"I am not good enough."
"Nobody understands me."
"I am not smart enough."
"I am stupid."
"I am not pretty enough."
"I don't want to be in school. I'm so upset."
It all starts there. There are little seeds planted into all of our minds, at an early age, that can make us wonder, "What would the world be without me?" Really, ask yourself this.
If you think ending the pain in your heart requires ending your life... I want you to push that thought away.
I am 18 years old, and I can relate to you. We all have our stories, our rivals, our struggles, our journey. Just like you, I've had times when I was just starting high school. They called us the "Minor Niners." I became very depressed. Getting out of bed was the hardest part.
Day after day I made excuses to stay in bed.
"Mom my stomach hurts."
"Mom, I have a cold."
"Mom, I have a fever."
(You know the trick where you put the thermometer under hot water, and when your parents come into your room, you say: "Look, I'm sick?" Well, that was my go-to until my mom stopped believing it. Even then l continued to come up with one excuse after another because the pain in my own heart was so bad.)
Dark thoughts. Negative feelings. Heavy chest. Zero energy. Depression, it's called?
I came SO close to ending my life. I was sitting in the bathtub when I thought "The world may be better without me."
You feel disconnected and unsure of your purpose here, and let me tell you I felt the exact same thing.
But in that moment my life changed. I came to the realization that I wanted to live the best life ever. Almost like a thought came through: "BRITTANY. There is so much more to life." I wanted to come out and be able to say I've lived the best life.
I didn't understand why Bob (fake name) didn't like me back. I didn't understand why my friends would laugh at me, and how I couldn't be myself around most of my peers. I didn't feel happy or excited for the next day. Slowly, I wasn't able to form the fake smile any longer.
I get your feelings. You feel so unimportant. Like nothing you do is right. You feel like you're judged for something you can't change. You feel like you can't trust anyone, even your parents of all people. You are told you're too young to make a difference, and I disagree completely!
If you think ending the pain in your heart requires ending your life, because it seems easier, I want you to push that thought away.
Think about people you will leave behind. The life you could had lived.
You think you "need" to end it. You feel misunderstood. You feel disconnected and unsure of your purpose here, and let me tell you I felt the exact same thing. I say this in my book: "Your community, dressed in black, will gather. They'll have tears running down their faces and they'll be wondering what they could have done differently to save you."
So, let me tell you again, do you think nobody will be affected? Life wants you to continue to ride the challenges and the world needs your beautiful presence. Don't end it, it won't do anything good, remove that thought completely and continue to live this life. It's your time to shine.
You are more then welcome to check my book out or contact me if ever needing advice or a friend to vent to. Read my book, I Am Not Your Average Teen, for more about my journey.
You may think you can't do it, but I know you can!
Frame Of Mind is a new series inspired by The Maddie Project that focuses on teens and mental health. The series will aim to raise awareness and spark a conversation by speaking directly to teens who are going through a tough time, as well as their families, teachers and community leaders. We want to ensure that teens who are struggling with mental illness get the help, support and compassion they need. If you would like to contribute a blog to this series, please email firstname.lastname@example.org
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Also on HuffPost:
One in five Canadians will experience mental illness in their lifetime Source: Canadian Mental Health Association
Nearly half of those who feel they have suffered from depression or anxiety have never gone to see a doctor about this problem. Source: CMHA
Latest studies showed more than 1.3 million young Canadians have a mood disorder or addiction. Two-thirds had symptoms before the age of 15. Source: Statistics Canada, Government of Canada
Suicide is among the leading causes of death in 15- to 24-year-old Canadians, second only to accidents. In 2012, 261 Canadian kids and teens took their own lives. Source: CMHA, Statistics Canada
LGBTQ youth face about 14 times the risk of suicide and substance abuse than their heterosexual peers Source: CMHA Ontario
First Nations youth are at a higher risk. The suicide rate among First Nations youth is roughly five to seven times higher than that of the general population. Source: Parliament of Canada study, 2014
People with mental illness and addictions are more likely to die prematurely than those without. Mental illness can cut 10 to 20 years from a person’s life expectancy. Source: Centre for Addiction and Mental Health
Contending with her bipolar disorder brought Yashi Brown to poetry, and with it, she's trying to end the stigma of mental illness.
If you need help, visit ementalhealth.ca to search for services in your area. Or call the Kids' Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868, it's Canada's only free phone counselling service for youth under 20.
More From Frame Of Mind:
- Our Daughter Fell Through The Cracks Of Our Mental Health System
- Depression Is More Than Being Sad
- Suicide Prevention: I Want Other Families To Know What Ours Didn't
- False Self Syndrome: The Dangers Of Living A Lie To Fit In
- Depression Isn't A Personality Flaw
- Asking For Help Is The Most Important Step
Follow Brittany Krystantos on Twitter: www.twitter.com/brittkrystantos