Though I don't know my friend Tim really well, I've always held him in high regard. The other day, however, I got to thinking that it seemed strange that he was still single. I mean, I knew he was divorced. But that was eight years ago and he didn't seem to have "walls" up against women. In fact, he seemed to everything going for him: a warm heart and personality, no kids to encumber his dating life, a successful career that he loved... and yeah, the guy's very handsome too -- a killer smile and the physique of a man 20 years his junior.
So as we sat in his living room, catching up and drinking tea, I had to pipe up: "I just don't understand how a man like you can be 43 and still single when you are such a catch. What's wrong with single ladies today, are they blind?" I said half-jokingly.
He paused for a moment and then replied: "Why would I want a relationship when I have a maid and a chef?"
I laughed. Surely he was joking...right?
But he wasn't. He sat there stone-faced looking at me. Dead serious.
I looked down into my tea, trying to digest my friend's words. But I suddenly felt like he was a complete stranger.
It would have been one thing if he'd said he wasn't ready or interested in a long term relationship; that I could totally respect, whatever his reasons were. But instead, he'd chosen to compare the value of a female partner to that of having a maid or cook. And he did it numerous times as our conversation continued. I was saddened. Appalled. And in some ways, even offended.
As I drove home that afternoon, I suddenly thought of an article I recently wrote. It's about a new catchphrase that has become popular amongst single/divorced women: "I don't need a man." I argue that this statement is false, denigrates relationships and spits on men. If women aren't ready for a serious relationship, then that's what they should be saying, not "I don't need a man" -- these phrases don't mean the same thing or carry the same energy.
It then dawned on me that I'd found the male equivalent to women's nasty catchphrase; that is. "Why have a girlfriend when I can hire a maid or chef?" Whew. It's not so nice on the receiving end.
So tell me guys: Is this something you or your friends say/think? Does it feel good to say, do you joke about it over beers with buddies, and most importantly, do you really believe it? Truth on truth, in your heart of hearts, do you really believe it?
Cause if you say yes, I think you're lying to yourself. And the only person you truly and deeply hurt is yourself.