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Sticky Situations: Help! One of My Colleagues Has Bad B.O.

Posted: 11/30/11 08:49 AM ET

Julie Blais has joined as Huffpost Canada's etiquette columnist. Please direct any questions about sticky situations of your own to julie@etiquettejulie.com.

Sticky situation:
To tell or not to tell: one of my work colleagues has B.O.?

Solution:
Having been an HR manager I know that presenting this sticky situation to a colleague is one of the toughest talks you will ever have at work. This is one of those times when the professional and personal lines are crossed. At the same time, someone's scent is personally intimate and on the other hand, that odour can professionally affect the entire team's productivity and even cause ill effects.

Having researched it, I also know that there are about 800,000 Canadians that suffer from hyperhidrosis, extreme sweating, which cannot with antiperspirant or deodorant. Sixty per cent of these sufferers don't even consult with their doctors.

This is a tough one. So here goes three options:

A. Be a silent sender
Send an anonymous email to your colleague. This is the contemporary techno version of the traditional unsigned paper note. I recommend writing it in five steps:

1. Write in the spirit of empathy and kindness.
2. Start with a few words of appreciation for your work relationship and your colleague's input into the team.
3. Mention that this is difficult but that if it happened to you, you would appreciate the honesty instead of being part of the office gossip.
4. Add something that recognizes the physical and uncontrollable consequences of stress.
5. Relate that you have noticed changes in smells and simply wanted to advise him/her.

B. Talk to your colleague directly but discreetly and delicately
Use the same precautions as described above in the first option, with a few extra steps. Ideally, this type of conversation is better with persons of the same sex. Should you need to enlist the confidential help of an opposite sex colleague, brief him/her on the suggested five steps. Plan to have this discussion, one-on-one and in a private environment. Be discreet. Don't alert the entire team that today will be "B.O. day."

C. Speak to your superior or HR
As with most work situations, confiding the task to your superior or HR is usually a good decision. In today's culturally diverse workplace, this is also the safest alternative. If you are not sure about your relationship with the 'distracting scent' colleague or what words to use, this is the way to go. You certainly would not want to be perceived as harassing anyone, so when in doubt, delegate to those in authority.

Personally, although I recognise the difficulty of the discussion, if you are close to your colleague, I encourage you go with option number two and have the talk. Option number one may leave your teammate feeling unapproachable and excluded. Option number three may be safe but once again he/she may feel that her closest colleagues are talking behind her back.

Whatever option you choose, my experience is that the problem will go away once the air has been cleaned.

Ask Julie: julie@etiquettejulie.com

 
 
 
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04:02 AM on 12/02/2011
if you care about the situation and the person involved ... just ask them if they were too hurried to shower that day? it's direct and non confrontationist; you said your bit and they get the idea!
12:18 AM on 12/02/2011
Seriously?? I thought I'd learn something new here but this was incredibly obvious...not worth the time spent writing it.
10:06 AM on 12/01/2011
Julie : Go to Health and Safety first. Allow them through channels to Human Resources
Orchestrate the solution.

If you speak with your colleague ( even delicately ) be prepared for some form of Blowback.

Be a silent sender is just cowardice !

Good Luck !
10:14 PM on 11/30/2011
Interesting suggestions, although I can't see any of it being implemented by anyone with an ounce of sensitivity. Indeed, at my second job out of school, there was a very nice lady who reeked of bad odour everyday of the year. No exaggeration on my part when I say that you can smell her coming from down the hallway. It was so bad that everyone assumed she just didn't wash her clothes and it was probably true. The summer months were better because the clothes that she wore were of lighter material.

Behind her back, everyone complained to each other and even brought it to HR. Yet nobody had the guts to say anything to her. She was just too nice of a person to offend. When HR brought the matter to her boss, she merely said "she smelled nothing." It was both funny and sweet, I thought.

~Addis
http://www.thoughtiswack.com
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JacksonJones
Absit iniuria verbis!
02:06 PM on 11/30/2011
I wouldn't do the email thing for a couple of reasons. First, once its in email, it exists (potentially) forever. No one should have to have an email like that residing in their archived in-box for eternity for someone else to find at a later date. Second, once you put it in email, it has the potential to spread rapidly; a written (or typed) note does not. You will not successfully resolve the situation (which to me would mean no more B.O. and no hard feelings) if the recipient feels that this accusation (which is how it will come across) is going to be a landmine that someone may step on at any time at this company when searching electronic records, or worse, that it's already been spread among coworkers. Personal humiliation and embarrassment must be avoided for there to be any chance of a good resolution; and avoiding such things is also, quite simply, the right thing to do.
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Konnie
GOP = GOLDEN CALF OLD PARTY
10:41 AM on 11/30/2011
had a similar problem in our office. one of the more brave women in the office put together a box of soap, shampoo, deoderant and toothpaste in a box and before the dirty stinky offender came in put it on his desk. he got the message. and no one said a word.
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darquelourd
You Get What You Play For
10:13 AM on 11/30/2011
if anyone is to successfully assimilate the French into their culture it is up to you Canadians I'm afraid.
10:25 PM on 11/30/2011
Assimilate the French? You are either kidding or you do not know much about Quebec.
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darquelourd
You Get What You Play For
02:12 PM on 12/01/2011
I thought you guys had agreed to duct tape Quebec to Ontario and call it a day despite the language barrier? The chief language barrier being that spoken French seems to bear little relation to written French ;)
10:01 AM on 11/30/2011
How does one send an anonymous email? By registering a new account?
I have had good luck by, after showering, simply washing the areas with rubbing alcohol on a cotton square or ball before applying deodorant. One woman I was intimate with for the first time asked, "How come your armpits don't smell?"
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minerva117
The dog ate my micro bio.
09:47 AM on 11/30/2011
I had to deal with this sort of thing a few years ago. One of my co-workers had really foul BO and it was difficult having to work near him. I went to my supervisor and I stressed that I was not trying to get the guy in trouble, but you could smell his BO from 50 paces. I was glad to leave it in the hands of my supervisor rather than havinf to do it myself.......I know.....I'm a coward.
10:26 PM on 11/30/2011
I am a coward too. I work with someone that has a gag-worthy stench but I do not have the guts to say a thing...even to a supervisor.