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Devon Murphy

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Thanks Krista Ford, Now I'm Suffering From Rape Fatigue

Posted: 08/30/2012 4:45 pm

This Krista Ford "don't dress like a whore" thing has really put me over the edge -- truly. I am experiencing the pinnacle of what Jezebel's Erin Gloria Ryan coined "Rape Fatigue."

Assuming many of you are also suffering from this enraging affliction based on the last seven or so days of the news cycle, I'll keep the recapping to a minimum and just get right to it: everyone needs to stop telling women how not to get raped. Now.

Stop telling women their rape wasn't legitimate. Stop telling women they seemed like they wanted it. Stop telling women to change how they dress to avoid having their safety compromised. And women? Stop talking about other women that way. Whatever happened to solidarity?

And recognize that even if you apologize -- even if you go to great lengths to set the record straight -- you have made it just a little bit harder for sexual assault victims to be taken seriously. I don't slut-shame, but I'm all for bigot-shaming. Shame, shame, shame on you.

"Don't dress like a whore" -- that's such a threatening sentence. Why don't we just tack on "or else"? It rings of a misguided "I told you so" -- like saying to a victim of arson, "Shouldn't have lived in a house."

I don't even want to talk about this any more -- I want to move the conversation forward. Let's stop wasting precious space, time, airwaves and thoughts talking about the ignorance of others and do something about it.

The next report I see about Krista Ford's tweet better instead be a multi-step action plan as to how we can teach this and the next generation of men not to rape women, and how we can educate the rest of the world to treat people with respect. (It's probably going to need to be a pretty big action plan, but hey, that's what elected officials are for.)

I want increased police presence, I want politicians taking sexism seriously, I want basically every current Republican to just shut up. But, one step at a time. First, let's focus on getting people to stop sexually assaulting women (notice I didn't say "let's focus on figuring out better ways to not get raped.")

The only good thing that has come out of the ignorant woodwork, however, is one big strong community outpouring. Last year, we saw Slutwalk -- a reaction to one cop's comments that took the power back and took the world by storm.

Today we saw bravery in epistolary form from Alice Moran, a recent sexual assault victim who addressed a letter to Ms. Ford directly, and did so with dignity and humour.

This is an age-old problem that rears its ugly head all-too-often, but that doesn't mean we have to accept it, and it doesn't mean that we have to play out the same old narratives. Don't pander -- move the conversation forward. Do something about it. We can only get better from here.

 

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11:10 AM on 09/02/2012
Men get raped too. Boys. Girls. Animals. All rape needs to stop. Along with all other forms of physical and mental assault. Really, people need to stop being assh*les to each other.
09:39 AM on 09/02/2012
Very progressive article. It's about time people try and aid victims rather than joining the criminals and revictimizing women who did NOT ask for it.
11:15 PM on 09/01/2012
Strong and progressive piece, Devon. I'm impressed by the conciseness and power in your words. I'm tired of finding myself shocked and dismayed at the outdated, harmful, and ignorant comments from both lay-people and from people who have the ability to aid victimized women:
"She asked for it"
"It's her duty as his wife..."
"She's weak"
"Let's shut her up before this gets embarrassing"
Something is wrong when a person feels the urge to hurt and violate another human being (or creature)...regardless of gender, race, religious ideals, or clothing.
10:44 AM on 09/01/2012
The problem is that many people, including this woman, confuse sex with sexual assault. There is a HUGE difference. The way a woman is dressed may attract sexual partners; but is completely irrelevant to the risk of sexual assault. Having listed herself as a "personality", it looks like this ignorant woman --- by publicly posting her cliched and outdated notions --- may have inadvertently gained the worldwide attention she craves. It's unfortunate that so many other ignorant people agree with her.
08:40 AM on 08/31/2012
Good article...& you are right...I've had enough of people telling me what to do....
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donttwit
12:38 AM on 08/31/2012
Great article, Devon. My thoughts, exactly. I hope a lot of good will come from this, including from Ms. Ford.
10:45 PM on 08/30/2012
Why don't we ever tell jewelers not to make their diamonds so sparkly, as thieves just can't resist the urge to steal when they see them?
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Felix99
Born to be mild!!!!
08:41 PM on 08/30/2012
Well said, Devon! Good luck on keeping the Republicans off your body. However, if a law could be passed tha neutered all males at age 30 -- or whatever age seems appropriate, that would make a dent in the rapists. Or automatic neutering on men found guilty of rape. Again, good luck with your crusade!
11:54 AM on 08/31/2012
Wow. What a sexist comment. The only thing that needs to be neutered is your opportunity to contribute to law making.

You suggested mandatory neutering of all males. This implies that all males are the problem (not true at all) and is even more ignorant than suggesting wearing revealing clothing invites and justifies a sexual assault.
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Felix99
Born to be mild!!!!
05:11 PM on 08/31/2012
Thanks for your supportive comment, Not.
06:50 PM on 08/30/2012
Rape is physical assault, based on control/anger. Nothing to do with "sexiness". If you don't get it, don't comment.
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Selene Cusping
Annoying MRM & radical feminists forever
10:16 AM on 08/31/2012
Imagine people only commenting on things they understood.

It will never happen.