Generally speaking, the public is very forgiving.
Case in point: In 1982, when seven people in the Chicago area died due to ingesting Extra Strength Tylenol tablets that were tainted with cyanide, it was predicted that Tylenol as a brand name would also perish. After all, a pain killer that's simply a killer isn't good press for a pharmaceutical company.
But Johnson & Johnson Inc. proved the observers wrong. Instead of saying "no comment" or hiding behind legalese, the company formed the template for damage control. A public apology was issued (even though the deaths were clearly due to the malevolence of a madman as opposed to a mistake in the production of Tylenol). A hefty reward was offered for information; billions of Tylenol tablets were recalled the world over; and Johnson & Johnson became a pioneer of the now de rigueur tamper-resistant packaging.
The end result: The public responded positively. Indeed, far from a dead brand, Tylenol in 2012 has a bigger market share of the painkiller category than it did three decades ago. And deservedly so.
I was thinking of crisis management when I happened upon a letter of apology (if it can be called that) to fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs from Lawrence ("Larry") Tanenbaum, part-owner of the team and chairman of the board of Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment. (The full-page mea culpa was published on Tuesday in several Toronto daily newspapers.)
Alas, whereas the damage control embraced by Johnson & Johnson was sincere and heartfelt, Tanenbaum's letter comes across as being unintentionally funny.
Without further ado, here's a deconstruction of Larry's laughable letter (my comments are in italics):
Dear Leafs Fans: (Actually, its Leafs tickets that are "dear," as in outrageously expensive.)
On behalf of the ownership of Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment, we want to thank you for your unwavering passion and loyalty. Like every fan of the Toronto Maple Leafs, we are disappointed with the results of this season.
(Just THIS season? What about the past six seasons in which the Leafs also failed to make the post-season?)
The Toronto Maple Leafs are a public trust (As long as members of the public pays copious quantities of cash, that is) with the greatest fans in the world (Ah, the one scintilla of truth buried in a heap of stinking B.S.!). We have fallen short of everyone's expectations ("Everyone's expectations"? C'mon, Larry -- as long as the balance sheet is in the black, ownership's expectations have been met), and for that we are sorry (how sorry? Enough to roll-back ticket prices? Enough to tender your long-overdue resignation?) . We take full responsibility for how this team performs on the ice, and we make no excuses. (Really? Earlier this year, Leafs General Manager Brian Burke said it is harder for players to excel in Toronto due to all the media and fan scrutiny... sure sounds like an excuse to me.) The way this year ended was unacceptable. (Why? The Leafs under Tanenbaum's tutelage have missed the playoffs since 2004. I dare not mention the decade the team last won the Stanley Cup, although here's a hint: the Beatles were still recording vinyl LPs). Results are the only measure of success in sports and the results speak for themselves. (Forgive me for nitpicking, but can someone at MLS&E kindly provide a tangible definition of "results" other than having a robust balance sheet?)
Ownership believes in the plan for the Maple Leafs. (For the love of God, Larry, can you reveal the specifics of that alleged "plan"?) All of the resources at our disposal will be used to make sure that the entire organization is focused on making the Leafs a successful playoff team. (Balderdash. The Leafs like all the other teams residing in the NHL must function under a salary cap. The team is prohibited from using "all of the resources" at its disposal.) We are 100% committed to ensuring we ice a team that competes with the NHL's best.(Mission accomplished, Larry! The Leafs do compete with the NHL's best. It's just that they lose more often than they win). Passion, hard work and accountability will always be the hallmarks of our organization. (Um... what about winning?)
The Toronto Maple Leafs are privileged to have such passionate and loyal fans. We do not take that for granted. (Oh, Larry, please... as they say down on the midway, "Don't kid the kidders.") Our entire organization wants nothing more than to deliver a team that makes you proud. (WHEN?)
Yours sincerely, (Good one! "Sincerity" and "Larry Tanenbaum" form an oxymoron that eclipses "jumbo shrimp.")
Lawrence M. Tanenbaum, O.C. (what the hell does "O.C." mean? "Order of Canada" perhaps? Are we supposed to be impressed?)
Chairman of the Board
Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment
Bottom line: Similar to the Canadian National Exhibition and the defunct Eaton's department store chain, the Toronto Maple Leafs are one of those unique properties that is loved far more by its client base than its owners.
As long as the stands are packed and the merchandise sells and the TV money rolls in, there's precious little incentive for ownership to strive for excellence other than a few extra playoff gates.
How profoundly sad. Loyal and long-suffering Toronto Maple Leafs fans deserve so much better.