It's the Canada Day long weekend, and though I know we're all enjoying our illegal fireworks and botany-themed pastries, let's not lose sight of another one of our nation's proudest patriotic traditions -- the vapid Canada Day editorial! Still hungry for some patriotism? Well, what could be more proudly Canadian than loudly telling Americans how to run their country?

"The coda to Oda was writ bright with orange juice," writes David Climenhaga on rabble.ca, easily winning the prize for "best editorial headline that sounds like something a film-noir secret agent would whisper on a park bench." Oda's fall represents lots of important things to lots of pundits, in fact, which is very fortunate!

For all his gauche bombast on the matter, I'm wondering if Sun TV's Ezra Levant may be on to something with his decision to pillory departing Globe and Mail web editor Stephen Wicary over his recent decision to relocate his family to Cuban People's Glorious Commie Police State.

Under what circumstances should Albertans be required to sing the national anthem in French? If you answered "all," then you're pretty close to the mainstream press' reaction to Tuesday's horrific revelation that the Calgary Stampede's chuckwagon choir sung (or more properly, lip-synced) an English-only version of O Canada for a full three ghastly days!

Isn't it impressive how every Torontonian with a newspaper column knows exactly how to prevent vicious gang violence? Truly, they have all the answers. In less blood-soaked news, the London Olympics are almost upon us, and you know what that means: time for the papers to be filled with bitter editorials about how horrible the Olympics are! (You won't be disappointed!)

Well, the feisty dust-up between she-premiers Christy Clark of British Columbia and Allison Redford of Alberta has been a lot of things, but a feminine puff of perfumed air into our muddy phallocracy isn't one of them. When writing about a high-profile disagreement between two powerful women, one should always be sensitive, and avoid lapsing into lazy, sexist cliches. Unless, of course, you're a female writer.

Though I know we Canadians are justly proud of our shapely, vascular athletes and all the medals they're destined to win in... uh, sports (I want to say swimming?) let's not overlook our stars in that other acclaimed Olympic event: synchronized bitching. If you're a Canadian media guy, I cannot over-emphasize how important it is to write a detailed treatise of why you hate the Olympics. Go get 'em, team!