Boy am I glad I stumbled upon you. Most especially the article on 'What to do when he won't pop the question'. I am with the love of my life, just at our two year anniversary, and have been so freaked out lately that a) I'm going to blow it by freaking out on him (again) because he hasn't proposed, or b) That he isn't proposing because he doesn't love me enough to make me his forever.
We had a two month break then got back together in January and he told me he wants to marry me and have babies with me, because I told him I couldn't be in this if that wasn't where we were going (he's 40 I'm 37...eek) but it's now been five months and I'm feeling very insecure and sad.
Sadness and insecurity are excellent signposts (like street signs) that are perfect for reminding us that we've lost sight of the truth. Use the signposts of sadness and insecurity as a reminder that it's time to look at things as they really are, not as you believe or expect them to be.
Our beliefs and expectations are influenced by the amount of time we spend worrying about the future or feeling guilty about the past. One of my favorite teachings to see things as they really are, is by Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now.
Tolle very simply reminds us that pain (in your case Jennie, the frustration you feel that your man won't propose) exists in the gap between where we are now and where we wish we were -- whether we wish we were in the future or the past. The truth is, the only real moment you ever have is now, so instead of wishing you were somewhere else, find gratitude and acceptance in this moment, now. Because if you do this in one moment, and then the next, and then the next, and the next... Well, then you're in a state of appreciation and gratitude for what IS, now. Always.
Whatever your preferred method (journaling, meditation, coaching), get clear on your thoughts. Because your thoughts affect your feelings, which affect your beliefs, which affect your actions (like freaking out on him again). So, be sure to get clear about what you're thinking, and change the thoughts that are causing you to feel insecure and sad.
A great way to release the insecurity and sadness you're feeling about his holdout on a proposal is to gain a deeper understanding as to why it is so important for you to be married. Ask yourself:
1) Where did I first learn that loving me "enough" means marriage?
2) Whose voice is it?
3) Is it true?
4) Is it really true?
5) What's the worst thing that could happen if I don't get what I want?
6) How can I relax into the unknown?
Support comes in many ways. A good friend or caring family member are surely always there to help.
He'll likely feel a whole lot less pressure to please you and actually have chance to come from his heart and propose because he wants to -- not because he feels he has to.
The Result: You get what you want and he gets to feel like he made the choice.
Follow Colette Kenney on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@colettekenney