Sticky Situation:
Our daughter is getting married on May 4. I am the step mom. Last Saturday she called her dad and wants both her parents, my husband and his ex, to walk her down the aisle.
Maybe not a huge request but, my husband said he wants to walk his daughter down the aisle, solo. He absolutely does not want to walk his daughter with his ex-wife.
I think this is an accumulation of years of being pushed together in family photos, events, dinners, etc. Our daughter always says: "you are all my family and I love you all." We understand, but...he also feels a fair amount of resentment toward his ex.
He also feels resentment towards our daughter about this destination wedding. It is costing much more than what most of the family can handle, in this poor economy. The are the travel expenses of her expensive resort fees plus time off work and school. We have a few children still in college.
This is a bit of the straw that breaks the camels back. He feels that, the priviledge of walking her down the aisle, is being taken away from him. He is tired of stepping aside for everyone's happiness.
Please advise.
Solution(s):
As you state, under "normal" contemporary circumstances your husband's daughter's request, of having both parents walk her down the aisle, would be very welcomed by both parents.
In asking her father and mother to escort her, the future bride is trying to arrange things to fit her family circumstances from divorced parents. As she says "you are all her family and she loves you all."
I understand your husband's frustrations with his ex-wife and the wedding expenses but, what is important anyway for his daughter's wedding? Love.
The proper role of the father-of-the-bride is to be happy for his daughter on her wedding day; to accompany her one on the most important day and what will probably be the most cherished memory, of her life.
At his daughter's wedding, your husband should put aside his differences with his ex and beam happiness for his daughter.
For future, less important gatherings, I recommend that your husband have a candid conversation with his daughter about his participation in activities that involve his ex-wife.
Heart to heart, I am certain that in the names of love and family, that they can come to a mutual understanding that will guide them for activities to come.
As for the expenses of a destination wedding, the fiancés are well aware of the downside: some guests, including loved ones, even siblings, may not be able to afford the costs.
No guest is ever expected to go into debt to participate in a wedding celebration. A guest's responsibility to a wedding invitation is to RSVP in due time and to send a gift. Accepting or declining a wedding invitation, is a choice.
Once again, if the siblings have not yet stated that they would participate in the wedding, a truthful conversation with your daughter in law could be in order.
I wish you and your family well.
Have a Sticky Situation yourself, write to julie@etiquettejulie.com and Julie will reply promptly. You can also ask your questions on her Facebook page.
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<em>Photo Credit: Thayer Allyson Gowdy; courtesy Alison Events</br >
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Remember when you'd only hear Motown, '80s tunes and hits off the pop charts at weddings? That won't be the case in 2013 says Rob Principe of Scratch Weddings, one of the country's top DJ services. "They want <a href="http://www.bridalguide.com/blogs/bridal-buzz/music-monday-indie-electronica" target="_hplink">electronic dance music</a>, then Bruno Mars, Mumford & Sons, sexy Brazilian house or bossa nova," Rob says. And don't be surprised if you see live musicians that play along with the DJ. "At the cocktail hour, you can have a percussionist and the DJ together -- like having live music embroider the DJ's 1,000-song playlist," Rob explains.
13. Trend of the Year: Going Green and DIY
Brides are planning green weddings in greater numbers than ever. Kate Harrison of Green Bride Guide says the easiest way to go green is with your favors and invitations. Look for recycled, plantable, or tree-free papers, or even sustainably harvested wood-veneers on which to print your invites.
<em>Photo Credit: GreenBrideGuide.com</em>
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The Father of the Bride walks her down the Aisle during a Wedding.
If this little princess expects to so cavalierly insult her Father's feelings, and (to him) degrade a cherished moment, I'd imagine she'll make a horrible Wife.
How about telling her to put other people's feelings ahead of her own. Even on her Wedding day. Over half fail anyway, and a princess like that will probably be through her "starter marriage" in no time.
He can suck up his hurt feelings or not participate, that's up to him. He's the one who considers it an insult to simply walk 20 feet beside someone he doesn't like - if that's a bigger deal to him than participating in his daughter's wedding, that shows how petty and selfish he really is.
The level of contempt you seem to have for the daughter in this case really makes me wonder who hurt your feelings so badly that you feel that quick to hate someone for making a simple, easily accommodated request.
None the less, Dad should smile and walk down the aisle with his ex. If his ex is just doing this to provoke him and create a scene or drive a wedge, then all the more reason he should just grin and bear it. If she's nasty and manipulative, everyone will know anyway and admire him for his forbearance. And he should immediately start the healthiest diet and most exercise filled regime of his life, and look fabulous and at least 10 years younger than his ex.