Golnar Khosrowshahi2013-06-19T16:43:58-04:00Golnar Khosrowshahihttp://www.huffingtonpost.ca/author/index.php?author=golnar-khosrowshahiCopyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc.HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for Golnar KhosrowshahiGood old fashioned elbow grease.Talking to Kids About 9/11tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.9547702011-09-09T11:09:20-04:002011-11-09T05:12:02-05:00Golnar Khosrowshahihttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/golnar-khosrowshahi/
Sanctioned or not, children are inevitably exposed to some form of imagery depicting the events of Sept. 11. For parents, caregivers and educators, talking about 9/11 is particularly challenging for a number of reasons. First, for many people in North America, the events had a personal impact -- either through geography, family or friends -- bringing this tragedy much closer to home than, for example, the massacre in Norway over the summer.
Second, even after 10 years, the sequence of events remains unbelievable. How does one explain something while still dwelling on the shock? Lastly, the subject matter is far from G-rated so while children may be exposed to video of the Twin Towers ablaze, it's difficult to find the words to describe why an airplane was hijacked and deliberately crashed into a New York City landmark. Defining a hijacking in and of itself seems ominous enough.
Having spent a fair amount of time communicating news and current events to children, I have found the following approach to work.
1) Know Your Audience: What one parent or caregiver may communicate to one child may not necessarily be suitable for another.
According to Dr. Jen Hartstein, a child, adolescent, and family psychologist in New York City, "Age is not the only thing to consider when talking with your children. It's very important to think not only about your child's physical development but their emotional development as well. Your older child, who you might expect to be okay in talking about these events may have a much more difficult time than your younger one. Adapt your conversations to the individual, rather than speaking in blanket terms."
Consequently, in dealing with a catastrophic event such as the events of Sept. 11, one has to strike a delicate balance between answering the perennial 'why' question and managing the emotional capacity of the child.
2) Communicate the Facts: Present the raw facts in a sequential and logical manner and start a conversation with your child. See what judgments your child forms on his or her own and then use those indicators as a guideline to navigate the conversation. The exchange will lead to some understanding of the facts and in turn, may answer some questions.
3) Manage Anxiety: Children will immediately try to put the facts they are presented with in a context relevant to their own lives. Will this happen to me?
Dr. Hartstein believes that "you have to find out what it is your children really wants to know, identify what scares him or her, and address it. It's easy to provide too much information, when all your daughter wants to know is that you are safe and that she is safe. It is important to validate their worries, while providing reassurance that you, along with the government and others agencies, are doing everything possible to keep her safe."
4) Tell Your Own Story: Tell your child where you were when it happened; who were you with; how you reacted and what it meant to you. Sharing makes this a two way conversation during which some questions can get answered. It can also level the emotional playing field between adults and children. However irrelevant it is to others, my daughters found comfort in the fact that on Sept. 11, 2001, I saw them for the first time (albeit on the screen of an ultrasound monitor) at New York Hospital where they were born six months later, to the day.
]]>How to Talk to Your Kids About the Norway Attacktag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.9111872011-07-27T15:06:28-04:002011-09-26T05:12:02-04:00Golnar Khosrowshahihttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/golnar-khosrowshahi/
Understandably, the news of these attacks was unilaterally and universally met with horror, shock and sadness. But for many children, their interpretation of these events cuts down to the very basic tenets of survival. Their evaluation and understanding makes the impact of the events directly correlated to its relevance to them. For my children, and the thousands of others spending idyllic summers at camp in sleepy towns, the news became instantaneously relevant. It is no wonder then, that many parents and caregivers are faced with the challenge of conveying difficult news while witnessing the implications that this information can have on children.
As someone who spends a fair amount of time relaying tough news to children I have found following a set of guidelines helpful. In these situations, is imperative to talk about tragedies while striking a delicate balance between managing any potential anxiety and providing context children can relate to.
1) Communicate the facts: Whether discussing a senseless crime such as what happened in Norway, natural disasters such as the earthquake and tsunami in Japan earlier this year or the recent death of Osama bin Laden, it is important to present the raw facts in a sequential and logical manner. As a parent or caregiver, you will always be met with the question "why?" Why did this man attack these children? Why do earthquakes happen? Why did the Navy Seals kill bin Laden? Presenting the facts will address many of these questions.
2) Manage the anxiety: Children will immediately try to put the facts they are presented with in a context relevant to their own lives. Will this happen to me? This means that it is important to provide information that manages anxiety and fosters compassion. With regards to Norway, I believe that communicating that the suspect has been apprehended and has confessed to the crime is paramount in allaying fear and anxiety. I think that relaying the fact that the killing spree in Norway, however tragic, is an isolated incident can reduce children's brewing fears. And while no one is immune, I think that the probability of events like these happening with frequency is slim. In the context of a natural disaster, providing reference and highlighting the fact that the risk of a severe earthquake or volcanic eruption with thousands of fatalities in most parts of the planet is probably minimal.
3) Focus on relief: People from all walks of life come together in unexpected ways that draw on the kindness and compassion of the human spirit. Following the earthquake in Haiti in 2010, schools began fundraising on a small scale, while celebrities held telethons on an epic scale. Communicating the combination of a disaster and the relief effort shows children, in very basic terms, that while bad things happen, people come together to effectuate improvement and relief. Similarly, in Norway and around the world, an outpouring of solidarity for the victims and mass mourning highlights people's grief. While the blanket of flowers and candles in front of the Oslo Cathedral won't bring back the lives lost, the act of mass mourning is the first step to relieve a nation of its grief.
4) Start an interesting and educational conversation: Using all kinds of current events -- good news and bad news -- as a platform for discussion with children can often result in conversations that a parent or caregiver may not have otherwise had. The exchange can lead to a stimulating experience for the child based on subject matter that is equally relevant to adults and children alike. Not only will a child take away some general knowledge but according to a study conducted by the Dutch Programme Council for Education Research based in Den Haag, parents who engage their young children in serious conversations seem to boost their children's language proficiency.
When the details of current events are communicated appropriately, children become more and more aware. While the implementation of these guidelines does not lessen the impact of a tragedy, it does provide children with knowledge that in turn, empowers them to manage their anxieties and uncertainties. In understanding the realities of the world they live in, they grow up acquiring some tools to cope and understand the impact of the news to which they are exposed.
]]>News for Kids? We're in for a Summer of Inquirytag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.8833092011-06-24T09:05:25-04:002011-08-24T05:12:01-04:00Golnar Khosrowshahihttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/golnar-khosrowshahi/
Almost five years ago, when the summer hiatus began, my children looked at me, heads tilted to the side with an inquisitive look of, "What now?" While they were too young to be celebrating the last day of classes, they were old enough to ask if they had any plans for the day. I realized that this was a perfectly acceptable question -- who wouldn't want to know?
Before going to work the following morning, I delivered a one-page newsletter to my daughters. It included the day's activities, the date, and a weather forecast! I could have left it at that. I probably should have left it at that. Instead, every day, I started adding more content ranging from news articles to word games, and geography quizzes suitable for four-year-olds. After many late nights compiling all of my material, I was looking forward to September when my kids would no longer need the newsletter because they would be back to their school year routine!
Little did I know that when September came, my daughters would be so disgruntled at the absence of their newsletter. The logic: it simply was not fair that their subscription went on an indefinite vacation stop while a pink paper, in addition to some grey ones, continued to be delivered to the front door -- we were obviously living in a pre-iPad era! And so I began thinking about the news in the context of children.
It was evident to me that the photos that my children were seeing above the fold on newspapers strewn about the kitchen counter had an impact -- whether they were of a grief stricken girl after an earthquake in Pakistan or more recently, of people torching cars on the streets of Vancouver. The challenge then became to relay useful and educational news to children in an age-appropriate manner. And so, GoGoNews was born.
Throughout the school year, parents are time starved and kids are busy between their academic and extra curricular activities. But summertime is great for shifting gears and changing focus. With fewer commitments and less pressure, it's when we may have a little more time to have an interesting conversation as a family.
I found that through the content that I was sourcing and writing for GoGoNews, I was also having more interesting and challenging conversations with my children -- both serious and funny. A recent study conducted by the Dutch Programme Council for Educational Research based in Den Haag revealed that parents who engage their young children in serious conversations seem to boost their childrens' language proficiency.
As my children, now old enough to rejoice on the last day of classes, wind down the school year, we will most certainly be covering topics such as the outstanding performance of record slashing golfer Rory McIlroy and new laws about saggy pants worn on Texan buses. With the help of this week's content on GoGoNews, our dinner conversation may centre on the increase in food prices in China due to the floods. We will also most likely spend some time being enamored with a Toronto five-year-old who has created and illustrated a computer game!
It is possible that our conversation about Rory's magical day at the U.S. Open leads to a discussion about Northern Ireland. It is also possible that our conversation about China leads to a discussion about supply and demand. Regardless of the direction, it is more than likely that all of our conversations will foster curiosity and inspire my children to think about something they may not have otherwise and make this, the summer of inquiry.
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