David Martin is a lawyer by training and a retired federal public servant. He is now a full-time writer of short humour and political satire and from 2010 to 2012 had a bi-weekly humour column in The Ottawa Citizen. Dave has been writing op-ed pieces and humorous essays for more than 25 years and his work has appeared on the op-ed pages of most major North American daily newspapers. He is also the author of My Friend W, a collection of his political satire published in 2005 by Arriviste Press, Dare to be Average, a collection of his humour pieces published in 2010 by Lulu.com and Screams & Whispers, a collection of his humour pieces published in 2013 by CreateSpace. His most recent collection of political satire is entitled King Donald I and is available on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca.
Numerous commentators are obsessed with the question of what to do about the train wreck that is President Donald Trump. Today's equivalent of the medieval question of how many angels can dance on the...
I hate to be impolite but it looks like your new president is a bit of a clown and your government is in disarray. Something's got to give and, with July 4th just around the corner, I've got a modest proposal that you might want to consider. Hear me out. Love, Canada.
The vast majority of citizens, particularly those enamored of Trump, have had to deal with difficult bosses, bosses who treat their employees like dirt. And because of those workplace experiences, they have little patience for those who treat their employees with disdain.
Canadian hockey fans are salivating at the possibility of an all-Canadian match-up in this year's Stanley Cup final. That's a lovely thought which should warm the heart of any true Canadian. And here's why it isn't going to happen.
For years, North American companies have been sending jobs offshore in order to take advantage of lower labor costs and to maximize the corporate bottom line. One of the top areas experiencing job exportation is call centers, those once ubiquitous cubicle farms that purport to provide customer service for any number of businesses.
As Donald Trump's presidency progresses, more and more commentators are starting to label him an autocrat. Despite my concerns about the man, I think such criticism is a tad harsh and uncalled for. After all, we have yet to see American soldiers goose-stepping on parade before a uniformed President Trump. And so far I haven't heard any reports of blatant imperialistic invasions of Canada or Mexico.
I'm no friend of the Canada Revenue Agency but it's not for the reason you might think. After all, for fifty years I have faithfully filed an annual income tax return and paid whatever I owed. Although I'm not thrilled about paying taxes, I do so willingly, recognizing that it is my patriotic duty to contribute to the commonwealth.
Unlike the Big Five, Canada Trust made every effort to make banking convenient for its customers. Their branches opened early and often stayed open well into the evening hours. Plus they were open Saturdays. Now, cracks are starting to appear in the solid, customer-friendly edifice that once was TD Canada Trust.
Last year, Canada took in some 39,000 Syrian refugees and Canadian cities from coast to coast have made great efforts to help them adapt and assimilate. The U.S., on the other hand, let in a grand total of roughly 13,000 refugees, an embarrassing number given our population is only a tenth of theirs.
As happened with Trump before and just after announcing his candidacy to be the Republican nominee, O'Leary's early musings about a possible run met with much laughter and derision. After all, how could someone who makes outrageous statements and has never held political office aspire to be the prime minister of Canada? Well, thanks to 63 million Trump voters, fewer Canadians are laughing at the possibility of Kevin O'Leary leading the Conservative Party and even one day becoming prime minister.
Generally speaking, television advertisements seek to boost the viewer's ego by suggesting that he or she is a smart, savvy consumer. Recently, however, I've noticed one glaring exception to this rule: TV ads for Canadian banks.
I'm often asked what I enjoy most about retirement with the unstated assumption that it must have something to do with pursuing new passions, travelling the globe or writing the great North American novel. But they're really not up my alley.
It used to be that the United States had a national purpose and a sense of community. For years, America had a commitment to common social goals as evidenced by Roosevelt's New Deal, Kennedy's New Frontier and Johnson's Great Society. That now seems a distant memory. After the Reagan-Bush years came Bill Clinton and another decade of selfishness and corporate greed. Although the books were eventually balanced, it was at the expense of the neediest as the gap between the haves and the have-nots widened into a chasm.
From my Trump-free perch up here in Canada, I'm tired of watching you Middle Americans repeatedly vote against your own self-interest. You've been doing it for decades and now you've taken it to the most ludicrous and dangerous level: the election of Donald Trump as your next president.
By pushing further and further to the right, the Republican leadership laid the groundwork for a blustering, racist, sexist demagogue to win the nomination. And in doing so, they undermined the possibility of finding a reasonable, moderate candidate within their own ranks. When every Republican candidate has to swear fealty to a rightwing credo, is it really surprising that this year's field of presidential wannabes was so pathetically weak?
I've watched spin practitioners from both parties practice their dark art. The expectation has been that each "doctor" will put the best "spin" on his or her candidate. But in my experience, most such folks were at least willing to concede on obvious points. That rule has gone out the window for Trump's operatives.
That's why we recommend that this matter be taken to the United Nations and urge them to pass a resolution modeled on the Second Amendment as in: "The national right to keep and bear weapons of any kind shall not be infringed." Once we're all armed to the teeth, peace can reign throughout the world. At least that's the plan.
For the most part, media outlets have given Mr. Trump a free ride. Trump's outrageous statements and positions have not only failed to disqualify him from the race, they have actually increased his profile and popularity. Instead of forcefully challenging Trump on each and every one of his lies and exaggerations, the media have simply winked and given him a pass.
If we can come up with a new, highly visible position that gives Trump maximum exposure and public recognition without providing any actual powers, I suspect Mr. Trump would be more than happy to take it.