Jesse Miller2013-06-19T00:55:36-04:00Jesse Millerhttp://www.huffingtonpost.ca/author/index.php?author=jesse-millerCopyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc.HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for Jesse MillerGood old fashioned elbow grease.How The Internet Still Hurts Amanda Toddtag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.30586282013-04-12T18:38:42-04:002013-06-12T05:12:01-04:00Jesse Millerhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/jesse-miller/
I was actually terrified of meeting Carol the first time we sat down for a coffee. I had already seen her daughter years earlier, in a social media awareness presentation that I delivered at a middle school.
I remember her daughter, sitting in a small gymnasium with fellow attentive students listening to a lesson about social media safety. Now, a few years later, I was meeting a woman who was about to teach me so much.
I remember hearing the stories and reading the reports as videos, comments and posts trickled through my social media feeds in October of 2012 about Amanda Todd. As local media emailed me asking for an opinion and a sound bite, I struggled as a speaker to convey a message as I could only sit and think about what a mother who had just lost her child was going through.
My fear in meeting Carol for the first time was not of reluctance to meet a person who I felt remorse for. The fear was more about what I could possibly say, especially considering my experience in working with youth and social media, to a woman who I knew was now destined to become an expert of how the social media world could change a life.
We can all imagine, reluctantly of course, what would happen if we lost a child. My friend Carol has lost her child to suicide and because of the notoriety of how her child passed; Carol has become a celebrity of sorts but without the fortune that accompanies the majority of those who become famous.
She carries a different type of notoriety, one that is attached to who her daughter was, who her daughter has become in our conversations about social media, cyber-bullying and mental health. My friend Carol is taking a difficult topic and turning the legacy of her daughter into awareness and communication for youth and on a daily basis she is learning how to navigate social media.
Today when parents ask me how to protect their children from negative social media content, I think about Carol who receives positive and negative emails and social media messages. She ignores most of the negative without feeding a response, instead she spends her time emailing large social media giants like Facebook and Twitter to address fake accounts and she responds to emails and messages from parents who reach out looking for a beacon of light in a scary world of youth, information and over-sharing.
Carol has become a spokesperson who is invited to speak on stages, stages that I think she would prefer were classrooms, working with kids as she did in the previous part of her professional life. Carol has become a voice for mental health, youth and social media influence with a story that no parent wants to have to tell.
I have met a strong woman who is taking on a whole new world and I am happy today to call Carol Todd my friend. When we hear a new story about a girl on the other side of Canada named Rehtaeh Parsons who was bullied, assaulted, and harassed online, I can only think of the similarities in story to Carol and her daughter Amanda Todd.
In 2012 - the world used Google to search people.
It went Whitney Houston, Kate Middleton and in third spot, Amanda Todd.
Amanda became famous, people searched and learned about a child from my community but then there is the content that's left behind and abused.
The above screenshot is obviously not a real profile belonging to Amanda Todd but anyone can make a Facebook account and when they do, the people behind the accounts like this, send messages to my friend Carol and at my core it doesn't make me mad, it scares me.
Who creates this type of hurt and for what purpose?
Is it a laugh or giggle for friends? Is there a sick joy that I'm missing in sending the images of deceased children and using their name in the form of a fake profile to a mother who cannot hurt anymore?
Parents please continue to learn about the story attached to Amanda Todd and today do not hesitate to talk to your children about the new story of Rehtaeh Parsons. Talk to your children about mental health, talking about social media is the first step in educating your kids about social media safety and outline your expectations about how your children will utilise this powerful tool for communication.
But as you read the above and wonder "Who would do this to another person?", "Where are the parents?" or "Who would send so much hate?" My question for you, as a father to other parents, what will your child do when they want to hurt a person using the Internet?
If you cannot find an answer, ask my friend Carol Todd, she can tell you what a person does online when they think no one is looking and it seems funny. She can tell you about the kids who have opened up to her and she can tell you about the hateful messages that are sent anonymously and it is not funny. It is hurtful and vile and until we have a way to verify social media accounts, confirmed by parents for young users, I promise these types of messages will happen to another parent and child tomorrow.]]>Why We Follow the Dead on Twittertag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.21224732012-11-13T17:30:14-05:002013-01-13T05:12:01-05:00Jesse Millerhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/jesse-miller/
In recent months, I have noted a number of high profile events where the social media content of the person who passed was not only sought after by media but by those who use social media to keep up with the story as it progresses.
During the summer of 2012, we saw the Colorado movie theatre shootings where one prominent social media user lost her life leaving behind a Twitter account that quickly increased in followers as her story spread. The purpose of social media is to engage and to interact with others online; this behaviour of following the dead is compelling, especially considering how simple it is to convey sympathy through a hashtag like #RIP.
I thought about this in reflection of real life as we lose friends and loved ones. I wondered, do we "like" obituary pages in the newspaper or do we respect them?
When we see hate shared on a memorial page online, does this behaviour exist because the troll wants to prompt anger and attention knowing that they are sharing openly but anonymously and would that person make the effort to violate the sanctity of a family in mourning at a funeral?
The shootings in Aurora, Colorado left a number of answers for investigators on social media, especially from those who survived. We all became front line spectators looking at Tweets as movie goers arrived in suspense for the movie event and subsequently viewed pictures and posts as they were shared from those in the theatre.
@JessicaRedfield who perished in Aurora had 2,328 followers on Twitter when she entered the theatre and after the shooting and announcement of her death, that number slowly grew to 7,198 within 11 hours of her last tweet. Within 13 hours that number grew to 10,100 followers, 14,400 within 17 hours, 20,700 within 23 hours and 22,800 within a day of death.
Many Twitter users prefer quantity of followers compared to quality and in my work, I try to educate youth about the value of positive connections online compared to the inflated value of acquaintance. Facebook friendship has always been a conversation piece in my work where I encourage users to engage their friendship list with real-life valuations. Would you pay a dollar for every friendship request online? Would you cull your friendship lists if you knew how a person is actually using your shared content, especially when we see how online users abuse the content left behind by the dead on social media websites?
One test I encourage is the "Write it Down" reflection -- take a pen and paper and write your Facebook friends down on paper from memory. See who you forget, why do they have access to personalized content online if you cannot remember who they are?
The death of Amanda Todd in Vancouver shook students, parents, schools and police. Dialogue occurred within communities about addressing bullying, social media safety all while content that this child left behind online was horribly used by users around the world, surfacing after being altered in Photoshop. People changed her photos with content that they thought appropriate for a laugh because they would never have to look her family in the eye. I became curious about those who shared her name, what social media effect did the other women named Amanda Todd see?
Here are a few sample Tweets from women who shared a name with a child who committed suicide. These women posted compassion, comparison photos in defence of their identity, links and accepted new followers all throughout the online hysteria that accompanied the news of this prominent suicide.
"I'm a different Amanda Todd, so please stop asking if I'm dead or fake. I'm neither. I'm totally different"
"Like the WORST way to get followers :/"
"QUESTION!" Why would someone want to follow a girl that just passed away. Lol it's not like she's going to be posting things...."
"this is not me. i am not the Amanda Todd that committed suicide. leave me alone"
Parents, we worry about our children online, but have we factored in the constant contact that the outside world has with those in your home, especially when your child shares a name with a person who has recently passed away?
Consider opening dialogue with your child if there is an event noteworthy enough to connect your family name to a story and ask yourself how you will deal with the death of your child and the people who will use social media to attach themselves to the story. Whether it is using the photos that your child leaves behind to create something to add further hurt to an imaginable situation, fake accounts that will surface in your name or the name of your child and how you will address the new followers your child has online because of the social media accounts they had while living?
The family of Jessica Redfield Ghawi kept her Twitter account active in the hope that the online memorial would provide awareness to the nature of her untimely death. Some 30,000 people followed within a week of her death. Currently, Jessica's Twitter account has 26,800 followers but the Twitter account that is set up for the scholarship in her name @JRGFoundation has just over 3,000 -- take some time and see if we can continue to help beyond a follow.
Those who are reading this and have a value for followers ( #TEAMFOLLOWBACK I'm talking to you). Have we considered how our families will cope with the people who want to add to the drama of death by increasing pain from behind the veil of the Internet? What happens to online social media accounts when we do not leave behind passwords, login info or access for parents who are dealing with the loss of a child?
In my work today, I ask youth why they hesitate to give parents access to their online accounts, many reply because it is rooted in a fear of getting in trouble for the content. Parents learn what has been posted in various routes, whether it's gossip, school administration, police, but when the child isn't there anymore to block access and the password access would maybe hinder the flow of information that may be abused online, for many parents, the online issues just add to the torture of losing a child.
We most likely will not have success in changing why the followers appear or how the trolls and bullies behave but we can change how we share the content that we will most inevitably leave behind. I encourage parents to build password trust, especially as your kids grow in a connected world where you may not get to provide input on Rest In Peace Facebook pages, YouTube tribute videos, and hate content built on the foundation of photos left behind by children who depart entirely too early.
]]>Twitter Is Changing Kidstag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.20902122012-11-07T18:22:14-05:002013-01-07T05:12:01-05:00Jesse Millerhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/jesse-miller/
Twitter is changing because the kids are flocking to the service faster than previous years and that the use of Twitter by youth is creating a number of issues for parents, schools and the occasional Olympian who just wants to compete for his country without having to deal with harassment from a kid on Twitter who wants to raise a stink.
An interesting moment during the London Olympic Games was when Olympic diver Tom Daley (18) received the following tweet from fellow countryman Reece Messer (17): "you let your dad down i hope you know that." This tweet was sent directly to the athlete and what Mr. Messer alleges he did not know at the time of posting the tweet, is that the father of Mr. Daley had recently passed after a long fight with cancer.
This post and subsequent tweets sent this young man on a path of media notoriety and online backlash from people around the world. Mr. Messer was investigated by police in the UK and his account has been suspended permanently by Twitter. I highly doubt that these events, especially warnings from police, have stopped Reece Messer from being an online bully, but this led to me addressing a concern in my work with a focus on the trends of youth who are migrating to Twitter from other social media platforms. Students who I have the privilege to speak with in my professional capacity, speaking at schools across Canada, seemed to be using Twitter to advertise personal messages to peers without censoring content from the rest of the user community and the Internet as a whole, especially content that is controversial within their school or peer community.
Initially, my focus on the trend as it applied to youth was that these two British teenagers were taking isolated arguments commonly seen in high schools between teens to a new level and to a new medium with a public vantage point similar to what we had seen with Facebook wall posts. I started digging in my own backyard and I discovered a Twitter conversation between a youth and my local police department as the young man was choosing to vent his frustrations after being cited for a traffic violation on a skateboard. The Vancouver Police Department is considered a leader in North America as a law enforcement agency that currently uses Twitter to engage community dialogue and address concerns from the public. The Twitter user was irate about his violation notice and instead of opening dialogue through parents or counsel to learn more about the alleged offence, the teen chose to address the police through social media and seek a departmental apology in targeting people who skateboard.
The police who monitor the account did an amazing job trying to direct this Twitter user in the correct path of voicing his concern in court or directly with the department, but he still found his comfort in using Twitter to goad the officer into an online conversation addressing his personal issue. He eventually got to a point where he addressed the officer who monitors the account as "pussies" for not replying to his query in a manner that he thought appropriate and then asking for a new police officer to talk to. Never through the dialogue did he consider to stop tweeting and seek guidance from adults or his parents.
Has the use of Twitter provided an interactive stage to users who not only expect replies from their favorite celebrities (@onedirection has yet to respond to my numerous tweets), but who expect that any issue, criminal or personal, can be addressed, vented about or solved on Twitter?
In contrast, direct communication between peers as youth advertise personal events as it occurs is becoming more public through the use of Twitter. Schools, parents and the general public are not learning about every event that may be of concern to a school or community because the information is being shared so quickly that it may go unnoticed unless a concern is addressed offline and to administration or authorities.
Recently, I presented at a high school where the Grade 12 students made T-shirts welcoming the new incoming Grade 8 students to the school for the 2012-13 school year. This may seem fairly benign and in good fun -- until the content of the shirts was closely examined. The interesting aspect for me as a social media educator was that I learned about these shirts before school administration and before I walked into the building. This information was available to me only because the senior students choosing to share pictures of their homemade shirts on Twitter before ever putting the shirts on their bodies.
These shirts were covered in messages: "Welcum Grade 8's"; "Love Knows No Age"; "Insert V-Card Here"; "Welcum Grade 8 13itches." The students even included hashtags like #prospects and #welcum so that the T-shirts and subsequent online conversations on Twitter could become interconnected inside the school and online.
The use of these hashtags and the name of the school made searching the content online much easier but the students failed to realize that some of these messages might have legal implications beyond the creation of an offensive shirt for school. Concern from the parents was minimal because the content had not surfaced from the online environment, and if the school or police raised alarm when the shirts entered the school, the online content would still linger once the shirts hit the garbage. If mainstream media became involved in the event, the content would have followed the user online as it embedded in Google results (just ask Reece Messer if his tweet about Daley is deleted).
The hyper-sexualization of youth is becoming easier to recognize through Twitter and with every tweet about hook-ups, sexual preferences and subsequent bathroom self-shots, online reputations are being built in dangerous ways that hinder the prospects of professional and academic options in the future. Youth catch onto hashtag trends much faster than most Twitter users and there has not been an audience in my past year that has not referenced #firstworldproblems or that someone had #swag -- when schools and parents have to focus on all of this negative behaviour online, where does education about the issues occur and how does a classroom discover positive social media education opportunities that would of be benefit to a user group who could use social media for so much more?
Parents need to understand social media behaviors as they apply to their children. Youth will connect and share online and Twitter is just becoming a new speaking environment (there will be more in the future). Most importantly, Twitter has given them a platform to share and learn collaboratively but when children start sharing in an environment designed for and used primarily by adults -- why are we surprised when we learn that kids are laughing online because their friend is participating in #Twitterafterdark?]]>
