Are you weary?
Of always "doing"......often with little to show for all your hard work?
Do you just want to stop sometimes? Let the chips fall where they may. Or the mismatched socks at least. Yeah, me too. I get weary.
Weary of making the same lunches, of stepping on the same Lego pieces and Barbie shoes, washing the same clothes, dishes, toilets and floors. Saying the same rules over, and over and over again; seemingly to no avail. Then I get frustrated upon hearing others tell me to enjoy this time....it passes so quick.
Enjoy these moments before they are gone. Do they know this is an unrealistic pressure: to always be "in the moment?" Can anyone really live that? Sometimes I can summon the appropriate maternal response. Maybe even get a bit misty. The harsh truth is: sometimes the dreariness of the daily drudgery just closes in; making it hard to fully enjoy this season for what it truly is. A time of preparation.
See, I come from farmer stock. Farmers always look towards the harvest. It can be long, hard work. A few truths in relation to harvesting;
You reap what you sow,
you choose the seeds that you sow
What you feed will grow.
So, how does this relate to motherhood?
Did you glaze over the bit about the work being long and hard? (Yeah, me too.) The simple truth is, in order to ensure a good harvest, you have to faithfully sow and tend your seeds. So many of the choices you must make will determine the outcome of your harvest. You have to plant them in fertile soil. You must water them often. Ensure the sun smiles on them. And yes, sometimes, you must clip any bad growth that will spoil the stalk. Sometimes your efforts may not immediately pay off. The wait may be long. There will be times you simply do not know what to do. But I promise you this; if you are faithful in your task: Rest assured, a harvest is coming.
Thus, I do not give up. I press on, perhaps not always joyfully, but certainly with diligence and expectation towards the reward. I am acutely aware that I am raising my children to leave me one day. It's not just about the here and now. Yes, that's a lot of pressure too. But I did sign on for that. It is in fact exactly my job description. What these little ones see in me today, will be echoed in their own lives tomorrow. I have sown, chosen and fed with an eye towards the bounty. But I do not toil tirelessly. Endlessly, but, aye....I am weary. Some days, it is I who must yield. Please don't judge me too harshly.
When those moments of weariness have me not at my best, do not mistake my grumblings for ingratitude, or a relinquishing of duty. It is but the momentary wiping of a sweaty brow. A heavy sigh loosed. A temporary slumping of tired shoulders which bear a heavy weight. Can we all allow one another this moment of respite? Spare a shoulder upon which to lean?
For, as sure as the sun will rise, I will also be up and once again bend back to labours. A harvest is coming, and the seeds I have chosen and tended are special. You know, it is long and hard work growing futures.
So a little help with those Lego would sure be nice.
Follow Leslie Botchar on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Rorybore