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"Love Conquers All" and More Bad Relationship Advice

Posted: 08/17/11 10:42 AM ET

Living better is often based on clichéd advice and personally, I think it's time to put a stop to it, because frankly, there's some advice, especially when it comes to relationships, that needs to be taken with a grain, heck, make that a whole block, of salt. Such as:

There Are Plenty More Fish in the Sea:
Remember when your pet goldfish died and your parents promised to buy you another one just the same? Goldie II wasn't the same, was he? Like goldfish, when a relationship goes belly up, you can't just go out and buy a new one. And while there may be plenty of fish in the sea, catching one isn't always easy. Which doesn't mean you should stop casting your net. But know that while there are plenty of fish, you'll probably want to throw most of them back before you find one worth keeping.

Time Heals a Broken Heart:
You probably wouldn't be too happy if you showed up in your doctor's office with a busted leg or a brain tumour and she told you to go home and simply wait for it to heal. Sometimes you need to do a little open-heart surgery. Take a trip, get some therapy, throw darts at a picture of your ex -- whatever it takes to stitch up the wound before you can let time do its stuff.

Just Move On:
Relationships aren't like the bacon bits section of the salad bar. You don't just move on. It's a process. That doesn't mean you sit and stew in your apartment (at least not for too long). But instead of simply bucking up and moving on to the next warm body so you can make all the same mistakes all over again, use this time to mourn and properly say goodbye to that crappy relationship. Reflect upon what you do and don't want to do next time. That way you minimize dragging all that disappointment, anger and resentment (because, of course, the relationship death was his fault, right?) into your next relationship.

Love Conquers All
:
Yeah, and I've figured out a way to lose weight by eating only chocolate! I know that it is extremely romantic and life affirming to think that your love alone will get you through anything. But when it's 4 a.m., the kid's crying, you haven't slept in three days, the house is a mess, and your annoying, unemployed brother-in-law is mooching, I mean, living with you temporarily, love may feel a little overwhelmed by the task of conquering all. I know that "communication conquers all" isn't quite as romantic sounding, but it's a good place to start. Combine communication with regular tolerance, kindness, understanding and some good old-fashioned grinning-and-bearing-it, and you at least stand a chance at putting a dent in (if not completely conquering) most of what comes at you.

 
Living better is often based on clichéd advice and personally, I think it's time to put a stop to it, because frankly, there's some advice, especially when it comes to relationships, that needs to be...
Living better is often based on clichéd advice and personally, I think it's time to put a stop to it, because frankly, there's some advice, especially when it comes to relationships, that needs to be...
 
 
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08:24 PM on 08/21/2011
I appreciate that you're trying to debunk commonly misunderstood and clichéd relationship advice, but a little more thorough thought on the subject and better analogies would have helped drive your points home a lot better.
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Nelson Montana
Artist, Author, Composer
11:56 AM on 08/18/2011
Love conquers all in two instances -- when it's new and the drive is so strong you'll do anything to have it, and when it's entrenched in decades of living together to the point where losing ones partner would be like losing a limb. Everything else in-between is inter-chan gable.
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05:41 AM on 08/18/2011
"But when it's 4 a.m., the kid's crying, you haven't slept in three days, the house is a mess, and your annoying, unemployed brother-in-law is mooching, I mean, living with you temporarily, love may feel a little overwhelmed by the task of conquering all."

Soooo many people need to hear this! I have some friends that I wish would realize this, before it gets too late.
06:00 PM on 10/16/2011
I would be grateful for your thoughts regarding whether there are relationships regarding which both partners would suggest that love conquered everything negative they had experienced together.

From an observer’s perspective, the issue appears to be nearly unapproachable. There appear to exist so many potentially points of subjective distortion to the declarers’ perspectives that the value of such testimony appears to be less than objective. However, if, immediately prior to the point at which death does them part, they both honestly believe that their relationship conquered all obstacles, perhaps it did.

I welcome your thoughts.
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RosieRetro
Military Retiree/Veteran non-aligned Independent
04:45 AM on 08/18/2011
I really don't think this writer gives good advice. I find it rather questionable to say the least. Everyone has a choice as to who they are going to let affect them and why.

If you are choosing to give someone power over your feelings based on something that they did to you, then you have some serious explaining to do to you about yourself.

A relationship is a meeting of two different people who want to share something. A toxic relationship is one or two people claiming that each "owns" the other. People are not slaves. You cannot own someone. You can merely be trusted to care for them for as long as they choose to let you and you choose to do so. If they stop, then don't lay a guilt trip on yourself about them. Life is too short to choose to be miserable. If your cat dies, are you going to blame the cat for dying? Same goes for humans wandering in and out of relationships. Nothing in life is guaranteed. Get used to it.
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frank1946
Tell the Truth
01:49 AM on 08/18/2011
Love is putting someone else's Welfare ahead of your own...............but after five Marriages I am
starting to have some Doubts !

Seems to be Infinite Demand for this Welfare sort of Thing !

Of course it is difficult to think of Problems when you are in bed Moaning in Ecstasy (not the Drug) !
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Mr Anonymous
Mumpsimus, I am not entertained!
06:30 PM on 08/23/2011
Love is not putting someone else's welfare ahead of your own, thats called being subservient.
06:09 PM on 10/16/2011
I appreciate the advice that a Biblical passage appears to offer: love others as you love yourself. The Bible appears not put much weight into loving others more than oneself. One passage vaguely appears to be the extent of that suggestion and that passage might be intended to be poetic.

I welcome your thoughts.
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erinbliss
01:05 AM on 08/18/2011
Easier said than done.
12:30 AM on 08/18/2011
You're right! These adages DO NOT work! And after 40 years in one, I can say it definitely takes a lot of guts to continue to minister to a relationship!
06:16 PM on 10/16/2011
Perhaps these credos became popular because they might have worked for some people, at some point. They do appear to not be intended to be universally implementable.

Forty years is quite a bit of experience in a relationship. However, from an observer’s perspective, the issue of the relevance of a particular couple’s experience to another couple appears salient. The extent to which the relationship dynamic might vary appears to be significant.

I welcome your thoughts.
08:26 PM on 08/17/2011
My advice for a great relationship is Don't be narcissitic. Seems to be the problem with society in general. When you stop thinking only of yourself and requiring others to make you happy, you will be a happier and better person
04:06 AM on 08/18/2011
Well said. A wise college professor once said to me that relationships exist to make you whole not happy.
06:36 PM on 10/16/2011
I humbly and respectfully submit an apparently contrary, somewhat popular suggestion that relationships cannot make one whole. Certainly there are references to phrases such as “Opposites attract” and “You complete me”. However, an apparently popularly-accepted principle appears to be that one needs to be “whole” when embarking on a relationship. The consequence of incomplete persons hoping to be completed by the another appears to be reported to be an undesirable interrelationship referred to as co-dependency.

I welcome your thoughts.
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RosieRetro
Military Retiree/Veteran non-aligned Independent
04:46 AM on 08/18/2011
I agree completely.
07:12 PM on 08/17/2011
How about this one: " How can I miss you if you don't go away..." love that one...from Dan Hicks and the Hot Licks around the 1970's. Thing about it is ---it's true! Chase after someone too hard and you chase them away. Give them the gift of missing you---that from David D.
06:41 PM on 10/16/2011
The value of this advice appears to depend upon the amount of separation needed by each person. One person might be satisfied with a chat on the telephone for a few minutes per day and the partner might be interested in a greater, yet healthy, amount of time together.

I welcome your thoughts.
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Denise Ellis Hooks
07:03 PM on 08/17/2011
Solid advice
04:49 PM on 08/17/2011
Time may not heal all wounds however, time will eventually wound all heels.
06:28 AM on 08/18/2011
Ahhh yes...I have reluctantly ended deep relationships with many-a-pair of fantastic heels...I will forever regret not taking them to the cobbler more! ;-P
11:23 AM on 08/18/2011
Cobbler? Make mine Peach...warm with Vanilla ice cream...YUM!
01:45 PM on 08/17/2011
As stand alone sentences, any advice could be bad without qualification. "Communication conquers all" is no better than the latter as not all communication is effective or well meant. "Love" will motive us to try to communicate in an effective way. Now to qualify my statement. Unfortunately when some people speak of love conquering all, they mean, or are interpreted to mean love in the romantic sense. Most realize that "love" has many definitions. Obviously loving our parents, a certain food or honesty all have different connotations. We may have a love for principles that moves us to hold to those principles, again not a romantic love. In a healthy relationship, love encompasses not just romantic feelings, but a concern for their feelings and willingness to sacrifice our interests for theirs (2 way street). In other words, this "love" involves understanding and respect. After all, if you have been in a relationship where you are told you are loved by a person that always wants their way and does not even try to understand your perspective; do you really feel loved? They may be sincere in saying this, but they obviously have a shallow selfish view of love. The deeper love is what conquers *almost* all because, even when you don't feel much romantic love in difficult times, this love can often motivate you either to overlook lesser annoyances and work to mend bigger problems with effective communication.
06:49 PM on 10/16/2011
In addition to love, there appears to be quite a bit of information about what makes a great relationship for the people involved and whether such a relationship is, in fact, appropriate.

I welcome your thoughts.
12:34 PM on 08/17/2011
Okay, this is a cute article, but that first paragraph is -hideous-. Run on sentences like that could easily be caught with just a simple re-read before clicking the 'send' button!
03:42 PM on 08/17/2011
i just looked again and DAMN! And I thought I was bad! lol
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eviljack13666
Upgrade is compulsory...
06:09 PM on 08/17/2011
That is serious comma abuse!