Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors
Ike Awgu

GET UPDATES FROM Ike Awgu
 

Why a Man Can't Act Like Hillary Clinton

Posted: 01/25/2013 5:03 pm

Supriya Dwivedi wrote an interesting column titled, "Why Hillary Clinton Can't Act Like a Man." In it she complained, as such columns do, of the prejudicial treatment women endure at the hands of a sexist media and of course other injustices like income inequality or the overwhelmingly maleness of our legislatures.

This is all of course at least partially true, but in an attempt to be different, let's consider:  Why a Man Can't Act Like Hillary Clinton. Imagine Joe Biden was Secretary of State and he began to tear up while giving testimony to the Senate Foreign Relations Committee about the murder of American's in Benghazi.  Certainly, some would be touched, with many sympathetic to a man expressing his deep feelings of sorrow -- but folks would publicly and privately be unimpressed. Women crying elicits sympathy; men crying elicits ridicule -- and not only from other men, but from women too.


I don't know a single man who cares, at all, what Michelle Obama is wearing each week. I don't know a man who cares about her hair, her clothes, or for that matter the clothes and hairstyle of any female politician -- it seems to me as though it's women who drive interest in the personal attire and effects of female politicians -- and I do not blame them for it. Largely because the sexes are different and most people, regardless their political inclinations, surreptitiously acknowledge it.

When a ship is sinking who gets on the lifeboats first? Women and children. If a house is burning down and a firefighter has to choose between saving the life of a woman trapped in a room or a man, who do they choose?  Women, we know, have priority for very natural reasons. The expectation that both sexes should be equal in every regard is a slightly obtuse one. There are explanations for our differences that extend beyond the malevolence of sexism. Double standards swing both ways.

Loading Slideshow...
  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testifies before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on the September 11, 2012 attack on the U.S. mission in Benghazi, Libya, during a hearing on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., on January 23, 2013. (SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testifies before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on Capitol Hill January 23, 2013 in Washington, D.C. (Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testifies before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on the September 11, 2012 attack on the U.S. mission in Benghazi, Libya, during a hearing on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., on January 23, 2013. (SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testifies before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on Capitol Hill January 23, 2013 in Washington, D.C. (Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testifies before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on the September 11, 2012 attack on the U.S. mission in Benghazi, Libya, during a hearing on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., on January 23, 2013. (SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testifies before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on Capitol Hill January 23, 2013 in Washington, D.C. (Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testifies before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on Capitol Hill January 23, 2013 in Washington, D.C. (Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testifies before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on the September 11, 2012 attack on the U.S. mission in Benghazi, Libya, during a hearing on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., on January 23, 2013. (SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testifies before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on the September 11, 2012 attack on the U.S. mission in Benghazi, Libya, during a hearing on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., on January 23, 2013. (SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testifies before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on Capitol Hill January 23, 2013 in Washington, D.C. (Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testifies before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on the September 11, 2012 attack on the U.S. mission in Benghazi, Libya, during a hearing on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., on January 23, 2013. (SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testifies before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on the September 11, 2012 attack on the U.S. mission in Benghazi, Libya, during a hearing on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., on January 23, 2013. (SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testifies before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on Capitol Hill January 23, 2013 in Washington, D.C. (Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton arrives to testify before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on the September 11, 2012 attack on the U.S. mission in Benghazi, Libya, during a hearing on Capitol Hill in Washington, DC, on January 23, 2013. (SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton arrives to testify before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on the September 11, 2012 attack on the U.S. mission in Benghazi, Libya, during a hearing on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., on January 23, 2013. (SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testifies before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on the September 11, 2012 attack on the U.S. mission in Benghazi, Libya in the Hart Senate Office Building on January 23, 2013 on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C. (MANDEL NGAN/AFP/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testifies before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on the September 11, 2012 attack on the U.S. mission in Benghazi, Libya, during a hearing on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., on January 23, 2013. (SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testifies before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on the September 11, 2012 attack on the U.S. mission in Benghazi, Libya, during a hearing on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., on January 23, 2013. (SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testifies before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on the September 11, 2012 attack on the U.S. mission in Benghazi, Libya, during a hearing on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., on January 23, 2013. (SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testifies before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee about the September 11 attacks against the U.S. mission in Benghazi, Libya, on Capitol Hill January 23, 2013 in Washington, D.C. (Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testifies before the House Foreign Affairs Committee on the September 11, 2012 attack on the U.S. mission in Benghazi, Libya in the Rayburn House Office Building on January 23, 2013 in Washington, D.C. (MANDEL NGAN/AFP/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testifies before the House Foreign Affairs Committee on the September 11, 2012 attack on the U.S. mission in Benghazi, Libya in the Rayburn House Office Building on January 23, 2013 in Washington, D.C. (MANDEL NGAN/AFP/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testifies before the House Foreign Affairs Committee on the September 11, 2012 attack on the U.S. mission in Benghazi, Libya in the Rayburn House Office Building on January 23, 2013 in Washington, D.C. (MANDEL NGAN/AFP/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is seated before testifying before the House Foreign Affairs Committee on the September 11, 2012 attack on the U.S. mission in Benghazi, Libya in the Rayburn House Office Building on January 23, 2013 in Washington, D.C. (MANDEL NGAN/AFP/Getty Images)

  • U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testifies before the House Foreign Affairs Committee on the September 11, 2012 attack on the U.S. mission in Benghazi, Libya in the Rayburn House Office Building on January 23, 2013 in Washington, D.C. (MANDEL NGAN/AFP/Getty Images)

 

Follow Ike Awgu on Twitter: www.twitter.com/IkeWeLike

FOLLOW CANADA
Supriya Dwivedi wrote an interesting column titled, "Why Hillary Clinton Can't Act Like a Man." In it she complained, as such columns do, of the prejudicial treatment women endure at the hands of a se...
Supriya Dwivedi wrote an interesting column titled, "Why Hillary Clinton Can't Act Like a Man." In it she complained, as such columns do, of the prejudicial treatment women endure at the hands of a se...
 
 
  • Comments
  • 39
  • Pending Comments
  • 0
  • View FAQ
Comments are closed for this entry
View All
Favorites
Recency  | 
Popularity
Page: 1 2  Next ›  Last »  (2 total)
11:46 AM on 01/28/2013
The author is clearly wrong about male politicians crying - there are repeated examples of men tearing up in speeches, from both republican and democratic parties. He's also wrong about men not being judged on appearance - it happens less aggressively, but there is still no shortage of policing men for style and appearance (just see Paul Ryan's "check me out, I lift weights!" photo shoot).

The real question is, how is it possible to be so flat-out wrong when anyone can fact-check that on google in ten seconds flat?

It's not ignorance, since I'm sure the author reads the news as much as anyone. But rather it shows how these biases and assumptions actually shape how we see the facts in the world. Bias isn't just a problem of having a stereotyped view of another group of people; it becomes a kind of willful denial of facts that contradict your point of view.

This writer literally cannot seem to see, or remember seeing things that go against his perceptions. His view of the world is shrunken and limited, and he is missing out on facts that undermine the reality in his mind.
10:10 AM on 01/28/2013
At a basic level this column is factually wrong, there are repeated examples of of male politicians tearing up at various press conferences throughout history. It's not even some left/right issue, since John Boehner has cried repeatedly during speeches.

But the real question is - why does the author seem to remain unaware of these facts even existing, despite this being 2013 and google being the easiest tool of fact-checking ever invented?

It's not simple ignorance. I'm sure the author watches the news as much as anyone. But it is a perfect example of the kind of double-standard he doesn't seem to be aware even exists (which is necessary, since that kind of double standard would cease to exist if people were aware of it).

In his mind, it doesn't even register that male politicians CAN cry, let alone remembering that they have repeatedly. That information simply slips away since it doesn't fit the preconceived notions he is starting from. Facts are pared away or ignored depending on bias, and that is used to reinforce whatever belief he was starting from. It's a coping mechanism to make sure preconceived notions never have to face the challenge of the real world.
03:58 AM on 01/28/2013
When will people learn to spell elicit? Illicit, def: unlawful, forbidden, felonious. It's hard to take seriously any commentator that can't spell
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Warren Yuill
Jesus Built My Hot-Rod
05:51 AM on 01/30/2013
reylax dude!
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Matt Blanc
12:48 PM on 01/27/2013
From evidence found, it seems that a lot of rich men got into lifeboats on the Titanic - the heck with W&C1st. Hilary has been accused of being too masculine, and now she's accused of being too feminine. Essentially sums up the problem of women in powerful jobs. While we now accept gay men who may not be super-macho in all kinds of jobs, we still can't accept that women can have a range of styles, looks, and personalities and still be great at their jobs. Unfortunately we've all become so used to commenting on how women look (men and women do it) that a women in the public eye is first judged by her appearance instead of on her performance. Only now that we are getting saturated with photo-journalism are men beginning to get some of the same treatment. But we still judge on separate rules - Joe Biden's grey hair gives him a glow of experience and solidarity, but if Hilary chose to go grey she'd be described as over-the-hill-ary.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
nicumber
12:13 PM on 01/27/2013
Hillary Clinton tearing up is minor. The secretary of state is tired, has been through hell, and is recovering from an emergency hospital stay. This is not sympathy but stating the facts. As for Michelle Obama's attire, hair do, etc., I could care less. I am a woman. I understand that the focus here is some of the media looking for a story, and marketers looking for clients, both of these groups include women and men.

If a man tears up in relating tragic deaths, I for one would not criticize the reaction. I would recognize that the individual was human, and had been touched by the tragedy. As for women and children being rescued first in the event of a ship sinking or a building burning, we only have to look to the recent, factory fires in Bangladesh to see that women and children were not being rescued as this writing would suggest.The abuses that take place in America often towards women and some men, and children is not indicative of preferential treatment toward females. I agree that the sexes are different, in as much as I agree that there are differences in individuals, men or women. Double standards exist, but this is a poor example of a double standard.
09:33 AM on 01/26/2013
Just last month Obama teared up after the Newton shootings and no one ridiculed him.

The double standard that favors women is shrinking as yesterdays news about letting women fight in the front line in the US shows. Men can cry on national news and not be ridiculed yet they still don't get asked who their favorite designer is or get headlines like "Now we know why Bill is scared!"
02:23 AM on 01/26/2013
Google "Joe Biden Tears Up" to instantly see how he actually did, when discussing dead Americans in Iraq. No one ridiculed him.

Also google "politicians ties" to see numerous articles analyzing the clothing of male politicians.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
valar84
01:29 AM on 01/26/2013
The author is right on one thing, just because Hilary can't act exactly like a man without facing some backlash, it is also true that a male politician could not act like she did without facing some backlash. Whether we like it or not, the genders face different behavioral expectations. That doesn't mean that necessarily one gender got it worse than the other, though that may be the case.

That is unfortunately a reality that cannot be pointed out in some circles, at least not without facing cries of misogyny or of sexism... We have examples of this on this very page. It seems some aim for the gold in the Oppression Olympics, and the best way they think they can get it is by making even discussing the possibility that the other group can face some disadvantages politically incorrect.

So we can only consider problems women may face, talking about problems men may have as men is verboten. In other words, "women's personal problems are political, men's personal problems... are theirs and theirs alone, let them man up and deal with then alone".
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
DebbyM
12:16 PM on 01/27/2013
'"women's personal problems are political,'

Maybe that attitude that you describe has come about because historically, so many of women's problems have come about because of men's attitudes towards them. India is a great and current example of that very thing. We women in Canada didn't even get to vote in this country until 1918 despite the fact that we were giving birth to the very men that wouldn't allow us that right. Muslim women are blamed if a man rapes them..... So maybe not such a surprise that women's problems are 'political'.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
valar84
02:28 PM on 01/27/2013
Some problems women face are political, but it's hard to deny that society is much more receptive to consider women's problems as social issues and not men's. Men are expected to be self-reliant, and talking about their problems as if society should be partly responsible to correct them is very likely to bring scorn to them.

Think of the expression "Be a man!" that is often used on people. What does it mean? It mean "Deal with it yourself and stop bothering us about it".
01:24 AM on 01/26/2013
This is the classic problem of a commentator who writes about something that they simply have failed to understand at any significant level of depth. In this case, the problem is that this writer is functioning from an elementary level of analysis on gender issues. He has made the error of confusing 'sex' and 'gender' - not unusual for people with only a cursory level of exposure to the relevant ideas. If a man is judged differently for 'tearing', then it is not a reflection of his sex, but of the attitudes around gender that the observers possesses. From that perspective, it is not a 'double standard', but the same (patriarchal) standard as expressed toward both men and women.
photo
duggyg
Situation normal.....
12:26 PM on 01/26/2013
What sex are you? Male....What gender are you ? Male.......ok so now don't confuse the two words sex, and gender.....ok. Btw......"level of depth" is hilarious.....thanks for the laugh.
06:52 PM on 01/26/2013
Your response is a waste of time. And your comment about " level of depth" tells me that you don't have knowledge about the basics so there is no point in continuing a conversation
06:15 PM on 01/26/2013
Yeah but... Wut?
08:50 AM on 01/27/2013
http://www.med.monash.edu.au/gendermed/sexandgender.html

research ..just a little
12:34 AM on 01/26/2013
Huh. Didn't know Huffpost partnered up with the Onion. Seriously though, sir, my favourite part of your argument may have been your hypothetical firefighter who (while apparently operating without any other colleagues to watch their back or save others) deems that- what, exactly? That men are better at surviving in burning buildings? That they are presumed to be able to muscle their own way out? That women are more worth saving or more save-able? That their uteri equal more potential life?

Let's pretend this is a real, verifiable thing that happens in real life. Okay. Such a policy is SYMPTOMATIC OF PATRIARCHY. Men are assumed to be strong, and women weak. Any upset in that balance is seen to be shameful, for men and women.
But no. Women have it easy, because their tears elicit pity, entail emotional frailty. And a man's tears are womanly. Shameful by association.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
valar84
01:38 AM on 01/26/2013
The patriarchy theory is wrong. It assumes that, because those who occupy the positions of power are exclusively or mostly men, they will automatically favor men with the power that they wield.

This is BS. Men in power have class solidarity, but little if any gender solidarity. History is full of evidence of that. Men in power have always demonstrated a complete lack of interest in the health and lives of the men of the lower classes. They have regularly sent them to die in wars or in back-breaking jobs. These men have more solidarity with their wives, mothers and daughters than with the men down on the social ladder.

The preference of society for taking care of women's problems over men's is pretty evident. It's not merely hypothetical as you claim. And it's pretty sick to try to twist this reality to be able to claim that the fact that society prefers helping her over him is in fact discriminatory against HER.
01:45 AM on 01/27/2013
Historically, men in power have made sure that it is men, not women, who remain in power.
11:59 PM on 01/25/2013
The word, sir, is 'elicits', which is very different from your chosen word, 'illicits''. The former means to bring forth. The latter means illegal. Yes, female politicians can at times elicit negative responses from the media or the public at large by showing emotion. That being said, however, I think that Ms. Clinton's displays of emotion, while often portrayed negatively in the news, sparked my interest because she showed that there are things she gives a hoot about. That visible passion would have made me vote for her if I were American. Interestingly, male politicians who show emotion are often viewed as compassionate and in touch with their feelings (I.e. President Obama responding to the Newtown shootings). Personally, idon't frown on such shows of emotion from politicians of either gender, so long as the actions that follow are congruous with those displays of emotion.

As a mom with a son, I see the world differently than I did before. I am determined to show him the work of people who say what they mean, mean what they say, and then do what they said they'd do. Are systems unfair? Yup. Will people ever live in complete equality? I don't know. But the ones who will feel the greatest satisfaction at the end of the day are those who stand by the principle of not denigrating others to advance their beliefs or agenda. So good job, Mr. Agwu, for prompting me to think and respond. Keep writing, sir.
11:37 PM on 01/25/2013
This is a bunch of nonsense. I love it when men try to derail arguments about misogyny and silence women's voices with their complaints about how "men have it bad too!111". Well guess what? Most of the things men whine about are the result of misogyny. Men only think they're getting the short end of the stick because they're no longer getting the whole stick.
11:18 PM on 01/25/2013
Oh yay an article trying to derail a legitimate argument about misogyny with more misogyny. Stop trying to make sexism and misogyny about men. And for the record, all of the things you list that poor, unfortunate men have to suffer are a result of misogyny.
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
photo
04:41 PM on 01/27/2013
You know what is the most ironic part of your outrage? The only reason why you even know who Hillary is Bill. Hillary's entire political career is built on the back of people's love of Bill. You know why she was so good at secretary of state? Because all the foreign power brokers know and like her husband making her job a lot easier.
10:20 PM on 01/25/2013
I have to wonder what the point of this piece is, besides a limp disclaimer that you're trying to be "different". Also, why the "partially true" statement? I wonder if you would be so quick to dismiss racism's impact on the lives of visible minorities
It seems, sadly, that you're one of those men who feels threatened by equality. As if somehow your own power and freedom will be reduced. I'm sure by the time I'm done writing this there will be at least one anti-feminist" or anti-woman response applauding your article.
1) your point about men being ridiculed when they cry is completely baseless. Recently Bush, Romney, and Obama all teared up and had positive reception (google it). When Hillary teared up, there were many questions of "faking it", and need I mention any of the other issues that the op-ed you're responding to raised?
2) besides being incorrect in your assumption that men do not care about how women look in politics - even if it were true - the fact remains that this sort of commenting and frivolity towards female politicians is alive and well. Regardless of who is doing it, it's still a giant hurdle that women need to overcome to be taken seriously and become capable of helping shape our world for *everyone*.
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
photo
10:06 PM on 01/25/2013
spoken like a true heterosexual with his blinders on
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
photo
04:34 PM on 01/27/2013
Sorry it just is what it is, Hillary uses being emotional as a political tool to show her passion. This works both for and against you. There are elements to traditional gender roles that a lot if not most women are a okay with because it benefits them personally.