Kerry Sauriol2013-06-19T06:43:26-04:00Kerry Sauriolhttp://www.huffingtonpost.ca/author/index.php?author=kerry-sauriolCopyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc.HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for Kerry SauriolGood old fashioned elbow grease.Mommy Bloggers Are Working Women, Tootag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.31749032013-04-30T14:23:49-04:002013-04-30T14:24:01-04:00Kerry Sauriolhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/kerry-sauriol/"I Don't Know How She Does It" with Sarah Jessica Parker. This movie is annoying and insulting on so many levels I frankly don't know where to begin. Suffice it to say, it is another fantasy 'chick flick' that did nothing to improve the reputation or lot of the average working mom let alone career -professional.
The internet has been a-buzz about working moms. Huge discussion erupted when Marissa Mayer went to her new position at Yahoo so early after giving birth. More discussion ensued when she cancelled Yahoo's work from home policy. Sheryl Sandberg's novel "Lean In" stirred the pot even more. Working women -- career or necessity -- are feeling a tad under scrutiny lately and it goes far beyond glass ceilings and pay inequality.
As part of her attempts to win the womens' vote for this election, Christy Clark and her various women and mom-focused ministers have been inviting moms and working women to small round table discussions to raise awareness about what the Liberal government can do to help mothers and working mothers in particular. I have attended a couple of these events and was grateful to share my feelings on what it takes to survive in B.C. as a family. The biggest issue that was brought up over and over was childcare. Due to love of career or by pure financial necessity, more women are working AND raising families and AFFORDABLE childcare has to be part of this juggling act. However what was emphasized also was FLEXIBLE childcare. Why? Because working mothers are not settling back into traditional 9-to -5 positions or even the few remaining shift work employment available out there. What are working mothers doing now? We are creating our OWN work.
For myself and many others, blogging has been the jumping off platform for creating income that is slowly (for myself anyway) creating more than pocket money on the side. The people I have met through blogging have helped me create new ways to form my own business that works around my family. Many other women have gone much further than I and are in the middle of amazing digital media empires and or fantastic writing careers. For all though, it is a juggling act, with much angst, guilt and sacrifice that films like "I Don't Know How She Does It" minimize and insult for a few cheap laughs.
The trivialization of our struggles continues on when we are faced with silly articles like the one that recently came out of the Wall Street Journal and has caused a firestorm of responses online from many women bloggers. This article focused on the popularity of mom and women blogger focused conferences. What it focused on was how cute these conferences are and how much fun the mommies are having being sponsored by big brands to be away from their children. What it didn't focus on was WHY these conferences are so popular - with brands and the women involved.
Mom blogging isn't just a big deal because the brands now have some amazing cheap new avenues to market their products through. That IS part of it, it is big business indeed, hence why the brands court 'influential' bloggers very seriously. Being a review blogger, particularly in the USA, can mean a very nice steady income stream for some women. But not for all.
As I have noted already, blogging for many, like myself has been the medium in which I could start to figure out (finally) what I could do as a grown up, not only for my own fulfillment but to help support our family of five. Surviving on a single income in Vancouver these days is no picnic. Our decision has led to much sacrifice. Don't get me wrong, we are happy with the choice. Our children came first and we have been happy about that, but in all honesty, it does feel more difficult than it really should be.
I have attended a couple of these 'big' mom focused blogging conferences (Blissdom Canada and BlogHer) and yes, they were amazing. I also am a member of a few entrepreneurial organizations in town and both have helped me believe that I don't have to resort to traditional work or home roles and that I can and indeed HAVE to shape my own world when it comes to income and career.
And that is what is NOT being discussed or being ignored by papers like WSJ and the many others who know they will get massive amount of hits on their story if they piss off the mom bloggers enough. Women are OWNING digital media. We may not be all over the tech pages with hip start-ups. We aren't on any big lists on 'who to watch out for' online and in the biz magazines. We may not be opening offices with tents and foosball tables, because we are doing all of our work from HOME. On our own or with partners who are also mothers and bloggers.
We are creating careers out of nothing. We are seeing where our talents are needed and then TELLING people they need those talents. We use our networks and big conferences to then share our talents and build our businesses. We work when our kids are napping or in school. We are on Skype with clients and partners while playing peekaboo with our babies and toddlers at the same time. We are all quietly getting on with it and yes when we get together at big conferences we might indeed just get a little silly, let our hair down and CELEBRATE all that we are trying to do on our own. Is THAT what irks those that write such disparaging articles about moms and mom bloggers? Is the old school world so threatened by what is really a symptom of the new economy? Perhaps.
I would ponder on it more, but I have children to feed and clients to take care of.]]>Parents Need To Speak Up About How Kids Are Being Taughttag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.26133742013-02-04T13:46:10-05:002013-04-06T05:12:01-04:00Kerry Sauriolhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/kerry-sauriol/proposed 10-year contract between the Government of B.C. and the B.C. Teachers' Federation (BCTF) sparked a lot of debate, none of it terribly positive for either side of the table.
For parents and students (the ones with an actual stake in the plan), there isn't much to be done about it except wait and see. Parents of school-age children don't actually have much of a say when it comes to who and how our children are being taught. We can show our opinions by our vote or we can move our children to private or home-schooling, if we are so lucky.
Something does have to change with the way our kids are being taught though. Every school year, the teachers bring out the same decorations for each season and theme. Nothing seems to change. I like most of the teachers at the school, I think it is a pretty good place and my children seem to be (after a few bumps along the way) be doing OK. Just OK, not exceeding, not failing, but going along in the middle, like a school wants their students to be.
But when I see the same old, same old, I really start to question the value of the curriculum in our ever quickly changing society.
Are our schools keeping up with what is truly relevant in our world? Our school has a large computer centre with its own teacher. I have NO clue what is taught there. The kids bring home printouts about "online safety," but I don't think these courses actually mention things like Facebook or Twitter.
My son came home from some sort of presentation on the topic and the only thing that stuck with him was a story about people spying on you through your webcams. None of what was told actually resonated with is already existing online life.
Wouldn't it be good if they taught kids how to research online? How to source information and not violate copyright? I don't think elementary school is too young to learn this, not if the kids are already developing Internet lifestyles at home. The kids are merrily cutting and pasting images with no lessons about the legality of this.
Could they not perhaps start to cover basic keyboarding skills too? I suppose I will have to request a special meeting with this computer person when the next parent-teacher conference rolls along.
I think the biggest thing we have to realize when the talking heads are discussing our children's future that it is up to us on the ground to make sure our kids are learning what we want them to learn.
A Twitter discussion set me off again when parents and teachers were discussing what to buy or make for their kids class Valentine's. My question is, WHY? Why are we teaching Valentine's at all in classes? And not the actual origin of the day but instead what the card, flower and chocolate makers want our kids to know: how to be good little consumers.
Why not just make cards for parents or sick kids or something. Why make a fuss of the day at all? I was told that parents would be upset if we didn't do it. Why? Is it really relevant to the world we live in today? We want to teach our children to be the next heroes and givers, but instead we mark a day by rushing out to the dollar store and writing 25 cards that end up in the garbage as soon as they are home.
If this attitude is just me, then I apologize for wasting all your time, but I just thought we wanted the future generations to be more enlightened than what we seem to be right now.
There is absolutely no point in agreeing or disagreeing with the premier or the BCTF if we the parents don't speak up and have a voice in how our children are being taught in the 21st century.
I will step off my soapbox now.
]]>Are Strollers On Public Transit A Nuisance?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.25349232013-01-23T14:41:29-05:002013-03-25T05:12:01-04:00Kerry Sauriolhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/kerry-sauriol/Should Parents With Strollers Be Allowed On Public Transit?
Discussions have flared up on Twitter, Facebook and numerous mom blogs. I have mostly stayed out of it as my kids are (thank GOD) well past the stroller stage. However, my childhood was spent in the UK with family that did nothing BUT take strollers on buses and therefore I think there is a lot more to the story than is being discussed.
I have never been on a Toronto bus, but I do ride the Vancouver transit system as little as possible because frankly, it sucks. I too don't think it is family or child-friendly and as someone who grew up carless, feel for those who have no choice.
However, it IS about choice, since Vancouver is supposedly all about being a greener city and being green and taking transit should be for everyone, families included and that means not only making buses more family friendly but our culture too.
Not only are buses not designed for strollers (especially folded up), our culture is not designed for it either. People on buses and the Skytrain are not very friendly. They don't appreciate ANYONE who is not fully compact with those annoying backpacks and totally tuned out on their iPods. Anyone with wheelchairs, bikes, packages or babies are considered an infringement on their right to travel without acknowledging those around them.
I grew up in Scotland where the buses seemed to be dominated by seniors and families. I recall being offered a "wee sweetie" by little old ladies and I also recall my cousin and mother of four being offered HELP getting her kids and stroller on the bus. Let's also remember the strollers were smaller and the buses there had a storage spot at the front.
People helped moms. I don't see that too often here and now. Vancouver is not a "helping" city. We are a tad narcissistic and a tad selfish and so when a mom shows up fully loaded (what is WITH all that stuff you are bringing!) on a bus, all we think about is how late that person is going to make us and that their babies better not even look at me.
Family-friendly transit means not only making buses run more frequently and be designed better, but it also means creating cities that don't equate families with minivans and the idea that if you are on a bus you are too poor for a minivan and the "why did you have kids then" mentality.
It also means stroller companies designing transit-friendly strollers and teaching moms that you CAN travel light with kids. Don't LOAD up your stroller with so much stuff that you can't fold it up. The age of self-entitlement is not making things very friendly — eco, or otherwise.
Everyone can and should be taking the bus. It should not be an onerous undertaking for anyone.]]>Dreams Of A Lovely, Formal Christmastag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.21896762012-12-23T16:04:59-05:002013-02-22T05:12:01-05:00Kerry Sauriolhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/kerry-sauriol/
I felt her pain. She is retired and so there are no more office Christmas events to get all gussied up for. Family offers little too. Our family doesn't merge with the extended relatives anymore over the holidays, so Christmas these years is at my home and well... OK with three kids, subdued is not the right word, but you get what I mean.
I suddenly had a GREAT idea. What if we really pushed the boat out this year? What if we all bought lovely Christmas outfits and went OUT for Christmas dinner. Yeah!!! We could book at one of the gorgeous hotels for their dinner packages. Have a lovely formal family dinner.
It would be lovely. I imagined my kids Caitlyn and Tara in beautiful velvet frocks and Adam wearing a little suit with Husband looking his formal best. How fun this would be for our little family I thought. Not to mention getting out of cooking and dishes for Christmas!
For one year, we could at least FAKE a Martha Stewart Christmas. For one year, we could ignore our dog and cat stained house and embrace the glitter and magic of Christmas like it is on television.
Then I remembered; I remembered that very morning when we went for a treat... breakfast at McDonalds with Tara. We couldn't even rise up to the civility of fast food as Tara's McMuffin ended up mostly on the floor.
My children are savages. Eating out with them is like asking chimpanzees to tea. It can be HORRIFYING. We spend more time apologizing to waiters and surrounding customers who have had the misfortune of watching Tara eat while the others bicker.
Caitlyn loves to dress up but at the same time, with her wild hair, attracts dirt from every direction, and subsequently lives with permanent dirt smudges across her pretty face. On some days I wait for Child Services to show up asking why I neglect my kids. As I type, Tara -- the three-year-old -- has four shirts pulled on as dresses and tops. No pants though.
We are not a formal family. Mom and I have always dreamed "above our station," as the old British saying goes, but who are we kidding. Christmas now means ignoring the dirt and chaos and focusing on the wine and sparkly lights.
This year will no doubt be a repeat of dinner in pajamas, sick dogs and overstimulated children. Dreams of velvet dresses will have to stay that way till perhaps the kids are grown up -- then they can join us for dinner at the retirement home and wipe the dirt of my face.]]>Why Is Santa A Lie But God Isn't?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.21897082012-12-21T12:48:31-05:002013-02-20T05:12:02-05:00Kerry Sauriolhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/kerry-sauriol/
Why do people get all pissy about Santa? Every year I hear puffy people telling me that it is wrong to LIE to your kids and that they will be destroyed and messed up when they find out the harsh truth.
Now unless something really harsh happened to them as kids, I really do not recall being that crushed about the whole Santa thing.
NOTHING polarizes parents more than Santa. It is where religion, idealism and perfection of parenting clashes with more debate and bluster. My son Adam told me that a kid in his class is telling everyone that Santa isn't real.
This boy happens to be of a culture and religion that does not do Christmas. Adam and I feel that no matter your beliefs, you have to respect other peoples beliefs, cultures and origins so I tend to get a bit upset when other parents don't feel the same way I do.
Santa may annoy you for whatever reasons: the consumerism of Christmas, the paganism, etc. It is not your place to tell me or my kids that what I am doing is wrong. I have always considered myself an agnostic leaning towards atheism, but with a Protestant background, I respect the right of others to believe what they believe -- as long as it does no harm, and telling my kid that Santa isn't real is harm in my books.
My kids will no doubt figure it out for themselves, like I did. Like the tooth fairy, like monsters under the bed and so on. Reality rushes into childhood fast enough.
Do I like that Christmas is an insane mass of greed hidden among the glitter? No.
But our family will do Christmas OUR way. They have learned the pagan, religious and cultural significance of the holiday -- as much as they care to learn about at this stage anyway -- and Santa is part of that for us.
I am not lying to my kids. I am not fooling them.
Kids are way smarter than we allow. Kids generally allow themselves to be open to belief. That is how imaginations soar and free play gives them their creative outlets. When people tell them that they are "wrong" for that belief, they are telling kids they are wrong for having an imagination. I find that very, very sad. Without the permission to believe there would be no faeries, no dragons, no space aliens, nothing.
We in our house, wholeheartedly give permission to let our kids imaginations run wild.]]>Sorrows Of This Planet Totally Overwhelmingtag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.23131512012-12-17T17:00:25-05:002013-02-16T05:12:01-05:00Kerry Sauriolhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/kerry-sauriol/tragedy in Newtown. What can I say that everyone else isn't already saying or feeling. With school-age kids in the house, I avoided the news on the weekend because I didn't want to project my horror upon the kids. They heard about it, they were shocked and we moved on. I really don't want the children to hear all about it. There is enough to upset them about their world as it it.
I don't want to read about the parents' and families' grief. I don't want to see the photos of their pain. I can imagine well enough and it makes me physically ill to think about it. I think we can all agree that hurting children is the worst act you can do, no matter your mental health, reasons and so forth.
Sadly, humanities history is filled with atrocities against children for many excuses including war, religion, ethnic cleansing, to a simple message to the "enemy."
And messages they are, especially now when the media does a great job of spreading that message for free. People planning these deeds know full well how it will be received and how their acts will shake not only the immediate people affected but by every other person who happened to be watching TV, listening to the radio, and let's not forget the insatiable Internet.
Traditional journalists have to work a lot harder to get a percentage of the populations interest when their Twitter feeds are filled with real time reports. Hence my avoidance of almost all media for the last couple of days. I have been even loathe to read opinion pieces (hypocritical I know) because it all feels like we are giving the murderers exactly what they wanted.
On a daily basis the mainstream media glosses over the latest horrors from afar; we have become numb to the offhand death toll numbers in Syria, Afghanistan, and so on, as they scroll across our screens while MORE IMPORTANT news (closer to home) is blasted in our face eking out the minutiae of LIVE REPORTING.
I am troubled that we are more horrified by deaths of children here rather than afar. They all have parents who are left numb and alone. We should be weeping for the world. One that doesn't seem to be getting any better. It's the 21st century and we are still killing each other and ourselves.
We look at the whys .. but they are only symptoms. Gun control, mental health, religion, media ... it all blurs together. People kill to get attention and now worse than ever when they have examples before them paving the way.
Modern media blames the needs of the hungry masses for how they handle awful events like Newtown, but dialogue IS necessary. But I don't care what the talking heads have to say about it. They are part of the problem. We need to at least TRY to solve what feels to be the growing need for mass execution for publicity. I just can't seem to build up enough belief in humanity that we WILL solve this. But we have to try.
I am finding the sorrows of this planet to be totally overwhelming these days. What will it take to stop all this. I hope all those tiny lives are worth it. Let's do more than remember them, let's do something for them. Don't feed the monsters anymore.]]>What Are We Doing Wrong About Bullying?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.19642922012-10-13T22:33:10-04:002012-12-13T05:12:01-05:00Kerry Sauriolhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/kerry-sauriol/tormented teen who could only see one way out of her struggle and that was taking her own life. It is time to rethink how we are handling this whole "bullying" thing.
As a parent of two school-age children, I have a feeling that the definition of "bully" has been lost in translation. The kids and the education they receive about bullying still seems focused on specific types of interactions that they can easily define. This generally seems to cover the school yard tormentors and the push and shove matches between one bigger kid against a smaller kid. They get the physical aspect of bullying but not the mental part and especially not the cyber part.
My children are young and don't yet have phones so we are not dealing with texting issues yet. Nor do they have much of an online life apart from the Xbox Live system. This system we have carefully monitored to ensure their on-line safety when connecting with other players. I made a Facebook account for Adam, but so far I have been the one managing it. Therefore they have not witnessed or been subject to life altering bullying. Yet.
It does boggle me a bit, but I get the feeling that the institutions we entrust with our children from the ages of five to 17 do not understand and are not being trained to understand how developing children function together and how they now function with the added technology of cellphones and social media.
This idea came to me when my daughter was facing a bit of a dram at school last year. Her Best Friend Forever was moved to a different class when they were splitting them all up (never figured out all that logic). Both were devastated but figured they had recess and lunch and play dates, so they would survive.
A classmate of the BFF had other plans however, and worked very hard at pulling my daughter's BFF away from her. The school was witness to countless altercations between all three, to the point that a counsellor was brought in to "mediate" between them all.
The counsellor contacted me also and I was told that they were working on them all trying to be friends together. All girls thought this was a load of hooey and personally, so did I. If kids don't get along, they don't get along.
We teach our kids that they can't be friends with everyone, and to just be polite and avoid the ones that you don't consider your friends. I think the counsellors "let's all be friends" philosophy is what lays underneath many adults in authorities' views on dealing with bullying. It is outdated and quaint and avoids dealing with the true horror that progressive bullying and tormenting really is.
Their grasp of how devastating bullying can be when it reaches online is even more out of date and antiquated. My children have computer classes. They seem to play games and make printouts of pretty images. I am not sure where the "education" lies in all this. It would be nice if they were taught things like how to properly use Google, how to source online research, and perhaps as they get older, how to deal with online privacy.
In fact, after speaking to other parents, what seems to be needed is a "How To" for dealing with your tweens' and teens' online lives. We need to teach parents not only how to communicate with their children about the importance of online privacy but to also educate themselves in the technology and the tools that they can employ to ensure their children's cyber safety. From legalities to practicalities, parents need to know how to protect their children.
There is a gaping void of understanding between teens and adults, and lives are being lost because of it. I strongly doubt that any of Amanda Todd's tormentors would ever consider themselves a bully as it has been defined to them. I wonder how much actual guilt there is from those that stood by and let this happen. Why did Amanda feel so alone and what are we going to do about it?]]>Minefield Of Parenting Bloggers: Can You Take The Heat?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.19308762012-10-02T12:31:22-04:002012-12-02T05:12:01-05:00Kerry Sauriolhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/kerry-sauriol/Babble:
If I were to be absolutely honest, my older son is my favorite of the two. He and I are adventurous partners in crime, and I can't imagine life without him. He was an accident waiting to happen, and I'm so glad it did.
I am not going to bother too much weighing in on the response; Lisa Rankin already did a good job of that here in the Huffington Post. What it does highlight is the minefield that personal and parental blogging can be. If you are not a parenting expert or a TYPE of parent -- you know: the attachment parent, the home schooler, the helicopter, the free ranger -- after the funny or gross parental anecdotes, topics can run a bit thin.
The topics are especially thin if we can't dare touch the touchy subjects without fear of a torch and pitchfork crowd yelling for your blood. If you're on Facebook or Twitter, the touchy subjects cover a lot of ground.
Do you dare mention you let the kids eat Nestle chocolate or heaven forefend, that you actually bottle fed them with NESTLE FORMULA!!?? Do you mention that you let your young wards watch non-educational TV? What if you let it be known that you may have fed them JUNK FOOD! Any of these things can spark mass unfollows and negative comments.
Being a parent blogger is a bit of a social club and you don't want to lose your membership to that club. I don't care how much you tell me you have a blog PURELY for the love of writing, or it is just for your family, or to record your precious child's every moment for the future. I don't buy it.
If it was just for the writing you would have a journal, not a blog that is open to the public. Not only do you want your page rank to grow, you want those visitor numbers to swell. You want to be read, at the least. At the most, you get the access to some of the amazing opportunities that lie out there for good parental bloggers.
Amazing opportunities may just be connected with like-minded people. I LOVE the group of bloggers, Facebookers and Twitterers that I now consider my friends. They have been my lifeline to sanity. You may also want to be invited to interesting events and conferences. You MIGHT want to be considered a "someone" in the parental blogging community. It could get you a book deal or a TV show. We ALL want to be The Pioneer Woman. Okay, that last part might be just me, but I strongly doubt it.
What we don't want is to attract the wrath of mom and or dad bloggers. There have been awful flame wars between a blogger and their fans versus another faction. Think the Jets and the Sharks but with nasty words and sometimes death threats. It CAN get that silly online.
Normal parental judgment is magnified online. People are a lot freer in expressing their outrage online than they are to your face, and that can be hurtful if you are not used to it or your online image is key to your brand and lifestyle.
Words can hurt so every time I think about a new topic for my blog, I wonder: Am I strong enough to take the heat from those that may disagree with me? Controversy might give you lots of hits, but are you tough enough?
I honestly don't think Bishop said anything wrong. I don't think his kids will read what he said as some terrible cruel statement either. I personally think people made too much of it all. But that is the way the Internet works.
This is a bit of concern however, since blogs are supposed to be honest. How can we be honest and true if we fear the wrath of our peers?]]>Good Riddance To Hospital Baby Photographerstag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.18418582012-08-30T11:06:20-04:002012-10-30T05:12:01-04:00Kerry Sauriolhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/kerry-sauriol/
According to a CTV news story, the Fraser Health Authority in B.C. is saying no to contract baby photographers and I, for one, say good riddance.
Let me explain why. I've had the privilege to partake in the birth experience at both the Fraser Health and Coastal Health institutions. I've had the pleasure of complete strangers who were not doctors or nurses barging into my room moments after I expelled my progeny asking if I wanted photos of them. And why would I NOT want adorable photos of this new miracle of life. How can you say no when you haven't slept in 48 hours and can't sit down because your nether regions feel like hamburger and you are consumed with crazy-making hormones?
How about when the photographer barges into your room at 7 a.m. after you've gone through a night of induced labour to deliver the baby that was already dead? Yes, that happened to me.
The day before, I had been casually sent by my Ob/Gyn for an ultrasound. The panicked technician then hurriedly sent me back to the specialist who told me there was no heartbeat and sadly my boy number three was dead at 25 weeks. From there it was an agonizing call to my husband and then off to Burnaby General Maternity where they hurried me into a corner labour room to start being induced.
Seventeen hours later, I held and said goodbye to my little boy and then returned to my room for some rest. Then the cheery and pushy photographer barged in to ask me about baby pictures. To put it nicely: Not cool.
Yes, contracted photographers apparently do donate part of their profits to the hospitals, which we all know is needed. But I have to say, I think there are better ways to earn a buck. The photos that I had taken of my first two children by these "professionals'" were frankly horrific and did not make it into any baby books and are only ever brought out for a chuckle.
I don't know about you, but I was barely rational after the birth of my children and neither was my shell-shocked husband. We were gullible and easy targets for pushy photographers barging into our private time with our newborns. Or as that photographer found out, barging willy nilly into my time of greatest grief.
The news report stated that photography like this was a dying breed due to our age of digital cameras and smart phones. Perhaps they are. Perhaps instead, people are learning that some patience and time ALONE with their babies is precious.
Or perhaps the powers that be are easing up on the blast into epic consumerism that is having a baby. A maternity ward where the hustle and bustle leaves you barely a moment to think, let alone focus is hardly the place to decide what sort of baby photography you want. There are loads of really great baby photographers out there. Why not wait until you are home to 'professionally' record the first few days of your new arrival?]]>Since When Is Just Being a Mother Shameful?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.17786252012-08-16T08:06:59-04:002012-10-16T05:12:28-04:00Kerry Sauriolhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/kerry-sauriol/with the headline: "1% Wives Are Helping Kill Feminism and Make the War on Women Possible." The tag line was even worse: Being a mother isn't a real job -- and the men who run the world know it.
In all honesty, it was a long and rambling piece that couldn't decide if it is the wives of the ultra-rich or just all of the women who stay at home who are a problem. Rita Arens at BlogHer did a great job of breaking it down. The two main thinking points that I think we can take from the article is 1) what IS feminism today? and 2) how DO men perceive women; working and not?
The history of feminism is rooted in the fight for equality. Equality when it came to basic human rights and that biggie -- the right to vote. We seem to continue to fight for the right to choose what we do with our bodies. That battle goes on. In the workplace we have fought for equal pay and ways to smash through that glass ceiling. For many the root of feminism was to be treated like a man. This put off and frightened the more "traditional" women in the western world, especially those from a more traditional and conservative background.
For many -- obviously including Wurtzel -- working side by side with men and garnering their respect was and is key to the strength of feminism. This black-and-white view has been the reason of many women's reluctance to stay at home with their kids, less they be pegged as sellouts or "traditionalists." Suddenly being a mom wasn't "feminist" enough. Suddenly women have to do more than raise our children, they have to earn a living too just to keep their "feminist" card.
Think on how many times you have heard clarifications to the "I'm just a stay at home mom" statement. "Oh but I volunteer too!" "I sell Tupperware!" "I have a blog!" "I have started my own business."
The "us against them," view of feminism that Wurtzel preaches denigrates men and women. It does nothing to serve the cause. It is inflammatory and scandalizing without offering any sort of solution. Unless, of course, those of us who are at home with the children all write to her and apologize for ever thinking we were feminists.
Wurtzel's ideas are not part of the cure, but part of the problem. Her attitude shows that the struggle for understanding feminism and gender issues has got a long way to go. If there is little common understanding or respect from our own "kind,"' how can we expect the male dominated aspects of our society to "get it."
In my online world, there are many examples of this. Look at the condescension women have faced when either labeled or labelling themselves "mommy blogger." You are not a real blogger. You are not a real writer. You are just a mom filling her endless empty hours online. It is sad when being a mother is something to be ashamed of.
You can only imagine how even more confused we become when we try to fill the mandate of the "earn money to be a feminist" and monetize our blogs. Then we are sell outs. A blogger who happens to be a mom cannot win.
For many women who happen to be mothers, the answer is to just avoid the male dominated corporate world and create their own. The proliferation of groups such as this one show how powerful the drive is for women to take things into their own hands and avoid the glass ceiling all together. But even here, the labels pursue us.
I am very proud of Crunchy Carpets, the blog and the brand that has been created due to my love for all things social media. But as I start to venture away from my purely at home role as a mom, I am finding that brand to be a bit of a burden.
Not only does the mantra of people like Wurtzel fill me with doubts about WHY I want to work -- is it because I have to in order to fulfill my feminist instincts, or is it because frankly our family struggles on one income? Do I have real entrepreneurial aspirations or is it because the "real" working world would not give me and my so called qualifications a second look?
What do potential employers see when they look at my CV, or worse, my LinkedIn profile? Is it too much "mommy"? Where I see myself as a qualified woman with children, who can do anything connected to web and social media, others (men and women) see a mom who can only talk about mom things.
It is a disappointing world that equates little skill or knowledge when it comes to taking on the role of motherhood fulltime. In this day and age, where we are connected so easily to the world via the internet, and so many women are, why is it still assumed that a mother has less experience, qualifications and or knowledge than a non-mother or non-stay-at-home-mother?
Our 21st century society is truly struggling with how skill and education is perceived. The baby boomer concepts of good school equals good job equals good retirement don't really work anymore. Long term careers are few and hard to find. Switching tracks and careers is becoming the norm. So why can't that be the same for women who are at home with the kids? In my fields of interest, I can honestly say that I am as updated and knowledgeable as the next qualified person.
I may be a bit older, but that break in CV is not a negative mark on my life track. It was and still is the time I am taking to nurture not only myself as a human being but my children too.
If that means I am not a feminist, then I will gladly turn in my membership card.]]>