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Vicki Murphy

Writer, www.motherblogger.ca

Vicki Murphy is a mom, writer and hot mess in St. John's, Newfoundland and Labrador. She spends her free time fumbling through motherhood and living to tell the tale (barely) at www.motherblogger.ca. Vicki's first book, MotherFumbler, published by Breakwater Books, is now available.
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What I Hear When You Call My Unborn Daughter a "Drama Queen"

"Good luck with the little drama queen," they say when they find out I'm expecting a girl. It seems we gals have a rep right out of the womb -- as dramatic, irrational whack-jobs. So, when one of us is assaulted and comes forward, many people instantly think: oh she's exaggerating, seeking attention or revenge or a payday. It's a pattern, after all.
12/10/2014 12:36 EST
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What I Really Want To Tell You About Pregnancy

I'm torn because my family always comes first, but I also have these ideas and opportunities and the iron is hot and I'm not getting any younger and this is my time, bitch. I'm riddled with guilt just typing that, because society and my upbringing and all that bullshit has programmed me to believe I'm a mother now, so I'm supposed to sacrifice my own dreams for everyone else's. But I'm determined to try my best to fuck that noise and do it all, even if I don't do any of it perfectly. I'd rather live with failure than regret.
09/15/2014 05:36 EDT
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Last-Minute Shopping Tips for Clueless Husbands

Tick tock, hubbies of the world. 48 hours remain before Christmas Day. When ye men finally take your hands out of your sweatpants and think, "Hmmm. Guess I should get out and do some shopping." Gee, ya think? Here are a dozen easy, inexpensive ideas to help.
12/23/2013 12:04 EST
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Why I Hate the '80s Ninja Turtles

One day, I pressed play on the PVR and went about my bidness, Max on the couch pumped for some Turtle Power. A few minutes later, I heard this moaning and groaning coming from the television, with some bow-chicka-wow music in the background. What the. I ran to the TV and saw a commercial for a chat line, The Night Exchange.
12/02/2013 08:11 EST
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Trying to Teach My Little Boy About War and Remembrance

Around 10:45 a.m., I decided it was time to turn off Lego Stars Wars and turn our attention to real war, and all those who have fought, or continue to fight, for our freedom. First, I had to get Max Skywalker on board. He really had no idea what Remembrance Day was all about. My super-simplified explanation went something like this...
11/11/2013 12:18 EST

The Writer's Writing Place

Apparently most writers have a special place to, you know, write. George Bernard Shaw had a hut that he could rotate so he was always in the sun. Roald Dahl spun his dark humour from an elaborate gard...
10/30/2013 11:11 EDT
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Why Writing a Book Is Harder Than Giving Birth

Just in case you missed the first trillion times I mentioned it: giving birth was really hard. Now I am about to give birth again. This time, to a book. In some ways, giving birth to a book is harder than giving birth to a baby. Everyone loves your human baby because it's an innocent party in all of this. But many will hate your paper baby, because you made it, and you suck.
07/08/2013 05:25 EDT
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Let's Be Honest, Breastfeeding Is NOT Magical

A mother's milk may very well be the "perfect food" but the process sure ain't perfect so let's not pretend it is. Of course it's nice. It's convenient, even. But it is NOT magical. Unless curling your toes while your vampire baby sucks your nipples four inches down into his throat is magical.
06/11/2013 07:50 EDT

You Are Four Years Old Today

Max James Murphy, you sneaky rascal. How are you growing up so darn fast? You are four years old today. I am in awe. When people asked how old you were today, you said: "I'm four. And then five and th...
04/30/2013 02:09 EDT

Trying to Balance Parenthood, My Work and My Passion

Oh look, a couple hours of spare time to blog. It was hiding behind the creative brief I brought home from the office, which was behind the dog's dandruff shampoo, which was behind the heap of dirty l...
04/28/2013 06:26 EDT
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Why I Tell My Son About a Religion I Don't Believe In

Even though I'm not much of a believer myself, I tell my son about Jesus. I do it so that one day, when Max realizes it's all a bunch of horse shit, it won't be "because Mom told me so." It'll be "because that is what I think." On the other hand, if he decides it's all true, I am open to be enlightened.
04/02/2013 12:09 EDT
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My Brave Little Toddler Does Disney

You never really know what kind of youngster you've got until you test him out in the real world. Our recent trip to Orlando confirmed that our little junior is quite the joiner. We shouldn't be surprised by his courage, I suppose. His nickname is Turbo Ginger for god sakes.
03/17/2013 11:10 EDT
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I've Fallen In Love...With My Kid?

They say it can take a few weeks, even months, for new a mother to bond with her baby. For me, it took three and a half years. It's not that I didn't love him before. But maybe I didn't completely like him. Now, at age three-and-a-half, he is absolutely perfect.
01/23/2013 05:35 EST
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New Year, Same Hot-Mess Mommy

In a nutshell: life is chaos, it's all my fault, but I just can't help it so bite me. I'm a busy woman who is chewing what she has bitten off as fast as she can. I'm a hot mess, always in a rush to get where I'm going, dragging my poor son behind me. But damn it, I'm doing it. I'm getting there. There is room for improvement for sure. But at this dawn of a new calendar year, I'm not going to make a grand pledge to change.
01/03/2013 12:14 EST
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The One Thing I Need to Be Truly Happy

The other day, over a lunch-time pint, someone asked me to name the number-one thing I absolutely need to be happy. Now that's a heavy question. What's the one thing I need to be happy? Above all else, I need to be myself. It's simple logic. How can you be happy if you're not being yourself?
12/16/2012 01:47 EST

Cheap Toys For Toddlers Who Don't Know the Difference

Christmas. The birth of Jesus. And the crucifixion of your credit card. In spite of these uncertain economic times, we're spending more than ever on crap for our little crappers. You give your youngster a big, expensive gift only to watch him toss it aside to play with the wrapping paper. This year, save yourself money with homemade gifts...
11/27/2012 05:32 EST
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One Thing my Husband Never Asks me to Say: Cheese

In spite of our marital problems, I try not to bash my husband. But after two consecutive long weekends of boozing, golfing and fishing, and coming home at 4:30 a.m. reeking of sausages and whores, I think he's fair game. You see, I found some pretty incriminating photos on his camera.
07/13/2012 03:59 EDT

My Most Sportsmanlike Toddler. NOT.

I could chalk it up to the terrible twos or almost threes. Toddlerhood is an emotional time. But here were a handful of kids, all around Max's age, and he was the only one freaking his freak. Today's lesson in Toddlerville: Have more hissy fits, get more stuff. Damn it.
04/23/2012 12:40 EDT