THE BLOG

What NOT To Do On Tinder

Tinder’s beauty is that it can be anything you want it to be.

01/20/2017 17:22 EST | Updated 01/26/2017 12:01 EST

I wanted to write a book about the “Dos and Don’ts” of the popular dating (FWB) app, Tinder, but then I remembered that in our age of millennials, an article would be quite long enough. Who reads anymore, anyways?!

Tinder’s beauty is that it can be anything you want it to be, although it has been portrayed as a way to find quick, surefire sex in shows like “Girlfriend’s Guide to Divorce.”

I think the app can be great. I actually found my last serious boyfriend on Tinder and loved telling people about our unlikely matchmaker.

Tinder can also suck. I’ve been stood up by a date in the past, which is absolutely humiliating. I’ve been talked down to by bodybuilders who think they’re gods (you know, the ones who only post pics of their headless, hot bodies). Some (most) of my friends don’t understand casual dating and are positive it will lead to my untimely demise at the hands of a stranger who likes to wear another human’s skin.

We live in a world of instant gratification, and Tinder, while convenient, exploits our natural instinct to judge at first sight. If I had to narrate my Tinder experience, it would go something like this (as I’m swiping left through a seemingly infinite number of available men): “tiny… scary… serial murderer… hairy… old… goofy… baby… nope!” It takes a gal a split second to decide if she’ll swipe right, and I want to share some of my (very humble) tips for your dating success. Whether you’re swiping for true love or just sex, here are some Tinder Don’ts:

Don’t…

  • Look like a serial killer in your photos

  • Post blurry photos or photos of the back of your head (nobody cares)

  • Post a photo with another chick, especially if you’re kissing her

  • Post a photo of your veiny legs (I get it, you work out)

  • Wait for the other person to write first ― have some guts!

  • Say your age is 41 when you really mean 61

  • Post a photo that shows half of your face (or none of your face, for that matter)

  • Post only group pics so we don’t know who the heck we’re looking at

  • Post pictures of you stuffing your face with food

  • Include pictures where you have your tongue out (it’s simply unattractive)

  • Say “lol” to things you are not actually laughing out loud about

  • Use extensive punctuation!!!????!?!?!?!?!?!?!

On the other hand, the Dos of Tinder are simple! Do...

  • Smile in your pictures

  • Be respectful

  • Be the same in your Tinder convos once you get her number (in other words, be gross and pervy right away if that’s your intent)

  • Say something interesting outside the realm of “What’s up?”

  • Be honest about what you’re looking for

  • Be safe, and happy swiping!

Using Tinder is a fun way to meet people can reap great benefits. What has your experience been with Tinder, and what would you add to my “Don’ts” list?