You know the feeling. Sweaty palms, heart pounding out of your chest and legs trembling with all the quivering of a seismic event. Whether you're afraid of asking your boss for a raise or you're just about to give a huge presentation, it feels exactly the same.
And it sucks, doesn't it?
Here are some steps to help navigate the choppy and often inhospitable waters of fear.
1. Recognize Fear
You know the old cliché, "The first step is realizing there's a problem?" Well the same applies with fear. Recognize that it's fear you're feeling. And next, understand a little bit about fear - primarily, it's there as a survival mechanism to keep us safe when we face danger. This is really handy if we're out in the wilderness and we're trying to outrun a mountain lion. The problem is, our brain and our body responds to a perceived threat in the same way, and the feeling that fear produces can often get in the way of going after what we really want.
2. Establish Your Surroundings
Next, knowing that fear is a survival mechanism, take a look at your surroundings next time you feel afraid. Ask yourself (and be honest) if you're in real danger. And yes, the feeling of fear is physically very uncomfortable, but it won't kill you. The irony is that, as we established, fear is there to keep you safe. General rule of thumb is this -- are you trying to fend off a wild beast? No? Then you're probably okay to move on to step number three.
3. Move Forward
If you have decided that you're feeling fear but you're not in danger, the next step is simple -- decide to move forward. Additionally, use this as a chance to learn more about yourself. Understand what fear feels like for you and when it pops up. Do you notice patterns, such as fear around public speaking, business negotiations or social activities? This gives you clues and may also indicate a larger issue, especially if the 'move forward' piece is easier said than done.
When You Need More Help
So all this dealing with fear stuff sounds easy, doesn't it? If not, don't worry. I designed the above steps with generalized fear in mind, for example, fear of failure, fear of rejection, and so on. But sometimes fear can be a sign that something else is going on. It could be rooted in a traumatic experience in the past, in which case counselling or therapy may be needed.
Perhaps you're not sure why you're afraid of something and it's more along the lines of a phobia. Honestly, how many of us can rationally explain our fear of spiders? Fear can be completely irrational. Fortunately, there are a number of resources out there to help with these types of fears or phobias, such as NLP (neuro linguistic programming) and/or hypnosis. It may also be helpful to have a life coach to keep you on track and set goals and action steps to help you overcome your fear.
A closing thought. There is an old proverb:
"Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is."
And with fear, sometimes the 'wolf' is not even there at all.
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