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Jenna Em

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Do You Have a Destructive Child?

Posted: 02/21/2013 7:23 am

My five-year-old son waited until I was in the bathroom, when he began wreaking havoc on my household. In only five minutes he had pulled down the birthday presents, placed "out of reach" on the top shelf of my closet. Not only were all sealed boxes taken down, they had been ripped open, cut with scissors, and coloured heavily upon with markers. Naturally, I was furious and stepped back from the situation until I could determine how to better manage it.

Meanwhile in the kitchen, multiple pears and apples had been removed from the refrigerator. All had bites taken from them, and yet none were finished. This was the handiwork of my sons, two- and three-years old. A memory was instantly called up of a new puppy I once owned, who ate my shoes, jewelry and baseboard -- also in only five minutes. There was definitely a commonality between the dog and my boys.

Suddenly, I began putting together the pieces of the puzzle: new toys broken -- no, decimated -- in under 60 seconds; clothing cut up with scissors; unfinished food smashed with a toy "hammer"; scribbles on my wall and ripped down wallpaper; purposely torn pages in books, and the painting of the house with bright pink nail polish. It then became clear that my children had been displaying destructive behaviour, and if I did not put my foot down, my house would become a zoo!

Here are some steps I put in place to get my house back, which I call SCABS for short: Supervision, Consequences, Activities, Boredom and Segregation.

Supervision -- It's inevitable that when the cat's away, the mouse will play. So, if you're a parent with young kids, then that private shower or bathroom break will have to wait until the kids are in bed. An unsupervised child will find all kinds of ways to entertain himself, which is why supervision is essential to ward off destructive behaviour!

Consequences -- Newton's third Law of Physics states that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. So, if my kids are displaying destructive behaviour, I will find a fitting punishment to match the infraction. For example, a child shredding copious amounts of paper and throwing the shreds onto the floor, will have to pick up all torn remnants. In addition, there will be no more paper offered the next day. The same would ring true for a child caught drawing on a wall: the perpetrator will have to scrub down the desecrated wall with a magic eraser -- and no crayons will be available the following day.

Activities -- As a child, my parents never scheduled activities for my brother and I, and yet we entertained ourselves happily. However, as the mother of children who will destroy the house when left to their own devices, scheduled activities are important -- if I want to keep the house in one piece! Some great activities to keep the kids happily engaged include outdoor play, drawing, reading, writing and problem solving (ie: jigsaw puzzles).

Boredom -- From my Ph.D in Parenthood, I have learned that a bored child is a destructive child. Watch for boredom, as it is your enemy. When my kids get bored, they like to stick pencils through my kitchen chairs, tear up my bedroom, and stuff entire boxes of Kleenex into the toilet bowl. Combat boredom with some of the activities, listed above.

Segregation -- If you have kids that are three years old or younger, a safety gate that divides off sections of your home is a great way to set boundaries -- and keep personal possessions safe. After three years old though, all bets are off -- as the little darlings then learn to open or climb over the gate. Regardless of age, all kids should be taught what areas of the home are off-limits, and where they are allowed to play. The same can be said for what they may play with.

Have your kids ever demonstrated destructive behaviour? How did you manage it?

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My five-year-old son waited until I was in the bathroom, when he began wreaking havoc on my household. In only five minutes he had pulled down the birthday presents, placed "out of reach" on the top s...
My five-year-old son waited until I was in the bathroom, when he began wreaking havoc on my household. In only five minutes he had pulled down the birthday presents, placed "out of reach" on the top s...
 
 
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KiliClimber
38 Fans
11:01 AM on 02/21/2013
Kinda really happy I chose to never have children!
Yikes!

You have my sympathy!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
NadineL
unseatHarper
182 Fans
10:19 AM on 02/21/2013
Just a casual judgmental question... do you have your kids in stranger care?
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teacher54
2 Fans
10:08 AM on 02/21/2013
You have a Phd Parenthood and your kids act like this? Wow- any mom who has raised kids can tell you that you don't need a PHD to adopt the strategies you have suggested-they are just common sense! Your kids just need discipline- clearly something they are not getting enough of in your household. I have raised 3 kids and taught for 30 years in public schools and never encountered the behaviour your describe... you are clearly doing something wrong.
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Jenna Em
8 Fans
04:52 PM on 02/21/2013
teacher54, thank you for your opinion!
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mrytlesgirdle
Refuse to live a life of regret.
118 Fans
09:39 AM on 02/21/2013
As a mom of 2 who were not little hellions may I suggest stronger consequences. If they write on the walls they don't lose their crayons for just one day and if they cut up toys they are never replaced. You have to teach children that these items cost money and to be destructive is to be wasteful. I always set my alarm and showered 1/2 hour before my kids woke up so I could hit the ground running. Remember, you are trying to raise kids that other people will like and this will give them the opportunities to be happy and successful.
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Jenna Em
8 Fans
10:27 AM on 02/21/2013
mrytlesgirdle, thank you for weighing in on the matter!
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moragu
13 Fans
09:01 AM on 02/21/2013
I agree with all of your points, there is one point that may have been overlooked; a parent must control their temper, their reaction and have more patience than a saint. My experience with my now 13 year old daughter taught me, it was a power struggle for control. Her behavior as a toddler would control where I went, how long I stayed and how much time would be spent with her older sister. After spending her first years and two of them with about 2 hours a sleep a night, I put in place a routine which included some of your suggestions as well as teaching her the basics of reading and math. She could read beginner books by the time she was 4 and simple adding as well. By not giving into her demands and remaining calm and quiet speaking, I was able to bring order and calm back into my household.by remaining in control of the situation. Both of my children at a very young age showed how intelligent they are and I have attempted (not always successfully) to parent with the behavior that I expect from them. That and always being one step ahead and always trying to out think them works too.
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Jenna Em
8 Fans
10:26 AM on 02/21/2013
moragu, thanks for sharing your experiences!
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