2013-05-20T04:52:44-04:00 Deborah Nixon http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/author/index.php?author=deborah-nixon Copyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc. HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for Deborah Nixon Good old fashioned elbow grease. tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.3150044 2013-04-25T12:35:03-04:00 2013-04-25T12:39:00-04:00

Deborah Nixon http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-nixon/
What does this mean for you, especially if you are trying to do business with a colleague or a company? More importantly, what if somebody wants to do business with you? You know that they have likely had a similar experience. They are now judging their interaction with you based on their past. Seems unfair, doesn't it? All of a sudden, you find yourself wading through their cynicism, suspicion and doubt as you try to convince them that you're not like that.

What does it mean to build a relationship of trust with somebody? I've been thinking about this because I'm preparing a speech I am delivering to 450 financial advisors about how to build better relationships with clients. It's a tough topic because of the high level of distrust that the public has in financial services. In fact, the 2013 Edelman Trust Barometer ranks trust in financial services at 46 per cent, with advisors ranking the lowest in this sector.

There are many theories for the low numbers; the 2008 crash, the Bernie Madoff affair, and continuing fraud and scandals in the sector. My 2007 doctoral dissertation focused on the Role and Meaning of Trust in Financial Institutions. There is a clear and significant issue in the investment side of the financial sector. However, the lack of trust existed long before these events occurred and is rooted in shifts in the norms and expectations of we have of others. We seem to be conflicted; on the one hand we're cynical yet we continue to try to connect with others.

We have high expectations of personal relationships, but we distrust organizations and authorities. We want to get closer and to really get to know people. The anonymity of our world propels us to come together while we drift further away from each other. Just look at the behaviour that anonymity brings out in people; people whom you know and would never expect to be negative, selfish or mean. From being cut off in traffic to being pilloried on social media to being treated rudely by service people. It seems like it's all around you.

How do we create meaningful relationships-business and personal -- in the midst of this kind of doubt? There are three things which people want out of an interaction with somebody: Safety, Security, and Support. First, you want to know that you will be safe. You want assurances of physical safety but also emotional safety. Secondly, you look for security in ensuring that your possessions and your assets are not at risk. People don't want to worry that in dealing with you, they have to wonder if their money or their property will be there tomorrow. Finally, you want to know that you're supported. People want somebody to take the time to really listen to them and pay attention to what they're saying.

It's all about trust. Such a basic thing and yet it's so hard to develop. It's tough because trust is built in small, repetitive actions. Contrary to what people think, trust (and broken trust) rarely happens as a result of a major life event. Trust is built in what I call the five Cs of attitude and behaviour. It's in the commitments you keep (or don't); it's in your candour (or lack of it), in your consistent behaviour and actions (or in not coming through), your caring for others (or being self-centred), and your credibility (or deceit). It's about doing this, day in and day out; about being in harmony with what you say, what you do and what you believe. If you want to build trust, in any relationship, you need to live, breathe and act out the 5 Cs. There is no shortcut and no easy path. If you've broken trust, the road back is not guaranteed and is long and painful.

For financial advisors; there is no secret sauce. Relationships are about trust and trust is about relationships. Remember that we are all operating in an environment of caution and reluctance. The only way to overcome that is to remember the basics of Commitment, Candour, Consistency, Caring and Credibility. Nothing more, nothing less.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.3040994 2013-04-10T12:17:30-04:00 2013-04-10T12:25:36-04:00

Deborah Nixon http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-nixon/
He has a pet-sitting business which he started when he was eight. He has been a volunteer coach for his swim team. He is a good kid, well groomed and well mannered. He's always on time, is very reliable and wants to work. What more could you ask for?

Apparently, you need more than that. My son has applied to McDonalds three times, Tim Hortons twice, KFC, Cineplex twice, No Frills, Loblaws, golf courses (to do anything), coffee shops, Canadian Tire, FreshCo, Pizza Pizza, Wonderland, and City of Toronto. He got an interview at Wonderland, took the math proficiency test and scored high marks. He was streamed into an interview for a job hawking games. Right there and then, he was told to audition. This was his first interview and I'm not sure he knew what a game hawker did. He flunked that. Given that he did well in the math test, he expected he would be interviewed for a job as a cashier or in one of the gift shops. But he was told better luck next year.

In my quest to understand this odd situation, I began asking young people how they got their jobs. At Cineplex, the young ticket seller told me that he applied online. He was 16. At my local FreshCo, he handed his resume to the manager. He never got a call but there have since been new teens working there. The local McDonalds has had significant staff turnover. My son applied last year during the McDonalds national day of hiring. After his interview at the local store, he received a special code inviting him to apply online. That opportunity vanished into the ether along with the others. He never heard back from them, although he applied online twice after that.

So what's going on here? What I keep hearing from people is that my son is lacking the most essential of life skills -- the powerful network. I have always believed in letting kids make it on their own. I vowed I would never be a helicopter parent, hovering over my precious offspring's every move and shielding him from life's tough lessons. I sent him out to the work world to learn its workings and mature from that process. What better lesson, I thought, than to learn what a jungle it is out there. Little did I realize that it wasn't a jungle but had turned into a glorified networking event. Time and again, I've been told that you have to know someone, that you have to have connections. Where does a 16-year-old get connections other than have parents make the connections for you? What happened to the philosophy of independence and striking out on your own? My son wants me to level the playing field for him and use my contacts. I can't say that I blame him for making that request.

My son is feeling defeated by the job market and by how unresponsive these organizations are. I admit that I'm feeling defeated as well. I also worry about his future and the future of others like him. When I was his age, I simply walked into a few stores and asked for a job. I usually got one. My parents weren't involved and I certainly didn't need to be connected. Should my message to my son be to place less emphasis on getting good grades and doing good community work and more on knowing good people -- the ones who are connected? Is my son now to spend his teen years learning the fine art of networking so he can gain advantage over others?

We hear endless pronouncements from governments and the private sector about supporting youth, advising them to get out there and learn the needed skills for the future economy. What is the point of that if you then throw a huge barrier to these students when they want to go out there, make a contribution and gain independence? The private sector is always trumpeting their youth initiatives... are these for the select few? It seems that we are creating a culture where those kids who are being coached and helped due to their connections are moving forward. The other kids who are trying to make it on their own, without help, are coming up against endless doors being slammed in their faces. Actually, they aren't being slammed because they aren't even being opened a crack.

]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.2906177 2013-03-19T12:36:05-04:00 2013-05-19T05:12:01-04:00

Deborah Nixon http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-nixon/
In a comprehensive international survey of 15,000 people, age 25 and older, HSBC found that 48 per cent have never saved for retirement with more non-savers in high-income countries like Canada, U.K. and U.S.A. Furthermore, when asked what they would prioritize if they could only save for one thing, 43 per cent of people would save for a vacation before retirement. Yet, despite these choices, people acknowledge the importance of saving for the future. Research conducted by TD Canada Trust found that 70 per cent of Gen Xers (1965-1981) feel that they are not saving enough money and 56 per cent of boomers (1946-1964) are worried about not having enough money in their later years.

What is contributing to these concerns? HSBC's research found that 84 per cent of people stated that a life event affected their ability to save with another 26 per cent being impacted by the economic downturn. Saving for a child's education or buying a home are major obstacles to saving. Yet, saving for a child's education can begin at least 15 years before college or university. Home ownership has become a default position with consumers sacrificing financial security in order to carry large mortgages. Furthermore, as John Tracy, Senior VP of TD Canada Trust says, when people can buy a home with a 3 per cent mortgage, money feels almost free.

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Then, there are those things which people view as needs that are really wants. As Costco CFO Richard Galanti notes and what any Costco shopper knows to be true: "People are eating in more and looking for fresh food, which, along with [our] low gas prices, is what are driving people into our stores more often," he said. "Then, once they are inside, they pick up a sweater or a new television." Retailers count on this and consumers fall right in line. As consumers, we are very skilled at rationalizing what we do, including our impulse purchases.

Academic Richard Wilcox has written a book about why Americans save so little. In Whatever Happened to Thrift, he outlines some of the key socio-economic and psychological components to the lack of savings. He finds that cheap money, keeping up with the Joneses, American optimism (what I call blind optimism), and a misunderstanding of compound interest combine to create a spending culture. These factors are powerful and pull people towards a spending mindset, reinforced by people and messages around us. Yet, these are irrational and emotional factors, both of which lead people to make poor financial decisions. The consequences for not saving are serious as the millions of baby boomers are about to find out. Many will fall short of their required funds and realize that optimism isn't going to pay the bills.

What are the solutions? John Tracy of TDCanada Trust and Ron Wilcox agree on the strategies.

1. Start small and make it automatic. Let mental accounting work for you. As John Tracy describes it, you should deduct a regular amount automatically from your paycheque so that you never see it. In this way, you can trick yourself into believing you never owned it and therefore you don't miss it. Once you set up the habit of saving, it becomes routine and a part of your money mindset.

2. Be smart about investing. I don't mean you need to take investing courses and predict the market (nobody can do that -- no matter what they may claim). However, you need to understand the basics and to understand your own emotional reactions to investing and saving. Understand the impact of fees and learn to ask the right questions.

3. Understand your psychological and emotional blind spots. Ron Wilcox refers to psychological anchors. We anchor when we make decisions based on what is right in front of us, by what our friends our doing and what we hear about. Anchors make it easier for us to make decisions but they can be arbitrary and are not subject to our analysis or evaluation. The risk is that we leave ourselves vulnerable to decisions that are in the best interest of the person giving us advice. They won't care about your money as much as you do.

4. Teach your children well. Our relationship to money starts at home and with the messages our parents give us. The most important message parents can send to children is to model responsible money behaviour. Handling money well is a life skill that your children must have. It starts with you, the parent. If you don't manage your money well, it's time to make changes. You don't want to leave your children with a legacy of debts, insecurity and a need for external acknowledgement of worth.

And the final word goes to John Tracy of TDCanada Trust. "Bottom line- have a conversation. Educate yourself -- become self-sufficient. Finally try to overcome your desire for immediacy and immediate gratification." It will be worth it.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.2808761 2013-03-08T08:17:23-05:00 2013-05-08T05:12:01-04:00

Deborah Nixon http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-nixon/ Leora Tanenbaum discovered in researching her book, Catfight, female rivalries are common. Naomi Wolf writes about female rivalries and the intensity with which they can occur and devastate the women involved. I have seen it too; and have been the victim of it. Those experiences were very painful.

As I've grown in my career and in myself, along with so many women around me, my appreciation for the sisterhood has grown. Where women were my rivals they are now my supporters; where they competed in a win/lose environment they now look for mutual success. When and how did this shift happen in my life?

I look around at the women in my life and realize that with maturity has come a sense of security, wisdom, reflection and the realization that we can do more with each other than alone. When women come together to share what they know with one another, then they each grow. With maturity comes the wisdom of knowing that we each have unique gifts and by sharing those with other women we enrich our own lives. So much of what we say and do is driven by fear which colours our lives and our perception of what we see around us. What a loss to let that dominate.

In my work with women, I have been privileged to hear the stories of so many women. Their willingness to bring me into their lives has humbled me and has helped me appreciate all their journeys. None of their journeys have been easy and many of the women have walked with fear inside and courage outside. Women carry many burdens and their lives are never as they appear to be. There is always more depth, more complexity and more compassion than I can imagine. We also don't give ourselves enough credit for our successes.

My favourite quote from the movie The Help is when Abilene says "You is kind, you is smart, you is important." We need to tell ourselves that more often. So ladies, on International Women's Day, repeat Abilene's words to yourself. And remember, the sisterhood will always have your back.

]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.2689533 2013-02-17T00:00:01-05:00 2013-04-18T05:12:01-04:00

Deborah Nixon http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-nixon/
I met my husband when he was 26 years old. When we met, he was an actor/dancer who truly lived in the moment. He didn't have any money but that was part of his charm. I was entranced by his joie de vivre. As so many of us when we're in love, we ignore the boring, practical side of life and we seized the moment.

Luckily, I had been brought up to believe you always covered your bases. Those years of childhood lessons nagged at me. I suggested that we both get life insurance. I went ahead but he let the forms sit on the table for months. I know he was thinking that I was being paranoid about money. After all, he was young and what could possibly happen to him. He had been a world class, competitive rowing champ. That made him healthy, strong and invincible.

But cancer doesn't discriminate. Cancer takes whomever it can get. And it got my husband at 26. In the five minutes it took to get the diagnosis, my husband just became ineligible for insurance. If only he had filled out those forms when I asked him to.

We reapplied every single year only to hear that the insurance company felt he was too high risk. Finally, nine years later, one company said yes. What a relief. Having a financial safety net was so important to me. I was about how to find how important.

In what seems to have been a cruel twist of fate, nine months after we received life insurance coverage on Tim's life, his cancer came back. We were stunned. He had been cancer-free for 10 years. How could this be possible? But cancer plays by its own rules and in this case, the truth hit hard. Life had just dealt us a very cruel blow.

Within a year, my husband was dead. Thirty-seven years old, father of a two-and-a-half year old. My world shattered.

What made all the difference to me was that life insurance policy. When I received my check, I cried with relief. That money was my lifeline and I don't want to think about what would have happened without it. It's a frightening thought.

The lesson of the story is an obvious one but it's one so many choose not to hear about. Don't we all wish that our lives would be a series of happy events and happy endings. And most times it is. But what happens when the unexpected drops into your life. Are you ready for it? When I tell my story to women, I remind them that my reality will be their reality one day. The demographics say so.

We have this amazing ability to tell ourselves stories that we want to hear and stories that always have happy endings. But for all of us, sooner or later, there isn't a happy ending. And when that time comes, the happiest ending you can hope for is one which won't devastate you financially.

It is shocking to learn that over one third of Canadians have no life insurance and of widows whose husbands died prematurely, less than 25 per cent of them felt there was inadequate insurance. This adds incredible burden on families at a particularly vulnerable time in life.

Life insurance is as vital to your life as food and shelter. As parents, you owe your children safety and security. Life insurance gives them that. And as parents, when the worst happens, and tragedy has devastated our children's lives, you owe it to them to ensure you don't rip away everything else that matters to them, like their home, their familiar life and parent who is not living in fear of financial survival.

Do yourself and your children a favour. Buy that policy. I can't imagine what my life would have been life if I didn't have that. That is something I definitely don't want to think about.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.2618673 2013-02-05T13:35:45-05:00 2013-04-07T05:12:01-04:00

Deborah Nixon http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-nixon/
Researchers, psychologists and experts know that for leaders to project credibility and instill trust, they need to demonstrate that they have a direct connection between their attitudes and behaviours.

Scientific research around brain function and emotion is continually emerging. We know thought and emotion are uniquely intertwined, with emotion playing a bigger role in shaping our thoughts and actions than we believed.

Antonio Damasio, (2003, Looking for Spinoza) the renowned neuroscientist, has demonstrated the important role of emotions in decision-making. What Damasio found was that without emotion, decision-making becomes impossible. Emotions are always present, often at a sub-conscious level, even in those decisions we view as logical.

Think back to the last time you had to make an important decision. Did you draw on past experience? Or on past feelings? Likely you incorporated both. If you were in a similar situation before and experienced a good outcome, you likely enter into the next decision with an optimistic and positive feeling.

However, if your last experience was stressful, difficult or resulted in a negative outcome, you will approach many decisions with trepidation and caution. You don't want to repeat the same mistake because it didn't feel very good. It likely had uncomfortable consequences, kept you up late at night and caused you some worry. Your instinct is to try to avoid that situation. Is that a rational decision? Possibly. Was the optimistic approach less rational? Maybe.

What is clear, though, is that both approaches stem from our emotional or feeling centres. So when we insist on removing emotions from our decisions, we are ignoring the emotional part of our decision-making process. Think about those people we call risk-takers and innovators. We may think of them as optimists. They see positive outcomes to their endeavours. Conversely, those whom we call cautious, conservative and rule-bound we may view as pessimists -- they worry about negative outcomes. We value one over the other, depending on the situation. Behind all those terms is an emotional and value-laden statement.

Why do we choose to avoid emotion, especially in a business or professional setting? Historically, the ideal leader was one who was cool, calm and professional. Emotion was considered to be inappropriate for the business environment. Of course, we now understand that emotion is always present. In the past, we equated a "real" leader with the strong, silent type.

This male archetype internalized his feelings and didn't make them known, sometimes not even to himself. He expressed these unacknowledged feelings in a variety of ways but rarely through the direct display of them. Often, the feelings would be expressed as aggression, depression, workaholism, alcoholism and a variety of other behaviours.

Fast forward to the 90s and the rise of the visionary or charismatic leader. The leader is still a self-contained person but now emerges as a hero. The visionary leader is more sensitive to those around him but he still does not acknowledge the importance of emotion in decision-making.

He is the one who will save the organization through a purpose-driven philosophy. The only problem is that this strategy focuses on the strength of one individual who must behave in a self-sacrificing way. However, the end of the 90s and the difficulties of the new millennium illustrated that one person cannot save, motivate or turn-around an organization. In fact, the latter part of the decade saw the fall of many corporate leaders and a recognition that authentic leadership included humility at its core and a recognition of the importance of others. Daniel Goleman's work on emotional intelligence has proven that the most effective leaders lead not only with technical competence, but with soft skills.

Business has changed in response to these shifts which have taken place on a societal and business level. As knowledge has grown, we seek understanding and connection. Trust and integrity are more important now than they have ever been. There has been a shift to a culture of transparency and accountability, which demands a new leadership style.

In fact, we wouldn't call it a style as much as a way of being. It is one in which leading strictly from the rational brain disconnected from its emotional centre is not an option. It is a way of leading that demands the involvement of affected stakeholders and an acknowledgement of their needs; a way of leading and being that gives voice to what is within people and accepts emotion as a legitimate part of the decision-making process.

]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.2573712 2013-01-29T12:10:52-05:00 2013-03-31T05:12:01-04:00

Deborah Nixon http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-nixon/
A significant 2008 study by researchers Tahira Hira and Cazilian Loibl confirmed that women lacked confidence in their investing ability. There are a number of reasons for women's lack of confidence. One finding by researchers Estes and Hosseini found that women have a need for clear and unambiguous feedback from the markets. This is a predicament for women as the stock market is ambiguous and inherently unpredictable. Time is also a big factor.

In an interesting chat I had with Kim Parlee, Vice President, TD Wealth Management, we agreed that a driving force is our lack of time -- women are still covering the second shift. We barely have time for our families so dealing with our investments never seems to be a priority. Kim talked about calling TD one night at midnight in order to discuss her investments. How crazy is that?

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We also talked about our hesitation in admitting to not knowing. As Kim said: "We are scared of asking dumb questions (and there are no dumb questions). Ask what you need to understand and keep on asking until you get the answer you want. And if you can't get the answer from that person, then find someone else. And if you don't know what you don't know, you start with that. What should I know?"

The fact that women who handle their own investing gain more confidence over time was evidenced by the fact that Donna was attending an investment education seminar. Somehow, Donna had overcome her obstacles -- the ones in her head. She had taken the first steps towards taking greater control over her money life. How did she do it?

Donna took baby steps. She decided to take a little bit of money and try her hand at investing. She made sure that this was money she was willing to lose. After all, with learning comes mistakes and Donna was willing to make some to learn. With each step, Donna gained a great deal of confidence.

TD's Women Investors research confirms this approach. The women surveyed did their research, and were never afraid to ask for help. They learn and grow as evidenced by the 76 per cent of women direct investors consider themselves to be highly successful investors. What is important to realize, as well, is that this isn't an all or nothing proposition. Many of the women who were direct investors also maintained a relationship with an advisor. You don't have to make an absolute choice to go it alone. In fact, Donna maintains a good part of her portfolio with her advisor, a person whose investing philosophy mirrors her own. As Rowena Chan, Vice President of TD Waterhouse states, "You are on a journey with your advisor because you are building trust. Sometimes, clients want to start with a part of their investments. You are able to test yourself through direct investing. So education is key. Remember, you're investing for yourself not by yourself."

So what's holding you back?

Pay attention to your disconnection from your money. The demographics suggest that you are likely to be on your own by the time you reach your mid-60s. Add to this, the almost 50 per cent of marriages which end in divorce and the average age of widowhood is 56. Women, you need to take control. You need to stop making excuses and begin taking charge. If you aren't prepared, you will be leaving yourselves vulnerable to those who may not have your best interests at heart.

So follow Donna's lead. Start small, educate yourself, ask lots of questions and get support. Taking the first step is tough but once you do it, the next steps are easier.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.2456785 2013-01-11T12:23:28-05:00 2013-03-13T05:12:01-04:00

Deborah Nixon http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-nixon/ TD Investor's Poll. As Credit Canada Debt Solutions discovered, one-third of Canadians consider winning the lottery one of our financial strategies to achieving their goals. These two statistics tell us that those who haven't planned are headed for their own fiscal cliff.

Why is it that we do this? It can't be a lack of awareness; everywhere we turn there is advertising and information about the importance of financial planning. If you are a boomer, you are certainly aware of this as your retirement years are either golden or dark, depending on how you planned for them. Lack of financial knowledge seems to be an excuse used by many but we are awash in financial tools, educational material, seminars, and workshops, most of them free. All of our financial institutions have myriad financial material available to the public, at no charge. All of it is accessible and educational.

It comes down to the myths we have built up about financial planning. Sandy Cimoroni, President of TD Mutual Funds, has been involved in the investing world for a long time. In her experience, women don't pay enough attention to managing their money due to three myths.

1. The Myth of Time

Women are time-starved and fitting in more and more activities into a limited timeframe. While we know that men are busy too, women are still doing the second shift. So, when they think about managing their money, the burden seems to be too great. The myth buster is that managing your money doesn't take that long. As Sandy Cimoroni of TD points out: "We can't address women's time commitments but we can dispel the myth that it takes all of your time. There is an upfront time commitment in identifying your key life goals and devising a financial plan to help you achieve them. But once you've completed those two critical steps, it's really all about assessing how you're progressing against your plan and 'tweaking' your plan as necessary." In the time it takes for you to get your hair done, you could have your plan done. That's not so bad, is it?

2. The Myth of Knowledge

The financial world can be pretty intimidating for many women. We are bombarded with all that lingo like hedge funds, puts, calls, derivatives, return on equity -- it's enough to give you a headache. Believing it's too hard gives you an excuse to avoid managing your money. It doesn't have to be that way -- you're only limited by your belief system. The best advice is to begin the journey by arming yourself with financial knowledge. Consider participating in a seminar or workshop about money or investing, read one of the many books aimed at women and money like the excellent book, Emotional Currency, or work directly with an expert who can actively help you on your journey. Learning about your money can be exciting and interesting. You may soon find that it all boils down to a few golden rules -- think long term, diversify your investments, manage your spending and balance risk and reward.

3. The Myth of Wealth

I'm not rich enough and so investing doesn't apply to me. Do you have savings? Then you're rich enough. We all have to start somewhere and unless you want to plop your money into an interest-free chequing account, you need to invest. By investing your money you take advantage of compound interest so that the interest on your investment adds to your principal. Over time, your investment grows. There are no minimums in investing; you just need to find the right investment for you. And don't rule out working with an advisor. He or she can help you to achieve a more positive outcome due to the focus and discipline you'll find in an advisory relationship. As TD learned in their 2012 poll, 77 per cent of Canadians want enough money to retire comfortably. That can only happen if you start investing -- early.

There is no good reason for you to procrastinate. Look in the mirror and face your resistance. See yourself as a strong, capable and smart woman, one who knows where she's going and wants to make her own decision about how to get there. Nobody cares as much about your dreams and your future as you do. And nobody can get you to your finish line but you. It's time you took charge of your financial life. You're worth it.







]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.2293305 2012-12-14T07:50:12-05:00 2013-02-13T05:12:01-05:00

Deborah Nixon http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-nixon/
This is what obligation shopping looks like but it's also what emotional debt shopping looks like. She goes through this every year. What's the point? Trying to mend fences through buying gifts felt to Sarah as if she were grabbing for a life preserver when drowning but know she was going to be swept over the waterfall anyway.

She had one relationship that she always felt conflicted about. Her friend Amanda had been a friend for many years. Amanda had so many good qualities but there were many times when Amanda judged her, or so Sarah felt. It wasn't anything overt, it was sometimes just a look, a pause or a comment. She often wondered why she felt so torn in her feelings for Amanda. Weren't friendships supposed to be easy and harmonic. She began avoiding Amanda, sometimes resenting her? She felt guilty about her negative feelings and every Christmas, looked for a special, expensive gift for Amanda. She was trying to make up for all the times she avoided her. Mostly, she tried to make up for her mean thoughts.

So many of us can relate to Sarah's situation. This time of year is ensnares us in an emotional trap. At times, we're happy to get together with family and friends whom we haven't seen for awhile. But we also try to make up for our neglect. We spend time with people we are in conflict with or feel conflicted about. It's so tough to process these feelings in the midst of joy.

We are so vulnerable to the pull from the holiday messages and the imagery of happy, smiling people. The images and music build hope in our hearts that we can have the ideal holiday experience of united families, great relationships and warm feelings. All of it comes surrounded by gifts. We hope our gift is perfect, bringing joy to the recipient whom we fantasize will be touched by your thoughtfulness that past hurts and slights are all forgotten. Our relationships are healed by this single gesture.

Then disappointment sets in when, once again, we discover it isn't that simple. January rolls around and you're left with the same relationship, unchanged but now you're wallet is much lighter. You tried to buy your way to forgiveness and healing only to find yourself left deeper in debt. It takes your further from you financial goals and locks you deeper into your feeling of not being in control. You start off the new year behind the eight ball. So what can you do?

First of all, tune in to your emotions and check your motivation for spending. When you're in the mall or in the store, stay in touch with your feelings about your purchase. Pause before you pay. Check in and ask yourself why you are buying the gift, what do you hope it'll do for you. Will a less expensive gift do the trick? Do you need to buy a gift at all?

Secondly, remind yourself that stuff doesn't heal anything. Stuff and the high it gives you is temporary. It's like a drug; you feel good for awhile but then the effect wears off quickly and you need more. You hang on to the illusion that maybe this time it might work. It can be satisfying to buy a gift because you imagine what the gift will do for you. You impart great power to the gift- the power to heal relationships. You eventually realize that it was an illusion. Your emotional debts have roots and you need to get to the bottom of them. You can't buy your way out of emptiness. You need to understand your areas of hollowness and either make peace with it or remedy it.

Thirdly, leave your credit card at home. Keep your debit card balance as low as possible. Entering a mall at this time of year with a credit card is a dangerous thing to do. The displays and packaging are beautiful and everything looks enticing. If you are feeling emotional, it's just too overwhelming to deal with. You will react in the moment and reach for the credit card and will likely regret it by the time you get home. So, shop without the card; you can always go back.

Finally, plan in advance. The safest way to avoid over-spending is to plan in advance. Have a total gift budget and decide what you are going to spend on whom. Don't exceed your budget. The gift budget includes yourself. Data has shown that we go over budget by $130 by buying a gift for ourselves.

Enjoy the holidays. Have fun, enjoy the warmth and good wishes. It can be such a beautiful time of year. Remember, if you manage your emotions, you manage your money.

]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.2207950 2012-11-30T17:30:37-05:00 2013-01-30T05:12:01-05:00

Deborah Nixon http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-nixon/ Municipal Conflict of Interest Act. Whether one is a supporter of Ford or not, Justice Charles Hackland's decision reinforces the importance of two issues -- governance and trust. Ford failed on both these counts. One cannot use municipal stationary to solicit private donations -- whether they be for a football team or anything else.

The cause or beneficiaries of the donations are irrelevant. Using government stationery implies that the communication is official and may inappropriately carry credibility that is not there. Ford refused to acknowledge that this action was inappropriate and, further, voted on a motion involving himself, which was also a conflict of interest. Only recently did Ford apologize, an action which should have occurred at the outset.

Fortunately, Toronto does not have is a situation that mirrors that in Quebec. We do not have a politician who committed fraud. But Ford did exercise very poor judgment and handling of the issue.

One of the fundamental tenets of good governance is to ensure that those in charge respect the institution and stakeholders they serve and adhere to rules and laws. Lawyer Clayton Ruby stated (see the video) that "it is important for the courts to assert that no one is above the law, Rob Ford included." The building of trust is forged over time and over repeated examples of good governance along with honesty, transparency and integrity. When a leader fails in any of these elements, reaction is strong and swift. Our leaders serve as beacons for the rest of society. We look to them, evaluate their actions and reactions, and use that as a bell-weather for our societal values. Our governance structures are a means by which we demonstrate this.

What went wrong in this scenario?

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1. Rob Ford is a leader who cares less about building trust and more about winning. In his world, building bridges and coalitions to work towards improving the effectiveness of the city was not a priority. His arrogance alienated many and created disharmony and divisiveness. Justice Hackland stated Ford had a "dismissive and confrontational attitude to the Integrity Commissioner," a "stubborn sense of entitlement," and his actions amounted to "willful blindness."

2. There are politicians who have brought their animosity to the political process to demonize and vilify one another. Discussions on important municipal issues are protracted, ineffective and obstructionist, as the sides gear up to fight. If this kind of behaviour were to take place on a corporate board or among senior management, the business would collapse. Shareholders would not allow it.

Politicians are supposed to set the bar for responsible governance, integrity and leadership. Their responsibility is to govern, and govern effectively through compromise and reaching across the aisle, not proroguing legislatures, or by being distracted or dysfunctional. Many politicians in Canada and the US have failed badly and citizens are the losers. Just on the municipal level, three mayors of major cities in Canada are now out of office in as many weeks.

3. The lack of trust and job fulfillment has spilled into the public sphere with important issues set aside while camps and individuals wage personal wars. The infighting, posturing and protracted bickering have wasted time and money. Important issues continue to be ignored. The politicians and the political process have lost their credibility and integrity. Citizens look at this and wonder why they bother to vote.

The situation in Toronto (but other cities as well) has provided a glaring example of what happens in our democratic process. It's not good enough that citizens have the right to vote every four years. It is what happens in between elections that is troubling. No private or public sector company would ever tolerate this level of ineffectiveness and inefficiency. Why do we allow it in our political sector? Politicians should expect as much from themselves as they do from others.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.2203967 2012-11-28T12:24:47-05:00 2013-01-28T05:12:01-05:00

Deborah Nixon http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-nixon/
What's wrong with princess math? If you are flush with money, nothing is wrong. It's a great situation when you can buy something at half price and have money left over for something else. The reality is, though, most women aren't flush with money. Most women are juggling not only their lives but their money, trying to handle their day to day expenses and, if they can manage it, put away some money in savings. For those who have savings, there is a concern the group that is withdrawing funds from these savings, RRSPs and investments to fund vacations, renovations, or day-to-day living. Princess math can plunge you into a financial sink-hole which may be impossible to get out of.

Princess math is fun in the moment. It gives you a feeling of really getting a bargain and you treasure your find. But then the hang-over hits us. We all know the feeling -- we buy the purse and it feels great. We are on top of the world. It's like a sugar high. We get home, put our stuff in our new purse; then we take a look at our bill. We feel guilty, we beat up on ourselves because we didn't control our reaction and we regret our actions. This is a cycle common to so many.

Why do women do princess math? Often, money serves as a balm to our stressful lives, an antidote to whatever is troubling us. We spend when we're celebrating, we spend when we're depressed, we spend because we think we deserve to. Princess math helps us to rationalize our spending. We know we should be saving more but that doesn't help us now. We'll save -- tomorrow. After all, who knows what tomorrow will bring? We work hard, we should enjoy our money while we can; while we're healthy. On and on we go, rationalizing and justifying.

The problem is that deep down, we know our actions have consequences. Our consequences hit us every month when our credit card statement appears or when we're short of money for savings. It's not a viable long-term situation, especially for women over 40. Our peak earnings window is getting more narrow every year.

What can you do to avoid princess math? First of all, recognize that princess math is, at times, your way of reacting to your emotional triggers. Emotional triggers are those scary areas of our lives; the places where we feel most vulnerable and out of control. Our spending is a reaction to this and is a way to control your anxiety. Here are some first steps to taking control of this.

1. Be kind to yourself. You're not alone in reacting to emotional triggers by spending. It's hard to resist when you're bombarded by ads that tell you that the secret to feeling good is by buying whatever it is they're selling.

2. Identify your emotional triggers. Take some time to think about what makes you feel vulnerable. Write it down; it helps to see it in black and white.

3. Pay attention to your reactions and your feelings. When you're triggered, how do you know it's happening? What are the sensations you get. You usually feel it physically. Is it a sense of dread? Is it a tightening of your stomach or your neck? Is it a feeling of restlessness? It's so unique to you but it's important to know when it's happening.

4. What else might help? Some women do something physical to release the stress -- a walk, a run, cooking or gardening. Other women call somebody to talk about it. Some need to analyze and get into their heads. Whatever it is, try to identify an alternative that helps and go there before you go shopping.

It isn't easy to take charge of your emotions and your money. Money represents so many things to you -- safety, security, status, love. But you need to remember that how you view money and use money is up to you. Is it a friend, a manipulator, an enemy or a tool? Only you can decide. But once you make that decision, you're one step further to gaining control.

]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.2185634 2012-11-24T18:04:26-05:00 2013-01-24T05:12:02-05:00

Deborah Nixon http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-nixon/ The Salvation Army has been in the news due to a massive theft of children's toys from its warehouse. It fired its executive director in response and is investigating the circumstances surrounding this crime.

While the scale is large, it is not unusual to encounter examples of theft and embezzlement in organizations. The pharmaceutical industry has had its share of problems with Pfizer having to pay over $2 billion in fines over fraudulent marketing practices and Abbott Laboratories having agreed to pay $1.5 billion to resolve allegations that it illegally promoted the drug Depakote. In 2007, PBSJ's CFO was imprisoned after his $36 million embezzlement scheme only to find them in trouble again in 2009 for illegal campaign contributions. What is going on here?

Most large organizations have loss prevention officers whose role is to protect assets through implementing security and safety programs for employees and customers. They also have internal audit functions and controls to test, monitor and prevent these types of crimes. What happens when these systems break down and crime occurs?

Theft happens when there is opportunity, incentives and lack of internal controls. A board, or lack thereof, controls and approves all of these factors -- and in particular, controls. Richard was in Calgary after the XL Foods crisis, lecturing to a room full of directors on beef association boards in Alberta.

"Do you approve the internal controls over food safety?" he asked. Not many hands went up. "Do you take tours of the plant, seeing the line, and talking to workers? Do you have an internal audit function that tests the design and effectiveness of internal controls, and reports directly to you?"

Again, not many hands went up.

A proper board will want to see validation over the internal controls over all material risks -- in the form of real-time risk registers with individual accountability and mitigating actions. Material risks are not just financial, but non-financial. This includes operational controls, such as the line in a meat plant, or the warehouse with toys in it. As the Basel Committee on Banking Supervision has advised (see Principle 9 on page 3), the "board of directors has the ultimate responsibility for ensuring that senior management establishes and maintains an adequate, effective and efficient internal control system."

What leads to this apparent lack of awareness of the need for board involvement in internal controls? Internal controls basically constrain management. No one likes to be controlled and there is the subsequent resistance to increasing pressure from the board to management to have proper controls in place. Tension exists between the desire by management to operate independently and the board's duty of oversight. In not-for-profits and charities especially, there are stretched resources, volunteers, and a tendency to trust people. However, fraudsters exploit these areas of vulnerability.

Trust is at the heart of the issue. The implicit social contract that exists between boards and senior management is essential to the effective management of any organization. It would be impossible to run any organization effectively if the board micro-managed the executives.

In charitable organizations, the level of trust is even higher. This is especially true for faith-based organizations when it seems to be anathema to the spirit and the essence of the faith to doubt its volunteers and employees.

Therefore, boards who are concerned with not appearing heavy-handed or disrespectful may err on the side of blind trust. This is a grave mistake. This leaves a large gap where fraudsters see an opportunity and take advantage. This also leaves a gap for abuse or taking advantage of beneficiaries such as children or others. We only have to think to the recent Penn State scandal to know of the tragedy that ensues.

Controls need to be person-proofed and require a diligent board with authority and competency to require adequate reporting, controls and follow up. Sadly, this was not the case at the Salvation Army and the board (or lack thereof) is at fault. Donations may suffer but more importantly, so will children at this time of year.

]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.2162257 2012-11-20T10:11:50-05:00 2013-01-20T05:12:01-05:00

Deborah Nixon http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-nixon/
The Walmart bribery probe has widened beyond Mexico to include China, Brazil and India. The RCMP is investigating the SNC Lavalin bribery allegations, on which Richard advised a law firm suing the company.

Richard blogged about Sino-Forest, a case of alleged Chinese fraud by a Canadian-listed company. In Quebec, the corruption inquiry has cost the Mayors of Montreal and Laval their jobs and this is only the beginning. There are allegations of kickbacks in cash that may reach other more senior politicians. And Ontario is not immune either. A senior Canadian director remarked that Ontario has a reputation for being "the best place to carry out a stock fraud in the industrialized world."

What is going on here? As immersed as the business community is in ethics and corporate governance, are these organizations just not getting it? Our gut reaction is to dismiss these organizations as exceptions to the rule, but then we see Walmart on the list. Walmart, whose revenue is larger than the GDP of Norway, has klout. When Walmart resorts to bribes, we wonder who else is playing that game. More importantly, how do we stop it? How did it start?

Like so much unethical behaviour, the misdeed usually starts out small. As humans, we are very good at rationalizing bad behaviour and distancing ourselves from our lies. As Dan Ariely states in his new research, as long as we can rationalize things to a higher degree, then we can lie more. The rationalization of bad corporate behaviour doesn't operate in a vacuum. It has lots of support and endorsements along the way. It requires that numbers of people either sign off or turn the other way when evidence of unethical behaviour comes to light. So, the fraud and corruption continues to grow.

What should boards do? Six things. First, boards must make it crystal clear to management that the company is not going to bribe and management must walk away from certain business. The board must support this and not have incentives that promote bribery. Second, the internal controls over financial reporting must be strong in all markets, both domestic and international. Third, if you are doing business in a market in which you know that fraudulent behaviour is the norm, you need a director with extensive on-the-ground experience at the board table, who can tell you and management what the hotspots are.

You should move a board meeting to the jurisdiction once a year so directors can get a first hand look. Fourth, boards must have their own experts to scrutinize off-balance sheet and related-party transactions and complex structures, and validate and assure internal controls. If dealing with international markets, provide foreign language document translation. Fifth, local auditors in foreign markets should have the same oversight and scrutiny. Last, a policy of zero tolerance needs to be communicated - and when necessary demonstrated - by the board to each employee and supplier.

Clearly, more work needs to be done. It starts at the board level but it is the responsibility and obligation of every employee to adhere to ethical principles and practices.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.2155927 2012-11-19T07:42:50-05:00 2013-01-19T05:12:01-05:00

Deborah Nixon http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-nixon/ Prudential Research Study on Women, the reasons include lack of time, the pull to meet shorter-term financial obligations, lack of knowledge, and an unmet desire for assistance and help.

There are also emotional reasons for women to avoid planning. In my work with women, I hear women tell me that feel overwhelmed why they think of dealing with money and planning. The planning process forces them to confront their fears and their insecurities. For example, you need to consider your future earnings and ability to care for yourself in retirement. That question feeds into many women's deep-rooted insecurity about being alone and abandoned in their older years.

So what's a woman to do? How can she cope with these fears and the feeling of drowning in detail and decisions? Women are masters at managing the multiple tensions in their lives. Don't we deal with demands from kids, partners, bosses, dogs, cats and friends? Often, these demands are conflicting or force us to confront issues that we wish we didn't have to deal with. Think of raising teenagers -- that will put you into the scary zone really fast.

So, how do we do it? How do we cope with the thing that we wish we didn't have to think about? Some of us try to ignore it all, but the issue always comes back to remind us it's still there. Others try to control it, but our kids' behaviour reminds us that control is an illusion. Then, there are those who accept that we have to face it and we do so a little at a time. Let me tell you what I mean.

My son is 16 and we have are having those tough conversations: drugs, drinking, sex, his future, our different views of life and his decisions. Sometimes, we get into heated discussions. Other times, we both walk away in frustration, wishing it were easier and less tough to deal with. But we always come back to each and to the conversation. Because we know we need to face the issue. Little by little, one conversation at a time, a few words here and there... we get to the heart of the matter. We struggle through our fears and our resistance to end up at a place that is better than when we started.

So it goes for your financial plan. You need to have that tough conversation with yourself, the one that scares you and that fills you with dread. You might try to ignore it or pretend you have control over it. But you know that you don't or you'd have the plan and be working with it. So where do you start? Here are some suggestions:

1. Ask yourself what you fear the most. Is it that you aren't doing as well as you think or hope you are? Is it that you feel helpless and out of control? Is it that you'd rather look at it another day, that planning gives you a headache and drags you down? These may all be true -- but they're also going to be true tomorrow, next month and next year. Ignoring your fears or running from them won't make them go away. Do you want real control? Then grab it by looking at your fear and getting to the root of it. It's not until you understand your fear that you can begin to get over it.

2. Start small. Sometimes the idea of a financial plan is just too much, especially if you haven't given much thought to it. Start with thinking about your monthly expenses. Consider your fixed and variable expenses; in other words, what expenses do you have to deal with month in and month out? These are expenses you have to incur no matter what the situation. The variable expenses are things you have control over. Look at your assumptions about what you consider is a fixed expense -- is it really variable? Make sure you write everything down. You'll be surprised at how much spending you can control.

3. Learn one thing about your finances this month. Don't try to learn everything there is to know about financial planning and investing. Pick something that you've wondered about and that you think could help you. If you have a car, find out how much you spend yearly on your car. Look at your fuel costs, maintenance, and insurance. Don't forget to add in all the little things -- the car washes, new tires, detailing. You'll be surprised. If you don't have a car, what do you spend on transit and cabs? Track your spending for a month and then multiply by 12. Can you adjust your spending?

You need to do this because you need to get to a better place than you're at now. Nobody will care about this as much as you do. Make the time.

]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.2092223 2012-11-09T18:39:36-05:00 2013-01-09T05:12:01-05:00

Deborah Nixon http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-nixon/
That is a very low estimate because it didn't include the latte after lunch, the coffee on the run while doing weekend errands or the chilled drink in the summer. If I add in all the others, it's probably over $1000/year.

What about the muffins, croissants, bagels, lunches, and snacks. How much is dribbling out of your wallet to pay for those things? If you're like most people I know, you don't want to know. Because if you know one of two things happens -- you feel guilty or you have to change. Both choices are lousy.

What if there is a third choice? One which ensures that you are on top of your spending and still lets you have the treat? I'm not suggesting that I have a magic solution. I'm suggesting that you follow some old-fashioned lessons that my mom taught me years ago.

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Mom told me that before I spent on my treats, make sure I had enough money to pay for my basics. The treat would be more special if I felt I had earned it. How did I earn it? By ensuring that I paid before I played. In that way, there would be no guilt, no feeling badly, no mom's voice in my head telling me I was avoiding facing my obligations. I could have my latte, guilt-free. And with a lighter load. That latte was a legitimate reward for good behaviour.

This attitude also means, though, that the coffee is a treat, not a quick coffee fix because I was too lazy to make it at home. We all have the excuses -- it takes too long, you're too tired to get organized. After all, it's only $2.50 and you work so hard and it's the least you can do for yourself. Blah, blah, blah.

Honestly, it's not that hard. You just have to decide; do you always want to be making up for your financial deficits because you frittered away your money? Or do you want to take charge of your life, challenge your poor choices and make changes.

Frugality has come back in vogue as we realize that the big spending party is over. We are feeling financially pinched. That's not so bad, really. After all, we have too much stuff and we don't know what to do with it.

Some days, I feel like I'm drowning in stuff. Purging your junk is the new favourite weekend activity. You invite a girlfriend over, whose role is to be your conscience. The two of you go through your closets and get rid of stuff. Your friend's job is to make sure you don't pull stuff out of the garbage bags. My friend took all the garbage bags with her when she left to be sure I didn't sneak out some of my treasures. I felt fantastic afterwards, a little lighter. Like a bit of a burden was lifted off my shoulders.

The new frugality liberates you from the mall and from the temptation of being drawn to every new thing. Every time you look at something, you realize you have to find a place for it. Listen to what Marketplace has to say about Frugality -- it's a smart way to live.

We are more than our stuff. Frugality shows you that. Practicing frugality is tough at first; it requires you to change your thinking from reward as spending to reward as saving. There is a big difference, however, in the ultimate outcome. Frugality leaves you with more, spending leaves you empty. Try it. It'll grow on you.]]>