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Cheryl Kirkness

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Why Moms Should Stop Judging Each Other

Posted: 11/28/2012 12:02 am

We've all heard the arguments surrounding being a stay-at-home mom versus a working mother, attachment parenting and the effects on children, breastfeeding exclusively or supplementing with formula...and the list goes on. Any mother knows that bringing a baby home for the first time can be challenging. We all want what is best for our child and trying to meet the expectations we've set for ourselves can be overwhelming. Circumstances can sometimes shatter even the best laid plans.

We've all heard the saying "It takes a village to raise a child," yet some of us don't understand the full meaning until we have children of our own. Rather than criticize each other for the parenting decisions we've made, let's start to look at ways we can support one another. After all, we're all mothers with a common goal -- raising healthy and happy children.

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  • Start a Neighbourhood Support Group for New Mothers

    Gather a group of your best mommy friends together to support expectant mothers in the area. You can offer to bring over meals when she's too tired to cook, bake cookies for when she's having a sugar craving, offer information on mom and baby programs in your area, be available to answer questions when the new baby arrives or offer to help clean her home while she settles in with the new baby. The possibilities are endless! She's sure to appreciate the help and will be happy to pay it forward when the next neighbourhood baby arrives.

  • Donate Baby Supplies

    Do you have old clothes or toys that your children have outgrown? Were you sent samples of baby formula that you didn't use? Check your local listings for organizations that you can donate these supplies to.

  • Donate to a Milk Bank

    Did you know that there are milk banks in Canada that accept breast milk donations for infants that wouldn't otherwise have any? There are many reasons why a mother may not be able to breastfeed and we should not be so quick to criticize. Rather than judge a mother, why not try to support her and her infant by donating your excess milk. You can contact the Calgary's Mothers' Milk Bank at 403-475-6455 or the B.C. Women's Milk Bank 604-875-2424 (local 7634) for more information.

  • Start a Mom and Baby Group

    If you can't find a mom and baby group in your area, why not start one of your own? You can advertise through your neighbourhood newsletter, at your prenatal class or at your local health clinic. Meeting other mothers in the area is an excellent way to start a mommy support group. Your children can learn to interact with other children while the mommies discuss their child's newest accomplishment, any questions they have regarding childcare, and just enjoy some adult conversations.


Start a Neighbourhood Support Group for New Mothers: Gather a group of your best mommy friends together to support expectant mothers in the area. You can offer to bring over meals when she's too tired to cook, bake cookies for when she's having a sugar craving, offer information on mom and baby programs in your area, be available to answer questions when the new baby arrives or offer to help clean her home while she settles in with the new baby. The possibilities are endless! She's sure to appreciate the help and will be happy to pay it forward when the next neighbourhood baby arrives.

Donate Baby Supplies: Do you have old clothes or toys that your children have outgrown? Were you sent samples of baby formula that you didn't use? Check your local listings for organizations that you can donate these supplies to.

Donate to a Milk Bank: Did you know that there are milk banks in Canada that accept breast milk donations for infants that wouldn't otherwise have any? There are many reasons why a mother may not be able to breastfeed and we should not be so quick to criticize. Rather than judge a mother, why not try to support her and her infant by donating your excess milk. You can contact the Calgary's Mothers' Milk Bank at 403-475-6455 or the B.C. Women's Milk Bank 604-875-2424 (local 7634) for more information.

Start a Mom and Baby Group: If you can't find a mom and baby group in your area, why not start one of your own? You can advertise through your neighbourhood newsletter, at your prenatal class or at your local health clinic. Meeting other mothers in the area is an excellent way to start a mommy support group. Your children can learn to interact with other children while the mommies discuss their child's newest accomplishment, any questions they have regarding childcare, and just enjoy some adult conversations.

With a little creativity, we can all think of ways to support one another through the wonderful journey of motherhood. As an added bonus, you'll have a group of great mommies to plan some fun nights out on the town with (because all moms deserve a break, right?).

 

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07:54 AM on 11/29/2012
One of the prices we pay as a society for the disintegration of the traditional family unit is the village is no longer available as a sound aid for raising children. Those we farm out our children to with no genetic investment in them are not capable of the task. Whether we like it or not the mother is and always has been the primary caregiver for our children no matter what Germaine Greer says, this is a fact of life. Those that hold up half the sky have been convinced that it is their right to abdicate their prime responsibility as mothers. The life affirming eye contact you have with your child during those serendipitous times throughout the day that are so important to the child’s development, are not available to him in day care. Women don’t want to hear that if they chose to have children they need to give up their job/career and raise their own children. The consequences of not raising our own children are beginning to manifest itself in our society today in the form of the thirty year old son living in our basement playing out his life on the computer The abandonment of our babies to day care is a greater threat to our species than the bomb, climate change, or mans greed.
07:32 AM on 11/29/2012
I think we should support parents who are traveling on a plane with a family... That is a hard thing for parents these days. If there's a crying baby in front of you, find out if you can help out instead of moaning about it. It makes you feel better and the parents too.
08:24 PM on 11/29/2012
So true! We had a rough flight with our son once and it's really stressful.
08:19 AM on 11/30/2012
I think every parent has been there.
06:26 PM on 11/28/2012
It's amazing how a supportive comment can improve a parent's day. I would love more people to stop and find something encouraging to say to a stranger. Whether it's "That's a great shirt your son is wearing," or "You are obviously enjoying yourself with your daughter and it brought a smile to my face," a positive comment can give a tired or stressed out parent the feeling of support they may have been missing. The few times a stranger has said something kind to me have brightened my whole day!
07:49 PM on 11/28/2012
Excellent point! It always brightens my day to hear a compliment from a stranger. One of the best compliments I could ever receive would be one on my parenting skills.
JenAshley
Cool Kids Don't Dance
09:25 PM on 11/28/2012
I agree. As a teacher, I see the pride parents feel when I tell them, "you've raised a really great young lady/man."
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05:34 PM on 11/28/2012
Women dress for other women, why not judge them too? their favorite hobby.
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RJCalendar
Tract Critic
12:48 PM on 11/28/2012
It's hard to construct a statement on being non-judgmental without the inclusion of "should."
12:21 PM on 11/28/2012
Thank you for sharing. So many parents would be so much better off if more people took this advice. Sometimes we as parents are so busy being judged or judging we forget the important things.
03:15 PM on 11/28/2012
Thank you for sharing, Megan.
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Jenna Em
12:18 PM on 11/28/2012
I totally agree with this statement:

"Rather than criticize each other for the parenting decisions we've made, let's start to look at ways we can support one another."
03:10 PM on 11/28/2012
Thanks Jenna!
11:45 AM on 11/28/2012
I often wonder why us women think it is OK to criticize and/or judge each other. It doesn't make you better but only bitter.
03:10 PM on 11/28/2012
Very true - thanks for sharing!
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Michael747
11:19 AM on 11/28/2012
I'm a single father- my wife died suddenly 2 years ago. The greatest challenge I've faced, raising my son alone , is a prejudice that only a woman can raise a child; the amount of criticism I've been subject too under the guise of "the village" has been extreme. Although I totally support the principal of this article, I am saddened that it still focuses on mothers only. Equal rights and respect haven't made it for enough for any of us.
11:46 AM on 11/28/2012
I agree completely. It is plain old sexism to assume fathers are somehow second class parents. I can't believe that this outdated way of thinking is still so pervasive. I have a feeling that a lot of these types of articles are trying to drawn in readers from particular demographics. But in doing so they give in to stereotypes and bias.
12:01 PM on 11/28/2012
Excellent point! Providing proper support to fathers is equally as important to providing support to mothers.
10:54 AM on 11/28/2012
Nope I don't get the "takes a village to raise a child", that maybe holds true in third world countries but certainly not here. Nobody wants a stranger telling them how to raise their kid, they do want strangers to contribute in the form of tax money but that's about the extent of it.
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squirrely girl
Assistant Professor ~ Developmental Psychology
02:24 PM on 11/28/2012
Do you have any children?
07:38 AM on 11/29/2012
It's still parents that raise the child....The Villiage outside the home is very confusing and it is up to the parents to decide what of the village they will let influence their child.
03:13 PM on 11/28/2012
Thank you for your thoughts. I'm sure people interpret the saying "it takes a village to raise a child" in different ways. The way I interpret it is that support for parents is important. It never hurts to lend a helping hand to someone who is willing to accept it.
10:46 AM on 11/28/2012
I totally agree. We should be supporting one another instead of judging one another. These are some great ideas. I just recently found a working mom's group, and it has helped me a ton - it's nice to go and hang out with some other moms and get the scoop on things going on in our local community.
01:16 PM on 11/28/2012
Yes, it's always nice to spend some time out with other moms. It's great to hear their stories of raising children as well!
07:44 AM on 11/29/2012
"Should"
I try my best not to use "should"... Sometimes I slip up and do.
You are surrounding yourself with people like yourself who work. That's a good move. Stay positive. My daughter is stay at home mom... Within her group which is mostly stay at home moms... They still make subtle judgements toward each other. The talk a lot of perfectionism such as "making their foods, breast feeding (dos and don'ts), discipline...blah blah blah...Sometimes my daughter feels that... I tell her to just shake it off; because that stuff is neverending.. You will never win.
10:32 AM on 11/28/2012
Great Article! Women and moms have enough people judging us without judging each other!
01:15 PM on 11/28/2012
Thank you! I know I'm incredibly lucky to have my mom & best friend only minutes away.
10:31 AM on 11/28/2012
Great article! Women have enough judgment from others for us to be judging each other!
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Lily P
Sofa King Awesome!
10:14 AM on 11/28/2012
I actually had a poster tell me, YES she IS judging the mother of that child that fell in the zoo and was killed. I was floored. The internet allows any nasty person to spew whatever they want, and a lot of time it's negative. So sad.
10:43 AM on 11/28/2012
That is really sad. I don't understand how some people can be so hurtful.
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Lily P
Sofa King Awesome!
02:48 PM on 11/28/2012
She's going on and on about it now. Stating how if she can prevent this from happening again & such. I mean really, how selfish can she get? 
07:46 AM on 11/29/2012
That's the truth. I do shop at Walmart; but I won't judge you harshly because you don't.