Marriage may be an important commitment, but that doesn’t mean it has to be taken seriously all the time. In fact, if you take a step back, you might just find that some of the day-to-day annoyances of married life are actually pretty funny.
We’ve gathered 24 tweets that create a hilariously honest portrait of life as a husband or wife. Check them out:
When you do it, it’s annoying, when I do it, it’s adorable.
— OldCardigan (@MizzusT) January 22, 2018
Me, explaining life to my husband
If you want to discuss the correct way to squeeze a tube of toothpaste every night, then being married might be right for you.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ(s)🎭 (@3sunzzz) December 30, 2017
I'm pretty sure my husband didn't breathe this loudly when I met him.
— Cathryn (@AngryRaccoon2) December 23, 2016
Husband: What's for dinner?
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) January 23, 2018
Me: Ah, we have two very fine options this evening! You may have Whatever The Kids Didn't Eat, or, the more appetizing, Something You Make For Yourself.
Each night my wife takes three pillows that aren’t for sleeping off of the bed and puts them on a chair that’s not for sitting.
— Distracted Dad (@Distracted_Dad) January 18, 2018
My wife asked if I thought she should go on a diet.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 15, 2018
I bought her doughnuts.
Marriage level: Expert.
Having a wife and daughters means that at any given time 80% of your home’s interior is covered in stray hair ties.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) January 23, 2018
wife: I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it
— yabkat (@ohen39) October 25, 2017
me: [peeing on jellyfish] this is for stinging my wife
{me on my deathbed)
— Lilybreau (@Lilybreau) January 25, 2018
Husband: Do you know where my socks are?
Me [online shopping]: How cute is this teapot?
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) January 24, 2018
Husband: *couldn’t possibly care less*
Me: oh and it’s only $50
Husband: what?
Me: what?
Husband: what?
Me: *typing in credit card number* what?
wife *spends 5 minutes telling me why I shouldn’t do something*
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) January 25, 2018
also wife: But do what you want
There’s no wrong way to eat a Reese’s unless you’re married.
— Dorky Romano (@SuperApple80) January 13, 2018
Don’t get married until you hear how they chew gum.
— The Eh Factor 🇨🇦 (@AngelaEhh) January 18, 2018
WIFE: oh yeah baby, keep doing it just like that
— eric (@ericsshadow) January 16, 2018
ME: [loading dishwasher the exact way she likes] hand me another bowl
My husband has an advanced degree and 18 questions about how to use a dishwasher pod.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) January 22, 2018
I just want the optimism of my husband who thinks if he throws a bunch of dirty laundry on top of the washing machine it will just wash itself.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) November 27, 2017
The newlywed couple laughed when I gave them blankets labeled “his” and “hers.” Obviously this is their first marriage.
— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) January 15, 2018
My wife left to get a haircut so I’ve got maybe 2 hours to practice my “that looks great!” face in the mirror
— Mr. Hook (@Phook75) January 18, 2018
My husband just made a joke about needing a life coach like I’m not standing. Right. Here.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) December 31, 2017
Marriage is about understanding what irritates your spouse and using it strategically.
— TheAlexNevil (@TheAlexNevil) January 17, 2018
My wife didn’t add all of the butter the box of mac & cheese called for so I guess we are doing whole 30.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 21, 2018
My husband asked to accompany me doing a ton of errands today and this must be how a divorce starts.
— Lori (@loribuckmajor) January 13, 2018
I don’t think it’s a coincidence mini beer fridges are the exact same size as night stands, I tell my wife while we’re shopping for new bedroom furniture.
— Joel (@joeljeffrey) January 24, 2018
[phone]
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ(s)🎭 (@3sunzzz) December 14, 2017
H: Sorry, I forgot to warm up your truck this morning.
M: And I'm married because?
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