Erin Hawkes
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Entries by Erin Hawkes

My Long Road to Recovery From a Severe Eating Disorder

(2) Comments | Posted July 8, 2013 | 10:47 AM

I have struggled -- and I mean struggled -- with an eating disorder for over 12 years. No one could have conveyed to me how extremely hard it is to give up severe bulimia. But then, no one told me how easy it could be.

First, the...

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Medicate Me, Even When I Refuse

(50) Comments | Posted June 3, 2013 | 11:44 AM

Suppose your toddler wanted to play with your kitchen knives. They are bright and shiny, and she sees you use them everyday, so she asks for them. "No," you kindly but firmly say. "They are very sharp and would hurt you." Your toddler begins to whine, then yell, then tantrum...

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"I Did Not Believe I Was Delusional, Let Alone Psychotic"

(10) Comments | Posted May 15, 2013 | 12:31 PM

The CIA was not spying on me. Nor were FBI agents looking to bring me down. On the other hand, I did not belong to either of these groups and was neither the President, Jesus Christ, nor Cleopatra. These, I had heard, are the content of delusions that characterize schizophrenia;...

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Learning to See Discrimination

(1) Comments | Posted April 11, 2013 | 12:29 PM

Being discriminated against for having a mental illness is a terrible thing, but -- as the one being stigmatized -- is it better to be aware of the prejudice or to be ignorant?

I had little choice. My schizophrenia came with a heavy dose of social deficits, including those...

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How Schizophrenia Gave Me an Eating Disorder

(4) Comments | Posted April 8, 2013 | 12:24 PM

I have tried to disentangle my bulimia from my schizophrenia, but I can't: I was a bulimic schizophrenic. Not a schizophrenic bulimic, though; I had the schizophrenia because my fundamental brain chemistry was abnormal, while my bulimia was more psychological. The schizophrenia could exist on its own, but the bulimia...

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How Medication Stopped My Schizophrenia From Killing Me

(37) Comments | Posted March 25, 2013 | 12:00 AM

Have my antipsychotics literally changed my brain? Have they exacerbated my schizophrenia?

An irony: an effect of antipsychotics is that less dopamine (a neurotransmitter whose work is affected in schizophrenia) is sent as a message to the next neuron, but in fact, this may actually cause a "supersensitivity" to dopamine....

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I Thought I Was Too Smart for Schizophrenia

(28) Comments | Posted March 18, 2013 | 8:39 AM

I have schizophrenia, they tell me. They line up my symptoms and thrust the diagnosis in my face. So here are your pills.

When I stop taking those medications I lose my grip on reality, but I don't know this. They, my psychiatrist, a security guard, the police, bring me...

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My Battle With Schizophrenia: "Rats Were Eating My Brain"

(15) Comments | Posted March 11, 2013 | 3:52 PM

The UN General Assembly has just put out its 2013 report of the special rapporteur on torture and other cruel, inhuman, or degrading treatment or punishment. I was not surprised at the majority of the content (e.g., forced sterilization) but then I came to this on page 14:...

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