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"Drafted" Recap: Auditions for The Score's Next Sports Broadcaster

05/13/2013 11:45 EDT | Updated 07/13/2013 05:12 EDT

It was brought to my attention after the first Drafted recap was posted that "shoot outs" should have been "shootouts" so APOLOGIES to any crazy sports fan whose eye twitched when they read my typo.

As I mentioned in the first recap last week, I'm following this year's Gillette's Drafted journey a little closer than previous years. Instead of coming in after the Top 6 have been chosen and are competing, I've decided to start my recaps from the city-to-city auditions. That way by the time the best are chosen, I can judge them more harshly and will (hopefully) have super creative nicknames for them like I did during season three (big ups to Fancy Pants, Baby Face and Other Girl).

This past weekend, Jackie Redmond and Matty Drappel were at Calgary's Market Mall auditioning the new wave of Canada's next sports broadcaster possibilities. If you haven't watched the videos yet you really should. Not just because then you'll know the people I mention and will be able to agree or disagree with my statements but also because Jackie and Matty make fun videos about being tired or their awesome moms.

Each hopeful is given a minute in front of the camera to wax on about some sporty topic in a rant and convince us that they'd be able to do this (and more!) for a living. Depending on how they do here, the mysterious powers-that-be behind Drafted will chose a Top 24 to compete at boot camp. Apparently, there are 8 golden tickets that are being given to a very select impressive few that will let them bypass the line and go straight through to boot camp.

Last weekend, Luke Reynolds received the first golden ticket and is automatically in the Top 24. I'd love to say that I called that in my last recap but you guys can just go and read it and call me out on my blatant lie. Instead, I mentioned him in my notables as someone who will probably not win. Now I'm not so sure. My inner compass is all out of wack!

Notables:

Sheldon Smith (Rant Topic: Pittsburgh's Game 6)

Sheldon has the honor of being the first audition video uploaded to Drafted's Official YouTube Page and I'm literally in heaven. If this guy gets through (sources say: no chance*) I have the perfect nickname for him: Shifty Eyed Sheldon. I'm not exaggerating when I say his eyes veered off to the right after every other word! What's over there Shifty?!?! Obscene hand gestures? A dancing Drafted employee? A horrifying playoff beard? Luke Reynolds and his perfect coiff?

Sheryar Abdullah (Rant Topic: Calgary Flames)

Here's an important note for all you hopefuls out there: Make sure there isn't a girl in bright yellow short-shorts behind your head because it will literally be the only thing I notice while you talk. Sheryar has two things about him that make me shake my head immediately. First, he's smirking through his whole rant like at some point he's going to yell 'PSYCH, I don't care about sports!' and second he refers to Jarome Iginla as 'our guy'. I mean, I call Lupul 'my guy' but I'M not worried about sounding professional.

Lee Thomas (Rant Topic: New York Jets)

This guy kissed his teeth and flashed a bicep so you know I'm all over this audition. Right away I like his voice, I like his look and I like his smile. Yep, I went there. Lee used the word 'sexy' in his rant and I think I have my first real favourite (sorry Luke...still love that hair). He kind of loses me when he starts rattling off names but I'm back when he jokes 'put your money away....because you're gonna lose it.' Maybe not golden ticket material but I see Top 24 potential.

Joe Aminzada (Rant Topic: The Blue Jays)

Oh. My. God. Are you SERIOUSLY chewing gum during your ON CAMERA audition?? Did I just hear an audible teeth-meets-gum sound? Holy crap. I was going to overlook the whole tank top/visible chest hair issue but chewing blue gum (yea, I can see it rolling around in there Joe) on camera with a microphone in your face that is picking up every slight smack smack noise is a major deal breaker. Buh-bye.

Drew Stremick (Rant Topic: Olympic Wrestling)

I sooooo want to like this guy. Despite the muscle shirt (come on guys, this is a job interview for Christ's sake!) he has a really likable face and totally reminds me of someone I used to work with. Extra points! Drew has a great voice and I don't want to click another video immediately like I do with some of the others. Have I mentioned he has an awesome face? It's so interesting and you want to look at it. He kind of stumbles over some stuff but it's a solid effort.

Emil Vargas (Rant Topic: SportsNet Documentaries)

Emil has a really interesting topic? About SportsNet needing more documentaries? About stuff like the history of hockey? He just has a really annoying habit of raising his voice at the end of every sentence? Kind of like he's asking a ton of questions? Like he's not sure about his rant? You need to sound confident when you're pitching an idea? Especially when it's about changing up the programming of SportsNet? Get to work on your authoritative voice....?

Joe Aminada Part 2 (Rant Topic: New York Rangers)

Um? Am I on glue or did this guy already try out? Obviously the people at Drafted have bigger hearts than I do because I would not have given the gum chewer a second chance. But here he is in a shirt with sleeves and no gum. I hate to say it but he does pretty well. No stutters, stammers and nary a gum smack. I would be so curious to know exactly what led him to redo his audition. You'd think one would know not to chew gum the first time around. Nice job this time though.

Candace Cuncannon (Rant Topic: Toronto Blue Jays)

Twitter told me to watch out for the one and only female audition from Calgary and I have to say, she's more impressive than the two from Halifax. She sounds pretty knowledgeable on her topic and gets through her spiel without any major issues. If I had one complaint (and y'all know that I do) it's that her voice doesn't seem very strong. It could be because of nerves but I'd be interested to see if that's the case or if that waver is an ever-present quality.

Quick Hits:

-I wanted Jeff Ade to be good since he's cute and covered the Don Cherry/female reporters topic but it was kind of all over the place.

-Justin Lazorke said 'If you can believe it' at least 5 times. Yes...yes we can. Move on.

-Zarif Alibhai....I wish I knew how to quit that Paulie D hair of yours.

-Is there an age limit in this competition? Because Tyson Fedor appears to be twelve. Can you represent Gillette is you don't even shave?

-How do you become a Drafted shaver girl? I have totally steady hands.

These were just a few people that stuck out during the Calgary auditions. After watching the videos I decided that this group of competitors was totally vanilla; nothing seriously stuck out as amazing or horrific. Except GumGate. I've linked to the videos in this article so definitely check them out and let me know your own thoughts. Stay tuned for more audition recaps!

*I'm my own 'source'.