Our daughter is getting married on May 4. I am the step mom. Last Saturday she called her dad and wants both her parents, my husband and his ex, to walk her down the aisle.
Maybe not a huge request but, my husband said he wants to walk his daughter down the aisle, solo. He absolutely does not want to walk his daughter with his ex-wife.
I think this is an accumulation of years of being pushed together in family photos, events, dinners, etc. Our daughter always says: "you are all my family and I love you all." We understand, but...he also feels a fair amount of resentment toward his ex.
He also feels resentment towards our daughter about this destination wedding. It is costing much more than what most of the family can handle, in this poor economy. The are the travel expenses of her expensive resort fees plus time off work and school. We have a few children still in college.
This is a bit of the straw that breaks the camels back. He feels that, the priviledge of walking her down the aisle, is being taken away from him. He is tired of stepping aside for everyone's happiness.
As you state, under "normal" contemporary circumstances your husband's daughter's request, of having both parents walk her down the aisle, would be very welcomed by both parents.
In asking her father and mother to escort her, the future bride is trying to arrange things to fit her family circumstances from divorced parents. As she says "you are all her family and she loves you all."
I understand your husband's frustrations with his ex-wife and the wedding expenses but, what is important anyway for his daughter's wedding? Love.
The proper role of the father-of-the-bride is to be happy for his daughter on her wedding day; to accompany her one on the most important day and what will probably be the most cherished memory, of her life.
At his daughter's wedding, your husband should put aside his differences with his ex and beam happiness for his daughter.
For future, less important gatherings, I recommend that your husband have a candid conversation with his daughter about his participation in activities that involve his ex-wife.
Heart to heart, I am certain that in the names of love and family, that they can come to a mutual understanding that will guide them for activities to come.
As for the expenses of a destination wedding, the fiancés are well aware of the downside: some guests, including loved ones, even siblings, may not be able to afford the costs.
No guest is ever expected to go into debt to participate in a wedding celebration. A guest's responsibility to a wedding invitation is to RSVP in due time and to send a gift. Accepting or declining a wedding invitation, is a choice.
Once again, if the siblings have not yet stated that they would participate in the wedding, a truthful conversation with your daughter in law could be in order.
I wish you and your family well.
"It's a move towards sophistication," says Alyssa Brown of Alison Events in San Francisco, the planners behind Seth Rogen's recent nuptials. "For example, we're planning an outdoor event right now, but there's crystal on the table, and gold silverware and chargers," Alyssa explains. "And black tie is playing a huge role right now. It's full-length gowns for everybody!" Photo Credit: Sara Kathleen
"I see grey and taupe with pops of black," says Alyssa. Tara Guérard of Soirée in Charleston predicts that layers of blush will be big. Candles always have a major presence at weddings, but this year, look for them in showstopping chandeliers. "I like to incorporate chandeliers into my wedding design, especially in tents," says Ivy Robinson of Ivy Robinson Weddings and Events in Charlotte, North Carolina. Photo Credit: Jessie Leake Photography courtesy of Alison Events; Flowers by Brown Paper Design
Camping! It started with Matthew McConaughey's star-studded wedding, and now brides are loving the idea of a grown-up summer camp -- hence the new term, "glamping." Imagine ultra-luxe safari-style tents with heat, electricity and high-end linens. If the idea of overnight guests doesn't work for you, some brides are using the tents as part of the reception. "You can have a tent with books and bourbon," suggests Alyssa. "Or a kids' tent." Photo Credit: Moss Isaac
Soft, lush, romantic, the peony is the most-requested wedding flower for two years running now, according to Sayles Livingston of Sayles Livingston Design in Newport, Rhode Island. But with the bloom available for only two months out of the year, brides need a backup. Sayles recommends the garden rose, which has the same delicate petal feeling but is much more readily available. Photo Credit: Thayer Allyson Gowdy; courtesy Alison Events Flowers by Brown Paper Design
2013's brides swoon for garlands -- garlands with ribbon, garlands with paper, garlands hung from chandeliers. "We just did a wedding with one long center table and a garland of peonies and hydrangea running the full length of the table. It was 48 feet of full flower," Sayles says. Photo Credit: Corlis Gray Photography
The invitation look of the year? Foil stamping -- glints of metallic gold, silver and bronzes stamped directly on the invitation. Imagine your names shining in silver against an illustration of the Brooklyn Bridge, or calligraphy scrollwork made modern in gold. "It adds a very fun pop without being too glitzy," says Melinda Morris of Lion in the Sun in Brooklyn, NY. Photo Credit: Bella Figura
“A major trend is to do plated dinners now,” says Elizabeth Creasey of Los Angeles-based Whoa Nelly! Catering, the go-to foodies for Hollywood A-listers. “We’re getting more requests for gold silverware, something more sophisticated.” Photo Credit: Watson Studios
"We do a lot of it in the cocktail hour: little banh mi (mini French baguette) sliders for Vietnamese brides or braised brisket sliders for a Jewish wedding," says Elizabeth Creasey of Los Angeles-based Whoa Nelly! Catering. Photo Credit: Jen Phillips
Pork! Beth loves to surprise guests with a main course that veers away from more expected beef offerings. "We braise pork shoulder until it's really tender, then slice and grill it with black-beans, citrus-pickled onion, and avocado salsa." Brides are demanding unexpected, fun, and above all, restaurant-quality food. Photo Credit: Ashton Events/Dave Lapham
"Tequila," says Olivier Cheng of New York's Olivier Cheng Catering and Events. Photo Credit: Joielala Photographie
The cake style that dominates right now is clean and modern with just one amazing pop of embellishment such as a bow, monogram or flower. The other major look takes the opposite tack, using eye-popping color or all-over appliqués. And finally, a traditional idea has come around again: Brides are loving cakes that mimic wedding-dress details like lace. Photo Credit: Cake Power
Remember when you'd only hear Motown, '80s tunes and hits off the pop charts at weddings? That won't be the case in 2013 says Rob Principe of Scratch Weddings, one of the country's top DJ services. "They want electronic dance music, then Bruno Mars, Mumford & Sons, sexy Brazilian house or bossa nova," Rob says. And don't be surprised if you see live musicians that play along with the DJ. "At the cocktail hour, you can have a percussionist and the DJ together -- like having live music embroider the DJ's 1,000-song playlist," Rob explains.
Brides are planning green weddings in greater numbers than ever. Kate Harrison of Green Bride Guide says the easiest way to go green is with your favors and invitations. Look for recycled, plantable, or tree-free papers, or even sustainably harvested wood-veneers on which to print your invites. Photo Credit: GreenBrideGuide.com
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