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Christine E. Laprade

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How to Flirt with the Modern Woman

Posted: 12/05/2012 12:08 pm

For you men, the ABCs of flirting!

This is a well known fact: Canadian men do little flirting.

What you are unaware of, nevertheless gentlemen, is that Canadian women actually dream of men "hitting" on them.

My generation is one of strong, intellectual, career-driven women. My peers know how to obtain what they need and fancy, whether it be a new job, an active social life or even a man. Women of my generation are into accomplishment, they are results-oriented, and are comfortable with power.

They are the proud offspring of their mothers, the ones that spat on the Church and Catholicism, claimed their body, their sexuality, the right to contraception, and the right to decide and to express themselves. These same women who discovered divorce, civil rights, equality of the sexes, left their husband and renounced a society of obligations.

Today, their daughters, my peers, are the entire mistresses of their fates. The only snag in an era such as ours, with the modern matriarch living alone, independent financially, enjoying a brilliant career and excelling at networking? Well this same contemporary woman fantasizes to the idea that an Alpha male woes her, chases her, intoxicates her by his unapologetic masculinity, kidnaps her, locks her up and makes love to her all night long.

Here, all is based on this duality.

Gentlemen, please dare! Make the first move. Sometimes you will succeed; sometimes you will crash and burn. And so what? To quote Talleyrand, "Women sometimes forgive a man who forces an opportunity, but never a man who misses one."

Do not let yourself be intimidated. Like at war, focus on the arrival line, forget the pitfalls in the way, and charge!

Psychoanalysts assert it loud and clear: the unconscious mind is sexist.

Forget the codes of our society, the respective definition of our roles.

"Veni, vidi, vici."

In short, please flirt.

 
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For you men, the ABCs of flirting! This is a well known fact: Canadian men do little flirting. What you are unaware of, nevertheless gentlemen, is that Canadian women actually dream of men "hitting"...
For you men, the ABCs of flirting! This is a well known fact: Canadian men do little flirting. What you are unaware of, nevertheless gentlemen, is that Canadian women actually dream of men "hitting"...
 
 
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10:17 PM on 12/23/2012
So she's "strong, intellectual and career driven" but she wants the man to always make the first move? I am willing to bet that her feminism similarly ends when the check arrives.
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jf12
Esta vez saldré como las otras y me escaparé.
11:50 AM on 12/07/2012
Step #1. Be attractive to women. Women hate to be flirted with by unattractive men; that's just creepy.
Step #2. It doesn't matter what an attractive man does; it's all good. Women will flirt with him instead.
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11:28 AM on 12/07/2012
Funny how this seemingly innocent artilce manages to flush out so much angst ,fear and anger. So women are more empowered ... so what? Does that mean men are somehow less empowered? (Judging from most of the comments it looks that way).

Have you ever sat down and tried to see things from a woamn's perspective? Do you know what's ultra attractive to most women? Masculine traits like ... being courageous, facing fear - having the balls to go for it and risk rejection, making her feel safe ( sense of humor anyone?) Confidence- the kind that isn't seeking her approval nor is devasted by her rejection.
blah ,blah,blah


Isn't flirting supposed to be fun.? It can be if you aren't so desperatly attached to the outcome. Realx and try to have fun , with everyone.
That kind of interaction does not go unnoticed by women.
It's not rocket surgerey.
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jf12
Esta vez saldré como las otras y me escaparé.
01:50 PM on 12/07/2012
Every man faces rejection. Almost no women do.
04:00 PM on 12/06/2012
1/3

I think this is an issue that many men and women are both dealing with in Canada today, and it seems our common culture is not especially conducive to flirting. We are famous for being polite and politeness is not exactly the main ingredient in flirting. I think the author was trying to get this point across when she mentioned women wanting to be wooed, intoxicated, kidnapped, locked up, and made love to by manly men. Think about what flirting means in different countries. In most places it will be more forward than in Canada.

In my experience, men and women both make it so difficult for themselves and each other. First of all, the most basic communication skills are often lacking. For example: eye contact. Also, smiling.

For men especially, it's important to be confident without being cocky, and it's important to be "nice" without being desperate or like a little puppy dog. Remember, at the flirting stage, it's not laying all your cards on the table (including your fears and weaknesses, and conversely, not a laundry list of your accomplishments). Also, it's not all about you. If u get the girl to smile, encourage her to open up and contribute to the conversation ... get things flowing.
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jsehgal
Micro-bio? There is too much to say!
03:57 PM on 12/06/2012
RE: "Well this same contemporary woman fantasizes to the idea that an Alpha male woes her, chases her, intoxicates her by his unapologetic masculinity, kidnaps her, locks her up and makes love to her all night long."

This has been drummed out of every Canadian male outside of jails.
09:12 AM on 12/07/2012
agreed!
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jf12
Esta vez saldré como las otras y me escaparé.
11:51 AM on 12/07/2012
Every man except the 5% of men who are alphas, agree.
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AKQueenie
No such thing as coincidence, just synchronicity.
01:44 PM on 12/06/2012
"They are the proud offspring of their mothers, the ones that spat on the Church and Catholicism, claimed their body, their sexuality, the right to contraception, and the right to decide and to express themselves. These same women who discovered divorce, civil rights, equality of the sexes, left their husband and renounced a society of obligations."

This is probably why men don't want to flirt. They find a women who is independant, and then the end result will be her leaving him. Thanks for ruining a future with a confident man, women of my mothers' generation! I will be living the life you never got to. Alone, no child, no husband, no fun. Now doncha have some bras to go burn??
04:49 PM on 12/06/2012
Well articulated - I will add only a most modern fundamental aspect to that sentiment -

In a world, so expressed, albeit, ever more, and always "Elusively expensive - in one, inwhich to live ~ Why, such as I - would wish to take a "Financial" union of/on Marriage only to - continue -paying after said Marriage is/was over!

To be perfectly hones: I just can't afford it-Tiger Woods, I'm not!

Another point of View: "Wom/yn, if you will, do not have Rights/Equal or other If: "MEN" do not choose/wish to back them ~ Only! MEN - can "Protect" Women's Rights/other!

Do you really think you would keep those Rights/Equal, other ~ If we /MEN! chose to turn a Blind Eye/Just simply look the other way/in some form of altercation -You've already been there-you already know what that felt/feels like.

Shifting winds of time will tell the tale of this tragedy unfolded upon an unexpected society?

I'm not against that of Women ~ Just their morphology!

A. Bennington
10:55 AM on 12/06/2012
Well here is my male perspective If men follow your advice here is the kind of women and risks they expose themselves to.

The profiteer: Quite attractive , will let you flirt buy her drinks flirt back and then leave witout so much as a goodbye because another sucker has come by when you were at the bathroom ... does the same thing every week has a splendid time and goes out witout spending much.

The girl who just enjoys the attention: maybe she already has a boyfriend but things aren't optimal at home . You are there to cheer her up , she'll flirt back but tell you at the end of the night that she has to go home to her husband and kids but thank you it's been fun talking.

The wall : She is not interested (that is okay) but she won't even tell you thanks but no thanks , she'll either laugh at you for even thinking you were worth her attention and she'll spend the next few weeks telling her friends about that creep who came on to her at the bar that time...or will pointedly ignore you in the best case scenario.

the girl with the jealous hidden boyfriend: she won't turn you down, she won't inform you but in 5 minutes you are getting punched in the face...

now go trough those scenarios enough time and you will quickly lose interest in flirting with strangers..
08:48 AM on 12/06/2012
Not all women are the same in every way. In different countries women act in different ways. Which might have something to do with the fact that men in different countries act in different ways. This article is a very broad generalization and mostly only applies to North American women as far as I can tell.
04:02 PM on 12/06/2012
It's true ... and also only a certain subset of North American women. (it also says a lot about the matching subset of men).
07:39 AM on 12/06/2012
"I just walk up and tell her I want to jump her bones. 99 X out of 100 I get slapped in the face, but that 100th time... it's magic" ~ Eddy Murphy, Michael Jackson, SNL
01:41 AM on 12/06/2012
It's all well and good to say that women want to be scooped up and ravaged by some ridiculously romanticized, image of a man, but in reality that constitutes sexual assault. On top of that, men have been conditioned by years of negative reinforcement that flirting is like walking a razors edge between sexual harassment and innocent banter.
01:05 AM on 12/06/2012
Women are becoming stronger in the relationship, no longer does a man have to be the moneymaker and a women the housewife. There is equality in relationships, which is in fact what many people (men included) wanted, for men this now means that we don't need to be alpha males. I will let you in on a secret though, we think that because we do not want to get into a power struggle in a relationship cause two alpha's can not truly co-exist, which truly means one thing, we are afraid of losing the power struggle. Good luck to you all.
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agsterino
Less stuff . . . more meaning
01:04 AM on 12/06/2012
I am either ready to send you to your room or give you a heck of a shaking. Claiming success and independence. then in the next breath, asking a man to approach you like a hero from a bodice ripper novelette.

I feel saddened for the values we bought into at that time, concerned with earning our own independant money and possessions, After all, there is always childcare right? Now most parents have lost much of the choice and are forced to be a dual income family just to survive.

However, we hoped we instilled a better sense of understanding in you. We were even prepared to change the fairly tales so you would stand on your own two feet and not wait for the prince on the white steed to rescue you.

Get off your tushy and put YOUR ego on the line by asking "him" out and stop waiting . Alphas are not the only men. You'll complain in no time how an alpha cramps your style or spends too much time doing his own thing. A man not concerned in leading or competing with you might be a very very valuable partner to have. But for you, an independent woman TELLING guys to flirt with you? What the H?

If guys have not asked you out often, that might be a clue.

We mothers are not amused.
12:14 AM on 12/06/2012
"Make the first move". Agreed. Why has this become such a dreaded task for the male species?
01:44 AM on 12/06/2012
You can't have your cake and eat it too. Men are in a position where they are risking not only their emotions, but also their financial future and possibly their freedom.
04:56 PM on 12/06/2012
Well said!
03:17 PM on 12/09/2012
Well that's not dramatic. What about every second attempt. Let's compromise.
02:01 AM on 12/06/2012
I'm not trying to be argumentative. I just want to point out that there's a flood of blogs, articles, films, novels, songs, etc. about female empowerment. "Empowerment" by definition means being proactive. Asking males to adapt to that in pretty much every area of life but then stay traditional in terms of flirting is really, really, really confusing.
12:10 AM on 12/06/2012
I'm a reasonably decent looking male. I can joke around and be articulate. The last time I successfully flirted with a woman, the conversation included me saying "I'd do you". The five times before that and the five times after that were full of witty repartee and wonderful conversation, only to end with a 'good-night' as she went off with her friends.

Make of that what you will.
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Douglas Sinclair
sufferin' succotash!
02:47 AM on 12/06/2012
You call that successfully flirting? Try reading Cyrano de Bergerac maybe? Or better yet just ask for a phone number, e-mail what-ever as you'd do with anyone of either sex you'd just met and found interesting.

"I'd do you"....?!
06:28 PM on 12/06/2012
What's a Cyrano de Bergerac?
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AndyPL22
True North, Wild and Free
12:10 AM on 12/06/2012
I like sparking up a conversation with a woman, and enjoy playful, flirty exchanges. I also like making hot, passionate love to a woman. BUT, in between those two is the bridging step where the man is supposed to scoop up the woman and press her against the wall, overwhelming her with his masculine power.

This, the men of my generation were taught, is where the line between acceptable flirting and sexual aggression is VERY thin. The same mothers who claimed the rights to their body that you mention in this article raised US to believe that women have their own volition and that forcing yourself on a woman was wrong.

I understand that many women find that straddling this dangerous line to be deeply arousing. The proof is that men who do so get laid around the clock. Yet these same guys will be disparaged publicly by other (or sometimes the same) women. And while some of you are thrilled by this edgy interplay, many of you genuinely aren't.

To be honest, I do feel sexually inhibited in some situations, and frustrated by the contradictory messages that we receive from modern women. Yet I still don't believe that it would be right to go around forcing myself on every hot body that I lay my eyes on.
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Douglas Sinclair
sufferin' succotash!
02:50 AM on 12/06/2012
"The proof is that men who do so get laid around the clock."

Still believe in the tooth fairy do you?