The French have declared a resounding “Non!” to the European Constitution. Political analysts tell us that the French rejected the constitution because the document was confusing, long-winded, and ultimately suspicious -- not unlike their politicians or, come to think of it, their movies. Perhaps it would help reassure the French if the following amendments were added...

“Where’d you get your mullet?” Red Staters like receiving compliments from their politicians so long as they do not suspect they are being condescended to: saying “I like your mullet (or tattoo or new pick-up)” is less effective than asking where they got it, which implies you want one just like it...

“The execs are completely divorced from reality” critics warn as box office war enters 17th week of quagmire Los Angeles [AP] – Hollywood continued to be pounded by poor box office receipts for the seventeenth week in a row. Despite hundreds of millions spent by studios so far, recent bombs such as “The Perfect Man” and “The Honeymooners” have shaken executives’ optimism about the outcome of the war for summertime entertainment dollars. Experts agree that even the strong offensive launched this weekend by “Batman Begins,” will not be enough to reverse the tide or restore confidence in the studio administrations’ war plans. In fact, new polls show that a growing number of Americans favor a withdrawal from theaters to other forms of entertainment.

The Huffington Post welcomes the debut column of its new advice columnist. Saddam will be delighted to answer readers’ questions on dating, relationships, personal hygiene, cooking and chemical warfare...

With due deference to Larry David, here are a conservative's insomniac thoughts after a nightmare that the President announced he would cave into the anti-war view and cut and run from Iraq: Gosh, was that real? No … no … that’s not what the President said, thank God. But it felt real. The Fox news logo, the ticker running below the President’s face as he tried to summon that Will Ferrell expression of cockiness. We have decided the best course for America is the immediate withdrawal of our troops from the region. The liberal commentators, they looked so gleeful. Not happy gleeful. Gleeful the way a wolf’s eyes sparkle when it has its prey within reach...