A friend posted an article on her Facebook wall about PC staffer Amanda Wilkie's jaw-dropping tweet about Wildrose leader Danielle Smith's lack of children.
Yup that's right -- Wilkie went there.
This was on the heels of Wildrose's Family Pack Pledge, including announcements with respect to child-tax credits. Apparently Wilkie questioned Smith's sincerity (and credibility) for that matter, as Smith didn't have children.
I was understandably incensed by Wilkie's comments and clearly so were her superiors, as she immediately resigned shortly after her ill-fated tweet. A tweet which was admonished by PC Party official Josh Traptow, who also turned to Twitter to make it clear that "family and personal choices are OFF LIMITS."
Smith, who didn't go directly after Wilkie, revealed her and her husband's unsuccessful efforts to conceive through fertility treatments. She didn't have to explain at all, but clearly she felt that she needed to.
I was fuming. Because this reckless twittering and questioning someone's motives in this area was obviously uncalled for. This hit home for me, because just like Smith, I am 41 years old, I also don't have children, and have had my "credibility" questioned countless times when it came to discussing matters relating to children.
All sorts of past conversations started flooding back. Instances, where my not having kids somehow made me null and void for any kind of opinion on any child-related matters.
It seems that those of us who don't have children, regardless of the reason, seem to be shoved into a "not knowing of what they speak" category. And that has got to stop.
Sure I don't have kids, but that doesn't mean that I'm living on some unknown planet in a yet-to-be-discovered galaxy and therefore not exposed to the young'uns of today. Truth be told, I am a loving auntie to my two nephews and three nieces all ranging in ages of 12 years to two months. And I absolutely adore sharing with them my love for music, fashion, film, and pop culture. I taught my nephew, who was probably a year at the time, the "rock on" hand sign, which he gladly flashed to whomever would give him the time of day at the grocery store. My other nephew, when he was four, loved listening to Madonna on my iPod. My nieces enlightened me on the ways of Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber and yes, I got a crash course on the whole Diary of a Wimpy Kid phenomenon at the cottage last summer. See? It's all cool.
So here's the deal: I'm childless and I love children.
A combination, which funnily enough, confuses a helluva lot of people.
This is what I don't understand with my lack of a mommy-brain: Why is it so shocking for people to see that one does not need to have children to appreciate and love them?
So before I start getting crazy comments, let me say upfront: I know that I will never understand nor fully appreciate the incredible focus of all the working and stay-at-home moms out there. Their end-of-day exhaustion I will never understand and won't ever underestimate. I wholeheartedly admire the mothers of the world, my mother, the moms in my family, and my mommy friends. However, just because I am not in that club doesn't mean that it's a free-for-all to willy-nilly negate my opinions on matters such as discipline, tolerance and, of course, praise.
Oh and one more thing, I too can have an exhausting day. Believe it or not.
Just because I don't have kids, it doesn't mean that I can't tell when a child is misbehaving or being too loud or is just out-and-out spoiled. Just as I know when a child is being a complete angel, super cute, or showering me with their endless questions about life, which I adore answering. Because another thing that I love to do is talk to kids.
We were all kids once. Including me. And I remember the discipline extolled to all of us in our family. Yes, we got the "eye" -- the look that our mom would give us when she knew that we were out of bounds. That was a quick problem-solver. We didn't even dare to back-talk, go past our curfew (earlier than our friends' curfews) or even interrupt a conversation between adults. And no, it wasn't a strict no-fun-zone home. We were all being taught the basics lessons on how to be a polite and well-mannered child.
So for the sake of all of us kid-less folk, we humbly ask you for one small favour: Please stop treating us like we are martians. Because if you take your blinders off, we may have actually have something to say that may be worth your while.
Follow Hina P. Ansari on Twitter: www.twitter.com/hinapansari
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Go ahead, have an opinion. Everyone does. It is just a fact that all parents are more knowledgeable on this topic than your are. Deal with it. You are not the centre of the universe on this topic. No one cares what you think because they have billions of other, more educated, people they can ask. I don't ask my plumber what to plant in my garden. I don't ask the produce manager how to build a gazebo. (and I don't even care about, much less love, gardens and gazebos) If they volunteered that information, I would consider the source and seek a more informed opinion.
It is very childless of you to think this is about you.
To say teaching a one year the "rock on"sign as anything of worth is a bit cringewothy. Children learn grow constantly, and what as - parents - we teach them - through action or words is endless. A "rock on" sign is a novelty - a moment. That's all.
And, as you say If a parent needs input there are millions of sources - from people qualified. Who understand the moments in-between (all the ones that count) of having kids. Who understand the blind fear when your child is really sick or goes missing (even if just for a few moments in a store), the belly laughter, the questions, the wonder, the Joy (even if it's to be found in only moments if an otherwise hard and difficult day). It IS absolutely very "childless" of the writer to think this is about her. If parents inadvertently (or otherwise) diss her, it's becasue they care beyond words about their kids, their Children - and it's not surprising they want input from somone with knowledge of actually having kids, not some random female adult. That's not "mean" it just is what it is. She needs to deal
Only a parent has the total responsibility to look after, guide and discipline a child for the first 18 years of that child's life. The parent is responsible to make that child, who has their own mind, body and spirit, do things they don't want to do, day after day, and is also responsible for that child's actions. I can't think of another kind of relationship that even comes close to that level of responsibility. Until you have to execute that responsibility, day after day, no matter what else is going on in your life, I don't think you can understand it as fully as someone who has done.
Non-parents have opinions that matter, but I don't believe they necessarily appreciate how difficult the job really is. The times in which we live are not the same as those we were raised in, and judging today's discipline methods by what worked in the past, is not necessarily fair either.
That attitude can also at times be hypocritical. If someone is going to completely negate any input from someone else based on the fact that they are childfree, then that same person should never EVER speak their mind on ANY issue that they themselves have not personally experienced. You can't have it both ways.
When a 20 somethinger makes a comment regarding a life choice, I'll admit, it does incense me. ONLY because the passage of life has a way of answering those questions. It isn't ageist, just like how we smile to ourselves when our 13 year olds tell us that we don't understand what it is like to be a teenager.
Life is a brilliant master and without going through the trials and tribulations associated with the passage of time, there are certain things that we cannot have insight into. Ms. Wilkie will eat her smug words one day at a time.
All of evolution -- stretching back to the first bit of self-replicating amino acid, has been hurtling forward in time with a reproductive mandate at the very top of the hierarchy. An eternity of cosmic history has been hurtling forward towards YOU. But after BILLIONS of years, for the childless -- it now ends, right now.
To those with children, that is a profoundly disturbing choice.
When it comes to Danielle Smith -- or any other politician without children -- it isn't about not believing his or her views on this, that, and the other thing are less worthwhile or somehow invalid.
It goes *much* deeper than that: it's that at the bedrock of our life experience, NOT having children is something we view as symptomatic of a profound flaw and we deeply mistrust it. When your reproductive instinct is topped by something else -- ANYTHING else? There's something wrong with your priorities.
That doesn't mean we don't want you as a friend. But it does mean that there's something about you we don't get and don't understand -- and never will. And in a democracy, that makes the childless a bad choice for a high political office.
The fact that those choices seemed rational is not the counter-argument, it's the entire "TA-DA" moment of our mistrust in a nutshell. There simply *isn't* anything else that's more important than your kids.
Sorry, but there it is.
Replace children with catholicism.
Replace children with environmentalism
Replace children with causcasian
Replace children with Liberal
Kinda puts a different light on the writer, doesn't it?
This is not a discussion about caltholicism, or environmentalism, or republicans, or anything other than what it is about - childless and opinions of kids from a childess perspective,. And, if it were about any other things - then the issues surrounding those Specfic issues would be the talking point. but it's not.
I have kids and my life is richer with them. I have friends who don't have kids (due to circumstance or choice) but love children. I don't mistrust them one bit. People I don't know I might mistrust, but not because they don't have children. Never have I felt even one little twitch of my reptile brain saying "Don't trust this person because they don't have any kids."
Now, there MIGHT be people out there who behave much as you describe, and if so I have to say I find their behaviour ridiculous and profoundly embarrassing. If it's something genetic that causes this, I hope they stop breeding.