David Martin
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David Martin is a lawyer by training and a retired federal public servant. He is now a full-time writer of short humour and political satire and from 2010 to 2012 had a bi-weekly humour column in The Ottawa Citizen. Dave has been writing op-ed pieces and humorous essays for more than 25 years and his work has appeared on the op-ed pages of most major North American daily newspapers. He is also the author of My Friend W, a collection of his political satire published in 2005 by Arriviste Press, Dare to be Average, a collection of his humour pieces published in 2010 by Lulu.com and Screams & Whispers, a collection of his humour pieces published in 2013 by CreateSpace. His most recent collection of political satire is entitled King Donald I and is available on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca.

Entries by David Martin

Why TD Bank Is Losing Me As A Customer After 30 Years

(10) Comments | Posted March 17, 2017 | 11:00 AM

I'm old enough that I can remember when Canadian banks kept true banker's hours. Back in the 1980s, you were lucky if your local branch was open from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. on weekdays, with maybe a couple of extra hours on Fridays.

It was...

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America's Shameful Treatment Of Syrian Refugees

(26) Comments | Posted March 10, 2017 | 12:20 PM

We Canadians are often criticized for being too smug for engaging in excessive self-congratulation. You know the drill. We've got universal single-payer healthcare and Americans don't. We have effective gun control laws and low violent crime rates and Americans don't.

Personally, I think we often overdo our...

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Canada's True Winter Sport Is Iceless Hockey

(0) Comments | Posted February 1, 2017 | 4:30 PM

What game has three forwards, two defencemen and a goalie on each team and is one of Canada's most popular pastimes?

That's right, table hockey.

Although ice hockey has been rightly called Canada's game, a strong argument can be made that table hockey is...

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Kevin O'Leary Is Donald Trump's Mirror Image

(120) Comments | Posted January 20, 2017 | 4:05 AM

Thanks, America!

As in, thanks for nothing.

It's bad enough that you elected Donald Trump as your President but now you've inspired others of his ilk to run for national office. In the case of Canada, our latest Trump clone is one Kevin O'Leary.
...

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Canadian Banks' Condescending Ads Are Seriously Insulting

(8) Comments | Posted January 3, 2017 | 4:40 PM

Generally speaking, television advertisements seek to boost the viewer's ego by suggesting that he or she is a smart, savvy consumer. Recently, however, I've noticed one glaring exception to this rule: TV ads for Canadian banks.

In my experience, Canadian bank ads consistently treat consumers as naïve idiots with room...

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Retirement Helped Me Discover My True Passion: Napping

(23) Comments | Posted December 23, 2016 | 10:15 AM

I'm often asked what I enjoy most about retirement with the unstated assumption that it must have something to do with pursuing new passions, travelling the globe or writing the great North American novel.

Granted, those are all noble and worthwhile pursuits for the superannuated, but...

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America Is Drunk At The Wheel

(7) Comments | Posted November 30, 2016 | 5:03 AM

"Friends don't let friends drive drunk."

As a caring Canadian, I'm asking you folks to hand over your keys. I don't know if you're drunk or high or just scared but you're definitely out of control and in no condition to be driving.

...

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Dear Middle America, Why Did You Elect Trump?

(10) Comments | Posted November 11, 2016 | 2:25 PM

From my Trump-free perch up here in Canada, I'm tired of watching you Middle Americans repeatedly vote against your own self-interest. You've been doing it for decades and now you've taken it to the most ludicrous and dangerous level: the election of Donald Trump as your next president.

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Who's To Blame For This Mess?

(6) Comments | Posted November 8, 2016 | 6:47 AM

It's Election Day in the U. S. and I can't help thinking about what might have been.

Commentators opine incessantly about the paucity of choice given the deficiencies in the current two major party candidates. Donald Trump is a dangerous firebrand who could potentially unravel the...

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Trump Surrogate Brigade's Trademark Tactics Hit Galling New Low

(40) Comments | Posted October 25, 2016 | 12:37 PM

kellyanne conway
Kellyanne Conway, campaign manager for U.S. Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump. (Photo: REUTERS/Carlo Allegri)

Joseph Goebbels, Adolph Hitler's minister of propaganda, was famous for the "Big Lie" -- the notion that an outrageous lie was more likely to be believed. This election season,...

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We're The International Rifle Association And We Love Our WMDs

(0) Comments | Posted October 7, 2016 | 11:47 AM

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump once suggested that more, not fewer, countries be given nuclear weapons including Japan, South Korea and even Saudi Arabia. Although his suggestion met with widespread criticism, one organization seems to be in line with The Donald's thinking.

We are the International Rifle Association otherwise...

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The Media Is To Blame For Donald Trump's Success

(28) Comments | Posted September 28, 2016 | 4:21 PM

Political commentators continue to be amazed by Donald Trump's success. A man who a year ago was considered a joke candidate is now ahead of Hillary Clinton in some polls.

The conventional wisdom is that Trump is succeeding because he has tapped into Middle America's disenchantment with the status quo....

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Give The Donald A Crown And Hope That Makes Him Go Away

(1) Comments | Posted September 21, 2016 | 11:24 AM

The following excerpt is from the new humour collection entitled "King Donald I":

I'm not a psychologist nor do I play one on TV but I've watched enough television dramas to know a narcissistic egomaniac when I see one. And, not surprisingly, when it comes to narcissistic egomaniacs, Donald Trump...

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The White House Doesn't Need A Stoner In Chief

(22) Comments | Posted September 14, 2016 | 9:37 AM

gary johnson
Gary Johnson, 2016 Libertarian presidential nominee, listens to questions from audience members during a campaign event at Purdue University in West Lafayette, Indiana, U.S., on Tuesday, Sept. 13, 2016. Johnson said he was 'incredibly frustrated' with himself after failing to recognize the name of...

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Don't Get Rid Of The U.S. Electoral College Just Yet

(11) Comments | Posted September 8, 2016 | 2:52 PM

This year's U.S. presidential election has revitalized a moribund industry: Electoral College reform. Often criticized as an outdated, antiquated remnant of 18th century politics, the Electoral College is viewed by many as potentially thwarting the will of the American people. But before amending the Constitution to provide for a popular...

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What's In A Stadium Name?

(3) Comments | Posted August 30, 2016 | 8:24 AM

Call me old-fashioned, but I like my baseball stadiums named after the team that plays there or, at the very least, the owner or former owner of the team.

You know, like Yankee Stadium, or Wrigley Field, or Comiskey Park.

Back in the day (that day...

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An Obituary For America's Democracy

(0) Comments | Posted August 10, 2016 | 12:48 PM

DEATH NOTICE: Democracy, American (a.k.a. Representative Government)

On July 21, 2016, American Democracy died a painful death in Cleveland, Ohio after a long battle with a series of severe "-isms" including nativism, militarism, racism and corporatism. She was 240 years old.

Born on July 4, 1776, Democracy...

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Élection GO: The Mobile Game That Will Help You Ignore This Election

(0) Comments | Posted August 4, 2016 | 11:07 AM

trump phone
An Élection GO player attempts to capture Trumpachu, an orange-faced, troll-haired performer fond of race baiting and wall building.

From the makers of Pokémon GO comes a brand new augmented political reality game called Élection GO.

Élection GO allows you...

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This May Be The Solution To Fixing The U.S. Supreme Court

(6) Comments | Posted July 26, 2016 | 2:20 PM

The recent faux pas by U.S. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg underscores what's wrong with the highest court in the land.

For those who missed it, Justice Ginsburg recently publicly excoriated Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump as a "faker", pointing out that "he really...

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Would Donald Trump Really Be The Worst U.S. President In History?

(0) Comments | Posted July 19, 2016 | 9:28 AM

Donald Trump looks to be the Republican presidential nominee. What started out last year as a joke has turned into a nightmare for many Americans. The possibility of the Donald occupying the White House is terrifying millions.

But is there reason to worry? Would President Trump be...

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