I applaud Seventeen magazine for addressing 13-year-old Julia Bluhm's petition to present real girls rather than photoshopped unrealistic images. While Seventeen can take care to avoid making girls look thinner and prettier than they truly are, it is not just magazines contributing to poor self image among girls.
Just yesterday, my nine-year-old daughter came home from camp. She has a crush on a 10-year-old boy who very sweetly told her she was pretty and special. He then went on to say although she is pretty, she is not the prettiest girl. The next day my daughter locked herself in the bathroom for about 10 minutes. When I knocked on the door, she had gotten into my makeup and looked like a raccoon with red lipstick on. Then I noticed her sucking in her belly in front of the mirror. Clearly, this boy's innocent comment had an effect.
My daughter does not even read magazines but the girls on television that are popular are impossibly thin while the heavier girl is either funny or obnoxious. These images trickle into our children's minds and they meanly call other kids fat or tell them they are not pretty. As a parent, how do you build your child's self esteem when it feels the world is trying to destroy it?
Here are some tips that I have found really help girls to be positive and confident:
1. Stay positive Instead of saying you look terrible in blue, say you look great in red.
2. Do not put yourself down If your daughter hears you saying you are fat, she may feel she is fat too especially if you look alike.
3. Spend time without your smart phone Nothing makes a child feel less important than when you are constantly texting, emailing, or on the phone. Set special time aside for your child and put the phone away.
4. Males in the household are not allowed to comment on her appearance Often, brothers, dads, grandfathers and uncles will make little snide comments or tease girls about their appearance which can be mortifying to a young girl.
5. Validate her If your daughter is upset about something, empathize and tell her you understand why she is hurt. Too often we tell our girls not to let things bother them which only makes them feel weak for being upset.
As parents, it is difficult to combat all our children's experiences. But, we can help them by building their self esteem at home so those magazines with the perfect people have a little less influence.
Follow Erika Katz on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@bondoverbeauty
When she was in grade 8, she came home from school crying.
"Steven called me carrot head." she sniffled through her tears.
Validation, next to Chanel, is the greatest gift anyone can give.
"That must have terribly." "Yup." with the sniffles. "I would have cried too."
"Tori, how many blondes are in your class?" "Well, there is Angela, Susie, Brianne and Karen."
"How many ...." and the list went to auburn, black, streaks etc.
"How many redheads?"
Silence ... then "Just me"
I bent over, put my hands on her shoulders and whispered to her Paul-Newman-would-be-jealous blue eyes and said
"Then who is special?"
We then practiced for a while how she wanted to address this. She decided she would go up to him in the next couple of days (told her waiting for a day is always a good idea ... objectivity instead of emotion) and tell him how it made her feel.
"When you made fun of my hair you hurt me. Please don't speak to me like that again."
A 13 year old boy wrote an apology.
Lesson
i) everyone is unique, celebrate that;
ii) quietly and respectfully inform someone that they hurt you with their comment. It is about closure for us
iii) always speak to someone the way you would like someone to speak to you
Fine. Females in the household aren't allow to comment on the boys either.
See how that works?
1. Tell her that women are victims of men and that boys are "privileged."
2. Give her everything she wants when she cries about it
3. Don't punish her when she breaks rules
And that's how you create a princess complex. Nice job.
And don't be afraid to give them a blast for doing a half assed job either
Every time you tell your kids how beautiful they are, tell how smart and resourceful they are about 50 times more.
And when they do something stupid, let them know how stupid it really was.
In a joking friendly way.
You gotta be able to laugh at yourself.
If you'd like to improve your body image you may be interested in a study I'm conducting on body image and meditation. It involves filling out two web-based surveys and listening to meditation podcasts for three weeks. If you are interested in participating or would like more information please visit the study weblink:
https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/meditationwomenshealth