Donald D'Haene2013-05-26T02:49:47-04:00Donald D'Haenehttp://www.huffingtonpost.ca/author/index.php?author=donald-dhaeneCopyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc.HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for Donald D'HaeneGood old fashioned elbow grease.Dishing With Elvira Kurttag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.33180892013-05-22T17:15:08-04:002013-05-22T17:15:13-04:00Donald D'Haenehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-dhaene/Elvira Kurt: I'm a Big Girl Now. That special also nabbed the Gold Award at the Worldfest International Film Festival. Kurt starred in The Comedy Network series Elvira Kurt: Adventures in Comedy, has performed live in the Vagina Monologues and many times at Montreal's prestigious Just For Laughs Comedy Festival. The Second City Alumnus has had years of comedic success in Canada and the U.S. She has appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and her comedy specials have aired on Comedy Central, HBO, Showtime, CTV, CBC and The Comedy Network.
When I told my partner of 16 years, hey, I'm interviewing Elvira Kurt, this was our conversation:
"Oh, I like her."
"Did you go with me to see her?"
"No, her TV show. Wait a minute." (Maurice is really paying attention now.) "You saw her?"
"Three times."
"What does she look like? I must have the wrong Elvira!"
"She's a standup comic...lesbian..."
By the silence of non-recognition, I knew Maurice was referring to the Elvira with the boobs -- Mistress of the Dark.
"...Like I'd want to interview that one!"
Sorry, Elvira. This interview won't get me points at home unless it was with some horror mistress. Am I the only person who has people in their life who get you mixed up with the other Elvira? When I told Maurice I am telling on him, he goes, "Knock it off! I don't want my life online." Does your partner mind when you squeal on her to the world? Actually that's Maurice's term for it!
Elvira: First of all, she always comes out better in the joke than I do but she also thinks she 'writes' all my jokes. The truth is, she pushed two babies out of her body and that's quite the trump card in any dispute.
So how is my favourite "fellagirly"?
Elvira: Ah, yes, 'fellagirly'... so quaint to me now. That's a punchline to one of my earliest jokes after I chose to come out in my act once I had already come out in my life. It always got a great response and it was a way to describe myself that would be accessible to straight crowds. In the 20 years since then I've outgrown both that term and worrying about how an audience will handle me/my jokes. I will always think of my 'fellagirly' period fondly, as if it were the "early Bieber" phase of my career, you know? Bieber when he was shiny and new, all innocent before he started wearing weird tank top dresses, spitting on people and getting into trouble with his monkey. But to answer your question directly, I'm fine. You?
That answer was worth the risk of going into the vault. Bieber's "dresses" bother me more than his wishing Anne Frank was a "belieber." And I'm fine...thanks for asking. My partner and I were just at a party and this straight woman kept telling us how important it was that we get married. My response, "Don't want your problems hun" didn't quite get the response I was hoping for. LOL. You and your partner, Chloe, got married. How is wedded bliss?
Elvira: Bliss? Are you confusing being married with taking ecstasy? It's an easy mistake since it eventually wears off either way...
Is it my imagination or do you rarely talk about sex? This is not a complaint! I'm "Carrie Bradshaw" to my best friend's "Samantha Jones" -- I guess that's why I noticed! Let me guess, you're more like Miranda?
Elvira: Good question... I don't avoid sex as a topic on purpose so maybe it's because I'm always fully clothed when I write. You know what? You've just inspired me to write in the nude. I predict that I will either have much to show for it or precious little but I won't care... Either way, thanks, Donald!
It's Wednesday. Hump day. You're welcome. Do you ever still get, "I can tell that you're a lesbian"? The version I get is the biggest yawn of my life!
Elvira: Now that I'm a lesbian dad with two children the question I get a lot more of is, "They let you have kids?"
Are you spiritual? Do you throw stones, buy crystals, understand scientology or call psychic hot lines?
Elvira: I am very spiritual when I need something, I prefer to skip stones, I buy crystallized sugar, I enjoy mocking Scientology to no end and what kind of '90s reference are you slinging here, buddy, with your 'psychic hot lines'? I get my future tweeted to me from @MadameISeeGulliblePeople... you can't beat an accuracy rate of 50 per cent, right?
Sorry JoJo's 1-900 psychic hotline commercials was seared into my brain. Are you political...I mean what's your take on Canadian vs. U.S. politics?
Elvira: I'm queer so my very existence is political. I did live in the U.S. for 10 years and even became a dual citizen so that I could always work there freely. The key word is 'dual'. I would never give up being Canadian for anything. It's not just the greatest country in the world -- it's a big part of my identity. Americans are like hairless cats, they exist but they don't make much sense.
Forget North American politics. You are coming back to my hometown June 8 for a show at The Grand Theatre. Are you aware that London is a hotbed of controversy? Well, so my Facebook thread keeps telling me. And I'm not talking about throwing midgets or little people (I state that to cover all bases...some of my friends dislike referring to "midgets" and other dislike using "little people." Which is another issue -- how do you navigate the politically correct waters?)
Elvira: Oh, London. You remind me of my seven-year-old who has this worry first thing every morning before school, "Are people going to like me today?" I wish London would relax a bit, stop trying so hard. You got the gig, you're a booming city and we see you, OK? You're already at the party so be cool, go get a drink and stop talking about being at the party... Sheesh.
Yup. That's how I thought you'd navigate. God, you're good. By the way, I'm sure glad we haven't heard of any more feet in the mail. But you are better connected. Have you?
Elvira: Not yet. But it's still early in the season.
I read somewhere you liked Rosalind Russell in that nun story with Hayley Mills. But what about the masterpiece His Girl Friday? Come to think of it, I never imagined you as a His Girl Friday type yet you are Jian Ghomeshi's girl Friday in your weekly guest spot Fridays on Q when you do the "Cultural Hall of Shame" segment. Thoughts?
Elvira: Jian is Rosalind Russell, absolutely.
I knew it!!!
Elivra: I am so happy to be his Mary Wickes. And we both enjoy cruising Hayley Mills circa Trouble With Angels. See what happens now that I'm writing in the nude? All I can think about is sex. Bad Donald, bad blogger...
Ha! Speaking of Q, I attended your live appearance on his show at the Grand Theatre. You know what's funny about that. Back then the biggest controversy involving our mayor was his using the word "bullshit" to answer one of Jian's questions.
Elvira: That's bullshit! And, again, see London, re: lighten up.
Does London really love their gay people? I know you've said that. Perhaps you really had a good time when you worked that one summer at Second City here...
Elvira: London is totally gay. It just doesn't know it yet.
Are you surprised by your success?
Elvira: I'm always surprised by how much success I've had considering, a) I look and act the exact opposite of the way women in this business are supposed to in order to be valued, marketed and desired and, b) that I've assiduously avoided promoting myself my entire career. That's something. But... I'm 51 years old now and I also know that I am really fucking good at what I do and I'm fearless in owning that.
Oh, one more thing -- I love your name. I know it means fair, blonde haired, even white but I love this definition I found: Elvira comes from the Germanic word meaning "elf counsel"! Wow, was your name ever prophetic!
Elvira: Yes. Elves love me. They think I'm the best elf lawyer there is. Just don't tell the fairies, they hate to share.]]>The Family Secret That Changed Everythingtag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.30894462013-04-17T07:03:38-04:002013-04-17T08:27:01-04:00Donald D'Haenehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-dhaene/"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."
― Maya Angelou
April 15, 2013. An emotional day for all of us.
And for me on more than one level. Hell and heaven within hours of each other. Along with the entire world, I was horrified by the senseless tragedy in Boston. Then hours later as is the way with life, a miracle in my family was finally a reality.
The details of how the miracle began prove just how fortuitous connections can be.
The day before Good Friday past, a London work-based (Social Service) book reading club wanted to use my memoir, Father's Touch, as their "read." The previous month I was told the group didn't really care for their choice and I freely admit that was the biggest factor in my saying yes. Oh, that AND a free dinner. The group meets monthly at various restaurants and I would be the first author to attend in five years.
I thought it would be a critique of my book and I was looking forward to that. One friend said, "you're sure you're up for a return visit to the past?" I visited that past in this previous Huffington Post blog. I paused and replied, "Oh, it won't be like that!" Well, it was like that. But a lot of fun too: a great, thoughtful, insightful group with excellent questions.
When I returned home I said to my partner, "It went really well, but I don't think I'll do it again." A nightmare at 3 a.m. seconded my motion as the subconscious mind often rules in these matters.
The following Monday I received a Facebook message from someone who borrowed the book from one of the group, read it in two days and wrote a lovely note saying she was sorry she missed the book club meeting.
Then that Wednesday morning a received the following message from yet another woman:
Hi Donald,
I am contacting you because I recently heard about your book and looked in to it on your website as your last name was just too familiar for me to pass up. I believe we have a connection and I wanted to touch base with you about this. I have a younger half sister who I believe shares the same father as you -- being Daniel D'Haene -- therefore being your half sister as well. I spoke with her about this today and she gave me permission to contact you and share this, in order to see what you thought about it.
I am not sure if you would have known anything about her, although I would suspect not, given that you have not spoken with Daniel, but her name is Vannesa and she has had no contact with Daniel since she was young. There are more details about that, and the reason he moved to the Philippines with his latest wife, but I would prefer to discuss them after there is confirmation that this connection is in fact valid and whether you would like to connect with Vannesa.
Cindy
Immediately, I knew several things. This letter writer found out about my story because I agreed to the book club meeting and saw a post from the non-attendee. That I would finally meet my sister. And finally, confirmation of what I had known for two decades: my sister was also sexually abused by our father (confirmation which came within minutes of corresponding).
Knowing something to be true and finally staring truth in the face is overwhelming. I would never feel the same as I did before that Wednesday morning. In the subject line of my reply, I wrote: "Finally, with tears of joy, I connect with Vanessa!"
Cindy and I corresponded all week and spoke a couple of times on the phone. I was in no rush to force fate. I had waited a quarter century. I had no time table.
There were humourous moments as well. When Cindy told me our mutual sister was gay, I threw up my hands in joy and then immediately dialled my older brother and told him, "Now we outnumber you three to two!" as my other sister, Marina, is also gay; my two brothers, straight!
This morning I decided it was time. Marina and I would meet Vanessa today! No doubt this meeting was much more overwhelming for a sister who just found out about our existence two weeks ago.
Watching my two gay sisters separated only by decades in age was like witnessing the results of time travel each mirroring the other in looks, motion and emotions as each had uniquely previously experienced hell in the form of abuse and now love and solidarity of spirit.
Our younger sister was kept in the dark about our existence, our shared experience so that she wouldn't find out the real truth: Evil exists. It comes in many forms. But most important: None of us are really alone.
Today I was reminded of its existence as were you. But evil doesn't always triumph. It kills the body but cannot kill the spirit.
Vanessa sent me a note tonight: "It was wonderful meeting you both. Use my name and my story. Evil did not win. He didn't win. We found each other. Love, Vanessa."
]]>A Prolific Canadian Playwright Celebrates His 30th Anniversarytag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.30824132013-04-15T12:27:33-04:002013-04-15T12:23:26-04:00Donald D'Haenehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-dhaene/ One of my favourite quotes of yours is: "I've never written a play that I was completely satisfied with, and anyone who has, is too easily satisfied."
A: It's true. I wish I could sit back after writing a play and say, "Wow. It's perfect." No. It's never going to be perfect.The best I can hope for is very good, and even that is shooting for the stars sometimes.
Could you talk about your process? Do you have people who read your work early on who give you feedback? Do you use a workshop process?
A: I write in the morning. Early. I hosted a radio morning show for 25 years, having to get up at 4:30 a.m. and I can't break out of the habit. But, I love that time of morning. My mind is clear and full of ideas at that time. I don't usually write past noon. And I don't let anyone see the work until the first draft is finished. I don't want any feedback until then. I don't want to be influenced by anyone else's opinion in the early stages of the piece and I don't need any positive reinforcement. I'm able to push myself without that. A workshop is very important in the process of writing a play. Hearing the words out loud for the first time tells me what works and what doesn't work. And I don't need a long workshop. I just need to hear it read once or twice and that's it. Then the actors and I go to a bar and talk about something else.
Do you have favourites, or are they all like children, the fruit of your loins?
A: I have a couple of plays that I wish would never see the light of day again. But every play I write is a part of the growing process so I'm glad that I wrote even the ones that I am not enamoured with now because they were all stepping stones in my growth as a writer. The favourites? Hilda's Yard. Ethan Claymore. Mending Fences. On A First Name Basis. And of course the new one, The Great Kooshog Lake Hollis McCauley Fishing Derby. I like this one because all of the characters have a lot of goodness in them. They are nice people at heart. And I also like some of the quirky wordplay. It was a fun show to write.
What do you think of critics? Are you critical? Do you get asked to critique others' works?
A: Someone once said if you're going to believe the good reviews, then you must believe the bad reviews as well. I disagree. I say you should believe the good reviews and assume the bad reviews were written by idiots. I know artists who are very hurt by bad reviews. I'm past that now. I've developed a very thick skin. I've written 50 plays, been through at least as many workshop processes, rehearsal periods and opening nights. There is really nothing any critic can tell me about writing a play that would enlighten me at this point.
Sometimes I get asked to read someone's play and give them some feedback, and I enjoy doing that. But any help I give is constructive. I try to be helpful and not discourage the writer.
I'm very critical when I go to a play that people have paid good money to see. More often than not I am disappointed. More often than not I can see the writer's wheels turning. If I can watch a play and NOT think about the writing, then I know it's a good play.
All levels of society relate to your plays across North America and beyond. Why do you think that is?
A: I think it's as simple as seeing characters up on stage that you know. My first priority when writing a play is to tell a good story, and then I try and populate that story with characters that the audience can identify with. I am from a blue collar background. I don't like pretentiousness and I'm not precious about my work or about the craft of writing. I don't pretend to be writing 'important' plays or 'ground-breaking' plays. I'm just trying to write 'good' plays. They are not always one and the same.
Is your writing talent innate?
A: I do not believe you can teach a person to write. Especially comedy! This is why I don't give workshops for aspiring writers. I will do Q&A sessions but I will not attempt to teach someone how to write. It can't be done. You can either write, or you can't. When I started, I knew nothing about the form of a play, but dialogue just seemed to come naturally to me. A man named Alvin Shaw who was the Dean of Arts at the University Of New Brunswick back then, saw some potential in me and showed me the form -- the actual form -- of a play. Character's name here. Dialogue here. Stage directions in brackets. End the first act with the audience wanting to find out what happens in the second act. That was all I needed to know and I was off and running.
I'm fascinated that you did not see plays before 1980 when you were around 30. Are you ever proof that it's never too late to start anything!
A: Yes, I am! Absolutely. I see maybe five or six plays a year. And even then I think, "Man, if I have to see one more play!"
I know you have said, "You have to know when to stop writing. Know when your play is finished. One of the curses of being a playwright is that you're never ever completely satisfied with your finished product. There is always that one line which you think you could improve. And when you improve that line, you find another. You must know when to stop." Do you practice what you preach? As prolific a writer as you are, you must!
A: I do know when to stop. I try and have a play as close to the finished product as I can before we even go into rehearsal, and then I make script changes for the first week of rehearsal, and then I'll watch the show in front of an audience three of four times in that first run and then I'll make the final tweaks. After that, I don't usually touch it again. I know writers who just keep rewriting and rewriting and rewriting. I figure, if you haven't got it right by the 14th draft, chances are, you never will.
When you see one of your works produced, can you relax and enjoy what unfolds before you?
A: No, I don't see much of my work after it has been produced the first time and that is a conscious decision on my part, because instead of enjoying the shows, I sit in the audience and think, "Oh I knew I should have changed that line!" or "Why is he saying it like that?" or "I should have pre-ordered more drinks for intermission."
Your latest, The Great Kooshog Lake Hollis McCauley Fishing Derby, is having a world premiere here in London. First of all that is one hell of title, a mouthful and then some. What can you tell us about your latest work?
A: Yeah, I hemmed and hawed over that title. I could have just called it The Fishing Derby. But I think this title is catchy. I mean, other plays have long titles such as The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, and I thought this would be a title that would catch the public eye. The story is about an investment banker who is on the way to a big conference up north in cottage country and his car breaks down in the town of Kooshog Lake when they are having their annual fishing derby. This man just wants to get his car fixed and get on to his important meeting, but circumstances keep him in town for the entire weekend and he winds up entering the fishing derby. The play is filled with quirky characters, such as a man named Kirk Douglas, and it has a couple of tender moments as well. It is peppered with what I like to call 'off-handed humour'. Lines that you don't see coming that almost seem like throwaway lines. I think -- I HOPE -- that audiences will really take a liking to these people.
What's next for Norm Foster?
A: I'm touring a show of mine called On A First Name Basis with a wonderful actress and friend, Patricia Vanstone. We will be all over southern Ontario and even Quebec from April through to August of this year. I also just finished a Christmas musical with composer David Warrack, and I am about halfway through writing a brand new play.]]>DISHing With Mamie Van Dorentag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.29460602013-03-25T11:30:36-04:002013-05-25T05:12:01-04:00Donald D'Haenehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-dhaene/Mamie Van Doren, the American actress, model, singer and sex symbol was born Feb. 6, 1933. She has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame at 7057 Hollywood Boulevard. This is an edited version my email interview with the now 80-year-old living legend from her home in Los Angeles, California.
You are the sole survivor of the "Three M's"--Marilyn, Mamie, and Mansfield. To what do you attribute your longevity? And don't tell me good sex. I know some 80-year-old virgins!
A. I've always taken care of my health - never been much of a drinker, never smoked cigarettes, never done drugs much, except smoking occasional pot and that's been decades ago. I'm NOT an 80-year old virgin, and good sex really does help.
I'll tell my 80-year-old virgin friends they'd better get cracking in that department!
A. If you didn't have good sex, you might not live a long time, but it would sure seem like it. All that said, one of the interesting things about longevity, if one is a so-called celebrity, is that you are seldom the one hearing the clock ticking. Everyone else goes out of their way to watch the hands and never hesitates to let you know when one clicks to the next number.
Busted. Just ignore the intro, Mamie. In 1980, you were referenced in the controversial Canadian Top 20 hit "High School Confidential" by the popular 1980s Canadian new wave band Rough Trade. In 2005, "High School Confidential" was named the 38th greatest Canadian song of all time on the CBC Radio One series 50 Tracks: The Canadian Version. Ever met the band? Carole Pope?
A. No, I've never met Carole, but I love her and I love their song! I often post it on my Facebook page and Twitter. I love it when she says in that raspy voice, "Maaamie Van Doren!" Call me narcissistic, but that knocks me out.
I've seen her do that in person and it is something else! Guess I should ask, what do you think of Canada?
A. Eh? I always think of Canada as being the U.S.'s enlightened zen cousin. You have sensible gun laws, sensible national health care, and you don't go around bombing everyone if they don't agree with you. I have worked all over Canada: Toronto at the Royal York following Deitrich, Vancouver, Edmonton and Calgary. Once I was the Queen of the Calgary Stampede, and I was singing when a cowboy rode his horse up on stage to dance with me. Where else could you have that much fun?
I know you are very political. You MUST have stories.
A. Marilyn once cautioned me not to fall in love with a politician because, "when they fuck you, they REALLY fuck you." I wrote that in my memoir Playing the Field and I still see no reason to believe otherwise. Politicians are motivated by power, money, and sex -not necessarily in that order. They may lie vehemently about how much they care for the welfare of their fellow citizens, but those three things are their entire motivation. It is easy to sound cynical when discussing politicians because they make it so. Just listen to the awful nonsense being uttered in Congress about gun control. Our representatives would gladly sell us and our children down the river for the profits of a bunch of gun manufacturers and the blessing of the NRA. Why? Could it be campaign donations?
Do you have some advice for people who want to follow your path; what are three things you should never do in this business?
A.
1. Never, never marry an actor. You will have two giant egos that will not fit in the same room.
2. Never trust a business manager. They will steal you blind.
3. Never give advice.
While you are honest about your sexual escapades I lost count of how many men you turned down: Howard Hughes, James Dean, Frank Sinatra, Cary Grant, Johnny Carson, Henry Kissinger. Amazingly, one that didn't get away (which I'm sure will shock many) - Rock Hudson!
A. Warren Beatty was another. People seem shocked that I was so particular. I have never been a successful star fucker or trophy wife.
Marilyn gets a lot of credit for being ahead of her time but in many ways you were independent, a trail blazer in your own sexual revolution and you had a child at the peak of your career.
A. One of the things about being a trail blazer is that you often do it alone. Marilyn would often go to I. Magnin's department store and buy outfits like the ones I was photographed wearing. The sales people would tell me. I was a "working mom" before the term was created. It was difficult back then, but I am glad to have been through it and my son is still a blessing.
Some of the most insightful lines in your book involve your honesty regarding Marilyn, Jayne and yourself:
A. They are still frozen in time and I am still making my mistakes in front of God and everybody on Facebook and Twitter.
You had a hysterical sexual encounter with Burt Reynolds that makes me wonder what Dinah Shore, Sally Field and even Loni Anderson were thinking!
A.No comment on this one.
They'll just have to read your book to find out the story! How would you define a sex symbol?
A. Sex symbols defy definition. I have often tried to define it myself. A sex symbol becomes a code for everyone's erotic fantasy. These codes are very perishable in popular culture. For every Jean Harlow, Mae West, or Marilyn Monroe there are scores of girls (and boys) who never made the cut. If a sex symbol can survive more than a few years, they are very powerful. I am flattered to still be thought of in such a way.
Curse or blessing?
A. Mixed, to be sure. It can help if you're trying to get a good table in a restaurant. It's tough if you're trying to get a new mortgage loan.
The definition of a star certainly has changed since your day. I can't tell a movie star from a reality star. Has Hollywood gone to hell in a handbasket? Or is that just the view from up here?
A. Like everything else in the Universe, Hollywood has changed. In Buddhism this is known as impermanence. We may like it or not but it will still change. I have this notion that 50 years from now people will be saying where are the great stars like Ryan Gosling and Reese Witherspoon?
Hmm. I wonder. You have made a new CD of music. Tell us about that.
A. I have an album called "Still a Troublemaker" that was released digitally. It is still available on iTunes.
Who do you consider gorgeous male/female, past/present?
A. Pamela Anderson is gorgeous. We did a layout together for Vanity Fair and we had great fun. She is honest, funny, and unpretentious. Ryan Gosling & Daniel Craig are two guys that I like to watch. Unfortunately, there are no Gables, Cary Grants, or Susan Haywards anymore because the studio system no longer exists that groomed and promoted them. Nothing remains the same. The universe revolves whether or not we like it, so you might as well smile.
Finally, you've said, "At my age, having an orgasm is like having an occasional cocktail." So, you still drink Mamie?
A. If I find the glass full, I still love to have a sip.]]>How I Told Gay Youth It Gets Bettertag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.28029432013-03-04T11:24:36-05:002013-05-04T05:12:01-04:00Donald D'Haenehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-dhaene/
Gays everywhere probably can relate or at least remember that feeling. Who hasn't felt they were "the only gay in the village?"
This feeling was comically immortalized by the British comic show Little Britain:
The reality of course is that it is most unlikely that there is a school in the world that only has one gay student. Of course, it is that isolated feeling that is the problem.
As Weins explains, "Steinbach's a very religious, conservative community, and I'm really concerned about what these students are feeling like in their homes...that they feel that they really can't come out."
So at Steinbach Regional Secondary School, Wiens, 16, started a gay-straight alliance.
"I just want to be able to at least have a place at school that they feel safe."
Kudos to this brave young man for initiating the alliance.
I wonder if he knows that the Ministry of Education supports him. With Bill 212 in 2007, the Ministry of Education encouraged the development of Gay Straight Alliances and in '09 Bill 157 stated that schools need to support students who wish to participate in Gay Straight Alliances to promote healthy relationships.
We need to get this message spread across our land so that other students who feel they are struggling alone know that they can reach out and receive support.
In London, Ontario, the Thames Valley District School Board -- Safe Schools has encouraged the development of Gay Straight Alliances for the past 7 years. They even host a GSA Conference every year to support LGBT youth. Representatives from around thirty high schools come together to be inspired, share ideas and create action plans to implement back in their schools.
The first year of the conference only 30 people attended. Now hundreds register.
A couple of years ago, the Learning Coordinator for Safe Schools asked me if I would be a keynote speaker at their annual Gay Straight Alliance Conference under the theme: It Gets Better.
It Gets Better is a project created in response to the suicide of a number of teenagers who were bullied because they were gay or because their peers suspected that they were gay. The goal: to prevent suicide among LGBT youth by having gay adults convey the message that these teens' lives will improve.
Included in the presentation: a 12-minute video which featured a significant number of Canadian LGBT public figures, including Rick Mercer, talking about their own experiences of coming out.
Minutes before I was called up, I found out they couldn't afford Mercer, their first choice, as his rates were truly shocking.
Second fiddle and a cheap replacement. Life is the great humbler, isn't it?
It helped that I truly believed in the campaign and although the pressure was on, I did have thirty minutes to make my case! Well, two of them. First, that I convey to these impressionable students that It Does Get Better and second, proving to the administration that I was a worthy replacement for the talented Mercer! LOL
Tough gig. Remember, they were reminded how good Mercer was when he made his appearance on the big screen.
The pressure was on, but not really.
Three decades after being bullied for being gay in the very TVDSB school hallways represented before me, it was not difficult to show them that I am now happy.
I told them, "I've never felt so fricken normal in my life. I love my life and I like me."
I sang for them Janis Ian's old song At Seventeen, which is a commentary on adolescent cruelty, the illusion of popularity, and teenage angst, and then declared, "I don't think I'm ugly and more importantly I don't care if you think I am! I've learned love is meant for more than just high school beauty queens and I've got a drawer full of Valentines to prove it. And my lack of social graces enhanced my career as a writer. That's the truth I learned since turning 50!"
I continued:
"Yes, it gets better, but not immediately.
How can we speed the process? Is that possible?
Clearly, the pain is universal; how we deal with it isn't.
I learned to love being gay in a very straight world, 'cause let's face it while we now have Glee and Lady Gaga, many of us still live in a relatively conservative areas, no? Even so, I am pleasantly surprised at the progress that has been made.
I remember in the '70s a librarian telling our class she had this book on "homosexuality" and if a student had parental consent, she would lend it out. Can you imagine? Trust me, it was never signed out. I never heard one student or teacher talk about anything gay in a positive way in all my 12 years of school.
Of course, it gets better. It IS better in so many ways in schools today. And the Safe Schools program is making such a difference.
Even so, for the student who is feeling tortured right now, It Gets Better seems far off in the distance. TOO FAR.
How can we help now?
If we can get a student who is feeling worthless because of bullying and or/abuse and or confusion about their sexuality to hear a non-judgemental voice that he/she is special and okay and that those who are harming are wrong and that he/she is totally alright, it can make a difference.
We have to be non-judgemental, engaged and not give up after repeated tries because most often that's what it takes to reach someone who feels isolated.
Giving voice to those who have been silenced by violence means just that. They have one. A voice that's unique, original, individual, but it is one thing they can call their own.
Expecting an unkind word or an unnecessary remark will also remove its power.
These avenues of discussion, disclosure and communication are important.
Whatever path you choose, please consider this: I have embraced the torture. It propels me, energizes me, activates me, motivates me. I went from an introverted wall-flower to an extraverted force to be reckoned with.
I discovered I had a strength that everyone surrounding me not only took for granted, but discounted and discouraged -- no one more than those who taunted me! As much as people have kicked me in my life, I actually should thank them! In fact, I wouldn't be standing here if it weren't for all the hateful things that had been said and done to me.
My battle wounds are part of my armour now! But we must never forget those who are currently doing battle. It's true, it only takes one person to create a victim. But it can be one person that turns out to be that victim's saviour. Never discount your importance to any potential victim in your community -- to the student sitting beside you. I craved a saviour. Odd that I turned out to be my own."
I concluded with a quote from Martin Luther King, Jr., "Never, never be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well-being of a person is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way."
After the conference I went up to one quiet, bespectacled boy, who reminded me of my younger self and told him, "You are the most beautiful person here!" His face lit up and his arms shot up in the air shouting, "Wow!"
Sometimes just one kind word or expression can make a difference.
We all must do what we can so that the Evan Wiens of the world no longer feel that they are the only gay "in the village!"
]]>Seth MacFarlane's Sexism Crossed the Linetag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.27701452013-02-27T12:51:10-05:002013-04-29T05:12:01-04:00Donald D'Haenehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-dhaene/
Before I go any further, I want to state upfront: I think Seth MacFarlane is one of the wittiest entertainers out there. His Family Guy is always loaded with sick, twisted humour that is politically incorrect but, most importantly, usually very funny.
I would not say the same for his interviews though.
What one could predict though is that Seth will always show up well dressed, charming, and easy on the eyes.
His hour with Piers Morgan was even more telling. An intelligent, thoughtful, interesting man, but this guy is not a laugh-a-minute. He's much more intriguing and engaging than that.
I think most people expected a life-sized adult Stewie Griffin: an equal-opportunity offender who gets away with murder because the barbs come from someone cute and cuddly. (Stewie is a one-year-old, after all!)
I know I did. I so looked forward to the Oscars this year as I did not care for Billy Crystal's back to the '90s crusty return in '12.
MacFarlane's best moments were his direct hits like when he opened with his "mission" was to make Tommy Lee Jones smile. That, and Jones' reaction, was funny. As was his hit on Jody Foster's desire for privacy as she came out to a billion people at the Golden Globes. Even so, I got the feeling the host watched more award programs than he did the movies of 2012 themselves.
The Oscars this year did experience a spike in ratings but the true test of success is not just ratings. If that were the case, Geraldo Rivera's mega ratings for finding nothing in his two-hour special "The Mystery of Al Capone's Vaults" back in '86 would have revived his respectability. In fact, the term "Al Capone's vault" has become slang for a heavily hyped event with disappointing results.
So what did we find in Seth MacFarlane's vault? A boob song, a gay chorus to help deliver it, Captain Kirk's cue-carded rescue, non-stop comments on how women looked, dieted (or not -- see the Adele joke), stripped, when they're old enough to bang George Clooney or at the right place (Jack Nicholson's). Heck, I cringed most of all when he introduced Salma Hayek by suggesting it doesn't matter if we can understand her when she looks that good.
Now I'm so politically incorrect it's not funny but I found all that, swallowed whole, a bit icky. It seemed a bit lopsided. Where is the equal opportunity assault on male sexuality? Why women's boobs; why not men's junk? Yeah, Seth, you have a gay following. Where's the cock and balls jokes? Stewie surely would have thought of some -- he's in your head, why didn't you let him out? Then I wouldn't have squirmed as much but squirm I did. And it did NOT bother me that he used the gay chorus to soften or lower the boob blow but I think that was not a coincidence. That's how you go there?
I do think we have gone overboard with the political correctness but I don't know, Seth was NOT funny enough to pull this off without offending.
I've seen Don Rickles, Kathy Griffin, Lisa Lampanelli live -- there was nothing lopsided in the attacks. Nothing was sacred and we in the audience all felt we were all one in politically incorrect heaven.
This year's Oscars felt like hours of hell on earth.
]]>Why I'll Never Marry My Partnertag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.27299202013-02-22T08:23:25-05:002013-04-24T05:12:01-04:00Donald D'Haenehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-dhaene/
That's what I asked my partner, tongue-in-cheek, after I read the first Canadian newspaper headline that read Same-sex marriages legal in Canada back in June of 2003.
"It's 7:30 a.m. Can I have my coffee first?"
People who know us tell us after 16 years, we're as married as you can get.
We live a pretty normal, boring life actually. Monday: take cat to vet. Wednesday, pick up car at garage. Weekend: watch Saturday Night at the Movies on TVO and Sunday, 60 Minutes.
In fact except for 48 hours soon after we met, we have been in each other's presence by choice every day of those 16 years -- yup that's just about 5840 days and counting!
Not that it hasn't been a wild, funny ride -- I'm Lucy to his Ricky -- not sexually, so get that tired stereotype out of your mind. I'm talking personality-wise as I've always got some x'plaining to do as Ricky (and Maurice for that matter) would always say.
Like when I accidentally washed both Maurice's glasses and hearing aid at the same time! Oh we had a big discussion that night.
But other than those kinds of things, our relationship is pretty conventional. Again, bursting some stereotypes of the gay male couple, we both hate cooking, decorating and shopping. Yeah, we see fast-food delivery drivers more often than hair stylists. Heck, my sister-in-law even complains about my coffee!
Not that we don't move to the beat of our own drum in other ways too.
When I met Maurice I told him I don't care if you're out, in -- whatever. He was 42 and not out to his family, especially to his French-Canadian parents who had just celebrated 50 years of marriage.
This is where those 48 hours of separation come in. He had to go to his niece's wedding up in an ultra-conservative mill/steel town in Northern Ontario.
Since he wasn't out to them, saying goodbye before he headed up north I wanted him to feel no pressure so I said, "I don't ever have to meet your family. Relax and just have fun."
Two days later he returns with this story:
"Mom is doing dishes; Dad is having coffee at the kitchen table. I said, 'Next time I come up I'll be bringing my partner.' Without missing a beat my Dad shot back, 'What's he do for a living?' and Mom, 'Does he cook?'"
That was it: no drum role, no big deal -- in one moment, he's out to his family! Guess he felt he had to prepare them for "me"!
Do you think he'll marry me?
Maurice was married before and when I met his ex-wife in the '90s I said, "You're me, except a woman." We are best buds now and we three do things together -- no awkward moments here. For example when I had a small surprise birthday dinner party for Maurice, I made sure his ex-wife, Mel was sitting beside him so he would feel comfortable.
As for marrying moi, well, there was that newspaper screaming out at us a decade ago.
And we almost did, once.
After we attended several weddings one summer, I said, "I want an anti-wedding! Let's get married by an Elvis impersonator. We'll write our own 'vows' and just have fun with our friends."
Shockingly Maurice was game. We knew two Elvis impersonators too!
I asked one to sing at the reception. He was excited.
I asked the other to marry us. At first he said yes, but then I got THE call.
"Um, Donald... This wouldn't be real would it?"
"You'll be dressed like Elvis! What are you talking about?"
"Don't take this personally. I could only do it if it wasn't serious."
I felt like I was in a bad 'B' movie...like one of Elvis's old films.
"I am only doing this because it isn't serious. That's what an anti-wedding is all about!!!!"
Maurice, on the floor, laughing, listened to me rant: "That's it. Never again. I can't even have a phony gay wedding!"
All these years later I'm still laughing at (and constantly reminded of) my maid-of-honour status. Like when I stood up for my friend who married his partner. And every time we go to Las Vegas and Elvis and wedding chapels pop up more often than jackpots.
Maurice and I are glad that we in Canada are able to get married and realize that this is a big deal to a lot of people, but for us, as Elvis famously sung, "It (was) now or never."
Never is now our choice. Thank you. Thank you very much.
Cities with most same-sex couples in Canada. Story continues below: ]]>Justin Trudeau -- More Than Just a Pretty Facetag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.26505362013-02-10T00:02:06-05:002013-04-11T05:12:01-04:00Donald D'Haenehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-dhaene/
I was almost eleven and a Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau's wife having a baby on Christmas Day was big news when you only have two Canadian channels on your family's small black and white television.
And what a flashback it was, our version of royalty: a dashing Prime Minister and the stunningly beautiful first lady Margaret holding their firstborn.
I never thought I'd experience their/our prince up close and personal.
The setting: a packed German Canadian Club in London, Ontario. There were a lot of eager beavers in attendance and I don't just mean the volunteers either. An unusual atmosphere too -- tantamount to experiencing a star's appearance -- you know where everyone's probably a fan already if they bothered to show up on a cool winter night.
And so for most attendees, Justin just appearing in person was enough. But he slowed waded his way from the back entrance to the front, expertly manoeuvring the room. From the elderly, to women who wanted their picture with "him", to moms handing him babies, the younger Trudeau worked his magic.
Justin is already a pro at this and the differences between him and the elder Trudeau start here.
From many accounts, while the father obviously could hold a crowd in the palm of his hands, because of his reserved and shier nature, Pierre Elliot Trudeau could appear colder in one-on-one situations. This is not the case with Justin. He makes people actually feel like he wants to be there, touch them, talk to them, share with them. He even took pictures of them with their camera. How many famous people have you ever seen do that?
Okay, so Justin knows how to work a room. Did he bring his A-game to the podium?
First let me disclose that once I expressed interest in attending, I was asked if I wanted to register with the Liberal party. And then twice at the event. I politely declined for two reasons. One I hadn't heard the guy yet and I wanted to formulate my own opinion (I'm interested in watching all the political hopefuls across the board and making an educated choice) and two, I feel as a journalist I am better able to write what I really think if I remain unaffiliated with any party.
And so here goes...when I first heard the son had entered the race I had high hopes. I wondered if Justin would rekindle a wave of Liberal mania. Even better, the return of Trudeaumania.
After following the politics south of the border for over a decade, I longed to be finally excited about something up here!
I confess that now that I've experienced Justin Trudeau talking in person, his initial declaration to his followers through his personal webcast and then officially to his supporters in his home riding of Papineau do not do the man justice.
There is not a trace of the arrogance his father was famous for. Every choice he makes from his appearance to language to style of delivery is done to convey an everyman image.
His speech is so generic, it is offense proof. He has his script down to the point of masterful pauses an actor would use in delivering a soliloquy.
Yes, theatrical, but real and sincere.
And even though Justin is a glass half-full type of guy, he is not afraid to take on the half-empty type :
"The politics of division have delivered a majority."
The coolness of that sound bite is appreciated by the crowd on more than one level. If one were to caption its reception, I'd venture to guess it would be along the lines of, 'Guess this Trudeau has balls too, no?'
But then he softens the rhetoric.
"The individual is more important than ever before. We don't know what to do with the power."
The sweater and jean clad Justin is very clever. If everyone votes, they are participating, thereby partaking in an active role in power.
He is mobilizing active citizens across Canada one stop at a time.
There are many more speeches for him to deliver and for us to hear. But right now, I'm only holding on to two thoughts.
Justin is much more than a pretty face.
His father would be proud.]]>Why I Wouldn't Want a World Without Awards Showstag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.26072392013-02-04T12:40:45-05:002013-04-06T05:12:01-04:00Donald D'Haenehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-dhaene/
Those declarations are a tad presumptuous, aren't they?
After all, what is an award? A prize or other mark of recognition given in honor of an achievement. Who doesn't either give them out or receive them? From the youngest children in kindergarten who receive a star for work well done to the achievement certificates to staff posted on McDonald's restaurant walls; from auditioning actors who compete at a callback (only one winner can be awarded the role) to Nobel Prize winners -- recognition is a fact of life.
Would people strive to do their best without rewards? Of course some always will but why criticize those who want their little moment in the sun? Is it wrong that that effort is rewarded with certificates or some form of recognition?
Whatever the reward form, recognition often affords an opportunity to celebrate incredible talent within a community (whether local or global), to recognize superior experiences or outstanding achievements, and perhaps what I appreciate the most: an opportunity for celebration in an (one hopes anyway) entertaining atmosphere.
Hence my declaration that I, for one, do not want a world without Oscars, The Tonys, Grammys or Golden Globes.
Of course, I don't watch award shows just for fun; I want to see who wins as much as the next person. And as I am a reviewer myself, seeing between 60 and 80 theatrical productions per year, I actually started my own award show four years ago -- The Beat DISH Awards -- so that I get to hand out dishes to the winners with an attractive individualized imprint on each plate.
From the little show that could, my event has grown to the point that it now takes place in a Hilton Ballroom and is taped and televised by Rogers TV London.
As such, people ask me all the time, how do you know what is "best"?
It's really NOT that difficult -- the cream of the crop rises to the top. Let's take drama for example. I look for true moments. Do I leave myself? Am I able to turn off my non-stop analytical mind and join them in the moment? I'm present; are they? And I am not one that believes five actors have to play the same role in Hamlet to decide which performance is "best." There are many rungs on the calibre ladder.
Look at how reviewers critique the same movie or play. You'll never see two reviewers write word for word the same review. Same holds true for audience members. Judges are no different. We want to be swept away by good stories and true moments.
Walking into each theatre I am always hopeful.
I don't love comparing but I must to some extent. Like the time I saw three productions of Romeo and Juliet in five days!
Recently I heard an actor say he doesn't like being judged. If you are in the theatre business, isn't it just a fact of life? Of course, who wants to be judged? I think it takes a lot of guts to be an actor. I also think it takes an equal amount to write publicly what you think with your real name.
After one of my reviews, a producer wrote their entire company that I was working for the devil and warned them to stay away from me. I had a big laugh about that one. Too bad their show wasn't that funny.
I don't look for perfection. I look for truth.
As I said at the outset, some people discount awards but sometimes an award can mean a great deal.
Take for instance an award and bursary that two parents have created in honour of their 19-year-old daughter Taylor Nesseth who passed away in Toronto at the Vans Warped Tour last July.
The idea for an award came about as the parents tried to set up a scholarship award in their daughter's name through her school. Unfortunately, the scholarship would have to be grade-based with the person with the highest grade average winning the award.
Tim and Jane decided not to abide by those rules. Jane explains: "Taylor was not the most earnest student. She was a wonderful, fun-loving and ever-helpful student to anyone who sought her assistance. Taylor was, at times, very passionate about her role with others and yes, like any other teenager, could provide a good "drama queen" routine when promoting her "rights."
When Jane and Tim learned of my fun theatre DISH Awards they approached me with the thought of creating an award that would honour Taylor's passion for drama by honouring those who "play" all the time. They wanted to name it The Drama Queen Award.
I thought this was the perfect tribute and award title and so two awards will be given out each year with a $150 bursary attached to each.
Jane adds, "We were allowed to have the honour of an award more befitting of the way in which we wanted it to be earned -- the character more than the academic."
Her parents have shown amazing strength during the most difficult year of their lives. What an example they are setting -- two generous souls who are turning unbelievable heartbreak into a positive for others. I also think their choice to create an award that truthfully represents their daughter is a teaching moment about the short-sightedness of bureaucracy.
So naysayers take note: here is one award that stands as an appropriate tribute while assisting others to achieve their goals. Sure the award Best Drama Queen might at first glance appear silly. But trust me, it means a great deal to two special people.]]>Anything Girls Can Do, I Can Do Bettertag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.24378782013-01-09T17:23:23-05:002013-03-11T05:12:01-04:00Donald D'Haenehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-dhaene/
"Like to see you have a baby!" was my best friend's response.
Of course, at 17, since I was a feminist before I even heard that term -- let alone knew what it meant -- I said that with tongue firmly planted in cheek. I just enjoyed reversing the gender stereotypes of my peers.
I was raised in a hierarchal, conservative area (read: small-town Ontario) in the 1960s.
I recall a girl sitting behind me in my Gr. 12 business class piping up, "Boys cannot be secretaries!"
Personally, I thought, was she for real? But verbally, I debated her in class.
"You do know that male secretaries came first!"
Even after our female teacher backed me up, Miss Clueless wouldn't budge.
Technically, I would graduate with the top marks in typing and shorthand in the entire school and that award included a job placement as, guess what? Okay, for this "boy Friday", they renamed it typing clerk.
Guess my fellow student and I were both right, but her narrow-minded thinking followed me post-graduation.
"We don't have male tellers," a bank manager insisted. "You'll have to take the manager training test."
And then, "You can't be a check-out boy, boy!" the major grocery chain store owner proclaimed. "That's a girl's job. Besides, you're over-qualified."
Not until I wore a dress did I actually get a gig. LOL!
I first performed for an audience in '87 at the age of 27. After my second performance, "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend" (as Marilyn Monroe), won a competition, you guessed it -- I got the acting bug.
Along the way, I was chosen as a top 10 Annie Lennox look-alike in a Much Music competition, won a London United Way Media Contest Best Performance as Madonna with the help of a Mini-Me and an Austin Powers, and even won a Men Interactive contest for Best Drag in North America with US$2500 in prizes.
Gee, my yearbook entry sure was prophetic!
That was an interesting part of my life. Especially considering the fact I never liked dressing in drag.
I've always said, if I were a woman I'd prefer to dress like a lesbian. Yes, I much prefer Ellen or Rosie's wardrobe, but who's going to pay to see a guy in makeup in men's clothing?'
Since I hated makeup, stockings and those god-awful pumps (girls, I do not know how you do it!), you can imagine drag certainly wasn't a career of choice for me. In fact 40 "performances" later I decided to try out what people called the "real theatre."
On my first audition, I nabbed a role in a Canadian play by David French, "Jitters." I remember I wanted to get upset and not giggle in this comedy in my "big moment" so I asked a fellow actress to slap me backstage before I went on every night. It worked every time! She really got into it too!
I had a fun run of shows: "House of Frankenstein", "A Chorus Line", "7 Stories, Opening Night", "Moon Over Buffalo" and "The Drowsy Chaperone". Funny the things you remember. One memory is 20 years ago in "Lend Me A Tenor" at the Port Stanley Festival Theatre: an actor choking me in character on stage, an extremely hot summer night with no air conditioning in the house, and the mother of all -- the fact our first full run through with set/costumes was opening night!
Those were the days.
I remember at this actor's workshop, the instructor asked me to be a giraffe and afterwards remarked, "You weren't a convincing giraffe." I replied, "I can live with that." It's funny because for a long time I collected giraffes -- I love them.
I learned a lot from all those experiences: don't be afraid to try anything. You might discover who YOU really are and what you want to do along the way.
I did. I don't think it is a coincidence that I'm now a theatre critic and editor.
But that old high school entry still haunts me now and again.
Like when I received an inside scoop that a television show would be looking for a replacement for a female co-host. Never one to let a little thing called gender stop me, I contacted the powers-that-be. After all, I have guest co-hosted shows with both male and female co-hosts. Even guest hosted solo on an hour-long radio show. So qualifications were not the issue. Within minutes, my going out on a limb was rewarded with a truth that broke my fall.
"We're looking for a female replacement."
"Does winning a Marilyn Monroe look-alike contest count?"
Silence.
"I can type 100 words a minute, take shorthand and my middle name is Michiel..."--
Click.
Nevertheless, that supposed rejection wouldn't stop me.
I applied to replace a blonde news personality who's going on maternity leave. And what a relief, a couple of other guys went up to bat as well! I don't know if they were "blonde", but I sure was.
This time it got real interesting as the public could vote on their favourites. I heard from people voting for me all the way in the USA! Wow, finally I have a chance to be "girl Friday", temp though it would be!
But no guy made the top five.
I guess my best friend was right after all. Maybe anything girls can do, boys can't do better, but I've had one hell of a life trying.]]>Les Miserables Is a Better Name for the Audiencetag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.23678902012-12-27T12:11:00-05:002013-02-26T05:12:01-05:00Donald D'Haenehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-dhaene/"Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise." - Les Misérables
I've been writing reviews for 15 years. Theatre and film, 700+ short films alone. The only difference between me and most people is my reviews have been published for every time I leave a theatre of any kind I hear reviews swirling around me. Sometimes while the show is going on.
Everyone truly is a critic and each voice is important but I have learned there are many differences between experiencing a movie and a theatrical production. Tell a stage actor your point of view, you might hear, "You should have been there closing night. What an audience and we gave our best performance."
The same cannot be said for a movie experience. Tuesday or Saturday the movie on screen is identical. In the case of the musical Les Misérables, you could time a tear shed on screen like clockwork no matter the timing of the showing.
And the audience means little to a movie screening. I sat in the perfect theatre: wide screen, with state-of-the-art sound, a full enthusiastic house on Christmas Day opening. And as if the producer gods were working overtime, in my row to the left, three men sang along as if they were experiencing Liza live, and to my right, a young couple gasped and sighed in perfect harmony. This version of surround sound provided an interesting perspective to say the least.
The motion-picture adaptation of the beloved global stage sensation Les Misérables has been seen by more than 60-million people in 42 countries and in 21 languages around the globe and is still breaking box-office records everywhere in its 27th year. Nevertheless, in case you didn't know, prisoner 24601, known as Jean Valjean, is released from prison and breaks parole to create a new life for himself while evading the grip of the persistent Inspector Javert. Set in post-revolutionary France, the story reaches resolution against the background of the June Rebellion.
Les Misérables is a story based on French writer Victor Hugo's epic 1862 historical novel of the same name. The title is translated variously from French as The Miserable Ones, The Wretched, The Poor Ones, The Victims. In the movie's case Hugh Jackman is the Poster Boy for all of the above for 158 minutes.
You wouldn't be wrong if you thought it played out like an episode of 48 Hours.
BLOG CONTINUES AFTER SLIDESHOW
After that long struggling, of course I cared about Valjean's troubles. But because of the hand-held camerawork, I am now more familiar with Jackman's uvula than I need to be. And I'm surprised the audience didn't applaud when Javert self-destructed not because the bad guy loses but that they wouldn't have to see one more minute of a seemingly constipated Crowe wishing he were anywhere else other than here. (And critics thought Pierce Brosnan in Mama Mia was miscast!)
Yet, I so looked forward to this movie. The fact I knew the actors sang live on camera, rather than miming to backing vocals I thought would be a brilliant. And director Tom Hooper had mastered The Kings Speech to perfection, not to mention the masterful Prime Suspect with Helen Mirren.
Yet, mere minutes in, I went oh, oh, something is off. This is overproduced to hell and back and worse yet, I'm not engaged.
Les Mis has a master of the house alright -- it's just that he wasn't behind the camera. It's the comic relief song eventually sung by Sacha Baron Cohen as Thénardier, and Helena Bonham Carter as Madame Thenardier -- a comic interlude the audience craves but seemed more suitable to the Beetlejuice movie.
You know a film's got some problems when I'm thinking, "bring on the hooker scenes, quick." Luckily things get better before then, for from the moment Fantine (Anne Hathaway) appears the film is born again. Although her scenes are brief, they are powerful, gut wrenching and completely engaging to viewers.
Then not until the Revolutionaries, especially Eddie Redmayne, a lovely surprise as the love-struck revolutionary Marius, and Aaron Tveit as Enjolras, does the film take off yet again. And of course, Samantha Barks gives an effortless performance as the lonely and doomed Eponine -- everyone here is doomed, don't you know, it's Les Miserables -- a role she'd performed on the London stage.
Of course, any time Colm Wilkinson, the original stage Valjean in London and New York, who played the bishop showed up, the screen lit up.
And yes, I cried. Fantine's hell, self-scarifice, death. (I also cry at Seventh-Day Adventist commercials). But I cried more at seeing Colm Wilkinson and kicking myself that I didn't see him perform in the role he originated when I had the chance.
During one of the tear-jerking moments near the end, I thought my friend was reaching for a Kleenex. A moment later I heard the slurping sounds of detachment. Yes, he who we predicted would love the movie the most liked it least.
Les Misérables is a mediocre movie of an exceptional musical.
Oh, one more thing.
Hooper had been offered the chance to direct Iron Man 3 for Marvel Studios but declined and instead signed on to direct Les Misérables.
Once again I'm reaching for a Kleenex box.]]>During Christmas, I Think of My Once Homeless Brothertag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.23495192012-12-24T12:18:51-05:002013-02-23T05:12:01-05:00Donald D'Haenehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-dhaene/
Any day I wake up above ground, I'm happy. I know too many dead men and women walking. Nothing reminds me more of this than Christmas time.
Last week, a few of my friends and I each bought 20 $5 Tim Horton's cards to hand out to the homeless. We were repeatedly warned, "They will refuse them. They only want cash to waste on cigs, booze or drugs." I was prepared for anything.
The day before we headed downtown, I went to my bank and someone outside asked for money. I remembered I had the $5 Timmy cards right in my coat pocket. I asked, "What's the money for?" The man answered "For some food." "OK," I said. "Will a Tim Horton's card do?"
His face lit up, and after many thanks, my only thought was: "tomorrow's blitz for the homeless just might work out!"
And work out it did. I think many of the homeless we greeted had never been offered a Tim's card before. It's an idea that can be paid forward. If you feel people who ask for money will waste it, this is one way to feel better about giving in this unique way.
I learned that 40 years ago when I read the Washington Post's advice columnist Ann Landers (her pen name), who said her father would never reject someone who begged for something -- he would take them and get them something. Then it was their choice to say "yes" or "no" but he felt better knowing that if they accepted the offer he did the right thing.
Landers' father was moved by his conscience; my concern for the homeless is not altruistic. I know what feeds my desire to do something, anything, for fellow human beings who have nothing: guilt, responsibility, memories -- knowing that only by the grace of God go I.
You see, my youngest brother, Erik, has been living off and on the streets for 30 years, the last two decades in Vancouver.
My family hasn't seen him in 15 years.
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A couple of years ago I wanted to donate some money to the Kettle Friendship Society that feeds the homeless in Vancouver like my brother.
Unfortunately around that time and the second last time I spoke to my brother (when he called collect from a phone booth), he told me he was banned from the "Kettle" because of fighting with another guest. So, it didn't make sense to send them money when he couldn't even get in the door to benefit from their services.
So I thought of something else. The Palace Theatre on Dundas Street here in London, Ontario, were continuing their restoration process. They were refurbishing seats at $200 a pop. My brother's name is on one of those seats now -- a small plaque. I wanted him to somehow have something permanent, something to say, yes, you were here; you matter.
Or was it me that wanted -- needed -- something permanent?
That's what you do when you have a loved one you can't reach, someone who lives on a street with no name. You crave something tangible. Well, you do during the moments that aren't spent dreading an imaginary phone call that will tell you somebody found his/her body.
Erik's life on the street actually began soon after a very real call I received in 1982 when he was 15 telling me that my brother took an overdose of drugs and was barely hanging on to life.
It's difficult to describe the 30 years since that moment. A perpetual suicide watch. It's unfortunate too many know exactly how my family feels. It's like walking around with a knife in your heart. You laugh, you live, but it's always there.
Last Xmas, I received an email from a Living Waters Mission minister in Vancouver telling me she had seen Erik.
"He is not well, but he is alive. He is staying at a hotel..."
By an odd coincidence, that same weekend I attended a musical South Pacific. These words kept ringing thereafter in my head:
"Once you have found him,
Never let him go.
Once you have found him,
Never let him go!"
I contacted the minister named Gloria -- or "angel" as I saw her -- and asked, "If I send you a money order, would you treat yourself and Erik to the biggest buffet dinner you can find in Vancouver."
She took my brother to Uncle Willy's in Burnaby. She didn't tell him until he was done his meal that I had arranged it and thankfully, rather than be upset, he was thrilled.
Remember I mentioned craving something tangible.
Gloria sent an attachment: a photograph of my brother sitting across from her in the restaurant toasting her.
The first photograph we have of our brother in years.
Now that I had a definite address a friend visiting Vancouver took a care package to the hotel for me and found out that The New Dodson Hotel was owned by Christian entrepreneurs who had bought the hotel to improve the quality of life for a lucky few in Vancouver's poorest neighbourhood.
I just sent a care package from my family and the hotel staff were kind enough to let me know it had arrived. And even better I talked to Erik for the first time in years. My sister happened to be visiting so Erik was able to talk his mother and two siblings. It was great and odd at the same time.
It was obvious my brother still has so many issues that I can't begin to help solve with 4,207 kilometers between us.
But knowing Erik is alive, has a roof over his head and finally hearing his voice I can finally take the knife out my heart.
Even so Erik is still a prisoner of his own war. Yet another year, he hasn't been declared its casualty.]]>Would You Sacrifice For Someone Else's Well-Being?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.22544652012-12-06T22:27:29-05:002013-02-05T05:12:01-05:00Donald D'Haenehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-dhaene/
Not according to some peoples' reaction to Bell Canada's ban of holiday poinsettias at a large Mississauga office.
Six thousand employees at the Creekbank campus were warned of the ban because one of their fellow employees could have a life-threatening allergic reaction to the plant. The worker's duties include visiting all the buildings on the campus.
Some are asking, "Is it fair to impose the needs of one on thousands of others?"
Talk about a question with bias written all over it. Well, two can play that game.
To me, the more important question should be, "Is it too much to ask fellow workers to forgo a plant for the welfare of one co-worker?"
Bell Canada is setting a healthy example: self-sacrifice over individual discomfort. Of course, I'm being facetious. Discomfort? Workers live without poinsettias for the rest of the 11 months of the year! What's one month more?
The naysayers cite similar examples to belabour their point: declaring peanut-free zones and banning scented products in public buildings as infringing on their personal freedom. What next, they say?
Not to be outdone, I have examples to prove my point -- that a little self-sacrifice wouldn't permanently harm their poor poinsettia-less working day lives.
I remember a seriously ill local girl who was surprised when the students from her school showed up at her residence to wish her a happy birthday. They could have stayed at school, avoiding the downer of seeing one of their peers struggle with her mortality. But the picture of that young girl's smile alone was worth the students' time.
And what about a young boy who lost his hair due to chemotherapy treatments? So he would feel a part of instead of different from his peers, the boys on his sports team shaved their own locks. And this was at the students', not the teacher's, suggestion.
Why, even this past June, six-year-old Katelyn of Red Harbour, NL donated 12 inches of her hair to Angel Hair For Kids, a program that provides wigs to financially disadvantaged children in Canada who have lost their hair due to a medical condition or treatment. With the help of family and friends, Katelyn also raised $3000 for the organization.
I recall years ago, one writer making the case that teeny-tiny minorities aggravate, that they should close their windows and start life anew in Inuvik and not expect the whole world to dance to their sorry little tune.
Really? I say, open your own window to the real world.
Sadly the local girl I cited earlier succumbed to cancer. Those students who visited her learned a valuable lesson that day. It cost nothing to sacrifice just a little.
Myopic tirades are just that.
If you don't like the unselfish spirit displayed by Bell, why not find another job, start life anew somewhere else?
I hear Inuvik is great this time of year.]]>Is Education Enough to Fight AIDS?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.22084292012-12-01T00:00:15-05:002013-01-30T05:12:01-05:00Donald D'Haenehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-dhaene/
Last year alone, 1.7 million people worldwide died as a result of AIDS-related causes. Their deaths must not be in vain. In their memory let us take a more proactive stance in observing this special day this year.
Brian Lester, Executive Director of Regional HIV/AIDS Connection in London, Canada concurs: "More HIV education is needed in schools and the broader community. However, at the individual level the biggest challenge to disclosing one's status is pervasive stigma. HIV stigma makes disclosure very difficult and keeps people from accessing care, treatment testing and support. "
Good message. End HIV stigma now. But how?
Complacency about AIDS is a major problem and education is still our only vaccine.
But sometimes, somewhat surprisingly, even the educated need educating.
When my friend "Doug" discovered he was HIV-positive a few years ago, in that moment, he became an addition to the statistics -- statistics that claim scores of new HIV cases every day of the year.
Doug's doctor misdiagnosed his illness over a period of months, not suggesting he take the AIDS test until five months after the first indication something was wrong.
Can this actually happen at this late date in AIDS awareness?
Doug privately suspected something but never told me his fears. He would keep me updated on all the tests he was undergoing. He had assumed his doctor had tested him for HIV as one of the myriad of tests he underwent, so he sustained denial as long as possible. And since Doug had told me he had had all the tests, I never once suspected AIDS. That is until he informed he had assumed wrong. The test had not taken place.
We prayed for a miracle. I tried to be as positive as I could for my friend. I even felt guilty for being so naive. I had taken an AIDS volunteer course. I had been a buddy to two men who lived and died with AIDS. I should have known better. Why didn't I see the signs?
In hindsight, I was too close to the situation. If I was in denial, imagine how Doug felt.
I took my friend to the doctor's office where Doug was told, "there's a 50 per cent chance you have the virus." Part of the shock came from the fact Doug had practiced safe sex for years. It couldn't happen to him.
But a review of Doug's recent history led to the discovery of the source of the transmission.
Doug had had dental surgery to remove his teeth. Soon after, his gums were not healing properly so he went without his new plates. During this time he had a short-term relationship.
It was this unusual situation that would change Doug's life forever.
He didn't know he had unhealed wounds in his mouth, and he didn't know his partner was HIV-positive.
Unfortunately there was no comfort in learning these harsh truths.
Hours after a final test came back positive, Doug told me he has had thoughts of suicide.
I recall wanting to be strong for my friend, detached, a pillar of strength -- you know, what we sometimes think is best. Well, I was surprised that when my emotional walls came down, my friend responded positively. Being honest about my feelings freed him to express a myriad of emotions that seemed to change by the minute and understandably so. Whatever I was feeling was beside the point; my friend needed me. Although not a person who hugs freely, Doug's need for a hug was greater than my discomfort in giving it.
Before long, I initiated hugs frequently. Physical contact is that important.
Our conversations became more open, honest, spiritual. No time for whys, just what is. Doug had an awakening of sorts. He reconnected with his family. His friends and co-workers were supportive.
He wants to educate others -- that's why he doesn't mind me sharing his story. He says, "People should never say 'it could never happen to me.' I was careful. I just wasn't educated on all the possibilities. Perhaps even one person could save their life by taking extra precautions after hearing my story."
Lester agrees that sharing Brian's story is important. He adds, "The risk of contracting HIV through oral sex is low unless certain conditions exist."
Yes, education is part of the answer. Would that Doug had heard this message: "Oral sex is not risk free!"
We now know the risk of contracting HIV through oral sex increases if the person performing has any cuts or sores in their mouth, even if they are unnoticeable. These tiny cuts could be caused by disease, dental work, flossing, brushing or even from eating "sharp" foods like chips.
Doug doesn't play the "what-if" game. He's chosen a survival course in which he lives his life one day at a time. He radiates an internal peace I've never seen in him before. He's leaving himself in God's hands.
Doug is right. Education is the answer. But there are still educated people who don't disclose their HIV status to sexual partners, imperfect doctors who err in judgement, friends who ignore painful truths and patients who don't take a more active, informed interest in their health care.
Perhaps it is the disclosure of experiences of people like Doug that turn out to be the best education of all.
For up-to-date information on AIDS related issues, check out these resources:
www.hivaidsconnection.ca]]>The Life of Pi Shines Onscreentag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.21897352012-11-27T15:27:36-05:002013-01-27T05:12:01-05:00Donald D'Haenehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-dhaene/Lord of the Flies. (I know, who didn't?) William Golding's classic tale about a group of English schoolboys who are plane-wrecked on a deserted island left a lasting impression.
After our class finished studying the novel we were rewarded with a viewing of the '63 film version. I was so disappointed. The misinterpretation of my imagination of Golding's characters was more horrifying than the incidents portrayed on celluloid!
I predict another novel Life of Pi by Yann Martel will be studied in a similar way by future generations. The difference is those students will be rewarded with a viewing of the just-released, sensational, epic 3D adaptation of the supposedly "unfilmable" book.
Ang Lee's film corrects the faults of the book and makes the old Lord of the Flies look like a TV movie of the week in comparison. How often does that happen?
Martel's tale involves a gripping story with odd similarities to Golding's. This time, a young boy is shipwrecked -- the sole survivor of the sinking of a cargo ship -- and must survive on a small lifeboat drifting in the middle of the desert-like Pacific Ocean. It also explores the boundary between human reason and animal instinct, all on the brutal playing field of the Pacific Ocean.
Golding won the Nobel Prize for Literature, Martel The Man Booker Prize. But the mistake Martel made in his novel that Golding didn't was getting in the way of his own story.
While it's completely fine to have his main character Pi recount of his journey: "My greatest wish -- other than salvation -- was to have a book. A long book with a never-ending story. One that I could read again and again, with new eyes and fresh understanding each time." Pg 230, when Martel, in his own author's notes preceding his tale, states that this is "a story to make you believe in God," his bold claim smacks of self-importance, an author setting up high expectations in his audience, or perhaps a less-than-subtle subliminal wish? I'd say all of the above.
Perhaps some readers and moviegoers are like me -- we just want to read and witness a good story told well. We don't want to analyze every possible scenario. ie. Does the Tiger really exist? Is Pi's journey just carefully constructed representations of Sigmund Freud's Id, Ego and Superego?
You get my drift?
Whereas, Martel's novel left me adrift (pun intended) and told me what to think, Lee wisely, with astounding precision, pares down the novel's drama and proselytizing .
What both the novel and film share are parts that are so moving, so exhilarating, so extraordinary that the reader/viewer is left to catch their breath .
Lee takes digital 3-D technology and takes it to a whole new level of art form.
And I love the Canadian connection. Yann Martel, the child of diplomats, grew up in Costa Rica, France, Mexico, Alaska and Canada and now lives in Montreal. His protagonist Pi ends up working in Montreal as well.
Unlike Lord of the Flies, I didn't want to read Life of Pi again and again. Yet I concede Martel cooked up one hell of a good story.
Oh, by the way, the novel didn't "make" me believe in God. Nevertheless, thank God Ang Lee made it into one of the best movies of 2012.]]>
