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Enough With The Predictions Of A Post-Election Apocalypse

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"The tragedy of life is what dies in the hearts and souls of people while they live." -Albert Einstein

We all need to take a deep breath and take a step off the ledge for a second. We really do.

Either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton will be elected president by this time tomorrow. When that happens, half the country will feel vindicated; the other half will feel cheated.

But make no mistake; the half that feels cheated will instantly become the most important demographic in America. Why? Because they will have to remind the alarmists in their midst that the world is not coming to an end, that America is not, in fact, doomed.

The possibility of Trump becoming president has created a mass hysteria none of us have ever witnessed before. Regular people, people who are not informed enough to make accurate comparisons, are routinely comparing Trump to Adolf Hitler, drawing parallels between the two men that have no basis in logic or reality.

The possibility of Trump becoming president has created a mass hysteria none of us have ever witnessed before.

Hitler was not an oaf, for starters. He was evil, whereas Trump is asinine. Hitler was organized, while Trump is disjointed and sloppy.

Say it with me: Trump is not Hitler. Because if you believe those two men are essentially the same, you are more dangerous than Donald Trump.

Clinton haters are equally apocalyptic, though; engaging in a dialogue that seems to imply Goldmann Sachs will immediately take out a mortgage on the White House should she be elected, then sell that mortgage as part of a derivative scheme resulting in an eventual, no-strings-attached, zero-interest bailout by the American taxpayer that will ultimately bankrupt the country. Or something.

Look, both of these candidates are extraordinarily flawed. They are so flawed that it doesn't even matter if you believe Trump is more flawed. It really doesn't. People are so hung up on arguing that one is worse than the other that they forget that neither has captured a majority of voters who do not loathe them completely.

The best way to guarantee chaos after the election is to endlessly prattle on about how there will be chaos after the election.

If Trump wins the sky will not immediately fall. If Clinton wins the End of Times will not be right around the corner. Unfortunately, like every other newly elected president, both of them will make awful decisions that benefit people we've never heard of, resulting in dead civilians overseas.

So, while the news is not good, it isn't the end of the world, either -- except perhaps for the dead civilians overseas, but we are all used to that, are we not? Because if you were not protesting those dead civilians by now, were you really going to start on November 9?

No, you were not.

The best way to guarantee chaos after the election is to endlessly prattle on about how there will be chaos after the election. You are authoring America's demise the more you frame this election as the last hope for the planet, inciting civil unrest while ironically chastising both candidates for stoking fear in order to get elected. You are not helping the future of America, and by extension the planet, by fostering a vitriolic landscape comprised of reflexive name-calling, doomsday prophecies, ridiculous conspiracies and an unwavering demonization of your fellow citizens.

Enough already. You are voters with a shitty choice, so act accordingly. The sun will come up in America, and your job is to thrust your energy into making whoever is elected culpable for their actions. Acting irrational will only work to solidify the predictions that make you an alarmist in the first place.

Got it? Good. Happy voting.

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