Sex! It's the one thing many of us love to do, but very few of us want to talk about. With the word sex splashed across the cover of every magazine in the grocery store, and broadcast across our TV networks in 30-second increments, you'd think talking about sex would be easy. But the truth is, while sex is something everyone is exposed to, something we're all hardwired to do, most of us succumb to behaving like 10-year-old's giggling in a schoolyard when it comes to talking about sex.
Let's face it: Sex is an important facet of our society. It influences many aspects of our lives -- how we dress, think and act...So, why is it that when it comes to sex we think it, we do it, but we can't talk about it?
For reasons that I really don't understand, there is a real stigma associated with talking openly and honestly with our partners about sex, let alone what works for us and what doesn't. This lack of sexual communication greatly affects our relationships, which in turn affects nearly every facet of society.
Nearly two weeks ago, a 26-year-old hubby decided to convey his wife's rejections in an excel spreadsheet and then emailed it to her rather than openly communicating his frustrations to her in a positive and personal manner. Check out the data he collected from his wife below:
"I'm watching the show" (Friends re-runs)
"I have to be up early"
"I just came back from the gym, I feel gross" (didn't shower until next morning)
"I won't have time to get showered and ready for dinner" (we were 20min early)
I know talking about sex can be difficult, even embarrassing. But, is talking about it so grueling that we'd rather email our partners a sex-spreadsheet, than to talk to them? I think not. But then I also believe that for those of us who choose to use any form of media -- text messaging, email, Reddit, Twitter, or Facebook -- to communicate our sexual needs, frustrations or concerns, in lieu of talking, the issue isn't just about sex. It's about an inability to effectively communicate.
In our society we often learn early on that sex is an uncomfortable topic for conversation. And, if our parents didn't talk about sex at home, we as children didn't learn good ways and good words to talk about sex later in life. I can probably bet that most of you can remember the exact date and time that your parents sat you down for "the sex talk," and although you discussed sex in great lengths, rather they talked you just listened; my bet is that most of the details were probably pretty scant. And, for many, this was probably the last time sex was ever discussed.
How to Talk About Sex
Sexual communication involves a degree of risk, and by talking about sex, we open ourselves up to judgment, criticism, and even rejection. Often, the words we use to describe sex are associated with good, bad or ugly emotions, and this can be rather confusing when it comes to talking about sex. For example, the same words that we use to describe having sex, are also used to tell someone off -- "we screwed last night," meaning we had sex last night or "He/she screwed me out of my money!' Meaning someone has taken advantage of another.
The next time you are struggling to have an open discussion about sex with your partner consider this:
Sit in bed facing your partner and choose a loving word that describes what you think or feel about them. Here are a few examples to get you started: Adoring, Attractive, Beautiful, Breathtaking, Cute, Charming, Dreamy, Desired, Enticing, Enchanting, Fond, Fulfilled, Gorgeous, Giving, Heavenly, Handsome, Intriguing, Incredible, Joyful, Juicy, Loving, Likable, Mesmerizing, Marvelous, Manly Nice, Outstanding, Passionate, Pleasing, Pleasurable, Quixotic, Remarkable, Romantic, Sensual, Striking, Satisfying, Tender Thoughtful, Unforgettable, Unique, Vital, Worthy, Womanly, Xquisite?, Yummy and Zealous.
If these words don't get you or your partner in the mood or at the very least closer, then consider contacting a holistic love coach.
MORE ON HUFFPOST: