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The Five Fatal Relationship Mistakes That are Keeping You Single

06/19/2015 03:24 EDT | Updated 06/19/2016 05:59 EDT
Shutterstock / Denis Vrublevski

Do you know someone who seems like a good catch -- smart, attractive, has a decent job -- but who can never seem to hold on to a relationship? Maybe that person is you?

This person goes on their fair share of dates, even starts some relationships, but then soon enough, the other person pulls away, making a lame excuse for why they can't continue.

It can be a mystery why somebody who, on the outside, looks like they'd have no trouble finding lasting love, is actually struggling to make it past the one-month point in their relationships.

If this is you or someone you know, you try and try but you're starting to feel that you're just unlucky in love.

So what's going on? Are you really that unlucky? What is it that's really keeping you from having a successful, lasting relationship?

The answer is that you or your friend are probably making one or more fatal relationship mistakes. These mistakes are going to kill a budding relationship pretty much every time.

I can think of five fatal relationship mistakes that you might be making today that are probably the reason for your "bad luck" in love.

If you want to change your luck in love, check out these five fatal mistakes, see which ones you've been making, and stop doing them.

The first mistake is never being satisfied. If you're always unhappy with the food, the drinks, the movie, the party, the service, the hotel, the bowling alley, the nightclub, or whatever, it will cause your partner to feel anxious and insecure.

Why is this a fatal mistake? It's because in a relationship, your partner needs to feel good about themselves. Your chronic dissatisfaction with everything around you will make the person you're with feel that you'll never be satisfied with them, either. That's a relationship killer.

Mistake number two is over-reacting. If you get furious over little things, really upset over unimportant things, or closed up and silent for no reason that your partner can see, you'll end up single in no time at all.

Why is over-reacting a fatal mistake? It's because your partner needs to feel that they can be relaxed and themselves with you, and if they're always having to be careful, for fear of your extreme reactions, they're going to start feeling like it's not worth it.

The third fatal mistake is being passive aggressive. Nothing makes a person so angry as when their partner leaks anger indirectly. If you're always losing their things, breaking things, forgetting to do things or coming late for things, your partner will quickly get fed up.

Why is this a fatal mistake? It's because your partner needs to feel that you're being straight-forward and reasonable with them. If you're pretending that you're not angry but you're leaking all this anger toward them, they'll start to hate you. Game over.

The fourth fatal mistake is expecting your partner to fix you. We all have emotional baggage from childhood, but our romantic partner is not responsible for healing it. That's the job of our therapist. If you expect your self-esteem, confidence and the meaning in your life to come from your partner, they'll stop wanting to be with you.

Why is this a fatal mistake? It's because your partner wants to feel like your friend, companion and lover, not like your parent or therapist. If you put them in the role of an emotional care-taker, they'll feel burdened by your inappropriate needs and won't want to stay with you.

The fifth and final fatal mistake is being an emotional vampire. It's not going to work if you're constantly demanding their time, attention, validation or approval, or if you're constantly talking to them or trying to get a reaction from them.

Why is being an emotional vampire a fatal mistake? It's because your partner needs to feel like they have space to breathe in the relationship. They need a relationship that has equal give-and-take. If you suck all the energy out of the person you're with, eventually they'll start to feel so depleted that it won't be any more fun for them to be with you.

If you identify the fatal mistakes that you've been making, you can change your behaviour and quite possibly find the lasting relationship you've been hoping for.

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