The 17 Commandments Of The Super Super Bowl Spectator

Here's what you need to know to be the perfect guest and spectator at the Super Bowl party you attend this weekend.

02/02/2018 09:05 EST | Updated 02/02/2018 09:41 EST

Are you ready to be a Super Super Super Bowl LII spectator?

On February 4, couch coaches, cooks of decadent foods, ad amateurs, as well as Pink and Justin Timberlake fans, will gather to watch the National Football League's championship game.

For the majority of watchers, the star will be the game. Others will purposely go to the restroom during the match so as not to miss Timberlake's moves during the halftime show. And all are excited about the spread and snacks; chicken wings, chili, chips, dips, pigs in the blankets, etc.

For many spectators, football is their religion. Here are the 17 commandments of the Super Super Bowl Spectator.

Christopher Futcher

A Super Super Bowl Spectator is offensive; they show finesse

1. You shall inquire to your host to find out if you can contribute anything.

2. You shall not arrive empty handed and you shall bring a host gift, such as: a football themed service dish, dish towel, apron or accessories, your favorite snacks or a cookbook of finger foods. If you bring your beverage, also bring a cooler to preserve your host's fridge space.

3. You shall offer to help with serving appetizers or organize the buffet.

4. You shall place your bets on time and pay promptly, without grumbling.

A Super Super Bowl spectator is defensive: intelligent and disciplined

5. You shall remove your cap during the national anthem. You too ladies, you are not at the Kentucky Derby.

6. You shall not touch the remote control. This is your host's exclusive privilege.

7. You shall not intercept arrogant fans or Mr. Knowsiltall. Respect others' opinions and allegiances. Use deflection tactics to restore a smooth conversation.

8. You shall use rated "G" language, especially if children are present.

Christopher Futcher

A Super Super Bowl Spectator is strategic

9. You shall sit according to your interest and you shall honour your place. If you are mainly there for the gathering with friends, and, if like me, you plan on dancing to Timberlake's tunes, leave the front seats for football fans. Your seat is your seat for the whole match. No substitutions allowed. You cannot steal the seat of the constant high fiver who makes contact with every guest, at every point.

10. You shall eat your chicken wings according to protocol:

  • Find the widest edge; the cartilage. Remove it.
  • Pinch the thinnest bone with your first two fingers and thumb. Twist, pull and throw.
  • With the fingers of your other hand, firmly hold the other end.
  • Take the wider bone and repeat. Twist, pull and throw.
  • Please, please, use your napkin instead of licking your fingers Yes, chicken wings are eaten with your fingers, but licking them should be a solitary activity. Nobody wants to high-five someone's chicken wing guck. Yuck!

Tip for the host: add a container of wet wipes to your buffet table.

11. You shall not double dip. Once you dip the nacho, and you take a bite, you are forbidden from soaking that end again. Yes, flip dipping is allowed.

12. You shall thank your host twice: when leaving, and the next day with a text message, an email or a call. This will ensure that you are invited back next year.


A Super Super Bowl Spectator is respectful

13.You shall respect the clock. You will arrive on time. You will leave after the game. Be considerate of your host who works Monday morning by offering to help clean up.

14. You shall let the pros do their job. Don't coach players unless you are alone on your couch.

15. You shall not take pictures of "deflated" guests. Before you say "cheese," ask permission.

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16. You shall arrange for a safe return home.

17. You shall not call-in "sick" Monday. If you plan to be away and have a floating day, make sure that your colleagues won't scramble. Make arrangements now.

Enjoy the game, the show and "bon appétit"!

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