Admit it. You find Asians scary. Maybe not physically intimidating. At 5'8'' no one is going to mistake me for Yao Ming. But there are just so damn many of us. And I'm not talking about the 1.3 billion over there in China, but the shiny sea of plastic welding visors right here in Hongcouver. Which of the following questions most piques your interest?

Yes, the whole Internet may be giggling over our cheesy group sex photos. Go ahead and laugh, but you'd be missing the bigger picture. The world needs more group sex.... This is a chance for Canada to do the right thing. I call upon the citizens of this great nation to grant these Chinese officials amnesty and safe harbor, and send a message to the rest of the world.

If a real friend is the person who tells you when you have bad breath, then what I'm about to tell you will make me your best friend; whenever you eat sushi, you are embarrassing yourself. That's right, the abominations you commit to your California Roll bring shame upon your whole family. Are you one of those people who rub their chopsticks together? Do you proudly explain to your rube aunt from Kelowna that this is how you get rid of the splinters? Dude, look around you. This isn't Quest for Fire. You are not Survivorman Les Stroud, trying to get some kindling to smoke. You are in a sushi-ya on Broadway.