Daughter Number One was balling her eyes out. Her finger was in pain. How could her sister be so cruel.
Daughter Number Two kept shouting back.
"I didn't do it!"
And "I didn't hit her that hard."
"She's really hurt, mom!"
And "I didn't even touch her."
The usual. Still, Daughter Number One kept crying and wincing and hurting. For 20 minutes, while Daughter Number 2 was torn by conflicting emotions.
Huffington Post Canada rocked April Fools 2016
We Canadians love our April Fools pranks. By "we Canadians", I don't mean just my daughters. The best Canadian prank I saw was Huffington Post Canada's. And I am not saying that only as a suck-up to get this article approved faster by the editors.
Huffington Post ran this story about leaving kids home alone
It caught my attention, having daughters aged 12 and 14. What!? I can't leave them home alone anymore until they're 15?
The article was so well written, yet I wondered why I had not heard of the case yet. It would be controversial and the topic would catch my eye, just as it did on April 1. The giveaway was when the judge was named. Justice Jacques Strap. It's an old joke, one that I was familiar with from the former bar of that name in Carlsbad Springs.
Here are some more of my favourite April Fools pranks this year.
The federal government rocks April Fools 2016
Those people who picture grey-suited, expressionless civil servants sitting in grey-coloured cubicles in downtown Ottawa probably had a shock at hearing of Environment Canada's new passport for migratory birds.
In this tweet, they made the announcement, tagging Passport Canada. There must be a few playful people working in the civil service.
— Environment Canada (@environmentca) April 1, 2016
Not to be outdone, the folks over at Parks Canada unveiled their new logo - a beaver with red sunglasses, superimposed against a yellow tartan. On social media, it looked like the real thing, even if the design defied belief. On the website, it said: " Happy April Fool's Day! Although we do think there is nothing cooler than a beaver, we love our logo just the way it is!"
Never mind the birds and the beavers, the Leader of the Opposition listed her official residence on AirBNB. "To help out the taxpayers of Canada, I'm going to be listing Stornoway on Airbnb to help pay off the deficit," tweeted Rona Ambrose. For just $29.4 billion per night, you can stay at Stornoway. Any takers?
All X-men fans in Canada were probably thrilled to hear that Library and Archives Canada got its hands on "the declassified journals and military records of Canadian supersoldier James 'Logan' Howlett." Logan, otherwise known as Wolverine, is a favourite of sci-fi/fantasy fans across North America.
The civil servants working at Library and Archives Canada were better able to remain expressionless; they never mention on their web page that this is an April Fools prank.
The Montreal Gazette was so impressed that they declared: "Library and Archives Canada just won April Fools' Day."
Sci-fi/fantasy fans were not fooled by the ruse, but I wonder if some less pop-culture-connected people thought it was for real, even just for a moment.
Canadian transportation companies rock April Fools 2016
WestJet announced RALF - Robotic Automated Light Food Handler - which carriers food to passengers overhead, eliminating awkward encounters between bulky food carts and washroom-craving passengers in the narrow aisles.
The promotional video actually appears real, but is quickly revealed to be an April Fools joke when RALF has a crisis of self-confidence.
Meanwhile on the ground, AMA was thinking of the comfort and the stress of its members. AMA is the CAA affiliate in the province of Alberta, and they introduced their Roadside Comfort Pet Program.
Noting in their promotional video that, "When members break down on the side of the road, it can be very stressful and dangerous..." AMA kicked off the program with the most obvious candidates - dogs. It was a puppy-lover's paradise.
Then came the guinea pigs, hedgehogs, ferrets, rabbits, hamsters... The video was funny, if not as convincing even at first as the Huffington Post article or WestJet's RALPH.
But AMA didn't stop there. Goats, mules, geese, alpacas, parrots, turkeys, emus...but, "The birds didn't really work that well."
The video ends by assuring us that "No animals were harmed in the making of this video. Many, however, were cuddled."
No animals were hurt on the nighttime zipline announced in Calgary, mostly because there will be none. According to Qualex-Landmark's press release, "The zip line will be the first in downtown and is an affordable transportation option. The launch pad for the zip line is located on the 35th floor of the condo building by the rooftop sun bathing patio and hot tub."
Canadian restaurants rock April Fools 2016
Here in Ottawa, BeaverTails made a great announcement. Given the lack of revenue from skaters on the Rideau Canal this year, due to it being more like the Rideau Swimming Pool most of the winter, BeaverTails had to innovate. How better to do that than by introducing their new KaleTail - "#Canadian grown #Kale on a cracked wheat pastry now avail on our healthy options menu!"
— BeaverTails_Official (@BeaverTails) April 1, 2016
There is no healthy options menu.
In response to the BeaverTails tweet, Daughter Number One's favourite hamburger restaurant responded with their new Trump Burger. Caution: If you order this, I would subtly leave the hair piece aside on your plate.
— The WORKS (@WORKSBURGER) April 1, 2016
Canadian real estate rocks April Fools 2016
And while The Works was adding Trump to its menu in Ottawa, pranksters from Vancouver radio station The Peak were removing the "Trump" from "Trump Towers", and turning it into "Trudeau Towers".
"As the City of Vancouver is more determined than ever to implement its Greenest City Action Plan, Council has quietly decided in camera to sell the aging City Hall and relocate. A new world-class, highly efficient building targeting LEED Platinum status will be constructed by 2021 on the city-owned Langara Golf Course at 52nd Avenue and Alberta Street, conveniently located by the Langara-49th Avenue SkyTrain station."
However, that was April Fools Day, and apparently now it's too late to put in your bid.
I can't wait for April 1, 2017.
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