She's excited about our Supreme Court win. Premier Christy Clark, who as Minister of Education in 2002, introduced legislation that violated teachers' constitutional rights, and set in motion 14 years of students' suffering, is excited that the Supreme Court of Canada has said that she was wrong.
What I wish she would feel is remorse.
What I feel is grief.
My elation at hearing the news of the end of a very long struggle for teachers, was followed by sadness mixed with anger about all that has been lost over the past 14 years.
Because of the B.C. Liberal government's legislation in 2002 and again in 2012, thousands of students lost the opportunity to have a school psychologist assess their learning disabilities as well as the opportunity to have their learning needs supported by education assistants.
Thousands more did not have opportunities to learn the skills for a trade in a safe, well-equipped shop class or to learn science in an actual science classroom instead of a mouldy portable.
There were no opportunities for a generation of students to pursue interests in art or music when so many of these classes were cancelled in the pursuit of balanced budgets in school districts.
We will have no idea how many people could have been prevented from joining the 77 per cent of the inmate population with learning disabilities if they had had the support they needed while still children in a public school.
We also will have no idea how many students with mental health issues could have been helped before they became one more statistic.
I won't speak for the losses experienced by parents. I'm sure they will. What I do know is that when fundraising activities increased dramatically in an attempt to compensate for the drastic funding cuts, parents had to adjust their household budgets. They also found themselves purchasing more fundraiser chocolate, wrapping paper and calendars than they really needed. After more than a decade of family time spent on fundraising, I know they are exhausted but I wonder how they feel about Christy Clark blaming them for the legislation that created the situation?
As for us teachers, we were in the invidious position of having to pay for both sides of the battle to restore our rights. We paid for our defence through our union dues, and we also paid for the government's attack on those rights through our taxes.
In addition, since 2002, we have lost significant amounts of salary whenever we engaged in actions to alert the public about what the government was doing to our students. During the most bitter of these in 2014, some of us lost our homes as a result of five weeks of holding the line for public education in this province.
So many losses.
None of them exciting.
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Say “hi,” introduce yourself, ask questions... just be yourself. And don’t be horrified if your child asks why our child looks different or "talks funny." Instead of shushing them and pulling them away use it as a teachable moment. You can even ask us to help. “You can tell if someone has good intentions,” shares Louise Kinross, the mother of a young adult with a rare genetic condition and creator of the BLOOM blog.
Parents of children with special needs appreciate the help or will tell you if they don’t need it (please don’t automatically step in and start wheeling our kids around, though). And if you’re the friend of someone who has a child with special needs offer a cooked meal, a coffee date or an hour of babysitting. Our stress levels are sky-high and we always appreciate an offer or real, specific help.
Staring is rude, but if you feel compelled to stare at least offer up a smile. But don’t worry if you just happen to be staring in my kid’s direction while in a sleep-deprived, zombie-like state -– we’ve been there and we won’t hold it against you.
“A friendly smile and/or a hello is so much more welcome and goes a long way in breaking the ice,” says Liza Sneyd, mom to two children with cerebral palsy. And teaching your child to smile is a lot easier if you’re flashing us a grin yourself.
Invite us to playdates and to birthday parties. If you’re not sure how to accommodate our child or how they can participate in activates, just ask us. We’re usually experts in modifying or figuring out creative ways for our kids to enjoy the things that other kids like.
“Hold the door for my daughter instead of letting it slam shut on her and her wheelchair,” says Lana Jones, who has a teenage daughter with cerebral palsy. “Don’t step in front of my son’s wheelchair so he can’t see,” shares Barb DeRoo, mom of a son with cerebral palsy and creator of Zach’s List.
Despite the fact that I get asked to write articles like this, I am not a perfect parent. My kid can get on my very. Last. Nerve. She can also warm my heart like no other -– just like any kid. When you say: “I don’t know how you do it,” my answer will always be: “It’s simple. I do it because this is my child and I love her. It is all I know.”
More often than not parents of kids with special needs have a strong belief in the strength and resilience of their kids. Our kids face insurmountable odds, often with a smile on their face and a lot of strength in their hearts. They are super heroes, not victims. And while you’re at it remember that our lives may have some extra challenges, but we still face the same difficulties you do. Treat us like parents -– it is what we have in common.
Don’t use the word retard (replace it with ridiculous instead). Don’t ask: What’s “wrong” with a child? Initiate age-appropriate conversations and don’t automatically use baby talk. Use "people-first" language that puts the person before the disability (e.g a child with autism, not an autistic child). It’s not about being politically correct, it’s about the fact that words matter. After all you are reading this, right?
Kindness isn’t sympathy or pity –- it is being a good person. Teach your children the same. It really is that simple.
Follow Lizanne Foster on Twitter: www.twitter.com/MovingParadigms