2013-05-23T05:10:29-04:00 Tad Milmine http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/author/index.php?author=tad-milmine Copyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc. HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for Tad Milmine Good old fashioned elbow grease. tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.3171255 2013-05-01T12:19:49-04:00 2013-05-01T21:46:06-04:00

Tad Milmine http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tad-milmine/
Jamie was relentlessly bullied for being a figure skater and, later in life, for being openly gay. Jamie and I have lots in common, including the fact that I too am gay. I read how Jamie was bullied for many years and yet he never fought back. When I was done reading, I was frozen in my bed.

It was at that time that I decided that I was not going to be a person who read headlines and hoped the world would become a better place around me. I was going to do something about it.

I created my own project called 'Bullying Ends Here'. I decided to open up about my challenges growing up in a broken home and also being bullied all through school. I decided that I would speak with youth and speak from the heart. I would share my own bullying story along with Jamie's. No visual aids or handouts, just talking.

When I put this initiative together in October 2012, I did it on my own time and at my own expense. I wanted to reach out to youth to let them know that if they wanted to talk, share their story or make a new friend, I would be there for them.

What I didn't know was how big this initiative would become.

Through word of mouth, I began speaking every day and the requests began piling up. It was in November 2012 that my employer proposed that I take a few months to work on my project full-time and speak to youth from December to March. I was quickly inundated with more requests.

My employer then gave me the opportunity for me to continue touring around the country -- at their expense -- to see what kind of demand there would be for my bullying talks. I was given an extension until the end of June 2013, but this too filled up within days. Requests have come in from every province and United States as well.

As of April 2013, I am proud to share that I have spoken in 4 provinces to over 25,000 youth so far. As I stated above, I reach out to all youth to let them know that, if they feel they don't have anyone to talk to, that they do have me. I have received over 3,500 emails to date and of those emails, 9 were from people who confided how my presentation saved their life.

I must admit that sharing my personal life, holding nothing back, has it's challenges personally. For an adult to speak about feelings and emotions in front of strangers, let alone 25,000 of them is not the easiest thing to do. Because of the emails I receive daily, they inspire me to do much more.

I've had the privilege recently to go to Ottawa and meet with Jamie's parents, Wendy and Allan, in person. They both welcomed me into their home to share stories, laughs and tears. I have a connection with them that cannot be put into words. Allan and Wendy work tirelessly to educate others on mental health issues along with suicide prevention.

This is when I became aware of CTV news anchor Kevin Newman and his work on promoting acceptance, tolerance and understanding towards gay youth. Kevin went public with his own story of having a gay son. I am proud of Kevin because it's hard taking such a large step moving from maintaining a private life to making it very public.

Rick Mercer is an openly gay male TV personality who I consider my friend. It was one of his rants pushed me to make the choice to "tell the world" about my sexuality. Although I was not afraid to go public, it was a big step that I had not thought about doing previously. I figured that if Rick could do it, so could I.

Although I have toured the country these last few months and currently have hundreds of requests for the next school year in every province, my employer has decided not to provide further funding on the national level for my bullying lectures. However, I am fortunate enough that my employer does see a benefit on the provincial level and has decided to fund my work for another school year.

The last time I wrote a blog, there were a few comments that were not that supportive. Without addressing them individually, I just want to say that I understand I cannot change the world as a whole.

What I can do is help change the world from the perspective of individuals. I can try to help today's youth to be better. I can be there to listen, guide and support them. I can be another resource available to them that isn't a website. What I am trying to say is that at least I am trying to help make this world a better place. As I said earlier, I am not going to sit and wait for the world to solve itself, I am going to do something myself.

Perhaps any negativity you share with me is because you don't think this will work, because I am gay or because I am a police officer trying to do something positive. My sexuality has nothing to do with my presentation. I just share that so the youth know that I am unique in my own way... just like you.

I speak about sexuality for all of 30 seconds during my hour-long presentations. Come and see for yourself, I welcome any and all to each one! My schedule is listed here.

I am very excited to say that my "little" initiative has reached so many youth and that I am able to do my part to help others. I will continue to educate myself to become even better at what I do and continue to reach tens of thousands of youth in the coming months. I will tell the world about Jamie and also share my story in hopes of inspiring youth to make individual positive change.

Bullying Ends Here
Website: www.bullyingendshere.ca
Twitter: @tadmilmine
Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.2777418 2013-02-28T13:42:37-05:00 2013-04-30T05:12:01-04:00

Tad Milmine http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tad-milmine/
Growing up, I lived in a broken home. My father was a "high functioning alcoholic, I had a terrible stepmother and I was horrifically introverted. My stepmother believed that "kids don't belong upstairs" and made me stay in the basement. It was four cement walls, a cement floor, no Internet or fancy electronics -- just a small black and white TV Already being terribly shy, being limited to the basement did not help. I had no one to talk to, confide in or support me. I was alone.

Going to school was equally as bad. Being so shy made me the target of many youth. They discovered that all they had to do was call me a couple of bad names and I would break down crying. When I say crying, I mean a river from my eyes, shoulders shaking, unable to breathe and certainly not able to communicate.

I went through this unbearable isolation both at home, and at school, from the age of six through 17. I felt depressed, alone, and at times, thought of suicide. I felt that no one liked me, no one wanted to be my friend.

I took each day one at a time until I was 17 when the stepmother was screaming at me. Something inside of me had enough and I walked out of the house with only the clothes on my back. I ran away. I have lived on my own since.

At the age of 33, I finally decided to apply to the RCMP. I was accepted and am truly living my dream in Surrey, B.C. I am a very proud Mountie.

On Oct. 17, 2011, I read a story about a 15-year-old boy named Jamie Hubley who killed himself. He bullied relentlessly for years because he was a figure skater, and later openly gay.

I was paralyzed in my bed. I remembered my dream to be a police officer because I wanted to help people and here was this inspirational young man, who wanted nothing more than to be accepted for who he was, taking his own life. I decided that I was going to be more than someone reading headlines, hoping the world around me became a better place. I decided to go out there and make a difference myself.

I connected with Hubley's father who gave me his blessing to share his son's story with the world. I created my own website for Bullying Ends Here and then decided to start speaking to local youth on my days off and at my own expense. I really thought this would be a very small initiative one or two days per month. But what happened is that one teacher told another who told another.

In just a few weeks, the media picked up on what I was doing. The RCMP also recognized that this was getting big and they quickly became my biggest supporter. I was offered an opportunity to work on this initiative full-time to see where it might lead.

At each presentation I share the details of my private life and growing up. I then tell Hubley's story as though he is still with us. When I reveal that he committed suicide because of the bullying for being "unique," this is where I share that I too am gay.

I challenge the youth to reflect on themselves and see if something inside of them just changed for the negative towards me. If so, they have some serious work to do. I tell them about how I created this entire project for them. I tell them that I have been gay the entire time speaking to that point and that I like them no matter their thoughts on me are.

I accept them for who they are and I will help them when needed whether they like me or not. They can't take that away from me. I challenge them to look in the mirror and ask themselves: "Was I the very best person I could have been today" and then challenge themselves to be better tomorrow.

I also challenge them to help those who won't speak for themselves -- the victims. I tell them to stand up to the bully or, in the very least, tell an adult. Be the voice for the victim. Be someone's hero!

In only five months, I have travelled across Canada and spoken to over 15,000 youth. I have received four emails from students stating that I saved their lives.

I remember what it is like to feel alone, depressed and suicidal. I know what it's like to have addictions in the family, to have a crappy home life and to not feel loved. I remember what it is like to be young which is why I am so passionate about this.

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