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Getting Your Children to Do Their Homework -- Minus the Headache!

Posted: 10/25/2012 12:29 pm

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"I can't do homework with our son again," I told my husband, "even if it means that he fails the year!" These are the words I spoke with frustration, after having another difficult day getting our son to complete his homework. His attitude had really taken a toll on me: it was like pulling teeth to get him to do his homework!

Our daily routine was very predictable: my son would arrive home from school, he and his siblings would be given a nutritious snack, and then it would be homework time. That's when the tantrums, rage and complaints would begin. Common complaints were that I was SO mean and unfair, or "torturing" him to do his homework!

2012-10-24-headache1.jpgHow could it be that a child who got good marks and was well-behaved at school, could act this way in regards to homework? As a parent, how could I deal effectively with my child's constant refusal to complete his work? With four other children at home to care for, including two with homework, what could I do to ensure there were no disruptions to the others? My son would spend hours trying to avoid homework!

Here are some tips I have used to get my son to do his homework, since the episode I wrote about. (Yes, I did not give up on it after all!)

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  • Don't Run on Empty!

    Before starting homework, feed your child a nutritious snack. Even if dinner is one hour away, do offer cheese and crackers, a piece of fruit, or veggies and dip. Don't offer a sugary treat, as sugar gives a quick burst of energy, followed by a sudden energy drop. If your child is in Junior or Senior Kindergarten, a 30-minute nap before homework goes a long, long way!

  • Find The Sweet Spot

    Get your child set up for homework at a spot with minimal distractions, such as a desk or the kitchen table. Ensure that distractions like television, video games, toys and other games are not in the picture. A quiet room is an ideal place to do homework, away from other noises and activities.

  • In The Mood

    Try to gauge your child's mood before embarking on homework. For example, an irritable child doesn't want to hear that it's homework time! Try to sweeten a sour child's mood by talking about his or her favourite things or happy memories. If you reach a homework impasse due to your child's mood, leave it and return to it in 30 minutes time or so. Is the homework due tomorrow? If not, perhaps leave it today, if your child agrees that it will be done tomorrow.

  • Be a Detective

    If your child won't do the homework, ask why? There is a difference between not wanting to do the homework, to not being able to do the homework. Does your child need extra help in a subject? If so, be prepared to step in, or find someone who can assist, like a classmate, teacher or tutor. If your child has a hard time sitting still for a long period of time, or has a shorter attention span, break homework up into two different sittings or offer a 10-minute break in between.

  • Offer an Incentive

    If you child works well with incentives, offer one for completing the homework! It could be a simple reward like playing outdoors with their friends, watching 30 minutes of their favourite television programme, or doing a special activity on the weekend. A reward chart works well for this, with one week of completed homework equating to a special incentive that you and your child can decide together.

  • Work Alongside Your Child!

    If you work alongside your child while homework is completed, you will be able to discuss the homework together, correct your child's work on the spot, offer praise for a job well done, or encourage a procrastinating child to keep working ahead. And chances are good that your child will enjoy the companionship!

  • Go Ahead

    If your child is in a groove and speeding through the homework, do try to work ahead if the teacher permits it. Not only will you get a lot accomplished, you will have the opportunity to skip a day if you need to. This technique has worked well for my children, who get their homework assigned on Monday, with it due on Friday.

  • When All Else Fails (Mommy's Secret Weapon)!

    If your child refuses to do homework, reach for Mommy's (or Daddy's) Secret Weapon! Only you will know what will work with your child in times of desperation. I had tried threats, punishments, guilt-trips and bargaining without results. So, I use Mommy's Secret Weapon: a note to teacher stating that my child wouldn't complete the homework and that I'm aware of it. I have never sent it yet, but I am willing to. This always snaps my child out of his trance and gets the homework done!


Don't Run on Empty! -- Before starting homework, feed your child a nutritious snack. Even if dinner is one hour away, do offer cheese and crackers, a piece of fruit, or veggies and dip. Don't offer a sugary treat, as sugar gives a quick burst of energy, followed by a sudden energy drop. If your child is in Junior or Senior Kindergarten, a 30-minute nap before homework goes a long, long way!

2012-10-24-papercrunch.jpgFind The Sweet Spot -- Get your child set up for homework at a spot with minimal distractions, such as a desk or the kitchen table. Ensure that distractions like television, video games, toys and other games are not in the picture. A quiet room is an ideal place to do homework, away from other noises and activities.

In The Mood -- Try to gauge your child's mood before embarking on homework. For example, an irritable child doesn't want to hear that it's homework time! Try to sweeten a sour child's mood by talking about his or her favourite things or happy memories. If you reach a homework impasse due to your child's mood, leave it and return to it in 30 minutes time or so. Is the homework due tomorrow? If not, perhaps leave it today, if your child agrees that it will be done tomorrow.

2012-10-24-whiteboard.jpgBe a Detective -- If your child won't do the homework, ask why? There is a difference between not wanting to do the homework, to not being able to do the homework. Does your child need extra help in a subject? If so, be prepared to step in, or find someone who can assist, like a classmate, teacher or tutor. If your child has a hard time sitting still for a long period of time, or has a shorter attention span, break homework up into two different sittings or offer a 10-minute break in between.

Offer an Incentive -- If you child works well with incentives, offer one for completing the homework! It could be a simple reward like playing outdoors with their friends, watching 30 minutes of their favourite television programme, or doing a special activity on the weekend. A reward chart works well for this, with one week of completed homework equating to a special incentive that you and your child can decide together.

2012-10-24-homework.jpg
Work Alongside Your Child! -- If you work alongside your child while homework is completed, you will be able to discuss the homework together, correct your child's work on the spot, offer praise for a job well done, or encourage a procrastinating child to keep working ahead. And chances are good that your child will enjoy the companionship!

Go Ahead -- If your child is in a groove and speeding through the homework, do try to work ahead if the teacher permits it. Not only will you get a lot accomplished, you will have the opportunity to skip a day if you need to. This technique has worked well for my children, who get their homework assigned on Monday, with it due on Friday.

When All Else Fails (Mommy's Secret Weapon)! -- If your child refuses to do homework, reach for Mommy's (or Daddy's) Secret Weapon! Only you will know what will work with your child in times of desperation. I had tried threats, punishments, guilt-trips and bargaining without results. So, I use Mommy's Secret Weapon: a note to teacher stating that my child wouldn't complete the homework and that I'm aware of it. I have never sent it yet, but I am willing to. This always snaps my child out of his trance and gets the homework done!

 

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04:21 AM on 10/29/2012
Good god western parenting is pathetic. Beating around the bush. Mood? Snacks? Harsh discipline should be #1 on that list.

My mom gave me all kinds of extracurricular homework, all kinds of drills she made up, and she made me do them with threats of consequences that aren't even appropriate to discuss here. Not saying you need to go that far, but come on.
11:10 AM on 10/27/2012
Oh I totally agree with you! I had the same issues with my kids, homework time use to give me headaches as well! I end up combining homework time with what they like most, using their iPad! Wrote an app for them to motivate them and reward them when they perform their tasks. Things improved a lot since then! I am sharing this app with parents and making it free (without ads) for everyone who wants to use it. I did it for my family 2 years ago, and we still use it at home! take a look! www.kanplan.net . I hope it can help other parents like it did for my family, friends and all other users that are using it right now!
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Jenna Em
11:53 AM on 10/28/2012
Very neat that you wrote your own homework motivation/reward app! Thanks for the share!
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inspireplanning
Virtual Assistant For Creative Professionals
09:23 AM on 10/26/2012
I love these tips, I find especially feeding your kids first, sitting down with them and the note to teacher idea works great! This year I am lucky enough that my oldest son's (grade 3) teacher does not believe in homework, she states that studies have shown that it's not that effective. Instead if a child is having trouble or did not get all their work done in class that is their homework. Along with reading with your child. I love this system so far!
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Jenna Em
08:24 AM on 10/27/2012
inspireplanning, thanks for your comment. I can't imagine many parents lining up to complain about the lack of homework!
03:31 PM on 10/25/2012
what in the world. Homework for kindergarteners? There should not be any homework before gr6 at the earliest....
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Jenna Em
07:35 AM on 10/26/2012
jasonswan, in Junior Kindergarten my daughter had hours of homework each evening. No joke.
02:45 PM on 10/25/2012
Hi Jenna, thanks for all of the great homework tips. I remember very fondly the days gone by when my father helped me with my homework. It not only provided a great learning opportunity, but also important family and bonding time.
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Jenna Em
10:21 PM on 10/25/2012
You're welcome! He sounds like a great dad!
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Leslie Botchar
02:38 PM on 10/25/2012
This is very timely!! I am currently in the "I don't wanna do my homework" battle. I especially liked that you mentioned "detective"; because I think the problem is actually that my son is having trouble understanding what is required sometimes, rather than just not wanting to do the work. We didn't have much problem in previous years, but the math is particularly harder for him now.
I always give him a 20 minute break with a healthy snack when he first gets home. Then he does his homework at the kitchen table while I prepare supper. That way I am available for assistance, or even just company.
Some really great tips. Great article.

(I give up trying to get my own HuffPost Blogger avatar to show up when I comment. That's a battle for another day. I'll just leave use my Twitter.)
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Jenna Em
10:28 PM on 10/25/2012
Leslie, thanks for your note. What grade is your son in now?
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Leslie Botchar
09:54 AM on 10/26/2012
My son is 8 years old and in Grade 3. I am certain I remember math being much harder in that grade myself! ha
I also appreciate that you mentioned taking a break when the stress and tension of a homework battle starts escalating. Especially in my son's case. It's grade 3 afterall - it's not like he's applying for Ivy League any time soon. As long as he learns some good study habits right now, I am happy.
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MJinCanada
Safe from zombies until my 2nd cup of coffee
11:21 AM on 10/26/2012
I'm glad Jenna mentioned being a detective too. Each of my kids had a "weak" spot -- fractions, creative writing, expressing a personal opinion in an essay. One of my kids also rebelled at math homework in grade two because it was too easy!
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Jenna Em
08:02 AM on 10/27/2012
MJinCanada, interesting that you mention your child rebelled because math was too easy. Definitely a reason to not want to do homework!
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Leslie Botchar
10:20 PM on 10/27/2012
LOL.  too easy?  A problem I <i>wish</i> I had.
02:11 PM on 10/25/2012
Very practical and wise article.
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Jenna Em
07:33 AM on 10/26/2012
Thanks you, Nicolthepickle!