.

7. Get your love of boots under control.
Speaking of great boots, we have quite enough thank you. True, there was a time when a good pair was seriously lacking from our shoe department but that drought is over. I know you know that it's over. We bought some fabulous boots this year so no need to go peeking in the boot sections of shoe stores. Which reminds me...

8. Take better care of your stuff.
Why don't we go out and buy some of that protective spray that salesgirls are always trying to sell? You keep saying you have some but the last time I remember buying a can was when we got our first ever pair of Uggs. In high school. Spray your boots, untangle your necklaces, keep your phone away from water and don't let your makeup dry out. Dummy.

9. Comb your hair more.
I've come to terms with the whole "I don't like washing my hair, dirty is better" deal you have going on but seriously Bee, you have to start picking up a brush more often. I know you love Mary-Kate's look but it got her a skeevy 43-year-old guy so it can't be all that. Plus, we're all aware that you found a bobby pin in that nest three days after you last used a bobby pin.

10. Be more diligent with your Workout Diaries!
You started this series to get in better shape. That ain't happening if you do one damn workout every other week. You are literally the laziest person ever! Get off your ass, unclench your hand from around your phone and do a fun/weird workout. You'll feel better, I'll feel better and all those jeans you refuse to wear will fit better. Seriously, I'm throwing out the jeggings while you sleep.

That's all I can do Outer Bianca. I'm setting these goals hoping you'll try to hit at least a few of them. Next year we'll try to tackle all the things about you that piss off people who don't live in your head.

]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.2323914 2012-12-19T12:27:39-05:00 2013-02-18T05:12:01-05:00

Bianca Teixeira http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bianca-teixeira/
I sat everyone in my family down and told them that because of my lack of funds (and patience) I wouldn't be buying gifts this year. My exact words were "Don't buy me anything because I won't be buying you anything." They were all incredulous and skeptical but I thought we had come to an understanding.

Apparently not.

So, with Christmas chomping down on my heels, I've been doing quick trips to random stores in an effort to pick up those oh-so-perfect gifts for my family members who apparently don't follow instructions too well.

Luckily for me, I was presented with the opportunity to check out the early stages of the newly redesigned Square One mall. Equipped with brighter corridors, better stores and shops and more places to stop for food, it's just a nicer environment to shop in. Especially when your go-to mall is usually Vaughan Mills (I live near there so I'm allowed to nag).

Now that I've done some legwork, I'm comfortable in providing you with some tips for holiday shopping when you've left it down to the wire.

Do: Make a list of what you're looking for.
Not one salesperson I encountered was amused when I kept saying "This is perfect! But I'm going to keep looking just in case I find something MORE perfect!" If you write down an idea or some semblance of what you'd like to get each friend and family member, you won't be torturing yourself with what else you could have found.

Don't: Start shopping for yourself.
...Like I did. Because I'm soulless. I know it might be hard because everything in stores is awesome right now (thanks a lot, retailers) but you have to fight the temper-tantrum-having four-year-old inside you who wants those oxblood pants because she's been an angel this past week and even gave a can to that drive-thing and she totally deserves them! Jeez she's so bitchy around the holidays. Maybe get her some sugar cookies while you're at it.

Do: Try a new mall.
Prior to this shopping trip, I'd actually never been to Square One. Preconceived notions aside, Square One was completely different than what I had envisioned and thanks to its remodelling it had all the stores I needed to hit. Part of the issue with holiday shopping is that you can feel like you've exhausted your options for the perfect gift. Open up your range of shops and get a fresh perspective on the best places to melt your credit card at.

Don't: Kid yourself about your size.
A karmic backlash that stemmed from 'holiday shopping' turned into 'me shopping' found me stuck in a smaller-than-small dress that I was so sure I could squeeze into. I knew the second I wriggled it over my head that it was a doomed experiment but I continued. Long story short, it took almost six minutes of pulling, stretching, and pure contortion to get it the hell off. I was sweaty, red faced and all "is this what claustrophobia feels like?" Just grab the size up.

Do: Set a limit on spending.
Or at least try. Keep track of your bills and how much you've spent and how close you're getting to your limit. But if you see something that NEEDS to be purchased and will kick you over that budget just a teensy bit, don't worry. We've all been there.

Don't: Get so distracted by the cashier's cool hair that you leave a purchase behind.
I mean....hypothetically, or whatever. But in my defence, the woman in Zara had the EXACT shade of white-blond that I had tried to achieve five years ago! Like exactly! Until all my hair fell out and I was forced into a pixie cut. Don't cry for me shopaholics, after a quick-tearful call, my bag was found and is currently being kept safe until I get my butt over there.

Do: Buy things in bulk.
Especially from the multitude of smaller, privately owned booths that litter the walkways of malls like Square One. Not only are you guaranteed to be given a much more attentive shopping experience but there's a better chance they will throw in initiatives for you to purchase. In the form of sweet little freebies. Just try not to leave them on a store counter. Sigh.

Don't: Drink too much coffee.
After three cups I was literally buzzing through the mall. Sounds were louder, colours were brighter and for some reason I was practically sprinting through stores. Keep hydrated with water, bring a cold bottle with you. It may be chilly outside but with huge amounts of people in each other's personal space inside, it's going to get really hot, really fast.

Do: Figure out what stores you want to hit.
If you know you're going to a specific mall, look up what stores they have and where exactly they're located. Having a decisive plan of action is never a bad thing. You don't want to be one of those zombie shoppers who are so in over their head that they wander aimlessly trying to remember if they saw an H&M somewhere. I myself totally forgot that Square One opened an Express and so I missed it completely. Damnit me!

Don't: Give salespeople attitude.
Snipping a sarcastic "I get how a line works, thanks*" to a salesgirl probably isn't the best way to ensure great customer service. I know we all love to put the blame on high school age girls who come complete with bored-to-death eyeballs but I can admit that I contribute to a shoddy experience once in a while. Just remember that they likely want to be where they are even less than you do. So empathize.

*Okay yes, that snark was WAY rude but I apologized right after.*

**Okay I didn't apologize but trust me she was snarky first! I actually DO know how a lineup works!

]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.2306879 2012-12-17T00:12:01-05:00 2013-02-15T05:12:01-05:00

Bianca Teixeira http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bianca-teixeira/
Thanks to the likes of Jane Fonda (feel the burn!) and Richard Simmons (farewell to fat!) the phenom of the workout video has grown to encase everything from yoga and boxing to strip tease and hip hop dancing.

Months and months ago, I attended a show in Toronto where Billy Blanks was appearing for a motivational speech as well as autograph signing. For those of you who don't follow the lifestyles of the fit and fabulous (of which I am not, nor do I follow) Billy Blanks invented the workout known as Tae Bo.

A fusion of tae kwon do and boxing, the workout is done to a hip hop soundtrack for extra energetic movements. There's punching, kicking, stepping, crunching and a lot more. Since 1975, Blanks has touted the workout as the "future of fitness" and comes complete with an incredible backstory that made me tear up during his speech. So I bought the DVD. And got it autographed. Sometimes I hate me.

To be honest, I forgot all about my Tae Bo DVD and it was made to languish beside seasonal movies and a yoga DVD for the 50+ crowd (don't look at my parents, that's mine too). In getting ready to torture everyone with holiday movies this year, I ran across the signature of my old friend Blanks and, thanks to this column, decided to give the workout a try.

What you'll need: A clear space to work in, a television and DVD player, comfy clothes, water and your blinds to be closed. Seriously.

While I had hoped to complete this workout alone and away from prying eyes, the presence of my newly acquired dog Freddy was a constant and I swear at one point his sigh of derision specifically meant "Who are you kidding? Come lie on the couch with me and eat chips so I can lick the salt off your fingers because you think you intake less calories that way." Rude.

Here is a snippet of my inner thoughts:

Blog continues below slideshow:



5:00pm - Should I warm up or is the Blankenator going to start off with a warm up? What even counts as a warm up? Does the jaunt down the stairs qualify?

5:02 - Everyone in this video looks super toned and amazing. Really? They couldn't add one awkward girl for my own benefit?

5:05 - And right into it we go! Blankenship is doing it on hardwood but I didn't feel like dragging the rug to the side. Unless that might have counted as a warm up.....?

5:15 - Stop staring at me Freddy! You're going to be SO jealous of my glutes.

5:20 - Knowing that I can mute the Blankster at any time kind of takes his instructor power away. I now have ALL the power.

5:25 - How are their kicks so damn high? Mine are barely clearing two feet.

5:30 - Must. Resist. Urge. To. Back into. Couch.

5:32 - I'd love to attend a real class with Blanks. In person he might actually be able to get me to sweat.

5:39 - So.....do we just take water breaks whenever?

5:46 - Whoops! I fell. On the couch. Stop judging Freddy. It was totally an accident.

5:53 - Does anyone else feel like this has been happening for 3 hours minimum?? 'Cuz it has.

End Result: A whole lot of nothing. I'm not satisfied, I'm not proud and I definitely don't feel like I accomplished anything.It's too easy to slack when there isn't a real live person giving you the evil eye when you don't give it your all.

Effort: Not a whole lot. You and I both know deep down that committing to home workouts is hard because no one will know if you stop. At least with a membership somewhere you'll know money is being flushed.

It's the age old question: If my treadmill is unused in the basement and there's no one around to see it, is it really holding all my drying laundry? (Yes, yes it is)

Return Trip?: To my living room? Yes. But to the workout DVD section at Wal-Mart? No. I'm going to drop a truth bomb - I hate working out alone, in my living room, feeling like a loser. With no one to motivate me in person and no other classmates to secretly compete with, I felt bored and almost lonely following a fitness DVD. No offense Freddy.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.2201221 2012-11-28T12:33:43-05:00 2013-01-28T05:12:01-05:00

Bianca Teixeira http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bianca-teixeira/
If you haven't heard about Kangoo don't worry, you're in a huge group. Not one person I've told of my escapade knew what I was talking about.

You've probably seen women at trade shows standing in a booth repping the new workout wearing boots that resemble ski shoes with oval springs attached to the bottom. If you haven't, go to more trade shows! Free swag! Anyway those ladies sell Kangoo Jumps boots to be used while you run, walk or generally work out.

To do this class, I could really only go to one place, Kangoo Club Toronto, where classes are taught by the only licensed Kangoo Jumps instructor trainer in Canada: Dorina, a fiery redhead with more energy than I've ever expelled in my entire life. Made especially for people with old injuries or bad joints, Kangoo boots are a form of rebound exercise and minimize the impact working out on hard surfaces has on your joints, neck and back. As big and bulky as ski boots, they're just as heavy and hard to stand in.

The trick to Kangoo boots is to keep moving! Once you get to hopping, you'll never want to stop. Gaining momentum and actually getting a good lift off the ground is an amazing feeling. Dance music and a few choreographed movements later and you'll be begging for a break. This class is tough!

What you'll need: A sports bra (lots of bouncing), comfy pants, socks and water.

As usual, it wasn't until I got to my class that I realized I forgot water and socks. The water wasn't the biggest of deals since the gym is equipped with a fountain but the socks are imperative. Think about it. Not only are you begging for a chaffed leg by letting bare skin rub against the boot but (and this is the bigger evil) those boots are worn by who-knows-who and are sweated in. Gag.

Luckily for me, Dorina the instructor had an extra pair of socks. So I couldn't beg off the class and just watch. Yay. I guess.

Here's a snippet of my inner thoughts:

8:30 p.m. -- Would it be weird to try to get a group bet going on who will eat floor first? Equally weird: betting on myself?

8:35 -- Hey, these bad boys are heavy! This feels like walking for the first time, it's so awkward.

8:36 -- OK so both walking AND standing still are no-gos. Three cheers for sitting?

8:45 -- That's quite an aggressive burn in my lungs there.

8:50 -- Water break! It'd probably be faster if I crawled to the water. It would also be exponentially better if there weren't dudes on treadmills watching me wobble-walk.

8:59 -- Have my movements in life always been this uncoordinated? It's actually painful to watch. Why did anyone think mirrors were a good idea in gyms?

9:10 -- One spring is springy-er than the other. Aaaaaaaaaand now that's the only sensation I feel. Oh and the lung burn, naturally.

9:17 -- Is that bile at the back of my throat or those four brownies I scarfed on the way over?

9:20 -- Great, more butt pops. Those went SO well in my last class.

9:25 -- I wish I could be as happy about anything as Dorina seems to be about these side kicks. Oh, also, I loathe side kicks.

9:30 -- LEG LIFTS? Yup, this is where I "meditate" a.k.a. sit and pretend I'm not dying.

End Result: I have to say, my lungs took the worst beating but I'm pretty confident that ache in my legs will overcome that soon. I'm sweating more than I'm comfortable with admitting and would pay to be doused with cold water. The next morning my legs are a little tight but manageable.

Effort: Tons. Not only is the class fast paced and moving at top speed but those boots are HEAVY. Four pounds each to be exact. I've mentioned before that I'm a pretty solid walker (hold your applause) so I'm confident that if I did zero cardio ever, lifting these boots completely off the floor repetitively would be torture. I mean, it still totally is, but probably not AS bad as it could have been. Maybe.

Return Trip?: Don't get me wrong, I would totally come back to this class. I'd just have to do it AFTER a few stints of cardio to ensure I could keep up. I understand that the more you do it the better you get but the moves and music in this class are just so fun and exhilarating that I don't want to lag behind even for those first few classes. Let me get back to you after a few laps on this treadmill...

Read other entries in the series
]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.2101166 2012-11-09T17:04:05-05:00 2013-01-09T05:12:01-05:00

Bianca Teixeira http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bianca-teixeira/
When I looked up just exactly what Zumba entails, I was pretty pleased with what I read. Until now, all I've known about the class (thanks to those commercials that I usually mute) is that it's some kind of dancey workout with a lot of ab movements and butt pops.

Thanks to Zumba.com, I learn that the class is specifically a "Latin-inspired dance-fitness program that blends red-hot international music and contagious steps to form a "fitness-party" that is downright addictive." Sold.

Finding a Zumba class proves easy as there are literally dozens of places that offer it in the city. I arrived almost 20 minutes early (the guy on the phone said the drop in class tends to fill up) and find a girl in her late teens and a Juicy sweatshirt in the studio putting her purse down. When I ask if she too is here to get Zumba'd, she replies that she's actually the instructor. Oh joy. Whatever positive thoughts I had are now diminished.

The class did quickly fill and I'm surprised to see both high school girls and middle aged women partaking. I find a spot at the back and am truly happy with the lack of mirrors. The music starts up (Pitbull!) and all of a sudden, the bored teenage instructor turns into a booty shaking dancing queen. Constantly hopping from foot to foot, she wears a microphone to repetitively holler 'Here we goooooo!'.

What you'll need: Comfy clothes, a sports bra (there's a lot of jumping around), running shoes, water and no limitations.

The music is amazing and the dance moves are downright fun. Every song has its own choreography that the instructor goes through slowly at first and then speeds up for maximum exertion.

Here's a snippet of my inner thoughts:

7:15 p.m. -- Oh. My. God. She's playing Pitbull. This is gonna be a friggin dance party!

7:20 -- Jeez I'm so uncoordinated. I need to stand still and watch her feet THEN try to mimic them.

7:28 -- I want a microphone headset. Ooooooh, the power.

7: 35 -- God, that Big Mac right before I got here was a huge mistake. I'm almost positive it's sitting right at the back of my throat.

7:43 -- Water! I knew I forgot something.

7:49 -- Hey lady, get back in your own space. I can only step-step-kick so far, less so if you're RIGHTINMYFACE.

7:54 -- Ouch! There's a super sharp pain under my right breast. Hopefully, the right way to treat it is to just keep dancing? Nope.

8:00 -- I hate that she doesn't have a playlist. The moments of complete silence while she changes CD's are totally messing with my groove. Yay! More Pitbull!!

8:05 -- OK, I just have to say it. Instructor girl has a totally enviable butt. I'm wicked jealous.

8:09 -- Waaaaaaaaaaaaaater.

8:15 -- Yoga stretches during cool down. Loves it.

End Result: I'm exhausted! My breathing is fast and my throat is parched. There's a spot on my back that feels a little overworked, possibly because I crumped too hard. After the first 15 minutes, the class flew by and I could have kept dancing (as long as I found water) all night. The next day that spot is even more tender but it's the only aftermath I feel.

Effort: The only time you notice how much effort you're putting into Zumba is when you stop to catch your breath and realize it's really hard to. It's so much fun, and the music is so great that you zone out and totally forget you're in a fitness class. It's an entire body workout: arms, legs, abs, every part has its own movement and its own groove. Squats, flexes, thrusts and repetitive kicks are sneakily hidden in one awesome dance party.

Return Trip?: Absolutely. I love to dance, especially to my guilty pleasure, Pitbull. A lot of the moves we did are some I totally whip out when I'm dancing alone on my bed...I mean in a super cool, popular club. The instructor was a hot beast up there and I would love to get to her level. If it also gets me a butt like hers, well that's just an added bonus.


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]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.2003450 2012-10-26T00:24:05-04:00 2012-12-25T05:12:01-05:00

Bianca Teixeira http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bianca-teixeira/
This week I was excited to try out MisFit Studio after being recommended by a friend. The studio can be found in an alleyway in a stunning converted old coach house. I initially signed up for a "Kick Ass Mat" class with no expectations whatsoever. When I arrived I was taken for a tour of the studio (did I mention it's gorgeous?) and came face-to-face with The Reformer.

Instructor Keri explained how the machine worked and all the benefits that went with the ancient looking device. After expressing interest (and fear) towards it, she decided to move our pilates workout onto The Reformer. Joy.

The Reformer is made up of a carriage that you lie down on and a bar where you prop your feet up. Hooking springy gears to the carriage takes the resistance up a notch to make the pushing or pulling harder. There are hand grips that can be used as well to work out your arms when your legs need a rest.

I'm going to be honest, this was a tough workout. When you first start pushing down on your legs to move the carriage up and down, you can tell that it's going to be a good workout. A few reps in and you feel the burn. Luckily, Keri went through the workout treating it almost like a yoga class. Soothing music and her even more soothing voice kept me calm and my breathing slowly paced. Moving us from our backs, to our sides for individual leg work outs to putting our legs in the hand grips for a whole new experience, Keri made sure every area got a workout.

Here's a short snippet of my inner thoughts:

POST CONTINUES BELOW SLIDESHOW



10 a.m. -- This is comfy. I wish I could do more workouts lying down. Wait...no. Not like that....

10:02 -- Oh...once you hook these gears on, the carriage suddenly gets harder to move.

10:05 -- Jeez this place is so gorgeous. I could totally live here. I mean there's no kitchen but...whoops, reps already, huh? No one will notice. ...Eight, nine, ten!

10:14 -- Okay, this machine totally isn't so scary! Putting TV's on the ceiling would rock.

10:20 -- Stretching our "shoulder girdles"? Did I bring mine?

10:35 -- Keri! You are not counting properly! Aw....I can't stay mad at you!

10:40 -- Having my head on this squishy ball is pure heaven. All this pain is SO worthy just a few minutes of squishy ball time.

10:47 -- Using my arms to pull this thing only reinforces the fact that I have absolutely no upper body strength. No wonder I sucked at pole dancing.

10:50 -- The more reps I do with this weighted ball, the shorter my arm span gets.

10:52 -- Just when I think I'm failing at fitness, Keri gives me a huge smile, a thumbs up and a "Great job, Bianca!" She's just the bestest.

10:55 - With my feet hooked into the hand grips and legs up in the air, I'm pretty sure I look like I'm trapped in an archaic torture chamber.

11:00 - Yay, cool down time. I gotta find more workouts where I can be on my back. No! Not in that context....shut up.

End Result: Not as bad as I had assumed. In the first ten minutes of the class I was sure that by the end my charlie horses would have charlie horses. While my arms are a little sore, my legs are doing great. By the end of the night the thighs feel tight but it's gone in the morning. All my appendages feel wonderfully stretched out.

Effort: Lying down, the effort is all in how many reps you're able to do. You feel the burn but it's everywhere except your lungs. I sometimes find myself short of breath so this was perfect. The burning sensation in the arms and legs are practically mandatory but as long as you remember to breathe and pace yourself, you'll definitely be able to power through.

Return Trip?: I would definitely try to come back. If not to feel amazing after conquering The Reformer, then to take Keri's class again. She was able to tell right away if I was pushing my limit and was continuously giving great tips on how to modify movements while still challenging myself.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1987966 2012-10-19T13:01:01-04:00 2012-12-19T05:12:01-05:00

Bianca Teixeira http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bianca-teixeira/ Barreworks Toronto. The woman on the sign is SO toned, glistening with sweat and in possession of a set of abs I want, so I took the stairs up to the studio two at a time. A feat I almost used as another entry for my workout diary. Seriously. So so many stairs.

I signed up for a Barreworks mixed level class and am told it's a good choice for a newbie like me. The instructor promises an hour of fun, serious core work and ballet-inspired barre stretches. Only opened since June of this year, the studio is the first of its kind in Canada. Developed from the super popular trend in the US, Barreworks promises a lean dancer's body through muscle sculpting, cardio training, core conditioning and deep stretching.

My class is at 10am on a weekday and I walk to the studio thinking that this means I'm all stretched and warmed up for the session. This is a very wrong assumption. Nothing could have prepared me for this class. To start, you need to grab props from their various locations. A mat (that I grew to hate), a resistance band (hated), two weighted balls (loathed) and another bigger ball (indifferent).

Using all the props repeatedly, what followed was the most intense, difficult and painful workout yet. We stretch, lunge, jump, lift weighted balls and pull on our resistance bands. We do push ups, squats, lifts, planks and downward dog. I sweat, huff, puff, grimace and try desperately to not look in the mirror. I literally have to stop doing what I'm doing because the burning won't stop. The instructor shows me ways to modify the moves to make them easier on my body. I nod, knowing I won't even do those.

POST CONTINUES BELOW SLIDESHOW



Here's a short snippet of my inner thoughts:

10 a.m. -- Wow, this bar is pretty high. Let's hope she doesn't expect my leg to make it all the way up there.

10:02 -- Oh okay we're just going to jump right in?

10:10 -- Definitely overreached with these two-pound weight balls. Everyone would totally notice if I switched to one-pounders....right?

10:15 -- No way it's only a quarter after!!! Everything hurts. How is this possible only fifteen minutes in?

10:20 -- How does this feel? How does this feel?! How do you think it feels Instructor Lady?! It feels like *!%$.

10:30 -- I'm really going to miss having use of my arms.

10:37 -- I knew she'd make me put my leg on this bar. This knee is staying bent, thank you.

10:40 -- I'm doing it. I'm just going to leave. They can't stop me. I paid for this! I'm the boss!

10:45 -- Push-ups? Son of a B*%&$!

10:50 -- Wait....you can see my underwear through these tights? This class is my nightmare.

10:55 -- Since we're not facing the mirror (thank you higher power!) I'm just not going to do the moves. I'm lying on this mat NOT planking and lifting my leg. No way....no how.

End Result: I'm in so much pain. My arms, my abs, my thighs....everything is experiencing a dull burning sensation that the instructor tried to mask as accomplishment. The next day I can't take a step without moaning "my thighs!"

Effort: A lot. Like a loooooot. My lungs are heaving, my mouth is the Sahara and let's not even get into my limbs that are begging to be cut off. Everything is repeated, sped up and then reversed.

Return Trip?: No no no no. This was painful, embarrassing and not a lot of fun despite the great music. I feel bad considering the instructor did her best trying to make me smile and enjoy it but I've never felt so exhausted yet violent towards another person. I'm looking for a fun workout that gives me results but makes me want to come back. Not a torture session.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1961239 2012-10-12T17:37:44-04:00 2012-12-13T14:16:14-05:00

Bianca Teixeira http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bianca-teixeira/
While everyone who attends Bonnaroo is worth watching, the hula hooping girls were my favourites. Majestically swaying to the music in their peasant skirts and bikini tops, hair all the way down their backs, these girls would wind colourful hoops around their bodies in a choreographed-yet-totally-natural dance. I would watch these girls with such envy, they looked like friggin mythical creatures from an elvish land!

Luckily for me, Toronto has classes to turn me into my pretend alter-ego of a hippie hula girl. My third and final class with Brass Vixens was a hula hooping class and I was determined to give those girls a run for their money.

I should point out that two years ago, I decided hula hooping was the best way to achieve abs so I bought one, set myself up outside, began to hoop and as soon as it dropped to the floor (which was almost immediately) I said "Nope, this sucks" and left the hoop outside.

Anyway, Shannon (who by the way is pretty much my favourite person at this point) gives me a quick tutorial on how to start basic hooping just in case the seven-year-old in me had forgotten. She has a collection of hoops, all different sizes and weights for optimal hooping. I start off spinning it around my torso and am beyond happy to find that it's just like riding a bike.

Throughout the class we test out tricks and learn how to dance inside of our moving hoop. Those festival girls have nothing on me as I learn to spin the hoop around one hand, then both, then switch to the opposite hand, spin the hoop above my head and lower it around my waist and finally spin myself quickly around while the hoop stops and keeps itself around me. Shannon continues to laugh whenever I express amazement at being about to accomplish these tasks and occasionally screech "I ROCK!"

Here's a short snippet of my inner thoughts:

1 p.m. -- OMG I CAN STILL HULA HOOP.

1:05 -- Can we just do this for the entire class? Look at these hips go!

1:10 -- No, I'm over it. My hips bones are definitely bruised already.

1:15 -- Yes, let's move it to the hands please. Oh...this is for people who actually have co-ordination.

1:20 -- SORRY! Hoop got away from me, you know how it goes. *spin* Oops! Sorry!!

1:24 -- HOLY COW! I'm spinning INSIDE my spinning hoop!! Would it be weird to video this to prove it happened?

1:30 -- Hooping while passing weights back and forth? I'll just continue to hoop, thank you.

1:35 -- Yea, I'm spinning the hoop above my head. No big deal.

1:45 -- Okay, flipping the hoop up with my foot is a definite no-go. I'll just continue to hoop, thank you.

1:50 -- DID EVERYONE SEE THAT?! I passed the hoop from above my head down to my hips!! I'm a natural. And again...ouch, must keep face out of the way.

1:55 -- I could do this all day! Look out Bonnaroo!

End Result: I'm so incredibly proud of what I accomplished inside of an hour! This feels different than a regular workout, it was more like skill training and I was able to totally nail a few tricks. I expected my torso to kill the next day from all the hooping but what hurt most was my hand from spinning the hoop so much.

Effort: There's a lot of work that goes into this session but you totally don't even notice. I was way too busy concentrating on not losing my handle on the hoop to realize the workout that my abs and arms were put through.

Return Trip?: Absolutely. If not to learn more hula tricks, than definitely to show Shannon how I've perfected the ones I've already learned by practicing in my backyard with my own hoop (it's pink and makes a sparkle noise).

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