
You can tell where you are in your life by how you celebrate Mother's Day. If you are making a card in crayon, you're at the start of your Mother's Days. If you are borrowing the keys to the car, you're in the teen years. When you forget and get that "I'm not hurt, just disappointed" call from your dad, you're probably in your 20s. When you bring home that special girl on Mother's day, you're just asking for trouble. But when that special girl becomes your wife and you bring your first-born over to your mom's house, that's a truly special Mother's Day.
Then you get to the place where my brother, my sister and I are. Where every Mother's Day has a different type of sadness. Why is the first year different from the fifth year and why does this eighth Mother's Day without mom feel completely different? I'm not entirely sure. I can't find any wiki articles on it and forget Walt Whitman on the subject.
So, hopefully, you are still in one of the first four stages I mentioned above. And if you are, I'd like to share with you what I know now, and wish I had known much earlier in my life:
A mother should be appreciated every day in every way for the unconditional love she gives. Every day she should be loved and appreciated for who she is. It's so easy to get annoyed when your mom tells you for the millionth time something you know you shouldn't do but you do anyways. And those magazines she reads! Please!
Also, how would you ever find anything if she didn't pick it up and put it back when you leave it on the counter for more than three seconds? And what's with her and fingerprints? If they're good enough for J. Edgar Hoover, they're good enough for the stainless steel fridge!
I remember the time I had an awful cold and she came by, brought me chicken soup (eight gallons of it) and proceeded to complain about how messy my place was. Sigh. I miss those days. You're never too old to be taken care of by your mom.
For me, it's been eight years now since I was last able to call her. Eight years where the only sound of her I get to hear is the one on the video I took in that last year. I know she's around me. I feel her presence. Sometimes on my birthday, one of her old birthday cards to me pops out of nowhere. It's easy and logical to scoff at that, but it feels better to believe.
To all the moms out there: thanks. And to all of you who still have your mom, take it from me, every day is precious. Don't sweat the small stuff. Smile and say: "OK, Ma" when she bugs you to straighten up. She's special and there's no one like your mom.
Happy Mother's Day, Ma. Wherever you are. We miss you... Love, Ken.
Follow Ken Rabow on Twitter: www.twitter.com/kenrabow
Mike Bender and Doug Chernack: Awkward Family Photos: Mother's Day 2012
Glennon Melton: The Mother's Day Love Flash Mob
Joe Cirincione: This Year, Give Mom a Gift That Matters
I think all those coincidences are not coincidences - she is with you... you just can't touch her but I am sure you can feel her.
I am very sorry for your loss... but remember, you've never stopped loving her and this love kept her here, with you, in your heart....
It also reminded me that I should be more patient with my own mom... I am 38, but sometimes I forget about how important she is in my life.
It really scares me to think about not being able to call, to see, to hug her... We have to find time now, no matter what, and show our moms our love and appreciation, you are absolutely right. Thank you again! B.T.W. my 9 years old son, made me a breakfast before I woke up! It was so touching, so sweet, I almost cried... Happy Mother's Day to all of us!! :-)
You've touched upon a very key point in your article - that we should all appreciate our loved ones who are with us while they are with us. In spite of what we may see as irritating behaviours from them, we're fortunate to be able to interact with them nonetheless. Your poignant article puts a fine point on this fact.
Thanks for sharing your story with us.
I confess that reading the article was a bit sad for me because it reminded me that my grandmother doesn’t have very many years left and I’m not ready to say goodbye to her yet. Your article re-affirmed my vow to give back as much as I can while she is still with us.
I am sorry to hear that you lost your mother 8 years ago. It was clear from reading the article how much she meant to you and how much you miss being able to talk to her and hear her voice. It reminded me of what little truth there is in that old saying, “time heals all wounds”. Time heals nothing…